by J. L. Berg
“Are you okay?” Killian asked, his voice full of concern, as he swam up to me.
I nodded, unable to answer him because of the laughter that had taken over. “We fell in!” I finally said. “We actually tipped over our kayak! What is it about us and water?”
He joined in, chuckling under his breath, as his body floated closer to mine. “I thought you said you were good at this.”
“I was.” I grinned. “Until I met you.”
“I think we should leave the lesson-planning to me from now on,” he suggested, grabbing my waist.
My legs naturally slipped around him. I could feel him, hard and ready, as his hand moved underneath the waistband of my bikini bottom.
“Ever wonder what it’s like to make love in the ocean, Kate?” he asked.
“Yes.”
“Good. Let me teach you.” He smiled as his fingers found my core. “Lesson one.”
Best kayak lesson ever.
“WE DON’T REALLY HAVE TO do this,” I said, looking up at the motel I’d been calling home for the last few weeks.
I could already feel Kate’s stern look before I even turned my head.
“Yes, we do. Remember that whole speech I gave about birthdays and how they were important and—”
“Yeah, I remember.” I smiled, taking another quick glance at the run-down front door. “But you’re not doing anything crazy, right? No suit required? I can just run up there and grab a pair of jeans. Maybe a fanny pack?”
She snorted.
It instantly made me laugh, and damn if it wasn’t the cutest thing in the world.
“No tuxedos. We’re not even going to leave my apartment, I promise. But, if you…I mean…” She stalled, the skin on her neck turning a deep shade of red.
“If I what?” I asked, rotating in the passenger seat to give her my full attention.
“Well, I was thinking…since you’ve been spending so much time at my place rather than staying here, maybe you can just check out. Permanently. Until you find a place of your own. If you want.”
I lifted my palm to her cheek and watched as she leaned into it.
So trusting.
So kind.
“I’d like nothing more,” I answered, seeing her eyes light up in delight, “but there’s one problem.”
“If you say money, Killian, I’m going to hurt you.”
Grinning at her adorable threat, I shook my head. “No, it’s not the money. I’d find ample ways to pay you back for letting me shack up in your place. The problem is, my brother.”
Her eyes went from a come-hither stare to something bordering on confusion. “Your brother?”
“He came to visit me a few days ago.”
Her mouth gaped open. “And you failed to mention it until now?”
I shrugged. “Are you surprised? This is the guy who hasn’t visited his father in years.”
“But he’s your baby brother!”
“He is not a baby anymore,” I argued.
“I want to meet him,” she announced, pulling the keys from the ignition.
“What? No!” I jumped out of the car to stop her.
But she beat me to it.
She was still wearing the bikini she’d bought from the kayak shop and very little else. It was not exactly the way I wanted her to meet my horny little brother.
Scratch that. I never wanted her to meet my brother.
“He’s your family, Killian!” she said, walking the short distance to the front lobby.
The tiny shorts she was wearing barely covered her ass. It was a distraction on my part, and by the time I reminded myself of this, we’d somehow made it through the door.
“There’s no stopping you, is there?” I asked when I caught up with her at the elevator.
She grinned. “No.”
“This is all part of that crazy couple goals thing, isn’t it?”
The grin widened. “Yep.”
“All right,” I said, “but he’s not coming over for dinner.”
She didn’t answer, just stepped forward as the shiny doors parted.
“Kate,” I growled. “Kate!”
Silence.
Fifteen minutes later, my brother was in the back of the car, joining us for dinner.
“Damn, Killer, she’s cute,” Liam announced under his breath a split second after Kate went into her bedroom to change.
“Stop fucking looking at her,” I said, slapping him on the back of the head.
He grinned, ignoring my comment, as he took a look around. “I’m guessing my words of wisdom worked, and the other night went well?”
I shook my head. “I’m not talking to you about this.”
With his hands shoved in his pockets, he leaned over the fireplace, checking out pictures of Kate and her family. “Figures. You don’t talk to me about anything anyway.”
“Like you’re one to talk, moocher. Why exactly are you here again? To visit me, is it?”
His face darkened, anger creeping up his neck. “Yeah.”
“Okay.”
Our brotherly conversation ended there as I left him to his snooping. He’d always been far more interested in people than I was. I would go where the story took me but only if it interested me—or at least, I had when I had integrity and conviction in what I did.
For Liam though, everything was a story.
Everything was interesting.
From the liquor store owner down the street to his second-grade teacher, he’d always been curious about the lives they led and how it all fit together.
Maybe that was why he was so damn smart at figuring out patterns and intricate details.
He’d been doing it since birth.
“You guys ready to order food?” Kate said, returning to the living room. She’d changed out of her bathing suit, and she was now in a simple black dress that showed off her toned legs and the bit of sun she’d gotten today.
“You’re not cooking?” I asked, making my best appalled face.
She grinned. “I’d prefer to keep you two alive past tomorrow.”
“I can cook,” I offered, making Liam instantly perk up.
“Have you had his cooking? It’s amazing.”
