“You are so beautiful,” he whispered. Then he ducked his head again, trailing kisses down my stomach until he found the core of me .
Oh.My.God.
He licked me, expertly, seeming to know exactly what to do. It was warm against warm, and wet against wet. Pulling and sucking until I thought I would go crazy with it. My hips started bucking again, and I could feel a new tension rising. I was straining against his tongue, grabbing his head in my excitement to grind him closer to me .
He licked, faster. Suddenly, the tension built unbearably. Then it exploded. I felt my hips bucking uncontrollably as waves of pleasure coursed through me. Then it started to wane, and my hips stopped. I was shaking, enveloped in such a delicious feeling of satisfaction I could barely lift my head to look at him .
Finally. I had heard all about orgasms, of course, but I had never experienced one before. It really was everything that people raved on about – and more .
He rose, until he was level with my chest. Then I could feel him parting my legs, with one of his. He bent down and retrieved something out of his trouser pockets .
A condom .
He quickly unwrapped it, and put it on. Then he poised himself above me, a questioning look in his eyes alongside the desire. I nodded, again .
He pressed against me, feeling resistance. But then he grabbed his cock, trailing it over my pussy. Up and down, up and down. Each time he’d stop and push a bit more at the entrance, so he was inside a little bit more .
Then, he pushed, hard. I felt a sharp pain, and then wonder at how he felt, inside me. He started moving, grabbing my hips and bringing them down on him. It felt good. So good, I felt heat building in me again. He quickened his pace, giving sudden thrusts. I pushed down every time he pushed into me. Something was starting to grow and twist inside of me, again .
His eyes were on my face, glowing. And then suddenly, he gripped me tight, crying out as he ground into me. I rose to meet him and felt another warm wetness seep out of me. I bucked as another round of incredible sensations tore through me .
He slowed down, his head resting on my chest, breathing heavily. I ran my hand through his dark hair, in wonder. I was no longer a virgin. Finn had popped my cherry, and oh, Lord, how well had he done it. I was simply glowing with pleasure .
He looked at me. “How are you feeling ?”
“Great,” I said. Then I blushed. “Oh, God, I’ve got no idea what to do, now .”
“You don’t do anything,” he whispered. He changed positions, curling up against my back. “Now, we spoon. Drowse a little. Don’t think of anything but how incredible that was .”
I closed my eyes, feeling the warmth of him curled up against me. He kissed my shoulder .
“Sweet Amber,” he whispered, drowsily .
We must have fallen asleep, because next thing, I heard footsteps in the hallway. And then a voice, calling Finn. I shook him. He mumbled, but didn’t wake .
“Finn, someone is inside the house,” I whispered, urgently, as I shook him again. This time, he opened his eyes .
“Finn! Where are you?” The voice was clearer. It was his mother .
“Shit.” Finn bolted upright, pulling his clothes on. “My parents. I completely forgot. They’re dropping off Lilah. They have a spare key .”
“Quick,” I said, looking at the door, fearfully. The last thing that I wanted was to be caught in bed, obviously after just having had sex, by his mother .
But it was too late .
Finn had just finished getting dressed. I was sitting on the bed, just a sheet over me. And then the door handle turned .
“Mum!” Finn called out, running toward the door. “No !”
But she had opened it, and was standing there, mouth agape. At her side stood Lilah, turning puzzled eyes from me to her father .
“Daddy,” she said, clearly. “What are you doing? Is Mummy home ?”
Finn
I t was worst case scenario moment .
My mother, standing in the doorway, her jaw on the floor. And my precious little girl Lilah, staring at me uncomprehendingly. Thinking that it was her mother in the bed. Her little mind must have just flipped to an old memory, of her mother and I in bed. We used to often let her come into the bed of a morning, to snuggle .
I bustled them both out, to give Amber a chance to get up and get dressed. My face was burning as we made our way to the living room .
“Finn.” Mum turned to me. “It’s a bit indelicate, isn’t it?” She raised her eyebrows, and looked at Lilah .
