by Alicia Scott
“It’s very impressive,” she told him, keeping her voice easy as she motioned to the room. “Could you give us a small tour?”
Richard nodded, looking from her determined face to Andrew’s intense eyes. He could feel a small tremor again, the distinctly unfamiliar feeling of nervousness. Damn it, whatever had possessed him to agree to this? He didn’t have time for these types of things. And he didn’t like standing here with this woman in his lab. It was too intrusive, he thought sharply. He wanted some area untouched by her damn smile. One place where he could be and not remember her lips beneath his own, or that look of anguish cutting through her eyes.... His jaw tightened, and he forced his attention back to Andrew instead.
The child was looking at him with that intense look that tore at him. Even he could tell the child wanted to adore him. He didn’t want that, but he seemed powerless to stop it. Damn. What had he gotten himself into?
But both remained looking at him. There was no backing out now. Keeping his face expressionless, he motioned to the desk.
“This is where I work,” he began tonelessly. “As I’ve mentioned before, I’m trying to find a new dielectric for a supercapacitor. Originally, I began by manipulating some of the more common substances used as dielectrics—”
“Mica, aluminum oxide and tantalum,” Andy rattled off, interrupting him.
Liz could only stare at the child, while Richard nodded his head approvingly. He looked at the boy with surprise. “Very good. Those are some of the more prominent examples.”
Andy ducked his head in a sudden rush of shyness, and in spite of himself, Richard almost smiled at the boy. Once, he’d probably looked just like that, he realized. Once, he’d wanted so badly to learn, while being embarrassed by how much he already knew. He was tempted to lay a hand on Andrew’s shoulder, and only held back at the last minute. Distance, Richard. Distance.
“As I was saying,” Richard began again, trying to recapture his toneless voice. “I began by examining the mica, aluminum oxide and tantalum that Andrew just mentioned. But after some brief experimentation, I realized the only way I would ever get the storage capacity I needed was to find a new substance altogether. With the computer here, I’m trying to model some different possibilities. I still have a ways to go, I’m afraid.”
Andy nodded, his serious eyes blinking rapidly behind his glasses as he followed his father around the room. Liz watched the child, keeping slightly behind. It was obvious to her that he was enthralled by the lab and the work Richard was describing. Even she found herself intrigued. She’d never known anyone who was looking for an entirely different substance to serve as a battery. What if he succeeded? What would it be like to drive around in a solar car?
“What does the equipment over there do?” she asked, wanting to keep the conversation moving.
Richard nodded, his eyes still not quite able to meet her own. He concentrated on Andrew instead and the boy’s quick blinking blue eyes. He really did look so much like Alycia. And yet, when he blinked like that... Richard had to shake the notion away. It was pointless to look for himself in the boy. He knew better.
He led them over to the second workstation he had set up. “This is where I test the substances,” he explained, pointing to a small black box with several knobs and a small, lined display screen. “This first, smaller box is an LCR meter.”
“It measures inductance, capacitance and resistance,” Andy supplied.
“Is this what you’ve been reading late at night?” Liz asked. “You know, after bedtime, when you bring the flashlight out?”
Andy remained mutely silent. Liz couldn’t help herself. She smiled down at his rebellious face, and then, giving in to the impulse, she ruffled his hair affectionately.
“You’re a wild kid, you know that?” she teased.
Andy seemed unsure how to react to this teasing.
“It’s very interesting,” he defended himself sullenly.
“I’m sure it is, Andy,” she said, not wanting to make him feel self-conscious. “And you’ve obviously learned it very well. Hasn’t he, Richard?”
Richard nodded, having watched the interplay with silence. Once again he found himself amazed by how naturally she interacted with the boy. She seemed to know how to tease him, yet also when to take him seriously. And that motion, that roughing of the hair. It was done so easily, and bespoke so much affection.
He couldn’t stop the thought from appearing. He’d never seen Alycia do that with the child. After those first few months, he couldn’t recall her paying much attention to Andrew at all.
