by Sierra Rose
“What’s going on?” he asked again, now much more agitated.
I walked to the bed and slowly slid his blindfold off. “What’s the matter, Brad? You don’t believe in sexting? These pictures sure will look nice on Facebook. Don’t worry. We’ll be sure to tag you…baby.”
He swallowed hard. “You wouldn’t!”
“Hey, if a picture is worth a thousand words, I wonder how much this video is worth?” Juliet said, aiming her phone at his panicked, lipstick-wrecked face.
“You little bitches!”
“Smile!” Lori said, snapping another pic. “Yeah, this one’s perfect for your profile pic.”
“Uncuff me right now!” he shouted.
“I don’t think that’s gonna happen,” Lori said. “Maybe someone will find your drunken corpse. I mean, I’m not sure your shouts will be heard over all this loud music.” She winked. “Good luck.”
“Juliet, don’t go,” he begged. “You’re way prettier than the chick I originally planned to bang, and I—”
“Aw, hon’, don’t worry. I already posted the pics, so I’m sure one of your slutty little minions will rush up here and untie you.”
Glaring, he looked over at me. “Why are you doing this to me?”
“Well, like you said, I guess I’m a lucky girl,” I answered. “Trouble is, the luck’s not always good. I thought we had a spark, but you just wanted to get laid. Brad, consider this date over…and don’t ever call me or so much as look at me again.”
“What? You’re just gonna blow me off?”
“Honey, we’re not blowing you at all,” Lori interjected. “Matter fact, from the looks of it, you don’t have much to blow.”
“You bitch! Do you know how many girls would kill for a night with me? I coulda been laid by any one of them, but I chose you.”
I stared at him hard. “So touching. Boy, I do feel special.”
“Me too,” Lori said. “He told you to invite little ol’ me.”
He glared at the others, then turned his angry gaze on me. “Damn it, I thought you’d be fuckin’ easy, that you’d give it up right away, especially after a few drinks. Why’d you look at me like that in class if you didn’t wanna screw me?”
“Um…I think you can consider yourself screwed,” Juliet said with a smirk, nodding toward the handcuffs around his wrist.
I rolled my eyes at him. “Brad, I’ve got one question for you. If I let you loose, and I throw a stick, will you go fetch it? Because you’re a dog!”
“Fuck you!” he said.
“No thanks. I can do without the herpes, asshole.”
“What the hell, Alexis? I thought you were into me. We flirted constantly. I was just trying to give you a gift, a chance to get laid by the hottest guy on campus.”
“Here,” Lori said, tossing a condom at him and hitting him right in the nose with it. “If you’re gonna keep acting like a dick, you might as well dress like one and put that over your damn head.”
I shot him a smile. “Hey, thanks for the birthday gift, Brad. It really came in…handy.”
“What? Just unlock these cuffs!”
I chuckled. “We’ve both been taking acting classes. You’ve been waiting for your big break, and now you’ve got it, your acting debut.”
“Yeah, everyone is going to see these pics,” Lori said. “I even posted a short clip on YouTube too. Maybe a Hollywood director will spot you.”
“Maybe you’ll land your first real role in a good old porno,” Juliet said. Then she looked at his cock again and shook her head. “Wait. I take that back. I’ve smoked bigger joints than that.”
“A condom would look like the thumb of a latex glove,” Lori chimed in.
He rolled his eyes. “Whatever. I don’t see any problem with it, and neither have all the girls I’ve been with.”
We burst into laughter.
“Right,” Juliet said, doubling over in laughter. “Y’all can’t see the problem because it’s so damn microscopic! I bet none of those skanks could feel the problem either!”
“Shut up!” he said. “If I banged you, you’d be screaming for more.”
“Exactly! For more!” Juliet barely managed to get out as she burst out into another fit of laughter.
“Quit twisting my words!” he said.
“Speaking of twisting things, tell me, do you use tweezers and Vaseline to play with yourself or what? I mean, how do you hold the magnifying glass and—”
“Shut the fuck up!”
