by Frankie Love
A big part of me that wonders if it is too.
I turn my gaze from his, not wanting to make this more awkward than it potentially is. Thankfully, the show that’s taking place several yards away has all our attention.
A woman starts moaning in delight as three men surround her for a gang-bang she’s clearly asking for. “Got a good crowd tonight,” Teddy’s right-hand man says. “But it’ll be a grand to stay.” He looks me over, then speaks to Bennett. “Well, it’ll be a grand for you to stay. This one here can play, free of charge.”
Bennett doesn’t flinch at the number. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a massive fold of bills. He drops ten one hundred dollar bills in the man’s hand.
“What are the rules?” Bennett asks. His curt tone tells me he wants to get past this man and find the action. His hand is on the small on my back, his fingers on the waistband of my shorts, and I can tell by his touch, he is as hungry as I am.
“Only a few rules: Wear the mask at all times. Use condoms. No asking personal questions. There are rooms in the back, but there are no doors on the premises, so whatever you do—everyone sees. Safety reasons. Showers and lockers to your right. No smoking, no drinking. You play here, you play by the rules. I’m guessing you read the website?”
Bennett nods, but I know he’s lying. I know, because I’m rebuilding my life by doing the exact same thing.
Lies built on lies.
We are each handed a mask, and I put mine on, Bennett though, turns away and pulls off his ball cap before securing the mask in place.
Teddy unhooks the rope and lets us through. “If you want to leave, at any time, you can.”
Bennett smiles mischievously; not realizing Teddy is acting like a protective big-brother. “She’ll be fine, buddy,” Bennett says before taking my hand and leaning down to my ear. “Let’s go to the side so we can talk first.”
I nod, following him. Everything about this night is so unexpected, but I’m not ready for it to end.
And who carries a thousand dollars in cash into Dusty’s bar? I mean, besides all the people fucking around us. I need to understand more about who Bennett is, but before I can ask, he presses me against a wall, cupping my ass and pressing his mouth on my neck.
I forget my questions. My concerns. I forget my name and my fake backstory.
Bennett kisses me and all I remember is that I want this as badly as he does.
With his mouth on my throat, I feel him reaching for the button on my shorts. He unzips them, his hands reaching below and grabbing my ass.
“Where the fuck are we?” he asks. I feel a smile on his lips and surprisingly there’s one on mine too.
“No fucking clue,” I tell him.
“You want to stay?” he asks, already pulling up my tank top and dropping it on the floor beside us. “Because honestly, I’m not interested in anyone else here. I’ve only got eyes for you.”
His words make me blush, though it’s so dark he wouldn’t notice. “I’ve never been to an orgy,” I admit. “But I don’t want to have sex with a bunch of strangers.”
“Just one stranger?” Bennett asks.
I shake my head. “You’re not a stranger. I know your name.”
“We don’t have to stay,” he tells me, kissing my ear.
“But we already paid and I’m half undressed already.” I press my body closer to him, wanting to feel his hard cock. Oh, it’s hard alright.
“If you get uncomfortable, we can go,” he promises.
“It’s kinda hot, honestly,” I tell him. “Is it weird that this place turns me on?”
Bennett laughs softly. “Not weird. It’s half the population’s fucking fantasy. And I’ll take you to the middle of the action so you can experience it, but I’m not sharing you with anyone tonight, understand? Tonight, you are mine alone.”
His possessive words speak to me in a primal way. I want to be his.
“Well, I sure as hell don’t want to leave.” I reach for his T-shirt too, pulling it up over his head and running my hands over his bare chest.
He’s strong and ripped and all man. I don’t know where he comes from, or what his real name is, or the way he looks without a mask or a hat, but I do know how his skin feels. Warm and familiar, like it has a story I might understand.
And when I reach under the waistband of his pants, feeling his hardness, I swear to God I can feel his need for this night to go differently than all the nights before.
“I’ve been staring at you for hours,” he tells me, pushing down my panties. It’s shocking, standing before him in nothing but my bra; my pants and shirt tossed are aside and my panties around my ankles. He steps out of his jeans too, and then both of us are nearly naked.
“I know you have,” I tell him. “You’re pretty damn obvious. But what I want to see,” I add. “Are your eyes.”
“You can see my eyes,” he tells me.
“I know,” I say, nodding, and panting, because Bennett’s hands run over my bare skin causing my body to ignite. “But I want to see you without the mask.”
He shakes his head and reaches behind to unclasp my bra. “Not tonight. Tonight, I need to be anonymous. Tonight, I need to–”
I say it for him, “You need to disappear.” Our eyes lock, and I may not be able to see his entire face, but his eyes say it all. “Tonight we both need to disappear into one another.”
I’ve been through enough to get to this point.
The fire. The murder.
The end.
I just want to disappear too.
“I’ve never been to an orgy,” I confess, again. “I don’t know the rules.”
“I have,” he says, his hands running over my tits, his hard cock pressed against my belly. “They’re all mostly the same. A lot of people not wanting to be seen. Needing something that will help them forget for just a little while.”
“Is that bad? Our need to hide? Does it make us monsters to want to disappear?”
