by G. E. Farrow
CHAPTER V
AN 'AT HOME' AND THE ACADEMY
We were quite ready for luncheon, as you may imagine, after ourmorning's adventures, and directly afterwards his Majesty set to workon the new dog's muzzle which he had promised to invent. In about halfan hour he had constructed one with which he was intensely delighted,and he persuaded A. Fish, Esq., to try it on that we might see theeffect.
It certainly was very simple, but as there was nothing whatever to goover the mouth, I felt sure that it could not possibly be very useful.I did not like to tell his Majesty so though, for he seemed sothoroughly proud of his achievement.
It was now time to go to the 'At Home,' so, wishing to do honour tothe occasion, our 'State Coach,' as we called it, was sent for, andwe drove off in fine style.
There were a great many people invited to meet us, and I could seethat there was quite a little flutter of excitement when the Wallypugentered.
IT CERTAINLY WAS VERY SIMPLE]
His Majesty, however, in his simple, good-natured way soon puteverybody at their ease, and laughed and chattered with the utmostaffability.
Girlie and Boy had both been allowed to come into the drawing-room,and Girlie quite claimed the Wallypug as her own particular guest,while Boy renewed his acquaintance with the Rhymester, whom he had metbefore at Zum, and despite their mother's protests they carried thesetwo members of our party off in triumph to show them their play-roomand toys and to talk over old times.
While they were away the Doctor-in-Law made himself very agreeable tothe ladies, and I watched him bowing and smiling and chatting, firstwith one group, then with another, with great amusement. I found outafterwards that he had promised several of them portraits of hisMajesty and suite for 2s. 6d. each as soon as they should be taken,and in every case had asked for the money in advance; but the greatevent of the afternoon was when A. Fish, Esq., wrapped up in Mrs.Putchy's pink woollen shawl, borrowed for the occasion, and surroundedby a group of young ladies, consented after much pressing to deliverpart of his lecture on the "Perhapness of the Improbable."
"You bust sed for the Rhymebster though to help be to read id, for bycold is still so bad thad I can'd do id by byself," he explained.
A. FISH, ESQ., OBLIGES]
So the Rhymester was sent for, and his Majesty also came down to hearthe wonderful lecture. It had been turned into verse by the Rhymester,who, after an affected attempt to clear his throat, read as follows:
THE PERHAPNESS OF THE IMPROBABLE.
If _this_ were that, and _these_ were those, And _hither_ nearer thither, Why, _which_ might be whate'er it chose, And _there_ be any whither.
Somehow 'twould be the simpler way To _dearer_ be than cheaper, And that's why _when_ (each other day) Would _higher_ be than _deeper_.
So _worst_ would be the _best_ of all, And _far more less_ than either; While _short_ would certainly be _tall_, And therefore thus be neither.
ABSENT-MINDEDLY SPILT HIS TEA]
"Beautiful! charming!" echoed all the young ladies at once when hehad finished, while one lady sitting near me exclaimed, "How sweetlysimple!" For my own part I thought that it was anything but simple,and caught myself trying to follow the line of argument with the mostbrain-confusing results.
The Wallypug was greatly distressed when he discovered that whilelistening to the reading, and looking at the charming young lady withwhom he had been conversing, he had absent-mindedly spilt the whole ofhis cup of tea over her dress.
"You see, they didn't give me a plate to put my cake on," I heard himexplain apologetically, "and it _was_ so awkward, for my cup wouldkeep slipping about on the saucer."
The young lady smiled very sweetly and assured his Majesty that itdidn't matter in the least, and shortly afterwards we left, havingstayed, as it was, far beyond the regulation time.
When we arrived home we found a letter addressed to the Rhymester inthe letter-box, which in a state of great excitement he tore open withtrembling fingers.
Upon reading the contents he burst into tears.
"Poor man, poor man!" he sobbed. "I am so sorry to have caused him somuch trouble."
"It is a letter from an Editor," he explained through his tears, "andhe is in great distress through not being able to publish my poem. Hesays he greatly regrets his inability to make use of it! Poor man, heevidently feels it very keenly. I must write and tell him not to betoo unhappy about it."
I had some letters to write too, one to a photographer in RegentStreet, asking for an appointment the next morning, for I wasdetermined that the Doctor-in-Law should send the promised photographsto the young ladies without delay.
The first thing in the morning came a telegram to say that we couldbe photographed at eleven o'clock, so, after my guests had madethemselves as spruce as possible, we started off and reached there ingood time.
It was suggested that the Wallypug should be taken by himself, butwhen he saw the camera pointed directly at him while the operatordisappeared beneath the black cloth, he came to the conclusion that itwas too dangerous a machine to be faced with impunity, so he suddenlyturned his back upon it, and nervously fled from the room.
It was only by promising that the others should be taken with him thatwe could get him to sit at all, and even then there was a strainedand nervous expression upon his face, which suggested that he was inmomentary fear that the thing would "go off."
The Rhymester insisted upon being taken with one of his poems in hishand, the Doctor-in-Law wore his usual complacent smile, andaltogether the group was quite a success.
As soon as the "operation," as the Wallypug would insist upon callingit, was over, we went downstairs, his Majesty leading the way, whilethe Doctor-in-Law stayed behind for a moment to make some arrangementswith the photographer about commission. We had intended going home by'bus, but when we got to the door his Majesty was nowhere to be seen.What could have become of him? We looked up and down the street, butcould see no signs of him anywhere; and at last, after hunting aboutfor a considerable time, he was discovered calmly sitting inside afurniture removal van, waiting for it to start, under the impressionthat it was an omnibus.
"I'm sure this is the right one," he explained, "for it has'Kensington' printed in large letters on it. Come along, there'splenty of room inside; the conductor and the driver will be herepresently, I suppose."
I laughingly explained to his Majesty the mistake which he had made,and we walked on as far as Piccadilly Circus, where we found a 'bus totake us to the Academy, which we intended visiting on our way home. Wehad not gone far though, when I suddenly remembered that the 22nd Junewas very close at hand, and that I had better make arrangements forseats to view the Jubilee Procession or I should be too late. So itwas arranged that the Doctor-in-Law should take charge of the partywhile I went on to the agents to see about the seats. They would haveno difficulty in getting home by themselves for the 'buses ran fromjust outside the Academy doors straight to Kensington, so I felt surethat they would be all right.
"How much is the entrance fee to the Academy?" asked theDoctor-in-Law, as I was getting down from the 'bus.
"A shilling each," I replied, and I saw the little man collecting themoney from the others as the 'bus disappeared from view.
WAITING FOR IT TO START]
I was very fortunate at the agents in being able to secure acapital window in Piccadilly, and some Stores in the neighbourhoodundertook to provide a luncheon and to suitably decorate the windowfor us.
These arrangements being satisfactorily concluded, I hurried home, andwas greatly relieved to find my guests there before me.
"How did you enjoy the Academy?" I inquired.
COULD NOT UNDERSTAND THE CATALOGUE]
"Not at all!" said his Majesty decidedly.
"Waste of money, I call it," said the Rhymester, sniffingcontemptuously.
"I was dever so disappointed id edythig id all by life!" declared A.Fish, Esq.
"Besid
es, the catalogue was no good at all," complained his Majesty."We could make neither head nor tail of it."
The Doctor-in-Law was silent, and it was only by very careful inquirythat I found out that, after pocketing their money, he had taken themto an immense hoarding covered with advertisement posters, and hadgammoned them into believing that _that_ was the Academy, while it wasno wonder that the poor Wallypug could not understand the 'catalogue,'for it was nothing more nor less than an old illustrated stores pricelist.
It was really too bad of the Doctor-in-Law.