Lori smiled. “Don’t worry, Brad. I got your good side, the side where the sun don’t shine!”
As we turned to leave, he continued to yell, but the music drowned out his curses and his desperate cries for help. We all looked at each other and laughed as we hurried back downstairs.
“Who do you think will find him?” Juliet asked.
Just then, before we could answer, Juliet stumbled into two guys and a girl having a conversation.
“I want Betsy, but I want Jenny too,” the guy said. “Damn, I don’t know what to do.”
Lori laughed, patting the skinny guy on the shoulder. “Betsy? That cheerleader? Pssh. That girl is so out of your league that it’s not even funny.”
“Yeah,” he said.
“You can’t have prime rib on a greasy cheeseburger budget,” she said. “You’d better settle for the value meal tonight.”
“Jenny, it is then,” he said, slurring.
I chuckled as he walked away. “I know Jenny. She’ll punch him in the nuts if he so much as hits on her.”
Lori laughed.
Juliet suddenly pointed and gasped.
I cocked a brow. “What?”
“Gosh, you’re not gonna believe this, but look!”
My gaze drifted to a familiar guy with dirty-blond hair and brown eyes. “Art? From high school? When did he start attending classes at Belmont?”
She stared at him hard. “I wanna hate the guy, but he’s still as hot as ever.”
“Hot or not, he totally screwed me over. Gosh, why is my birthday bringing out all the whack-jobs?”
“You’re right. That idiot stood you up at prom. I’d still be mad too,” Juliet said. She looked around, and a look came over her face like she’d just sucked a lemon. “Yuck. There are too many jerks here. Let’s cruise on outta here, ladies.”
Before we could leave, a friend of mine approached and handed me a shot. “I just heard about Handcuff Boy. Isn’t it great to have Facebook everywhere?” she said. “Let’s leave him to rot, shall we? He totally blew me off last month, once things got hot and heavy. He deserves to pay for his actions.”
“He’ll pay all right,” Lori said, wearing a huge, satisfied smile.
Juliet burst out in laughter. “Payback is a bitch. At least we took care of one of the jerks.”
My friend’s brow lifted. “One of them? Who’s the other one?”
“Well, there are plenty to choose from in here,” I said, but then I pointed in Art’s direction, “but I think she means that one.”
“Hmm. He’s cute,” she said, walking away.
“Good ol’ Art.” Lori laughed. “Think he’ll even recognize you after Sophie gave you that much-needed college makeover?”
I tapped my chin. “I’m not sure.”
“Nah, he won’t. You don’t look like the same old Alexis anymore, even if you do have the same personality.”
“Yeah, I guess I definitely lost the tomboy vibe,” I said, smoothing out my ruffled skirt and stylish blouse.
“You’ve always been gorgeous, Alexis. You just hid it under those ball caps, ponytails, and jogging pants.”
“Losing lots of weight, getting contacts, and getting the braces off helped. I definitely look different. Lots of people don’t even recognize me. I bet he doesn’t either.”
“There’s only one way to know for sure,” Lori said.
“What? You want me to just walk over there and talk to him?” I asked in disbelief.
“Do it,” Ju
As Lori pushed me in his direction, I struggled not to trip, and he picked that very moment to stare right at me.
“Uh…hi,” I said, stumbling up to him.
He smiled. “Hey.”
“Havin’ a good time?”
“Yeah. I’ve been studying hard this week, so this is a great stress reliever.”
“I haven’t seen you here before,” I said. “You’re new.”
“I just enrolled at the beginning of the quarter. I live on campus.”
“That’s cool.”
“What about you? You stuck in the dorms too?” he asked.
“No. Actually, I live in a house my mom usually rents out.”
“Ah. Well, don’t let these frat boys know that,” he joked.
“I know. I saw the holes in the wall. I won’t be hosting any frat parties at my house.” I peered at him, eyeing him up and down. “You look familiar somehow,” I said, giving him a hint to see if I could jog his memory.
He stared at me hard. “No, I don’t think we’ve met before,” he said, clueless.
