Fourth Down: A Beaumont Series Next Generation Spin-off

by McLaughlin, Heidi

  Slowly, as if the paper is going to bite me, I lift the edge and bend to read the words. “Can you . . .” is all I can make out until I lift it more. Inhaling deeply, I hold my breath and move the flap higher. “To my apartment when you get home. The code is 54845—Julius.”

  I exhale in a loud, obnoxious way. “I’m going to kill him,” I say to the empty hallway. Why would he do this to me?

  Because he wants to see you.

  I open the door, close it behind me, and pull my phone out to read his messages. The first one is a lengthy, heartfelt apology, or at least it seems that way. The couple that follows is him asking me to call or text back, and the last is him saying he left a note on my door and not be afraid when I see it.

  He knew how I’d feel.

  I don’t know why, but my heart swells with this knowledge. Julius is looking out for my well-being, despite everything. I don’t change my clothes or text him back. He doesn’t need to know I’m on my way up because I might change my mind halfway there. I also don’t know what the hell I’m doing right now, except this amazing man, who I’m crazy for, wants to see me. Never mind that it’s almost midnight, and he has children sleeping in his apartment who have school in the morning. He, himself, should be sleeping since I know he gets up with them and takes Reggie to school before going to practice. He shouldn’t wait up for me. But he has because he wants to talk, and that says volumes to me. He meant his apology—I can feel this in my gut.

  My nerves are on edge as I raise my hand to knock on his door. My knuckles never make it to the wood, though, because the door swings open, and I jump.

  “Hey,” Julius says with a smile that makes my knees weak, and I have to place my hand on the door jamb to keep myself upright. He reaches for me and puts his hand on my hip. “Sorry for scaring you.”

  He did scare me, but I feel like my heart needed a reset so I could see what’s in front of me. Is Julius worth the headache he gave me the past few days? I think he might be.

  “Come in.” He opens the door wider and sweeps his arm out. At first glance, his apartment doesn’t seem like it should be in this building. Gone are the basic off-white walls and the beige-colored carpet. Julius takes my hand and gives me a tour. His walls are rich with color. Blues and reds dominate the living area, while a soft yellow with hints of lavender makes his kitchen feel like sunshine and warmth. Down the hall, the walls are adorned with pictures of his family. From floor to ceiling, nothing but smiling faces, funny poses, and poignant moments.

  “This wall is amazing.”

  “I wish I could take credit for it. Elena did it.”

  The mention of his wife, rather ex-wife, gives me pause. I don’t know the rules for dating a married man that is going to file for divorce. Is going to but hasn’t. What am I doing here? I shouldn’t be with a man who can’t decide on whether he wants a divorce or not, and I don’t . . . no, I refuse to be the other woman. He has children he needs to think about.

  I glance at Julius and smile softly. It’s not forced, but it also doesn’t come easy because I have a knot in my stomach the size of Texas. “You said you wanted to talk,” I remind him.

  “Let’s go sit.” With his hand on my back, he guides me into the living room. His sectional is massive and takes up most of the space. In my apartment, I’d have to put pieces in my bedroom, and there still wouldn’t be enough room for it. The open portion of the sofa faces the large glass door and balcony. From Julius’s apartment, you can see the skyline of the city. Red, blue and white lights from the tall buildings flash—a beacon to airplanes coming and going. Up here, it’s peaceful. You can’t hear the traffic down below or the voice that carries when people are out, walking back to their place after a night at the bar. On the wall is a large painting of Reggie and Roxy. They’re hugging and have wide, toothless grins. On the other wall, extensive cabinetry, which I’m guessing houses a television. Everything about this living room screams comfort, and I can easily see myself curled up on the couch, reading a book to Roxy.

  I shouldn’t think thoughts like that though. It’s not my place, nor do I want the pain I felt yesterday to have a permanent spot in my heart. Roxy is another woman’s child, and the man a few feet from me is her husband. It’s best I remember my place.

  Julius sits, and I make sure to put some space between us. My wall is up. I need to protect my heart when it comes to Julius. He clears his throat and looks at me. “I’m sorry for the lack of communication these past couple of days. Monday got away from me, between practice and the kids, and then I had a lot of stuff to deal with. I regret not answering your texts yesterday.”

