“That’s not true, I’ve seen Tristan and Dean here with Owen.”
“For no other reason than the land Owen’s selling them,” she countered.
“They own an aviation company, Mel. They wouldn’t be successful if they were as bad as you say.”
“Tristan, James, and Lydia, I grant you, are the only ones with personalities. They’re also the only pilots from Thorne Bay. Dean rarely flies—he’d probably scare the customers away. The rest of their employees are Ketchikan based normal folk with normal lives. The others over there—” she gestured to the group, shaking her head “—I never see unless they’re rushing in and out of town for supplies. I’m telling you, this is odd behavior for them.”
Listening with only half an ear, I watched the group as I used to watch the popular kids in school—from the sideline with the rest of the misfits and rejects. I clearly didn’t fit here either.
I tried not to stare, but I could no sooner look away from a pride of lions in my living room than from this strange and dynamic family. Every look and touch seemed layered with subtle meaning as though I was watching a film in another language, yet unable and unwilling to catch the subtitles for fear I’d miss the vital nuances.
I also kept watching in hopes that Tristan would call me over to him; blow me a kiss; sneak a wink, for God’s sake. Anything to reassure me that I wasn’t invisible. But I was. He never looked over even once. I’d been so nervous all week about seeing him that I hadn’t even considered he might actually ignore me.
His friends, on the other hand, were not making any effort to hide their interest. Every now and then I’d catch a different pair of eyes regarding me, except the green ones I pertinaciously sought, as though I was carrying some sign around my neck and they were trying to make sense of the words.
“Girl, you’re in trouble,” said Melissa, fanning herself. The first round of drinks had been poured and she was back behind the bar with me.
I looked askance at her.
“Before the others walked in I thought he was gonna impregnate you with that stare of his.”
“Zip it!” I whispered furiously, now more than ever convinced of Tristan’s superhuman hearing.
“So no more talking about your ladyscaping?”
“Shh.” I swatted her backside. “I’m serious, you lunatic.”
The horror that was pasted over my face must have finally registered because she clamped her lips shut after that and gave a skeptical shrug that suggested I’d lost both the plot and my sense of humor. Our voices weren’t really loud enough to carry anywhere, especially over the classic rock, so I understood why she thought I was being overcautious.
The more time I spent with Tristan, though, and the better I got to know him, the more fascinating he became. Not the fascination of a woman for a beautiful man (at least not entirely), but the sensation of a girl falling deeper into a rabbit hole—a dark sense of curiosity I’d willingly surrendered to. I knew that what I might find at the bottom would likely make little sense and only confuse me more, yet still I was drawn inexorably to those crouching shadows. The answers to his secrets were lying in that fathomless darkness; not once, however, did I consider that I was falling to my death.
When the second round was ordered, I volunteered a little too enthusiastically. Melissa smiled knowingly as she placed a beer glass on my full tray. While she was making quick work of the rest of the drink orders, I gingerly walked my leaden tray into their midsts like a mouse beneath nine tigerish smiles and adamantine gazes. Only Tristan’s gaze remained veiled with impassivity.
From Nicole’s corner, I perceived prickling stabs of antipathy. Painfully aware of my movements, I placed the drinks down carefully on the hightop nearest Tristan, cleaving to his presence, however cold it was. There was every chance I might drop the whole tray if I tried to dispense their orders individually, shaky as my hands were. Let them figure out whose potation was whose, I decided, suddenly eager for escape.
“Hello again, Evan.” Dean’s greeting couldn’t have sounded more predatory if he’d tried.
My dislike of him had, by now, overshadowed whatever sex appeal he possessed. His eyes were the color of smoked cedarwood, very unique, and beautiful if not for the ruthlessness I detected there.
“That’s an interesting scent you’re wearing,” he remarked, offhandedly.
His tone was uncomplimentary, so I didn’t delude myself that he was being kind. His friends were all listening in, their sharp eyes glinting with unsurpassed humor.
“I’m not wearing any perfume,” I replied uneasily, noticing the way his nostrils gave an imperceptible flare.
