I’m snapped back to reality so fast I can’t believe it hasn’t dawned on me before now. The memory of the situation I left behind me rises up and shakes through my entire body like a blanket of dread.
‘What’s wrong, Alexa, you’ve just gone deathly white.’ Jeremy scans the monitor as a nurse arrives in the room.
‘Jurilique? Am I a condemned woman?’ My limbs are trembling as I picture those photos and headlines and imagine the worst of what my children may think of me now. No wonder they’re not here with me, they may not ever want to see me again after what I’ve done …
‘I think she’s going into shock again.’ The nurse rushes to my side adding something to my drip and pages another doctor.
Jeremy, tell me. I cry the words though they only form in my brain as paralysing fear spreads through me. He holds both my hands and stares deeply into my eyes as warmth envelops my body.
‘There’s nothing to worry about. Just rest now, sweetheart, close your eyes. All will be well, I promise you.’
I attempt to stay focussed as long as I can, but the room recedes along with Jeremy’s loving green eyes, taking me away yet again to a place of nothingness.
I wake up looking out through the elevated bay window toward a spectacular winter wonderland and need to pinch myself to prove I’m not dreaming — again.
I have always wanted to experience a white Christmas and never had the opportunity and here I am, in Whistler, British Columbia. Everyone has gathered at Leo’s ski chalet and although I’ll miss my family and the seafood feast followed by a surf at the beach which comprises a hot summer Christmas back in Australia, I know I will make the most of every minute experiencing this magic time of the year with the kids in this special part of the world. That is, if they ever come in from snowboarding — they are obsessed by this new sport, and by the sounds of things Jeremy and Robert are taking every opportunity to take them out as often as they’d like.
I still seem to need quite a bit of rest so my nights are long and days are intermittent. Jeremy tells me this is a good sign and part of the healing process, as long as my headaches are kept at bay, which they seem to be. We only arrived a few days ago and I was so exhausted from the trip, I haven’t even managed to step outside Leo’s magnificent lodge and explore the terrain. I haven’t even bothered raising the prospect of skiing as I can just imagine the response. Though I have to admit with everything that has happened, I wouldn’t have the energy to even walk in ski boots, let alone carry the skis at the moment. I’m pretty content drinking hot chocolates and snoozing by the fire.
Apparently, Leo and Jeremy have spent quite a few Christmases together here with their families. This history makes the time here even more significant for me, knowing I am an embedded part of their lives now. I stretch my arms and take a moment to reflect on everything that has happened these last couple of weeks.
I was filled with joy and relief to find out from Martin that Josef and Salina were safely evacuated from the Xsade facility in Lake Bled. Apparently the new security system had severely malfunctioned causing a series of explosions much more powerful than anticipated and somehow triggered secondary explosions that caught fire and all but annihilated the entire facility. Thankfully, Salina had managed to locate Josef and they escaped at precisely the right time but not before he attempted to save Madame Jurilique who was trapped beneath a machine. Even after all she had done to him, his compassion managed to shine through. Instead of leaving her to die, he did what he could to save her chemically burned face.
Martin and Josef managed to haul her out of there with emergency crews taking her straight to hospital. Apparently the chemical burns were so severe she is totally unrecognisable and I have to admit I wouldn’t wish that upon my worst enemy — which I suppose she is. The whole situation is just awful. Jeremy mentioned last night that the most recent update on her condition was that she has contracted staphylococcus aureus, or golden staph infection, during one of her facial operations and it isn’t reacting to any antibiotics. The prognosis is that she may not survive through Christmas.
Josef was reunited with his wife and it makes my heart swell just thinking about them. He has been offered a senior position by a highly reputable German-based pharmaceutical company that Jeremy does much of his research work with. They are known to have strong ethics and a much more balanced approach to people, planet and profit, which is great news. I’m told he is weighing up between this proposal and working with Médecins Sans Frontières in Third World countries with his wife for a couple of years, taking some time out of the corporate insanity he has been in and will make his decision early in the new year.
Xsade as a corporate entity has gone into liquidation, given the funds required to rebuild another facility and the level of debt the company held. Some members of the Board are facing criminal charges, as there were five deaths as a result of the explosion in the facility, which is just horrific. Louis and Frederic were included in this tally, as well as members of the Xsade security team who realised too late the system had failed. I can’t help but reflect on the demise of Madame Jurilique and how just one bad apple in a position of power can be so insidious and dangerous to the lives of others. The risk to myself and my children of her ever attempting to access or analyse our blood has completely evaporated, along with the photos and headlines that thankfully never made it on to the internet.
This news makes it worth cracking a magnum of champagne open, yet since my accident I really don’t feel like drinking at all. I feel ill at the thought of it — probably because of my head. Perhaps I’ll feel like a sip on Christmas Day.
A light knock on the door to this incredible old-world master suite disrupts my reverie and I puff out the pillows behind my back so I’m sitting up. ‘Come on in.’
Leo opens the door carrying a tray with two drinks, some cookies and a newspaper.
‘Well, good afternoon,’ he says.
