The Perfect Sin

by The Blakk Dahlia

  “Thanks for checking on me,” I continued in a softer tone.

  “Anytime. I wanted to take you to lunch so we could talk. Do you mind if I bring over some food?” he suggested, shuffling the phone.

  I froze. Darren, the married man with a child wanted to come over to MY apartment to eat. Dammit. He made it too hard to resist him at every turn. But I knew I needed to talk to him face to face to end whatever it was that was starting between us.

  “Hello?” he inquired during my silence.

  “Do you think that’s a good idea?” I finally spoke.

  “Jenn, why do you ask that?” he sighed. “Look, I only suggested it because you live close to work. Didn’t think you’d want to risk running into your boss when you’re supposed to be out sick.”

  “Okay,” I reluctantly replied. “I guessed that makes sense.”

  “Do you want your usual Monday burger or something else?”

  “Monday burger is fine,” I smiled softly.

  “I’m leaving the office now. See you in a few.”

  After hanging up, I jumped into the shower. It took three minutes to wash away the weekend and prepare for the talk. Cleaning up the living room consisted of throwing clothes into the closet, both clean and dirty. I brushed my hair into a slick ponytail, then threw on a long-fitted shirt and stretch pants with a pair of fuzzy socks. Twenty minutes later, I heard a knock at the door.

  “Damn, he even knocks sexy,” I cooed, bouncing towards the door.

  Darren almost took me off task by staring at his tall, caramel stance in the hallway. He wore a casual blazer, plaid shirt, and JEANS. That was the first time I saw him in denim. As usual, his cologne came through the door before he did. I let him in and pointed to the counter where he could place the food.

  “I got your usual,” he took the burgers out of the bag. “And I left the place without getting us anything to drink.”

  I stared at his expression, silently cursing himself for forgetting beverages.

  “I have a few sodas and some juice in the fridge,” I smiled, attempting to relieve the pressure he put on himself.

  As I went to retrieve drinks from the fridge, I felt his eyes on me. I fumbled through food cartons and half-empty Tupperware to prevent turning around to meet those teddy bear circles.

  “I’ll take a sprite,” he crept behind me, peering into the fridge.

  At the sound of Darren’s voice, a juice bottle left my hand and tumbled to the floor. He picked up the bottle and placed it on the counter as if it wasn’t a big deal that he made me so nervous.

  “Shall we eat on the couch?” Darren asked, heading in that direction.

  The only other choice was the bedroom since I didn’t have a dining room. We definitely weren’t going anywhere near my bed. I grabbed him a sprite, picked up the juice bottle from the counter for myself. His scent guided me as I followed him to the sofa.

  After getting comfortable, Darren began preparing his food. The quick idea to make a pallet on the floor across from him was shot down by his scent begging me to sit next to him.

  “You can watch whatever you want,” I handed him the remote.

  “Thanks,” his soft but rough hands brushed slowly on top of mine as he took the remote away from me.

  The touch froze my legs in place, watching him squirt ketchup on the burger. He focused on getting the right amount on the meat until noticing me standing over him.

  “Are you gonna join me?” Darren teased with a dimpled smile.

  I nodded hastily, brushing my hand down my ponytail. Once I sat down, he placed food in my lap and smiled again.

  He turned the channel to an afternoon court show, sat the remote down on the coffee table, then turned to me. We sat in a brief silence as we both took the first bite of Monday burgers. My stomach turned flips, so I knew I wouldn’t be able to eat much with him around.

  Darren took a few more bites and moaned sexily while he chewed. Barely looking at the TV, he watched me nibble on my food.

  “So, how was Boston?” he asked after washing down his food with Sprite.

  “A lot of fun. My friends are still the same,” I laughed, “Crazy, love to party, and full of opinions.”

  I brush a few strands of hair out of my face, thinking that I shouldn’t have muttered the last part.

  He sat up and moved the half-eaten burger next to the remote on the coffee table. “Opinions about what?”