He shakes his head cupping my face with his hands. I feel my nipples harden, desire is seeping from my pores.
“It doesn’t make us monsters,” he tells me. Then he kisses me hard. Bites my bottom lip and I swear he may have drawn blood. He kisses me again. His tongue in my throat, his breath hot as hell. “It makes us mortal.”
He is nothing like I expected when he sat down at the bar, and maybe that’s why I’m so open to this moment with him.
It’s unplanned. Untethered. There are no rules.
We can make them up as we go.
“Show me how an orgy works then, Bennett. We’re both nearly naked, what happens next?”
His fingers find my opening, plunging themselves inside my wet folds. I gasp at his touch.
How long has it been since I’ve been touched like this? How long has it been since someone said ‘let me give you what you need’?
Years.
And never like this.
“You sure you want to be here?” Bennett asks me.
I look up at him, unable to imagine being anywhere else where I would feel so free to give in to another man’s touch. A man’s kiss. A man’s body. Even though it isn’t dark down here, with the masks on, I feel safe enough to let down my guard and let him inside of my body.
That is where I want him. That is where he belongs.
“I think I need to be here,” I admit. “I think I’m supposed to be here. Is that crazy?”
He steps out of his underwear. He takes my hand and presses it to his bare cock. I run my hand up and down his velvety length, and damn, he is massive. Everything inside me tightens as desire ripples through my body.
“No, not crazy at all,” he says.
He is so tender with me; he cradles my face and looks into my eyes. He must see something, something I try hard to bury.
My eyes prick with tears.
“You can’t cry with this mask on, it will ruin your disguise,” he tells me, kissing my cheek.
“I don’t know what’s wrong wi
th me, I never cry.”
“Tears are nothing to be ashamed of. Rain comes before the sun, right?”
My heart stops on that idea. I cling to it. Won’t let it go. My life has been filled with so many cloudy days, so many storms. Maybe my tears are the rain. Maybe soon there will be a break through the gray and I can find the sunlight.
He must see he’s hit a nerve and rendered me speechless, because wordlessly he picks me up, my legs wrapping around his waist and he carries me to the center of the orgy.
With masks on, no one can identify us, and even though naked people are all around us, we are blind to them.
My eyes are only on him. And his are only on mine.
“I think I’m supposed to be here too,” he tells me. “With you. Tonight.” He lays me down on a mattress, then he spreads my legs apart and he lowers his head.
Without a doubt, I am exactly where I belong.
5
With Sadie beneath me, I go where I never gone before. Maybe it’s the way she touches me like she understands parts of me that no one else in the world can. For all the ways I’ve messed up, fucked up, she isn’t asking questions—she knows nothing about who I am or where I come from.
There’s a relief in that. A relief that is as deep as it is wide.
And in these depths, I’m able to give everything to her. With masks on, I’m not scared of anyone seeing me as Sawyer Bennett. The lights are low and no one has their eyes on me right now, everyone’s losing themselves in this underground club, intent on being free of their demons for just one night.
Isn’t that what anonymous sex is about? Letting go, giving in. Freeing yourself from the things that have held you back?
And Sadie is doing just that. I kiss between her thighs, letting my tongue roll over her perfect cunt, tasting her—all of her—and damn she tastes so good.
“This is everything,” she groans, her hands tangling in my hair. She pulls me up, as if needing to be face-to-face. I press my mouth to hers, our tongues colliding as our bodies are pressed together.
Beside us, there’s a couple going at it doggie style, on the other side there’s a daisy chain of half a dozen people, each one pleasuring the next in line, a never-ending circle of pleasure.
Sadie’s eyes are drawn to the people beside us, and her eyes flick back to mine. I can’t help but wonder.
“What?” she asks.
“Are you turned on watching them?” I ask her.
She bites her bottom up, her hand reaching for my length, she runs her hand up and down it, pressing the tip to her pussy.
“Is it wrong if I tell you yes?”
I shake my head. “There is no such thing as wrong in a place like this. Everything goes.”
“Everything?” she asks, a slight smile on her lips.
“Everything.”
I run my mouth along her neck, move farther down, then suck on her hard nipples one after the other, kissing a trail down her stomach, back to her pleasure spot.
I look around and see a basket of condoms, and reach over for one. Rolling it on quickly, I watch her eying me with the delicious satisfaction.
“I want you in me,” she moans. The words on her lips sound so sweet and dangerous.
If I fill her up, I know I’m going to want to come back for more. There is something so seductive about a woman willing to let loose like this. The vulnerability we’re both choosing is shocking considering the fact we’re both hiding so much.
I know what I’m hiding, and I have no idea what Sadie’s secrets are. But it’s clear they are deep and have taken root in her heart—causing her to build a wall.
I won’t pretend I can break them down. Not a guy like me, a fucking fool who has conquered death, yet lost everything. Who chose to give it all up; who has no plan, no direction, no path. I’m a fucking wanderer, but don’t even know where I’m headed.
I only know I’m not going back to the life I once had. I’m ashamed of my parents—their past. My ties to their name have wrecked me in ways I may never understand. I haven’t stopped thinking about it since I faked my suicide.