  “Apology accepted,” I tell him.

  He moves closer to me, only for me to add distance between us. I hold my hand up and shake my head. “I like you, Julius. Lord knows I shouldn’t, but I do. However, this has been eye-opening for me. I know you’re busy, but I need a guy who will respond when I text or call, especially after we’ve been together for the first time. Not hearing from you was a gut punch. I’ve never been a one-night-stand type of person, and that’s what you made me feel like.”

  “I’m terribly sorry, Autumn.”

  “I’ve given us, this thing between us, some thought, and I’m not sure there can be an us until you get divorced. I don’t want to be in limbo, wondering where I stand in your life. I mean . . . you haven’t even filed yet, and we’ve slept together. The situation is making me feel very uneasy.”

  “I understand,” Julius says as he moves closer. He reaches for my hand and picks it up. Our fingers thread together, and while my head is saying pull back, my heart is like, get it, girl. Damn, I want to get it, but the risk isn’t worth it.

  “One of the reasons I didn’t text you earlier today is because I met with a lawyer here, who finalized my papers and sent them to a process server in California. I’m serving Elena with papers. We’ve dragged our feet long enough on this, and it’s not helping either of us. She’s moved on, and I want to move on. Being with you—it’s shown me that I’ve been hanging on by a thread to a marriage that has been broken for a while. I didn’t want to admit it until I met you.”

  Julius studies me while I let his words sink in. I believe I’ve heard everything he said, but what sticks out is that he’s filed for divorce. I don’t know why, but I feel like a tremendous amount of weight has been lifted off my shoulders with this revelation.

  “How do you feel about the filing?” I ask him.

  “After I filed, I went and saw a therapist. I had put this off for some time, but she could squeeze me in, so I took advantage.” Julius shrugs. “We talked about Elena and everything that’s happened since she told me she wanted a divorce. We talked about the kids and how they’re coping, and we talked about you. It felt really good to talk to someone who doesn’t know Elena or me and who just listens and asks questions. At first, I didn’t think I’d be able to open up about everything, but after a few minutes, I let it all out. To answer your question, I feel relieved. It’s hard to grasp that your marriage is over, but this therapist said I’m doing everything right, and I’m approaching the situation without blinders. I know I’m not the perfect man or husband, but I didn’t deserve to be cheated on, and it’s taken me a long time to accept that.”

  “No one deserves to be cheated on. I’ve never understood why people do that. Why not just tell the other person you don’t want to be with them and move on.”

  “Because breakups are messy.”

  “So is cheating,” I say. “I’m glad you told me that you filed though, because I was starting to feel like what we were doing could be considered cheating.”

  “Me too.” This time when Julius moves closer, I don’t move back. “I really like you, Autumn, and after Sunday, the only thing that kept going through my mind was that I’m no better than Elena. I’ve dragged my feet on filing, but no more. This divorce needs to happen for many reasons.”

  “Well, I’m happy you did. I don’t want to feel like we’re doing somet
hing wrong. Do the kids know?”

  Julius shakes his head. “There isn’t much to tell them. Roxy is too little to understand, and Reggie understands too much. He knows his mom has a boyfriend, and he knows that I like you. Anything more will just hurt or confuse him. Besides, Elena is going to make a big stink about the filing. She’ll play the victim and try to turn him against me because he’s at an impressionable age. To combat this, I’ve already set him and Roxy up with some therapy appointments. We’ll go as a family,” he pauses and then corrects himself, “the three of us and the kids will have individual appointments. I want to make sure they’re well-adjusted through all of this.”

  “You’re a good dad, Julius.”

  “I’m trying. Those two are the most important people in my life, and I need to make sure they’re happy.”

  A yawn takes me by surprise, forcing me to cover my mouth. “I should get home. It’s late, and you have to be up with the kids.” I stand, not giving him a chance to protest. I could easily fall asleep on the couch right now—that’s how tired I am.