Ignoring my answer, he shifted a meaningful gaze to his brother. Tristan met his brother’s look with a defiant glare, but there was an unmistakable flush tinging his neck that intrigued me.
What the hell…? I resisted the urge to sniff my pits, mortified by the thought that he was implying I smelled bad.
Dean’s insinuation, whatever it was, had stirred some chuckling within the group. Only Tristan, Lydia, Nicole and I remained unamused.
Once the tray was empty, I hoofed it back to the bar with my tail between my legs before Nicole could leap from her chair and scalp me. I told Melissa I was done serving that lot. Otherwise there was a very good chance I would be hocking a few good loogies into Nicole’s vodka tonics tonight if I continued to serve her. That one was itching for a fight, she’d made that very clear.
I might be a maniac who spoke to herself in weird accents in public bathrooms, but I was no classless bimbo to engage in catfights; moreover, I had way too much self-preservation. Nicole had a few good inches on me and looked like a wiry spitfire that could easily wipe the floor with my bloody nose. I, on the other hand, had more freckles than courage.
“No, it takes courage and dignity to turn down a fight,” Mom would have said. Well, if that were true I had plenty courage.
I looked up from the chore of wiping condensation rings from an empty table. Tristan might not be watching me, but his brother still was. “Don’t you eyeball me, boy!” I wanted to say but didn’t dare. Damn, if only I was as ballsy in real life as I was in my head.
The least I could—and did—do, however, was return his brazen stare, but he, of course, only grinned and maintained the infuriating contact until I lowered my sheepish eyes in defeat. I had never been all that good at giving the ole hairy eyeball anyway.
“Stop flirting and get to work,” Mel said, slapping my backside as she passed with her empty tray.
I forced a smile, hoping Melissa didn’t see the telltale reddening of my eyes. Under the guise of taking dirty glasses to the kitchen, I rushed to escape out the back door where I had every intention of indulging in a good cry. The night air brushed a cool touch against my face as my eyes dimmed with hot tears. My heart ached with the undeniable fact that Tristan was ashamed to be with me. Why else would he have ignored me the moment his brother and friends had arrived? Discarded like yesterday’s nachos after only a week.
“Aww, Ev.” Melissa materialized at my back and wrapped me in a tight squeeze. “What’s the matter?”
“I’m just being stupid,” I said, sniffling. “He only kissed me once, it’s not like we’re—”
“You’re not stupid!” She stepped around to face me. “What did those assholes say to you?”
“Nothing. That’s the problem—Tristan hasn’t said one word to me since his friends got here.” I shook my head, confused. “One minute he can’t take his eyes off me and the next he can’t stand the sight of me.”
“Well, clearly he’s the stupid one.”
I looked down at my tidy outfit. “What’s wrong with me that he’s so ashamed to be with me?”
“Nothing! You’re beautiful, Ev.”
I gave a teary chuckle. “Now I know you’re full of shit. ‘Pretty’ I could maybe pull off once every seventy-five years during a Halley’s Comet.” Maybe. “But ‘beautiful’ is a little hyperbolical, Mel.”
“Listen, I�
��m not here to blow smoke up your ass so believe what you want.” She became thoughtful a minute. “I don’t pretend to understand any of those weirdos, but I saw how he looked at you tonight.” Her shoulder nudged playfully at mine.
“And how was that?”
“Like he was eyeing a juicy prime steak.”
I rolled my eyes. “Well, the steak’s gone cold.”
“Just do me a favor please.”
“I’m not gonna ride the mop again, Mel.”
“That’s a pity,” she chuckled. “Because the woman who rode that mop tonight was sexy and confident. I really hope she doesn’t let some moody idiot ruin her night. Tristan obviously doesn’t have the balls to own up to what’s clearly in his eyes.”
“I’m starting to think the attraction was all just one-sided.”
“Hell no! The sexual tension was like a damn sauna.” She fanned herself again. “I nearly had to leave the bar to go lock myself in the storeroom with that damn mop.”
“You and me both.” My lips twitched.
We emerged from the kitchen a moment later, my gaze pulled helplessly to where Tristan and James were playing pool.