“Did I lose you?” she whispers in my ear. Her hot breath brings me back to reality and I wrap my arms around her waist, drawing her hips up ever so slightly as I bury myself into her perfection.
“I’m still here. You can’t get rid of me that easy.”
I move, my hands on her hips, thrusting myself into her repeatedly, her hands run through her hair, her eyelids flutter, her pussy tight; she’s so fucking tight around my cock.
“I’m gonna come so fast,” she groans as my fingers run circles around her hood. Her tits bounce hard, I love the way she looks. So open, spread apart, holding onto me as if she’s holding onto dear life. Her legs lock around my waist, her ankles crossed. She won’t let go.
“This is what you were looking for when you came to Dusty’s?” she asks.
I move harder inside of her, loving that she’s not asking me to stop, to go slow. She needs this as rough as I do.
“When I came here, I was looking for a bed to sleep in, I wasn’t thinking a mattress like this, exactly,” I tell her, grinning. “What about you?” I ask, thrusting into her harder.
She’s gasping now, I don’t know how she’ll be able to answer. She shakes her head, telling me no, she had no idea either.
She surprises me when she opens her mouth, reaching up and wrapping her arms around my neck. I move to my knees and she’s bouncing in my lap, rocking against me. She’s so light that it’s effortless to hold her like this. To fuck her like this.
She’s crying again, tears stream down her cheeks, past her mask, and she moans as she comes, pleasure cascading through her.
“I’m so worried about not being seen,” she whispers. “I wasn’t thinking about being found.” She buries her cheek in my shoulder, her body slick as we move.
I roll to my back as she rides me. My hands are on her waist, wanting her to know she doesn’t need to slow down, but knowing that I’m about to fall over the edge.
She presses her hands my chest, harder. I’m so close, so damn close.
And when she reaches around, holding my balls with one hand as she rocks faster and faster, I come. My balls tight my heart racing, and she’s the only thing on earth I care to see.
Sadie stole my heart with a single fuck and I swear, the only thing I want right now is for her to keep it.
6
Eventually, Bennett and I leave the club in the early morning hours, and somehow make it through the dark parking lot into the cottage Dusty is lending me behind the bar.
Without turning on the lights we fall asleep in my bed and hours later I wake with his arm wrapped around my waist. Sunlight streams in through the curtain-less windows and I nestle into the crook of his arm. I could stay here forever like this, but this was a one night stand and I don’t want to assume anything. Best to get going with the day and let this be what it was: a fun time at my very first orgy.
“Where do you think you’re going?” he asks, pulling me closer, nibbling my ear as I try to scoot out of the bed.
I forget about making coffee, instead letting myself relax in his hold. After all, when is the last time a man slept in my bed? I can’t even remember.
“Last night was surreal,” I whisper against his chest. “Like some fantasy. Who were all those people?”
“They all must have wanted to go somewhere no one would find them,” he says. “Is the closest, large city Indianapolis?”
“I think so.”
He runs his hand over my bare body, my skin waking under his touch. “How did we both end up in this place?” he asks.
“I figure we both ended up here because the universe finally wanted to give us a break.” I close my eyes, inhaling him. He smells like sex and heartbreak and regret.
I know because that’s how I smell, too.
Will it always be like this? I hope not, but I’m not sure I deserve much more. I’ve already made people pay for the wro
ngs they’ve done.
Maybe that will be enough of a happily ever after for me.
Still, I can’t help wondering about my mother. My heart aches for her, wanting to know what she’s doing.
If she hates me.
But even then, I don’t deserve the answer. I should’ve warned her. Told her my plan, but I couldn’t.
To say I don’t trust her isn’t fair; it’s not her who I plotted against.
I didn’t trust the man she loved. The man I hated.
The man she gave her life to.
“Last night you asked where I went, when I got stuck in my head,” Bennett says, brushing a strand of hair from my face.
I sigh, my eyes close, tears pricking the corners of them. I don’t want to reveal anything to a man I know is just passing through. I can’t let anyone know the truth because there’s a cost involved in trusting anyone. He may have been inside me last night, but he’s still a stranger.
A stranger who knows my body.
“Now I’m asking you the same thing,” he says. “Where did you just go?”
“I’m still here,” I tell him. “But sometimes I can’t help but wonder if I’ll always be hiding, always be looking over my shoulder. Always scared of being found.”
I haven’t implicitly told him I’m on the run, but I know he knows. Just like I know he’s determined to be invisible.
I open my eyes and, look into Bennett’s eyes for the first time in the broad daylight.
“You don’t have on your ball cap or a mask,” I tell him brushing my lips against his mouth.
“Fuck,” he groans, kissing me hard before pulling away, covering his face with his hands.
“What is it?” I ask not understanding what it is about his face he’s trying to hide. I’m not the one looking for him.
He lowers his hands, shaking his head, his eyes piercing me. “Why do I trust you? You could ruin me.”
Now it’s my turn to shake my head. “I’ve already ruined enough.”
He reaches into the duffel bag that he grabbed from his car last night before we stumbled in here, dizzy from sex and lust.