  Julius follows me to the door. He opens it and leans against it. As I pass, he reaches for my hand and pulls me to him. The kiss is chaste, but the desire is there. “Thank you.”

  “For what?”

  “For forgiving me. I don’t deserve it. Hell, I don’t deserve anything from you. I’m like night and day when it comes to you.”

  “Yeah, the back-and-forth game is a bit tiresome.” I wink, letting him know I’m joking. Only, I’m not, really. As much as I’d love for this relationship to take off, I’m going to tread a little bit more carefully. For all I know what happened this week is a hiccup and may never happen again, or it’s an omen and something I need to heed.

  “Goodnight, Julius.”

  “Goodnight, Weather Girl.”

  * * *

  The rest of my week went like I was back in school with my nose stuck in a textbook. Do your assignment, flip the page, meet with your peers, do another project, flip the page, and so forth. Only the pages are text messages with Julius, my peers are my co-workers, and the main assignment I must do is to be at Julius’s apartment on Sunday to watch the game with his parents and children. I couldn’t even say no because Julius knows my weakness—Roxy. He made her ask, and with her sweet little voice and those doey eyes of hers, there was no way I’d tell her no. I, however, wanted to strangle her father because I’m not ready to spend the day with his parents. The kids, I can handle, but parents are a whole different story. They’re the last chapter of the book—the review portion—before you take the final exam. Sure, I’ve seen them in the stands, but an introduction done by Reggie and Roxy, without Julius being home, is putting a bigger knot in my stomach than I had when Julius asked me to come to his apartment earlier in the week.

  Now, I stand outside his door. I raise my hand to knock, only to drop it and turn around, and then I go back and do it again, only for the same result. In my other hand, I have a seven-layer dip that I love but realize others may not enjoy it as much as me, and I should’ve brought something else. Although Julius told me to just bring myself and that his mother has everything taken care of. But my mind insisted I bring something.

  “Flowers—that’s what you should’ve brought.” I look down at the dish in my hand and wonder if I have time to go back to my apartment to drop this off and then head to the nearest flower stand. There is one on almost every corner, especially near the waterfront. Surely, I can find a lovely bouquet on a Sunday afternoon.

  “Are you going to come in?” I hear Reggie’s voice before I see him. I whip around and almost lose the dip. I grab a hold with my free hand and try to steady myself.

  “How’d you know I was out here?” I ask, remembering that his father did the same thing to me.

  “We have a camera that tells us when someone gets off the elevator.”

  “But there are other apartments up here,” I point out.

  “You used our code,” Reggie says as his eyes roll. It seems I should know all of this already.

  “Huh,” is all I can muster. Reggie holds the door wider and welcomes me, much like his father. He’s wearing a mini version of his dad’s jersey, and so is the tornado running toward my legs, except Roxy’s is pink.

  “Autumn,” she says, except my name comes out more like Au-um, but who really cares. She can call me whatever she wants because she’s cute. Reggie takes the dip from my hands which allows me to crouch down and visit with his sister.

  “Aren’t you the cutest thing ever,” I say as I tug on one of her pigtails.

  “I wanna braids like you, but no one do dem for me.” She shrugs.

  “I can braid your hair for you.” Her eyes go wide, and she reaches for my hand. I give it willingly. She tugs me into the other room where Julius’s parents are standing. They look as awkward as I feel right now.

  “Hello,” they say, stepping forward. “I’m Susan, and this is my husband, Roger.” There is no mistaking that Julius is their son. Staring at his parents, I find it hard to pinpoint who he looks like most. Julius has his mother’s smile, nose, and cheekbones, but his height and build definitely comes from his father. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say Roger and Julius are twins and not father and son. They have the same dark hair, blue eyes, and olive skin tone.

  “Dat’s not yous name,” Roxy says. “Yous gamma and dats gampa.” She crosses her arms for emphasis.

  “It’s nice to meet you,” I say, extending my hand to shake theirs. “I’m Autumn. Thank you for having me over today.”

  Susan waves my words away. “We are happy you could join us.” She motions for me to follow her into the living room, where now, instead of the area in front of the sectional being clear, there’s a table there—filled with food. “Are you hungry?”