Son-of-a-bitch. Art doesn’t even recognize me, not even after what he did to me.
“Can I get you a drink?” I asked, hoping to break away so I could tell the girls he had no inkling who I was.
“Sure.”
I smiled and walked back to Lori and Juliet, who were gawking by the doorway.
“So? Does he remember you or not?” Juliet asked.
“Nope.”
“Really? Well, in that case, I’ve got a great plan,” Lori said.
“A plan? Do I even wanna hear it?” I asked.
“Get him drunker, then take him upstairs. He’s obviously salivating for you already, so it shouldn’t be too hard. We’ll handcuff him to Brad and take a few more photos for Facebook. I’m sure everyone would love to see the happy couple.”
“Hmm. Well, I’m sure I can out-drink him. He was always a lightweight.”
She patted me. “Yeah, and you can drink enough vodka to tranquilize a horse and still be coherent.”
I laughed.
She pulled me past the drunk guys, who were stomping their feet and clomping around like a bad audition for So You Think You Can Dance. We walked into the kitchen, and she grabbed a cheap beer out of the fridge.
Just then, my other friends, Sophie and Erin, walked in. “Hey, girls!” Sophie chimed.
“Hi,” I said. “When did you guys get here?”
“When you were doing Handcuff Boy upstairs,” Erin said.
“We didn’t do him. Gosh. Give us some credit.”
She laughed. “Just kidding. Love the name on Facebook.”
I laughed.
“You know who you shoulda slapped the cuffs on though?” Erin asked.
“Who?”
“Those jerks out there, the ones peeing from the balcony and soaking the houseplants. Gosh, I swear, they’re like freaking fourth-graders.”
“Or the idiot who grabbed my ass,” Sophie chimed in, “or the guy pecking his head like a rooster, trying to fight anyone who says their mother can cook better than his.”
Erin laughed. “Or maybe the hulking drunk out there who’s punching holes in the wall and breaking coffee tables in half, though you might need more than one pair of cuffs to hold his steroided ass still.”
Lori started to hand me the beer, then pulled back. “Wait! You need something a little stronger than that.” She popped the lid off and filled the empty space in the neck of the bottle with rum. She then plugged the bottle with her thumb and turned it upside down to shake it. “Bottom’s up,” she said, handing it back to me.
“He’s gonna know I spiked his drink,” I said. “If nothin’ else, he’ll taste or smell the rum.”
“Meh, it’s a frat party. Everybody drinks till they pass out, so who cares? It’s part of the college life, right? He’ll just think you did it as a favor, to flirt with him or something. Guys are stupid like that when they start thinking with the wrong head.”
Sophie was the most compassionate, kindest one of us all. She was very open and could always make heart-to-heart connections with almost anyone; that was why I’d thought we should pawn Mr. Crier off on her earlier. I knew she hated what we did to Brad, and I was sure she’d free him if given the chance. She was sympathetic, had a nice word for everyone, and was very generous. She also happened to have rich parents, and she had free reign over a credit card, so she always spoiled us with shopping sprees and gifts. Sophie was the kind of person who would give someone the shirt off her back, and she was impossible not to love.
Erin had a bit more of an edge to her, as well as a sharp tongue, but she was lovely to be around and was just a great friend. She took classy to a whole new level with her fashion sense. In fact, the two of them were my most fashionable friends, and they always gave me tips on clothing and accessories that made me look great. Erin could be a dreamer at times, though, and the poor girl couldn’t hold down a job to save her life.
“We could just send some herpes information to his dorm, so the others will see it when they get the mail,” Sophie suggested, holding true to her kinder, gentler form of revenge. “Now that would be embarrassing.”
Lori shook her head. “That’s child’s play, Sophie. I know you’re soft, but Art has to pay.” She then looked at me. “Come back in five minutes, and I’ll have a Snakebite waiting for you.”
“What’s in that?” Juliet asked.
Lori grinned even wider. “Eight ounces of lager and eight ounces of dry cider. He drinks that, and he’ll fall over.”
“I don’t like it,” Sophie said.