“You are the one that barged into the bedroom with her,” I said, crossly .
“Because I didn’t know if you were home,” she said. “I thought I heard a noise coming from there. I certainly wouldn’t have opened the door if I had any suspicion of...” She trailed off, giving me a disapproving look .
“We are engaged, Mother,” I said, evenly. And, really, as far as she knew, that was the truth. There was no reason to look so shocked and disapproving at having caught me making love to my fiancée .
Lilah tugged at my sleeve. “Is Mummy here ?”
I crouched down so that I was on her level, staring into those baby blue eyes .
“No, Mummy isn’t here,” I said, slowly. “Remember how we talked about Mummy, and how she is in the sky now, in heaven? She can’t come to see us anymore, Lilah .”
My heart broke as I saw her bottom lip start to tremble. I had thought that we were over this, that she had finally understood that her mother wasn’t coming back .
“I want Mummy,” she wailed, tears spilling down her face. Oh God, this never got any easier .
“Hey, honey.” Amber was suddenly there, all dressed. But she refused to look at me .
“Do you want me to read you our special story?” She said to Lilah. “You know, the one that we always read when you miss your mummy .”
Lilah looked at her, choking back the sobs. But she slowly nodded her head, and let herself be led to her bedroom. I breathed a sigh of relief. I just didn’t know how to handle moments like these. I suppose it was why I had buried myself in my work since Erin’s death. But Amber had known. This was obviously something they had done together, to help Lilah cope .
A wave of tenderness washed over me, at the thought of Amber sitting down with Lilah, reading a story to help explain why her mummy was never coming home .
Amber was a rare one, that was for sure .
“Well, it looks like everything’s back to normal,” said my mother. She picked up her handbag. “I need to get back to your father.” She paused, looking at me. “You’re not going to like what I’m going to say, Finn. But I think it’s best to speak my mind .”
“Go ahead,” I said, rolling my eyes. My mother always thought it best to ‘speak her mind .’
“It’s too soon, Finn.” Her voice had a determined edge. “Lilah hasn’t recovered, and I don’t think you have, either. And what do we know of this Amber girl? She’s probably just as flighty as all of them .”
“All of them?” I raised an eyebrow. “What are you talking about, Mother ?”
“You know. The help,” she whispered, dramatically. “They can’t be relied upon. You think they have settled in and then suddenly, they disappear .”
“Amber isn’t ‘the help’ anymore, Mother,” I said. I could feel anger growing inside me. “She’s my fiancée .”
“Yes, well, that doesn’t change a thing. She started out as the nanny, and they’re all the same .”
“Mother,” I said, trying to control my temper. “Thanks for your good opinion. But I am engaged to Amber. She is a lovely girl, not flighty or temperamental. Look at how marvellously she just dealt with Lilah. I won’t hear a word against her .”
She clutched her handbag, tighter. “You will do what you want, of course,” she said. “But hasn’t she said that she wants to go back to the States, to pursue her law degree? What happens to you and Lilah then? If you are going to take a new wife, Finn, you need someone who will devote
all of her time and effort to you and Lilah.” She pursed her lips .
I heard a noise behind us. I turned, to see Amber standing there, looking confused .
“Amber…” I said, but she just looked at us, before returning to her bedroom .
“Thanks, Mother,” I said, frowning. “I think Amber heard everything you just said .”
But my mother simply walked down the corridor, her head held high .
“I meant every word I said.” She kissed me on the cheek. “Think about it, Finn. You and Lilah deserve so much more .”
I closed the door on her, glad to see her gone. What a mess. Lilah, upset because she thought she had seen her dead mother. Amber, pissed off with me because she had overheard my mother rubbishing her. And I tried very hard to not think about what had just happened between us, prior to my mother’s interruption .