  “Of course.” Roxy pulls me to the sofa and demands I sit next to her. Reggie returns with a glass and a can of Sprite for me.

  “This is what you had when we went out to dinner,” he says as he hands it to me.

  “Thank you for remembering.”

  Susan and Roger take turns asking me questions. Some of which Roxy answers for me. I’m surprised she remembers things so clearly. When they ask about working at the station, I tell them that I love it and love being in Portland.

  “Where are you from?” Susan asks.

  “Texas, but I went to school in Chicago.”

  “Your parents?” she asks.

  The question catches me off guard. “Um, my dad is from Boston, and my mom, New York.”

  “How’d they end up in Texas?” Roger asks.

  “My dad took a job with NASA, and they moved him to Texas. I was born there. Julius tells me that you live in Michigan?”

  Susan nods. “We do, normally. With everything going on right now, we rented a place not far from here. We’ll go back once the season is over.”

  “I know Julius appreciates you being here.”

  “There isn’t any other place we’d rather be,” Susan says.

  “Except at the U of M games,” Roger adds, earning a hard eye roll from Susan.

  By the time halftime starts, I’ve stuffed my face so much that I’m ready for a nap. Roxy’s curled into my side, fast asleep. But I did manage to braid her pigtails for her. She told me she plans to grow her hair as long as mine so we can be twins because our hair is the same color. According to her, we almost match.

  The Pioneers are up by two touchdowns, per Reggie, when a voice echoes through the house, “Guest arriving.”

  “Who’s here?” Roger asks.

  “How would I know?” Susan says as she gets up. I’m trying to focus on the game, but my mind is too curious about who might be here. Would Julius’s friends come over, uninvited? I know it’s not Peyton because she travels with the team.

  “Oh, dear,” I hear Susan say from the hall. I don’t know who I expect to walk in, but the person who enters is a woman wearing Julius’s jersey, with her blonde hair all done up, and a pair of
tight white pants.

  “Mommy,” Reggie yells from the couch. He trips over his own feet trying to get to his mother, while every nerve in my body seizes. I haven’t moved a muscle by the time she comes toward me with Reggie attached at her side.

  “You can leave now. Their mother is home. Your services won’t be needed anymore.”

  “I’m not the sitter,” I say, but she doesn't seem to care. “I’m—” I stop talking when Roxy stirs. Elena goes to her, jabs her elbow in my side, and picks her daughter up. Roxy cries out.

  “Elena, maybe let Roxy wake up a bit before you hurt her,” Susan suggests calmly.

  Roxy rubs the sleep from her eyes and looks at me, and then she looks at her mother. “Down,” she says, but Elena ignores her. “I want down.” This time she starts kicking until Elena has no choice but to set Roxy onto her feet. She comes running to me and throws herself onto my lap. I don’t look at Elena because I can feel the daggers piercing my skin.

  “It’s okay, Roxy.” I pick her up and set her next to Susan. “I gotta go home, but I’ll see you at the park in a couple of days, okay?”

  “No, stay,” Roxy cries.

  Susan holds onto Roxy as she starts to cry. If I don’t leave now, I’m going to say something that could likely hurt Julius’s divorce case. I tell Reggie I’ll see him later, but he doesn’t respond. I don’t really expect him to with his mom in the room.

  No sooner does the door shut behind me, I hear it open again. Stupidly, I turn and look only to find Elena coming toward me. “I’m back now, so whatever you have going on with my husband, it ends now.” She turns and walks back into the house. The door clicks shut, and I expect silence. Yet, all I hear is screaming.

  Thirty

  Julius

  The game was brutal. There is no other word to describe it. The hit I took late in the fourth has made it hard to breathe. There isn’t a doubt in my mind that my chest guard protected me tonight. If it wasn’t for the pads, I think my chest would’ve caved in. What makes this pain I’m feeling worse is that the referee didn’t even throw a flag. Even the instant replay, which was for the benefit of the hometown crowd, showed the severity of it, and yet nothing. I can only hope there is a fine coming down from the league, but I won’t hold my breath. Not that I can right now anyway.