  I watched as he studied me for a few seconds before answering. “Um. Just what I’m dealing with here. How I’m adjusting to the new job and stuff.”

  “And how are you adjusting...to the new job?” he asked, moving his arm to rest on the back of the sofa.

  “Good. I don’t socialize much, but we work well together,” I replied in an ‘interview’ voice.

  “Even with Miss Alice?” he chuckled.

  His chuckle made me smile hard as I kept my eyes down at the burger I separated into small pieces.

  “Miss Alice is sweet. But, like I said, she’s nosy as hell.”

  “What would she think about me looking for you today?” he inquired, shifting his body next to me.

  My eyes went up to the ceiling. “I don’t know. She probably thought it was work-related or innocent. But I’m not very trusting of people.”

  “Even me?!” Darren asked, surprisingly.

  I took a deep sigh, moving my eyes to his. I never questioned whether or not I trusted Darren. “I hope you’re genuine. But, some of your actions are a bit questionable.”

  He looked behind us, at the painting he bought hanging on the wall. “Is it about that?”

  “Part of it. I mean it IS an expensive gift. I don’t know how I would feel if my husband bought a random woman a painting like that just to say congrats on registering for school.”

  Darren sat back on the sofa and folded his arms. I sensed that he was contemplating his next words. As if he didn’t have a reason for buying me that painting and needed to think of a plausible excuse.

  “I didn’t even think about that,” his eyelids lowered into a squint.

  “Does she know?” I asked hesitantly.

  He shook his head, biting his bottom lip exposing more dimples.

  “What did you mean when you said in your text...” Darren paused to look towards me with deep brown eyes glaring into mine, “...that you had me figured out. What do you think I’m trying to do here?”

  That was my time. I had to be fully honest with him. No more “shy girl” behavior, overlooking the obvious. I mustered up my courage and replied sternly.

  “I can only assume. But, based on your phone conversations and the little information that you’ve shared, your wife gets your damn nerves,” I smirked.

  Darren flared into his geeky laughter. I didn’t know whether it was because of my stoic tone, which made it comedic for him, or if I were telling the truth. Maybe both.

  “That’s marriage,” he shrugged, relaxing his body, “And I get on her nerves too.”

  “So much that she’s buying expensive gifts for a new coworker?” I raised my voice for him to know that I wasn’t in the joking mood.

  He sat up taken aback by my question. “I would hope not.”

  The typical male response. Of course, he wouldn’t like it if his wife did those things for a young, attractive man at her job. I suppose things were easier for him when he controlled the situation by just telling me to enjoy what he was doing. But I needed definitive answers and continued to grill him.

  “Then why is it okay for you to do it?”

  “Maybe it’s not,” he shot back. “Do you want me to take it home?”

  “Oh no, you’re not getting off that easy,” I replied waving my finger at him.

  He paused, then hunched over, resting his elbows on his knees with fingers interlocked. Darren’s body language showed that he was preparing for war and I was ready.

  “What!?!?” he replied with a blank but serious face.

  “Darren...” I grew aggrav
ated.

  He saw my expression and tilted his head to the side. “Yes?”

  The one-word replies HAD to go! Darren Calvin McCray needed to explain to me what was going on. He was a married man, attempting to court me.

  “You can’t do the things you’re doing for me with no reason. What is it? What is this ‘like’ you have for me?” I scolded, waving my hands.

  His face loosened after the question. I didn’t know what it meant, but I refused to sit and listen to bullshit.

  “I’ll tell you a story...” he sighed, unlocking his fingers.

  I sat back and rolled my eyes, waiting for the fable.

  “Michael comes to my office, chatting about a bet we made. Then he rushes off because he has an interview. Now Michael hates everyone Kelly chooses so I thought it wouldn’t last long and I had more gloating to do....” Darren paused and laughed to himself. Once he saw that I wasn’t amused, he continued.

  “I thought it was over, but he was still in there, with Kelly, talking to a candidate. I passed by to let him know he lost the bet and owes me money. We have this hand signal,” he laughed again while I prayed that he would get to the point, fast.