“You have it bad,” Mel said with a sympathetic shake of her head. “He must be some kisser.”
“Yeah, but I clearly wasn’t.” Or his gaze would be wandering towards me just as often.
“Did you slobber your way down his face?”
“No!” I shoved at her playfully.
Our laughter must have grated on Nicole’s ears. She started snapping her fingers impatiently for another drink, no doubt deciding we looked like we needed useful occupation.
“I really don’t like her.”
“Looks like the feeling’s mutual.” Melissa gave my clenched fist a conciliatory pat. “I’ll deal with her.”
“Yeah, take one for the team,” I whispered, mimicking the sound of a spitting feral cat. “Before I defile her drink with phlegm.” I headed off to the bathroom before I gave into the temptation.
By the time I returned to the bar Tristan was gone. His black truck was also conspicuously absent. He’d left without even saying goodbye.
The rest of the night slipped by like a sepia blur. I was impatient to get back to my room because, secretly, I was harboring a small hope that I’d find him waiting for me there. My doorstep, however, was starkly empty under the lonely porch light when I got home. Just my fellow moths were there to welcome me. I checked my phone for the umpteenth time and was bitterly disappointed to see the screen woefully blank of text banners. Finally, I was forced to admit that I’d read far more into that kiss than he had. And that was a bitter pill to swallow.
18
Into The Wild
Every side was the wrong side of the bed to get out of after a bitter pill. Staying in said bed with a good book most of the day seemed like the safer option, so that was exactly what I did. Evening arrived all too soon, though, bringing with it a good dose of guilt. I’d hardly fed myself and I was probably incubating bed sores. I’d done nothing productive except stare at my kindle.
The evening deteriorated further when Mom called an hour later to say that the tropical storm that NOAA had been tracking (unbeknownst to me) had intensified into a hurricane overnight, and Juno Beach was now lying right in the middle of the Cone of Probability. The Cone of Death seemed more appropriate in my current mood.
Men were a lot like hurricanes, I decided. They had the power to blow you off your feet, and leave utter devastation in their wake. Maybe it was better to be ignored now rather than later, while he was only under my skin and not settled in my heart. A scab would heal, but a heart could break and leave deep scars. After all, one kiss was hardly the fountainhead of tragic love. What my mom had endured after her divorce—now that was devastation.
I didn’t want to think of Tristan, so I imagined my family’s last-minute hurricane prepping—hoarding batteries, buying candles, fueling cars, filling tubs, stocking up on gallons of drinking water, and replenishing propane gas. I’d been through all that already: the foreboding anticipation, the deserted streets, and the post-apocalyptic undertones that pervaded every building.
By now the windows would be shuttered and the patio furniture stowed in the lounge. The terrifying solemnity of the approaching storm was probably already lying heavy in the calm, humid air. By tomorrow the hurricane parties would ensue and the suicidal surfers would be riding the warning swells and rip currents. Come hell or (literally) high water, I knew my family would be hunkering down, and I worried for them.
My dark thoughts followed me to the shower like a shadow. The water sluiced at my tired shoulders, kneading as I wiped my eyes. My towel was wrapped like a turban over my hair when I emerged from the steam into my bedroom to see a missed call from Tristan.
I stood glaring down at the screen, my bottom lip gripped between my teeth, hand wavering, contemplating whether or not to return the call. He hadn’t left a voicemail or a text. After a moment, I finally pulled my hand safely to my chest, away from the phone. No. He’d made it very clear how he felt about me last night.
Just then a text flitted suddenly across the screen, but it was from Alison. “Are you free for a chat?”
Relieved to have a distraction, I replied that I would see her in twenty minutes.
Alaska was a vast state and it occurred to me that I should consider moving on from Thorne Bay. Maybe this chat with Ali ought to conclude with a resignation.
* * *
Alison watched me expectantly as she rolled her pen between her fingers. “Don’t say yes unless you absolutely want to do this.”
“That’s some favor, Ali,” I said, grinning. “Next you’ll be asking for my kidneys.”