She nodded, taking a seat on the sofa. I did the same, throwing an arm over her shoulder, as my brother continued to roam around the apartment, like a caged bear.
“He made pancakes for me this morning, and they were out of this world,” she said, trying to maintain her straight face as the memories of what had happened shortly after breakfast no doubt filled her mind.
“But, since we’re celebrating his birthday, I thought we’d let him off the hook. For one night, at least.”
“Okay, but don’t let him get away without making you homemade pasta. Seriously, it’s the best. He and Mom used to make ravioli almost every Sunday. I’d suffer through church just for that one meal.”
“Thanks, Liam,” I said, severing the walk down memory lane.
Kate obviously sensed the tension in my body because she didn’t press. “I don’t plan on ever letting him get away, but thank you. I’ll keep that in mind.” Turning to me, she asked, “What do you feel like eating?”
My eyes wandered up her body, making the hairs on her arms stand on end. “Pasta sounds good,” I said.
“Okay, great. I know a place downtown that will deliver, if properly persuaded. I’ll grab the menu in the kitchen and give them a call. Do you mind if I pick and choose?”
I wrapped my fingers in her soft hair and pulled her close. Kissing her forehead, I replied, “Sounds great. Thank you.”
She gave a big smile before hurrying off to the kitchen to place the order.
“You’re different with her,” Liam said as I watched her disappear. “It reminds me of Mom and Dad.”
This caught my attention.
“What does that mean?” I asked, rising to a stance.
“Nothing,” he answered. “I didn’t mean it in a bad way, Killian. I just meant, the tende
rness you show her. Dad was the same way with Mom. Treated her like a queen until the very end.”
I relaxed slightly. “Yeah,” I said, releasing a breath, “he did.”
“Do you ever think he would have been happier if he’d remarried?” he asked, taking a step toward the window.
I watched as he gazed down at the street, probably observing people arriving home with bags of groceries and carloads of kids in the parking lot below.
“No,” I answered. “She was it for him.”
Liam slowly nodded in agreement.
It was the first time in years we’d talked about them, and it hadn’t ended in a heated argument. It was the first time I’d looked back at my parents’ relationship without contempt or malice and seen it for what it had been.
Devotion.
Commitment.
Love.
“I need to tell her, don’t I?” I said softly, joining him at the window.
He turned, taking a solid glance in my direction. “Yeah, brother, you do. But not tonight.”
“No,” I agreed. “Not tonight.”
Liam gave me a look as all three of us huddled around the small coffee table when there was a perfectly nice dining table just behind us in the other room. But I gave him a quick shake of my head, and he thankfully followed my lead.
No cereal-bowl stories tonight.
We’d had enough family-sharing for now.
“So, Liam, do you have any embarrassing stories about Killian to tell me?” Kate asked the moment I sank my fork into my pasta carbonara.
I gave both of them a dirty look.
It went unnoticed.
“Sure.” Liam grinned. “What do you want? The young Killian? Or something juicier, like those awkward teen years?”
“Oh, definitely awkward teen years.” She laughed.
I shook my head. “No such thing. I owned that school.”
“That’s not what Marissa Meyers said.”
My eyes went wide. “How do you know that name?”
My jackass of a brother kept on eating the free dinner my girlfriend had bought him, smiling like the world revolved around him. “I dated her.”
“You did not. I dated her.”
“I know.” He laughed.
“Um, if you two are going to start fighting over this girl, I’m going to step out and avoid the uncomfortable situation that is sure to follow.”
Killian’s eyes bored into mine. “Do you want to tell her, or should I?”
“Tell me what? Seriously, what is going on?”
I sighed, placing my fork down, as I turned to Kate. “Marissa was my first high school girlfriend.”
“Okay,” she replied. “I got that much. Are you secretly still in love with her?”
Liam snorted.
It was definitely only cute when Kate did it. My eyes darted toward him, giving him a death stare.
“No. We had a complicated relationship.”
“Complicated?” Kate asked.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Killian!” he exclaimed. “He paid her to date him!”
My head hit my palm as laughter filled the room.
“You what?” she asked.
“Occasionally, my mom would give me money for doing extra stuff around the house, helping with dinner and whatnot. I’d been doing it for years, and by the time I got to high school, I’d amassed what was considered a small fortune to a fourteen-year-old boy. But, while I had been at home, cooking and hanging out with my mom, the rest of my class had been busy growing up. I arrived in high school and realized I was light-years behind.”
“So, you hired a girlfriend?”
I shrugged. “Seemed like a good plan at the time. Marissa was nice and popular. She needed money to buy some brand of shoes or whatever, and I had it. So, I made a deal. We dated for a month, and I gave her extra for spreading around rumors of my, uh…”
“Many talents?”
“Yeah. And then I made her swear in writing that she’d never tell a soul.”
“And she agreed?”
“Well, I thought she had,” I said, giving my brother side eyes.
“To be fair,” he replied, “she did tell me I was the first person she’d ever told. So, she kept your secret for a long time.”
“Yeah, and told it to the worst person imaginable.”