  “Afterwards, I waited outside near the copy room for Michael. Guess who walks out first?” He nodded in my direction, trying to get me to guess.

  I, on the other hand, didn’t know what the hell rambled on about. Another quick minute of me being unamused signaled him to cut the guessing game short.

  “A beautiful, young, vibrant lady who looked as if she had the entire world on her shoulders. She turned her head towards my direction to smile and wave at Kelly. And I saw this light that I’ve never seen before in someone’s eyes,” he concluded.

  Darren’s voice was slick and smooth. I felt passion through the words like he was reliving the story as he spoke. It took me a few seconds to catch on, then the scenario started to sound familiar and it clicked! He was the “D” character interrupting my interview. My work crush, noticed me well before I even knew he existed.

  As flattered as I was, I couldn’t allow the revelation to deter me from getting EVERYTHING I needed to stop the confusion within my feelings.

  “Okay, what does that have to do with anything?” I shrugged, bawling up my uneaten food.

  He shook his head, which was full of wrinkles of confusion. “I don’t know what it is Jenn, but ever since that day, I’ve felt something when you were around. Something that I don’t feel with my wife. An energy that I’ve never felt before. It’s scary.”

  I could relate to what he said. I’d never felt an attraction towards a man like I had with Darren. But I wasn’t going to tell him that. Mainly because he took a long ass time to tell that story instead of just saying: ‘Hey, I saw you on your interview and I liked your vibe.’

  “That’s the reason why you invited me to lunch?” I inquired.

  “Part of it. I thought I could keep it innocent. You know?” the war posture softened and Darren leaned back on the sofa. “Lunch here and there, work friends. But at night when I close my eyes, I’m imagining more with you. And that’s the part I can’t wrap my head around.”

  “You’re married. Darren, you’re married and you...”

  “I know and it makes this hard,” he interrupted, reading my mind.

  I realized that just as I wanted answers, so did he. And I didn’t have them. I couldn’t help a married man assess feelings. Hell, I needed some assessing myself.

  “So what, I’m just supposed to be okay with this attraction while you go home to your wife at night?” I asked with a disturbed look on my face.

  “I wouldn’t expect you to be. I subtly brought up my wife when I drove you home that first day to remind myself that I couldn’t go there with you,” Darren put his hands in his head, shaking it back and forth, “I’m not myself anymore. I don’t know what this is.”

  I placed my hand on his to stop the shaking. “Or maybe you’re finally being the person who you’ve always wanted to be. Free.”

  That was all the advice I could give. The phrase rolled off the tongue without even thinking it over. I walked away to the kitchen. His explanation didn’t make sense but it made sense. We were attracted to each other. However, the only drawback was he could have been acting out because marriage was getting the best of him. Me, I was looking for something long term.

  Darren followed me into the kitchen. “I do love my wife.”

  “You don’t have to convince me,” I said bluntly, wiping down the counters.

  “Why the smug attitude? I’m being honest with you,” Darren whined, coming closer to me.

  I pointed to the time on the stove. “Aren’t you going to be late?”

  “No. I’m done for the day,” he replied, taking off his blazer and neatly throwing it over his arm.

  “Oh well, you are the boss of Accounting,” I snickered, “You can pretty much call it a day when you want.”

  “I wish. But I needed a break. This weekend, while you were enjoying your mini-vacation, I was stuck at home doing work.”

  He moved in closer, invading my personal space. Every swish of his cologne flowing to my nose lowered the guard I tried to build. I turned around, finding him close enough to kiss me.

  “Did you get everything done?” I asked trying to find somewhere else to look.

  I swallowed hard, dropping my hands. The small disinfectant cloth used to wipe down the counters slipped to the floor. I don’t think he noticed, or maybe he didn’t want to break the mood to pick it up for me.

  “Yea mostly.” His index finger brushed against my face, pushing away strands of hair near my eye.