He shook the thought from his head. A nanny was supposed to take care of a child. Liz was doing her job, that was all. He should be grateful she’d been able to keep Andrew under control so far. It allowed him to concentrate more on his work.
He returned his attention to the matters at hand. “The LCR meter is good,” he explained to Andrew and Liz, “but I needed something that could measure capacitance to a finer degree. So, last year I added the impedance analyzer you see here. While the LCR measures out to four digits, the impedance analyzer measures to eight digits. It’s more accurate, but the machine is also a great deal more sensitive and requires careful calibration.”
Andrew nodded, still looking serious. Liz, however, was feeling rather lost.
“What exactly do these machines do?” she asked, trying to put all the pieces together in her mind.
“Basically, they allow me to test different substances for their various properties of inductance, capacitance and resistance,” he answered. She still looked lost, so he forced himself to backtrack. It had been a long time since he’d talked about his work to anyone other than scientists. He told himself he preferred it that way, but suddenly, he wanted her to understand. More important, he wanted to be capable of making her understand. If only because she was trying to and no one else ever had.
“You see,” he said, and for the first time some of the dispassion went out of his voice and was replaced by excitement instead. “I need something that can store a great deal of energy, so, I need something with high capacitance, and yet it has to have low resistance—to easily take the electric charge. This substance has to be small and light. A supercapacitor.”
“Have you found the right dielectric?” Andy asked, his voice hushed as he looked at his father with expectant eyes. The atmosphere of the room had changed until it seemed sparked by something new and exciting. It was like standing at the edge of the world, seeing a whole new terrain opening up ahead.
Slowly, Richard shook his head, but his eyes remained determined. “Not yet,” he told Andrew. Then, unexpectedly, he smiled at the boy, “but I’m close.”
Andrew flushed with the warmth of that smile, and all of a sudden, his blue eyes were sparkling with uncontrollable enthusiasm behind his glasses.
“It’s so exciting!” Andrew breathed with joy. He looked at Richard with shining eyes that seemed to slam right into his gut.
He was supposed to be unfeeling, Richard thought faintly. He was supposed to remain distant. But how could anyone remain unaffected by such a wonder-filled, awestruck gaze? And to make matters worse, Liz was standing there, too, looking at him with her warm, open eyes that said so clearly how happy she was with the way things were going. How happy she was with him.
Suddenly, after all these years, he was a scientist with an audience. He found himself unsure of what to do. He led them over to the next workstation in a small daze.
“Here’s where I take notes on the results and work out some of the calculations,” he said quietly. “The computer can do it, but a lot of the time when I’m hot on an idea, I prefer to scribble it out on paper.” He shrugged. “I think better seeing all the scratchings.”
Andy nodded, and Liz smiled at him once more. “I’m glad I’m not the only one that still likes to do things by hand,” she told him.
He nodded, turning away quickly so he wouldn’t have to see that smile. He felt like a drowning man, he tho
ught grimly, assaulted on all sides by things he didn’t want to see. He moved over to the shelves.
“Here,” he said, picking up what looked to be a lump of coal. “This is mica. It was used primarily in the thirties, forties and fifties as a capacitor. Feel it.”
He handed it to Andy, glad to have their attention focused on something else for a change. Andy took the rock into his serious little hands, turning it around and around as he looked at it with intent eyes.
“It’s a mineral,” he offered shortly. Then, apparently having had his fill of it, he handed it to Liz.
Liz looked at it with equal fascination. As an English major, she’d taken few science classes and definitely didn’t consider it her strong suit. Still, this search for a substance that could hold huge quantities of energy fascinated her. And she was especially captivated by the way the mica felt in her hands. It looked like coal, but had a strange texture. Experimentally, she rubbed it lightly with her finger. A paper thin section flaked off into her hand. Intrigued, she rubbed again and was rewarded by another incredibly thin layer peeling off at her touch.