‘Oh, no. It can’t be, not again?’
‘Only just. I said I’d look after you. Jeremy’s taken the kids to do some last-minute Christmas shopping.’
‘Thanks, Leo. You don’t have to, I’m more than capable of looking after myself, you know.’
He looks at me with raised eyebrows and a knowing smile. He looks as gorgeous as ever in his polo jumper and casual trousers.
‘You know the role I am destined to play in your life, Alexandra.’
I blush in response. We haven’t had a chance to have much of a discussion since Avalon, what with hospitals, my constant sleeping and people coming and going. And there we have it. With this simple statement, I know he knows everything I know, and knowing Leo, probably so much more.
‘There’s no use fighting it is there?’
He simply shakes his head with no attempt to hide his grin.
‘But I can say thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for everything, can’t I?’
‘Always.’ He puts the tray down and hands me a cup of the steaming hot chocolate I think I’m becoming addicted to.
‘While I have you alone, can I ask you some questions?’ I raise my lowered eyelids to meet his gaze. I know I’ll be connected to the wisdom of his eyes, and his soul, for eternity.
‘Of course, Alexandra, anything.’
‘There are a few things I don’t understand and I know that if you don’t have the answers, probably no one will.’ He nods and waits patiently for me to continue. There is never any rush with Leo, he gives everyone the time and space to proceed at their own pace. I love this about him, and so much more. ‘You are connected to the young doctor, aren’t you, the person who saved Caitlin and ended up marrying her and looking after her twin girls?’
‘The same man who was saved by the women of the heart, yes.’
‘And you knew she was a woman of the heart because of the mark on her body.’
‘That’s right.’
‘I know my body well and I know I don’t have any sign or mark to indicate that my blood is any different.
So I have been trying to work out why me? And why my blood? Every scene I experienced on my soul flight depicted the heart-shaped birthmark, somewhere on their bodies, but I have nothing, no mark whatsoever, yet my blood is connected.’
Leo places his cup down and takes mine from me, leaving them both on the bedside table. He takes both my hands, turning them palm up and remains silent, looking at me as though I should understand what he is trying to illustrate. My face speaks volumes about my confusion. Leo smiles.
‘Do you remember when the elder checked your palms at Avalon and declared you were ready to embark on your soul flight?’
‘Yes. I do.’ I distinctly remember him looking at my hands and arms, turning them this way and that.
‘He knew you were ready for two reasons. Firstly he was feeling your energy, ensuring that you were open to what you would experience in the jungle. Secondly, he was confirming you had the sign to form some of the missing pieces of the jigsaw we have been attempting to put together.’
‘Leo, are you deliberately trying to be cryptic or is my inability to understand what you’re saying due to my head injury? Because I’m lost.’
‘Your palms, Alexandra, have the sign of the heart.’
I stare blankly at both palms as if something invisible will miraculously appear, as I know there are no birthmarks on them. Leo places his hands on either side of mine and pushes them together so they are joined. I watch intently as they come together and can’t believe my eyes when I see that, once joined, the lines on my palms form a perfect heart shape, covering most of my hands. My shock is reflected in the wisdom of Leo’s eyes.
‘My dear Alexandra, you do indeed have the mark. You’ve had it since birth. Your head and heart lines, when combined, make a perfect heart shape, which is highly significant. Chiromancy, or palm reading, has been practised for over 5000 years, though these days we think of it as just a party trick, ignoring the ancient knowledge. Your left hand is controlled by the right brain, and is known to form part of the spiritual or personal development, some say the yin or feminine side, of the personality. Your right hand,’ he raises my hand as he continues, ‘is controlled by the left brain, the yang, masculine and more logical side. Your destiny reflects the coming together of these components.’
Yet again, I find myself mesmerised by Leo’s calm and knowledgeable voice, a little overawed by what he is explaining about my palms.
‘Caitlin’s mark became hidden as she developed from child to woman at the same time as history attempted to eradicate the existence of the divine feminine. Your mark,’ he rejoins my palms together, ‘reflects awareness and integration. Your heart mark is only recognisable when the two parts come together. When right meets left, yin meets yang, masculinity meets femininity, observation meets intuition, science meets spirituality. However you want to look at it.’
He pauses as I continue to stare at my hands, astonished by what I can now see on my body. That which has always been there and I have never recognised until this moment. Needless to say, it’s a weird sensation.
‘I can’t, just can’t quite believe it … this is what he saw, what you saw? But you never told me …’
‘Would it have made any difference had I told you then? Would it have had the same meaning for you as being told now?’
I shake my head, forcing myself to acknowledge the truth in his words and instead of keeping my thoughts to myself, I happily share them with him — my owl, my wise counsellor, my protector.
‘No, it would have meant nothing more than a strange coincidence of palmistry had you told me before. Had I not seen Evelyn and Caitlin and how their blood had been marked in women through the centuries, it would have had no meaning. Had I not been given the insights of Venus and a sense of what true spirituality means I’d not be having, let alone understanding, this conversation we’re having right now.’