  “I’ll finish the rest later tonight. But I won’t bore you with that,” Darren’s eyes met mine and I felt like getting lost in them, “I’m glad you had a good time. Do you um, have plans for the rest of the day?”

  “Nope just hanging around here.”

  Something needed to happen at that moment. A distraction, a disturbance, hell a knock on the door. My saving grace came with Darren’s phone ringing. The disappointment suddenly painted on his face prompted me to encourage him to go answer it.

  “Get it,” I sighed. “It might be work.”

  He remained close to me for a few seconds, then rushed to get his phone. I resumed cleaning the counter, breathing out the rush of feelings bottled in while he stood close to me. If those feelings were released, we would have been kissing to the tune of his phone ringing.

  I couldn’t make out what he said over the phone, the television drowned out the soft-spoken conversation from the living room. The curious part of me wanted to know if Cheryl was on the line, but it was better that I never knew.

  “Did you want something else to drink?” I asked, stepping out of the kitchen as he hung up the call.

  “No, I’m fine,” Darren replied, staring at the phone screen.

  I tried hard to read his expression, but all I saw was the top of his head.

  “Is everything okay?” I inched into the living room to gather up the empty ketchup packets and leftover food, “Did you want to save this?”

  “I’m good, just looking at this video Michael sent,” he looked up with a smile, “No, I’m done with that.”

  Darren stayed until it was time to pick up his daughter later that afternoon. There were no more discussions about our “situation”. We fell back into our old routine of random conversations and small flirting. Even had a few more moments of silence between us where our eyes and in sync breaths did the talking.

  That night, I laid on the sofa with my mind replaying our serious talk. I’d be lying if the explanation of his attraction towards me didn’t keep me smiling. I was officially smitten with Darren Calvin McCray. He wasn’t mine, but there was a sign of potential for us to be...close...friends. It was selfish of me to keep going with Darren and his wife was home, thinking they had a good marriage. On the other hand, why cut that off for a woman I didn’t even know? I appreciated him and I felt that he had an apprecia
tion for me as well. There was no harm in that.

  I pulled out my phone and sent him a text to solidify being on board with our special friendship.

  Jenn: I know we didn’t finish the conversation. But at this point, there’s no more to be said. I know how you feel and I have to be honest, I feel the same way. There’s no harm in being good friends, right?

  I didn’t expect a response right away because I knew where he was. At home, with his wife and child. Where he needed to be. I tossed my phone on the coffee table to take a shower. As soon as I grabbed a towel off the rack, my phone buzzed. Rushing back to the phone, I was quickly disappointed that it was just an email from a solicitor. I carelessly tossed it back on the sofa, then it buzzed again. And two more times as I returned to the bathroom. I wasn’t going to make the same mistake twice, so I ignored it.

  After the shower, I headed to my room to clean up the mess of clothes jammed in the closet. Sorting clothes distracted me from checking messages. I arranged them in clean and dirty piles, then headed to the kitchen for a bottle of juice before bed. I went an entire hour without thinking of Darren until my phone rang.

  “Is it my special friend?” I asked, strutting on beat with the ringtone.

  It was my sister.

  “Hey, Marie.”

  “You couldn’t tell your sister you made it back from Boston safely?” she fussed. “I was worried sick!”

  “You weren’t too worried. It’s 9 o’clock the next night and you’re JUST now calling me?” I teased.

  “I was busy. I’m a mother you know,” she laughed. “So how was your trip?”

  “It was fun. I didn’t do much sightseeing this time just hung ou....”

  “Hold on. Hold on. I’ll call you back. Your nephew doesn’t want to stay in bed,” she fussed again before hanging up.

  I laughed and shook my head at the phone. After the call ended I saw where I had three missed messages. All from Darren.

  Message 1: I don’t’ see a problem with it at all.

  Message 2: I’m indeed attracted to you. But I know we can’t do anything about that. I’d love to be good friends with you.

  Message 3: I enjoy being in your company.

  I didn’t respond. I read the messages over and over on my way to bed. I made sure I set three alarms that night to ensure that I made it to work on time the next day.