Her silky smooth legs. Those beautiful breasts. The unbelievable sensation of plunging into her. I still couldn’t believe that I had taken her virginity. It was the last thing I had expected her to say. But I had been past the point of no return. She was driving me crazy, and I had to have her .
But what now ?
Would she still want to speak to me, after what she had overheard? And how did I feel, having deflowered her? It added a whole other level of complication to an already severely complicated situation .
I went over to the bar, and poured myself a whiskey. I might have bitten off more than I could chew. I just didn’t know what to do .
Amber
I walked to the bed, sitting down on it, wondering what to do. I couldn’t believe what I had just heard. Or rather, I should have known. People like Finn and his parents were all the same. They existed in another world, of which I could never be a part of. Anna’s words about how I was flighty just like the rest of ‘the help’ infuriated me. She knew nothing about me, and I hated being generalised about .
Sure, I didn’t have any wealth. But I had been brought up in a decent, loving home. I had been accepted into an Ivy League school, for Christ’s sake! But I would still never be good enough, in their eyes. And then there was the fact that I had just slept with Finn, letting him take my virginity .
My face burnt as I thought about it. I couldn’t believe that I had acted so wantonly. But it was like I was possessed by lust. I just hadn’t cared, at that point. I could still remember how wonderful it had been, feeling him inside me, after the pain had lessened. My eyes closed as I recalled the orgasms, and how mind blowing they had been .
I wanted to sleep with him, every night. I wanted to wake up to him, and have him do those things to me, again and again .
But what did he want? I thought of Lilah, so upset about her mother. That for a moment, she had thought that I was her, lying in bed with her father. She was a hurt little girl, and Finn didn’t seem to know how to deal with it .
Would he knock on the door, and come to me? But there was nothing. No knock. He was out there, in the living room, I knew. I had heard the front door open and close. I knew his mother had left. So why didn’t he come in, and reassure me? Take my hand, and tell me that the things his mother had said were wrong, and that he didn’t believe any of it? I knew that he wasn’t with Lilah; I had left her sleeping in her bedroom, having cried herself to sleep after I had finished the story .
No, he was by himself. And he was choosing not to come to me .
It was probably all too much for him. The fact that he had taken my virginity, and his mother’s words. Lilah’s meltdown. Too much. He would retreat, and run away, the way he always handled personal problems. The way that he had handled Erin’s death .
It was okay. I was a big girl. I would see through this contract, which would give me a healthy injection into my bank account, and then I would return to the States. To my real life. My heart ached at the thought. Leaving Finn, and Lilah. It would be as if I was leaving my heart behind .
I closed my eyes, resting my head on the pillow. I was in love with him. I really didn’t know how I hadn’t realised, up until now .
* * *
I t was a silent trip back to the mansion in Toorak. I looked out the car window, watching the sun slowly sink over the sea. Lilah was asleep in the car seat. Finn was driving, but he didn’t glance at me. Not once .
It was okay. I could handle it. I tried not to notice that I was biting my nails, again. It was dark by the time we got to the house. Finn carried the still sleeping Lilah up to her bedroom, and I carried my bags to my room. Hopefully, I would just be able to crawl into bed and let the events of the day slowly dissipate from my mind .
No such luck. I was just about to get my nightie on, when there was a soft knock at the door .
“Come in,” I said, trying hard to keep my voice neutral .
Finn entered. He looked as tired and drawn out as I felt. “Amber,” he said, softly. “I think that we need to talk about a few things .”
I nodded, indicating that he could sit down. He looked at me, slowly. “Why didn’t you tell me you were a virgin ?’
I laughed, but it wasn’t a humorous sound. “And how would I have done that, Finn? Just sat you down one day, and blurted it out? If you recall, we said that we shouldn’t get involved on a personal level. That this was strictly a business arrangement. Don’t you remember ?”
“I know,” he said, sighing deeply. “It seemed the best thing. Things just got…a little out of control .”
I looked at him. “Are you saying you regret it ?”