‘And what do you make of all this, Alexandra, what are your insights?’
‘I know that Jeremy’s and my souls have been waiting to reconnect meaningfully for centuries, since the Viking and the priestess triggered the sexual awakening of their healing blood. I know that we now have that opportunity, which had passed us by so many times during our past lives. I know that you will always be here to protect my bloodline whether it be at risk or to reunite old souls.’ I look into his luminous, azure eyes and understand we share a love and a bond like nothing I have experienced before, a higher dimension, pure, unconditional love, not born out of lust and desire or anything merely physical. ‘I also know that Jeremy accepts that in you, that for all the times he wasn’t there for whatever reason he had the confidence of knowing that you would be.’
My insights flood my mind as Leo continues to stare deeply into my eyes and I glance between his eyes and my palms as my words unfold between us. ‘I know that my role is one of integration. To form a bridge between science and medicine and the healing powers of spirituality. To work with both of you to help this happen in our lifetimes.’
I feel lighter than I have in ages having this conversation with Leo. Being around him makes me believe anything is possible and I can honestly say I have barely felt like this since being with Jeremy — each time I found blissful happiness it was snatched away. Once travelling to London and again in Orlando. Both times the Witch had come between us and both times Leo had been there to ensure we re-established our path and connection to one another.
‘What about you, Leo, what are your insights about what has happened?’
‘Well, it’s a long story I suppose, but I think my version is that you and Jaq were always drawn to each other as if you had some universal magnetic connection. Dr Quinn would say that it has everything to do with your limbic systems, and no doubt he will continue his research into the system of nerve endings around the cortex to one day explain scientifically exactly how that works,’ he says with a smile. ‘Whatever it was, that connection was disrupted by any number of events in various lives. The most significant moments in this life were the suicide of his brother, which served to bring him and me together, and your decision to procreate, sending you on separate paths. The sequence of events that led to my brother and your husband being together and you being ‘AB’, the ultimate love of Jaq’s life, was far too coincidental for me not to follow up on personally. It was as if I was being offered an incredible opportunity and my intuition was to follow every last detail of it.’ He pauses, giving me a moment to reflect on his words, as our eyes reconnect.
‘The experiment you underwent as part of your weekend with Jeremy awakened so many memories for me, it was as though I was reliving some form of the past I couldn’t understand. The way you were positioned, your responses, it was like I knew what your body would do before you did. I have never experienced anything like it, and I knew there had to be more to it than merely witnessing an intensely sexual act. Your thesis explored the same issues I had been struggling with for years but from a different perspective. The similarities were too perplexing for my logical brain so I turned to the shaman and then everything became clear. You were as significant to me as Jeremy is to you. All three of us were and are entwined in one another’s lives. If you are at risk, every part of me needs to ensure your safety, your bloodline. It’s my destiny and becomes all I can focus on.’
We remain silent for a few moments, considering the bizarre sequence of events that have led us to this moment.
Eventually I sigh. ‘There’s still so much to consider but you’re right, I understand completely. Even though the whole bloodline thing still has me baffled, but hopefully it will settle over time.’
He squeezes my palms together but doesn’t release them, as though he can sense there is something else I need to ask and is silently giving me the time to do so, something I haven’t felt entirely comfortable discussing with Jeremy, or never felt the time was right. I don’t really know how to put this in words, but decide that after everything we have been through, nothing should be too embarrassing, so, unusually fo
r me, I launch straight in. ‘There is obviously a lot more to discuss, but there has been one thing in particular that I’ve been wondering about.’
‘Of course.’ He encourages me to continue.
‘Well, when we were with the shaman and we were in a trance-like state before my accident, I suppose it was, well, I had what felt like this intensely sexual encounter. The three of us, we were togeth —’
The door flies open and Jeremy bounds on in to join us. ‘Well, here you are. Still in bed, my sleeping beauty?’
I’m not sure whether I’m relieved or annoyed that we are interrupted. I know that Leo would accept that the time just wasn’t right to complete this conversation and would let it go. I’m not quite as Zen as him yet but something deep inside me agrees that it serves no purpose to verbalise what happened when I was bound within the circle at this moment in time, at least.
Jeremy crawls onto the king-size bed and gives me a kiss on the lips, not in the least disturbed by the fact that Leo’s still holding my palms. Leo kisses each side of my ‘heart’ and winks at me before releasing my hands.
Now, don’t get me wrong, there was definitely a time in my life that I would have thought this was completely unbelievable. But given what I have been through with my husband, my children, my lover and now my protector, who am I to call anything weird? In actual fact, being with these two amazing men makes me feel more complete than I have in my entire life. How surreal is that?
As these thoughts flutter through my mind, the men are exchanging unspoken words that I can’t even pretend to understand. They have the look of cheeky teenage boys. I try to let them have their moment but their grins are infectious.
‘How did you go?’ Leo asks Jeremy.
‘Great, but I don’t want to wait, it seems perfect now, while we are together like this.’
Again with the significant looks and silence. Leo nods in agreement.
Destined to Fly: An Avalon Novel Page 21