“Of course you don’t,” Lori retorted. “But just think about all the info we can get from him. We can ask him why he didn’t show up, why he stood our girl up like that. Just remember, a drunk guy never lies.”
“We’re not doing the handcuff thing,” I said. “I’ve got other plans for Art.”
Lori cocked a brow. “What? No cuffs? Why not?”
“I can’t tell you all my secrets, can I? What fun would that be? I don’t wanna spoil the surprise.”
“Some surprises aren’t good,” Sophie mumbled.
“Oh, c’mon!” Lori said, ignoring Sophie’s complaints. “What do you have planned?”
“I haven’t figured all the details out yet, but it’ll make him feel the same way I did when he dumped me. Being embarrassed on Facebook is only temporary, and that’s just not enough. Like they say on The Godfather, ‘revenge is a dish that tastes best when served cold.’”
“Especially since he doesn’t even realize who you are.”
“Yep. Now, let me just go feel the situation out,” I said with a laugh, then turned to walk away.
As I was making my way back to the living room, weaving in and out of drunken little crowds, a redhead bumped into me and nearly puked on my shoes. Another guy stumbled into me, and a skinny girl blew smoke in my face as I walked by.
Art waved me over, and I handed him the drink.
“Thanks, uh…”
“Alexis.”
He held out his hand, still clueless. “Art.”
“Nice to meet you.”
“It’s very nice to meet you too.”
“Just saw my Facebook page. Did you really leave Brad in handcuffs upstairs?”
I laughed. “Yeah. I hate assholes.”
He smiled. “Not fond of them myself.”
“When I knew an asshole was infesting the party, I had to go straight to work. Don’t worry. I’m sure everyone’s seen it by now, and I’m sure some do-gooder will eventually set the jerk free.
“I have a no-asshole rule too.”
“Hmm. Then I guess you won’t have a problem with us making it our mission to rid the world of the asshole plague, even if you’re next on the list.”
“Me?”
I shot him a cold stare. “Don’t even pretend you’re not one.”
“I’m not,” he said, clearly taken aback. “Besides, you don’t even know me, so how can you—”
“Oh, Art, I know you much better than you think,” I said, storming off, “and one thing I know is that you’re quite the asshole yourself.”
“Alexis!” Juliet screamed through the crowded room. “Hey, how’d it go?”
“I called him an asshole and left.”
“And that’s your grand plan? I gotta say, I like Lori’s handcuff idea a whole lot more.”
“Well, he was onto that. He already saw it on Facebook, and he never would have fallen for it. We’ll need a Plan B.”
“Well, what did he say about dumping you on prom?” Sophie asked.
“I didn’t actually mention that.”
“Wait. You mean you’re still incognito?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, you shoulda told him what a jerk he was.”
“Like I said, I reminded him of his assholeness. I guess I should have given him a real piece of my mind, but I just needed to get away from him to avoid a homicide.”
“We have to do better than that,” Juliet said. “Maybe we should send the herpes pamphlets, like Sophie said. Hell, let’s send bed-wetting and erectile dysfunction ones too,” she said with an evil chuckle.
Her laugh and her twisted sense of vengeance was so infectious that I couldn’t help but laugh my head off too.
***
The next day, Juliet came over.
“You just took off. Where’d you go after the party?” I asked.
“With Kyle. We hung out and watched a band. It was cool.”
“I’m glad you guys had a good time, but I really don’t think you should be hanging out with him. You should be out with us, looking for a hot guy.”
“Why? So I can land my own Handcuff Boy?” she retorted.
I shrugged, figuring I deserved the jab. “So that loser didn’t work out. It doesn’t mean all guys are jerks.”
“Well, I hope you find one who can make you happy.”
I sighed. “Yeah. I’m sure my Mr. Right is out there somewhere, and so is yours. You’ll never find him, though, if you don’t stop crushing on your best friend. It’s not healthy.”
“I know, but I’d rather be with him than anyone else. When guys hit on me at that party, drunk or not, all I could think about was Kyle.”
“But he only likes you as a best friend.”
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