“If you can spare your liver too I’d be grateful.” She rifled through her handbag a moment before pulling out a ring of keys. “So you’ll do it?”
“Does a bear shit in the woods?”
“Great!” She held one large bronze key out to me from which the keyring dangled. “This one is for the front door. You can take the Yukon for the week, I won’t be needing it.”
“Better and better!” I took the keys from her.
She was thoughtful a minute. “There isn’t much mobile coverage up there, Ev, and your closest neighbor is miles away.”
“I know, Ali.” I gave a cocky “I got this” wave of my hand, but she could see that I was clearly unperturbed by the warning and keen to house-sit their cabin for a week. For a while now, I’d considered booking a few days in one the Forest Service cabins, like Salmon Lake Cabin. There were a fair few of them scattered around Alaska, surrounded by nothing but hundreds of acres of peaceful rainforest and calming solitude. And here was Alison, offering me a chance to stay in their private cabin (which was likely a little less utilitarian than Salmon Lake Cabin). Practically a paid vacation!
“The cabin’s dated, but livable. Get some provisions before you head up there. You can expense it to us, just keep your receipts.”
“Other than tidying it up a bit, anything else you need me to do?”
“Dean or Tristan will be doing a last walk around before the closing next month, so just whatever light bulbs need changing please, stuff like that. Basically, make sure it’s not infested with squirrels.” She winked. “Dean will likely just tear it down, but that’s neither here nor there”—one shoulder lifted dispassionately—“there’s no reason the ole place shouldn’t look presentable.”
“Not that I’m complaining or anything, but how come you didn’t offer this to Melissa instead?” Melissa had, after all, been here longer.
“I did, but she suggested you needed a change of scenery.” She paused knowingly. “Anyway, I really appreciate you doing this.”
“Are you kidding me? I should be thanking you.” It was exactly what I wanted. I had tons of reading to catch up on, so there was no chance I would get bored. More importantly, I would be avoiding hurricane Tristan and doing some much-needed soul-searching. Hopefully, he’d notic
e me missing from the bar and drink himself into a—
“Text me every day,” Alison instructed, disrupting my inclement reveries. “You have your bear spray and a sensible head on your shoulders, so I trust you not to go hiking in the woods by yourself.”
“I won’t be trudging off to grandma’s house, don’t worry.”
“Speaking of big bad wolves, there are plenty of them up there. Sarah’s convinced she’s seen some fairly large ones. I asked Dean and Sarah to check in on you.”
“Wolves. Got it.” Pfft, it was the grizzlies I worried about.
She checked her watch and then urged me to get going at a decent hour. Preferably first thing in the morning. “You don’t want to be driving in the dark.” Even the large Alaskan critters that roamed along the pavement markings, she warned me, would be harder to see after sunset, especially on the blind curves. Not until it was too late.
I nodded obediently and turned my wrist to check the time. Yikes!
After a few more last minute caveats from Ali, I jogged back to my room with every intention of hitting the road within the hour. I couldn’t stay one more night in that room, I had cabin fever. Besides, the sun set late in the summer. I could make it. The keys jangled agreeably in my hand, galvanizing my spirits with their metallic chatter.
I burst into my room and began shoving all the essentials into my backpack: undies, toothbrush, journal, condoms… Wait, what? Condoms?! “Very funny, Melissa!” I yelled out to the universe.
My room was empty except for me, of course, but I reckoned if I was sarcastic and determined enough, I’d be able to project my displeasure into the ether for her to feel my censure. Or better yet… I pulled out my phone to text Melissa. “Just how many condoms have you hidden in my room, you deviant?”
It wasn’t long before her answering text whooshed onto my screen. “One for every dirty thought you’ve ever had over Tristan. THAT MANY!”
Do dirty looks offset the count? I threw my phone into the bag and shoved my woolen feet into rubber boots before finally leaving Bear Lodge. An hour later I was provisioned and fueled. Once the address was punched into the Yukon’s navigation system I was on my way. Unfortunately, though, I hadn’t factored in delays along the road, namely a flat tire.
Thorne Bay Page 14