“So, how much did you pay her in total?” Kate asked. “Out of curiosity.”
I thought back. “I don’t know. A couple hundred maybe. It was the best money I ever spent. After Marissa, I was a legend.”
“Unbelievable,” Kate muttered, grinning in disbelief.
Liam held up his wine glass. “Did me a couple of favors as well.”
“Shut up.” I laughed.
We finished up our meal, feasting on every kind of pasta under the sun. It was truly divine, and even though I wasn’t completely on board with the whole birthday celebration, I appreciated the effort Kate was making on my behalf.
Even if it did include my brother.
“Did you happen to get his favorite dessert with that order, Kate?” Liam asked after we finished cleaning up our plates and placing all the leftovers in the fridge.
“No,” she said, looking at me with a curious gaze as she placed the last plate in the dishwasher. “What dessert might that be?”
“It’s not a big deal,” I said, and at the same time, my brother answered, “Ice cream cannoli.”
“Ice cream cannoli?” she asked, turning her attention to Liam.
He nodded. “Yeah, we used to visit this little ice cream parlor down the street every Sunday after church, and they made these cannoli that were to die for, but instead of stuffing them with cream, they’d fill them with chocolate chip ice cream. I’m pretty sure Killer here has eaten well over a million in his thirty years of life.”
“You’re not too far behind,” I said begrudgingly.
With a perplexed expression, as if she were figuring out a complicated algebra problem, Kate opened a drawer to her left and pulled out a menu for the restaurant we’d just ordered from.
“Hold on,” she said, grabbing her phone off the counter.
Liam and I waited, watching, as she held her finger up in the air, pausing our conversation.
“Yes, would it be possible to speak to a manager?” she asked politely. “No, there’s no problem. Yes, I’ll hold.”
“Babe, it’s not a big deal,” I said.
But her finger shoved further in my face.
“Hi, Mark,” she said brightly. “My name is Katelyn O’Malley. I was wondering if you might help me with a small favor.” She laughed. “Yes, that’s me. Of course I remember you and your wife.”
“Seriously, it’s—” I got shushed.
“That’s wonderful. I’m so glad he’s doing well. Of course, always happy to help. Anytime.”
Liam turned to me, and I shrugged.
“Okay, so it’s my boyfriend’s birthday.” She paused. “Thirty. I know; it’s a big one. Anyway, he failed to mention that one of his favorite desserts growing up is cannoli, which I know you make because I’ve eaten a few dozen in my lifetime, but this particular memory includes cannoli with ice cream.”
I shook my head, rubbing my forehead, as I began to pace. Her hand reached out for me, slowing my steps.
“I’ll be happy to pay whatever it costs,” she said, pulling me closer. “No, that’s fine. You have my credit card from earlier? Great. And you can deliver? Thank you, Mark.”
She set the phone down on the counter and rested her head on my shoulder.
“You’re too much,” I said, grabbing her waist as I turned her toward me.
“You’re worth it.” She grinned.
Liam simply shook his head and stepped out of the kitchen, allowing us a private moment alone.
“I think I’m going to take my brother home now,” I whispered, kissing the hollow of her neck.
“Why? The cannoli haven’t arrived!”
“I know,” I explained.
“And, when they do, I want you in bed, so I can eat them off your naked body.”
Her eyes widened. “Oh. Well then, yes, send him home.”
“I’ll be back,” I promised.
“And you’ll stay?”
“And I’ll stay.”
I wanted to say I’d stay forever.
But I couldn’t.
Not yet.
Not until she knew the truth.
And, when she did, I could lose her in an instant.
Everything we had could be gone, like a puff of smoke. And I’d be just like my father.
A lonely man crying out to the wind, begging it to bring back his only love.
“Sending the little brother home, so you can bang the girlfriend, huh?” Liam said as I hopped into the front seat of Kate’s car.
“Shut up. And don’t use the word bang when you’re talking about my girl.”
“Damn.” He laughed. “Okay.”
I started the engine and adjusted the seat, pushing it back to adjust for our significant height difference.
“I’ll leave you the rental in case you need it,” I told him, backing out of the parking lot.
“You’re staying here?”
I didn’t answer right away.
“Permanently?”
Focused on the road, I stared straight ahead as we headed toward the other side of town.
“You haven’t even told her why you were here, Killian. Shit, she doesn’t even know your real last name. Have you thought this through?”
“Yes,” I answered before correcting myself, “No. But I don’t know what else to do. I know I have to tell her, and when I do…hell, I don’t know. But I can’t give up. I’m not going to live in limbo, waiting for her to decide if all my lies and deceit are too much to handle. I’ve decided. She’s it. She’s all I want in this life.”
“And if she doesn’t want you?” he asked. “If the deceit is, in fact too much?”
“I can’t think like that.”
“So, you’re ready to put it all on the line for a girl you’ve barely known a month? Your apartment, your career, your—”
“Yes. Everything.”
We both looked out ahead, letting my declaration settle.
“Why did you come here?” he asked. “In the first place?”