“I’ve never seen anything like it,” she remarked, looking at Andy and Richard. “It looks so solid, but it’s really all these incredibly thin layers.”
Andy’s forehead crinkled, he was clearly annoyed he hadn’t made this discovery on his own. Looking sullen, he took the mica back from her. Liz let him have it, unconcerned.
“Is that what you’re working with?” she asked Richard, her eyes excited.
“Actually, I’m working with versions of it,” he said, having a hard time taking his eyes from her. “I’ve been coupling it with other minerals, manipulating some of its molecules to come up with a whole new substance.”
She held out the bits that had rubbed off the stone. “Look at how thin those layers are. It’s amazing.”
He, himself, had been playing around with the mineral for so long that he no longer noticed such things. But now he found himself deeply engrossed by the fragile-thin layers lying so carefully in her hands. He took her hand in his own, studying the slices intently.
Instead, however, he found himself noticing all the fine details of her hand. The delicate lines that streaked across her palm, the rounded curve of her thumb, the elegant lines of her fingers. She had small hands, matching the rest of her graceful build, but they were capable hands, he was sure. He could imagine them smoothing a child’s hair, bandaging a small scrape, and yes, even making brownies.
He bet they would feel soft against a man’s cheek, and for a minute, he almost tested out his theory. But then he looked up from his scrutiny, preparing to pull himself away. And found himself captivated by her eyes. The easy warm glow was gone. Now, her midnight eyes had darkened to almost black, and they were watching his with a mixture of rapt fascination and slow yearning. He watched her gaze shift, felt the heat of her eyes upon his lips. He watched her stiffen and felt his jaw tighten as he followed her thoughts. She was remembering last night, the way he’d treated her. The way she’d reacted. She’d promised not to let such things happen again. He could suddenly kick himself for having allowed her to swear such a thing.
The rest of his body, already hard from her mere look, agreed with his statement. This was ridiculous, he thought suddenly. They were attracted to each other and they were both adults. They should just be open about it, get the lust out of the way. Then, he was sure, they could go back to an easy working relationship. He was sure of that.
His eyes settled on Andrew’s blond head as the boy examined the other minerals on the shelf. Now was not the time. But maybe later, tonight. When she came to the library...
He let her hand go, and whether he knew it or not, his eyes were filled with enough promise to bring a fiery heat to her cheeks.
“Is...” The word had come out so faint, she tried again. “Is there anything else you’d like to show us? We’d hate to keep you from your work too long.”
He shook his head, but his gaze had fallen to her lips once more.
“Then thank you for letting us come,” she managed to tell him politely, feeling her hands tremble as she turned her eyes to Andrew. She held out her hand for the boy and he walked back from the shelves to her. Richard saw the interchange, and again marveled at the easy way she had with the boy. In the months Andrew had been in the house, Richard had never seen the child as relaxed and well-behaved as he was now.
“Will you be joining us for dinner?” Liz asked carefully.
“I have too much work to do,” Richard answered automatically, then found himself frowning over the foreign disappointment that stabbed his chest. He pushed the sensation away. He was a scientist, a workaholic. Besides, he’d promised to keep distance between himself and the boy, and if the past twenty-four hours were anything to go by, he wasn’t doing a very good job of it.
Liz nodded, feeling her own mixture of relief and disappointment that she decided she would rather not question. “Well, good luck, then, and hopefully Andy and I will be seeing you later. What do you say, Andy?”
“Thank you,” the child intoned, his eyes looking around the lab one last time. They swooped up to meet his father’s eyes. “If you find the right dielectric, will you tell me?” Andy asked breathlessly. “Can I come see you test it?”
There was a tense moment of silence and while no expression ever crossed Richard’s face, Liz could see the indecision warring in his mind. Unconsciously, she held her own breath, willing him to say yes. For Andrew. Please, do this for Andrew.
Abruptly, Richard moved his head in a small nod.
It seemed to him Andy’s face lit up before his very eyes.