He sighed again. “I don’t know, Amber,” he said, eventually. “I sure didn’t regret it at the time. It was everything I hoped for, and more. But now …”
I felt my heart hit the floor. So, it was true. He was trying to back out of whatever was happening between us. “It’s got something to do with what your mother said about me, hasn’t it ?”
His eyes widened. “No, Amber! Not at all. My mother thinks she is doing the right thing, protecting me and Lilah. Yes, she can come across as a snob. All that talk of ‘the help’. I can see why you’re upset.” He looked at me. “But I don’t think that way about you .”
“How do you think about me?” I wished I hadn’t said the words. They just marched out of my mouth .
“I think you are an unbelievably sexy, totally gorgeous woman.” His eyes darkened as he spoke. “But I just don’t know if I can carry on a personal relationship right now. That thing with Lilah today. It made me think, deeply. I don’t think I am completely over Erin .”
There. The words were out. At least he had admitted it, at long last. I stood up. “I’d like you to leave, now .”
“Amber…”
“No.” I walked to the door. “I will still be your fake fiancée, don’t worry. But nothing else .”
I held the door open. “Good night, Finn .”
He looked at me, as if he wanted to say something else. But then he sighed, and walked out .
I shut the door, climbing into bed with my clothes still on. The tears when they came were scalding. What an idiot. I had given my heart and my virginity to a man who was incapable of anything. What had I expected? That he would suddenly realise that he was crazy in love with me, and we would ride off into the sunset ?
Stupid, I chastised myself. Get wise .
But my heart ached so badly I could hardly keep myself from sobbing aloud .
Finn
I glanced over at Amber as we drove, keeping an eye on traffic .
“Do we have everything?” I couldn’t help thinking something had been forgotten .
“For the hundredth time, Finn,” she said, rolling her eyes. “Yes! Everything is here. I have the cake, and the presents. The caterers are setting up as we speak, I called them ten minutes ago. We just need to get there in one piece.” She glared at the road .
“Okay, okay,” I said. Maybe I was a little bit anxious. But it was Lilah’s fifth birthday party, and her first without Erin. I wanted everything to be perfect .
“Jennifer and Micha
el will be there,” I said to Amber, as I negotiated a roundabout. “They flew in yesterday. They’re staying at the Park Hyatt .”
That fact was adding to my anxiety, as well. The Morgan’s were in town, ostensibly for Lilah’s birthday, but I knew it was to check up on me. See if I was providing stability for Lilah, as promised. And meet my new fiancée, of course .
Yes, a lot was riding on this birthday party .
Amber descended into silence as I drove. It had been like this ever since we returned from Portsea, when I had told her I wasn’t sure about us pursuing a relationship. Or at the least, sleeping together. She had clammed up so tightly I could barely get a peek through her shutters, anymore .
It was my own stupid fault, of course. It had been a knee jerk reaction to the shock of taking her virginity. Not to mention Lilah’s meltdown, and my mother’s warnings. It had all happened so quickly together I just couldn’t think straight .
Three weeks had passed since then, and she had been polite and courteous with me, but nothing more. I had hurt her, I could tell. And I just didn’t know how to fix it .
It didn’t help that I couldn’t stop dreaming of making love to her. Every night I woke, with a hard on so fierce it hurt. Dreaming of her body, and how it had felt .
“Almost there,” I said now, looking at her again. She was looking particularly beautiful today, in a tight fitting emerald green dress with black tights. She had wound her chestnut hair into a top knot, giving off an air of casual elegance that many women spent top dollar to get but rarely pulled off .
Effortless. Stunning. I could look at her, forever .
I pulled into a car park, and we got out. We were just getting the presents out of the boot, when I heard a shout. “Finn !”
And there they were. My in-laws, standing at the front of Luna Park, waving to us. Here we go, I thought. It’s make or break time .
* * *
M ichael and Jennifer were fussing over Lilah as we entered the Park underneath the famous moon face gates .
His Christmas Baby: A Friends to Lovers Romance Page 44