“I can hardly wait,” the child said breathlessly, and the worship returned to his gaze.
Richard simply nodded again, recognizing that even as he shouldn’t be encouraging the boy, he still couldn’t quite seem to stop. He would check into those boarding schools, he thought curtly. The sooner he sent the child away, the better it would be for them all.
With a parting nod, Liz led Andy back down the stairs, the solid wooden door closing firmly behind them.
Alone at last in his lab, Richard went back to the computer to work. But it seemed to him, suddenly, that the lab was very big and very empty.
And everywhere he looked, he could see the expectant eyes of Andrew.
And the midnight blue eyes of Liz.
He sat down at the computer, and drawing upon all his self-control, so hard-earned in the past six years, he willed himself to work.
Chapter 6
He managed to work for several hours, but it was more like shuffling than true work. He calibrated the impedance analyzer, he manipulated the results of the tests. But it seemed no matter what he did, he could feel the restlessness gnawing away at his gut.
From the tower window, he watched the daylight fade outside, saw the night roll in. Another fall storm was brewing, he could hear it in the low howl of the wind as it swept outside the tower. It sounded like an animal to him, raging with a mournful howl. It tugged at his concentration even more, calling to him.
The sun fell completely, until the only light in the lab came from his two desk lamps and the bluish glow of his computer screen. He should flip on the bright overhead light, he thought, but standing at the second workstation, he still didn’t move. Absently, his hands moved over the multitude of dials of the LCR meter. He adjusted, calibrated, fine-tuned. But he never actually hooked up anything to the waiting probes for measurement. Instead, he stood, listening to the wind howl and feeling the countdown in his stomach.
Deep and far off, he heard the boom of the grandfather clock as it counted out the late hour.
Unbidden, her image rose in his mind. He saw her midnight blue eyes, gazing at him with a soft smile, locking on his lips with heat. And he pictured the way Liz gazed down at Andrew’s golden head, how she held the child’s hand, how she soothed the child’s worries. What was she doing now? Probably tucking Andrew into bed. Did she read the c
hild a story? It sounded like something she would do. She would read him something wholesome and good, like Winnie the Pooh, maybe, her soft Carolina voice weaving a beguiling tale. Richard’s imagination couldn’t fill in those blanks; fables and fairy tales had never been a part of his own childhood regimen.
And after she’d tucked Andrew in? Blaine would find her, if Richard knew Blaine at all. It had been bluntly obvious at last night’s dinner what Blaine thought of Liz; the man’s eyes had been all over her. And there had been all those subtle little comments that really weren’t subtle at all....
Blaine would probably find her. Good, old brother Blaine.
The thought filled him with anger, and Richard looked down to find himself clenching the worktable with whitened knuckles. He forced his hands to relax. It wasn’t his concern, remember? He felt an attraction, but that was only natural for a man who’d been holed up in a tower for five years. Sooner or later, he would have her, and that would be the end of it. They would fall back into their routines, and even that wouldn’t be for too long.
After all, Andy would be going to boarding school soon. It was for the best, he reminded himself. He saw how the child had looked at him this afternoon, with too much adoration, too much awe. He never should have allowed Andy to get that close; he’d sworn not to let it happen. But last night, when Andrew had slipped his hand into his own, he had felt a tightness in his chest he hadn’t been able to control.
He wouldn’t care, he thought firmly. He’d been down that path and he wouldn’t travel it again. Especially when he knew the truth about Alycia and her son.
Andrew would go to boarding school, Liz would move on to a new assignment, and he would continue with his work. Neat, simple, logical.
He moved determinedly over to the far wall and snapped on the overhead lights. Suddenly the dim shadows were gone, banished by three hundred and fifty watts of electric light. It seemed even the wind dimmed its mournful cry, silenced by the penetrating white glare. Richard crossed over to the table, picking up some mica on the way. It was time he got serious. He was a scientist. His work was his life. It never betrayed him. It got him through everything.