Samuel straightened his back and tried to take on an air of nonchalance, but Jake saw through his false bravado.
“I’m not baptized yet. I don’t have to follow the Amish rules.”
“True, but going into the army would be difficult for someone like you.”
“You think I’m weak.”
“I didn’t say that. It’s not a decision to make lightly.”
“If I go to jail, the decision will be made for me, right?” Samuel’s biting tone was at odds with the fear that flitted in the depths of his eyes. He shrugged and said, “I’m going to clean up before dinner.” He spun on his heels and marched toward the house.
Jake stood and watched the young man until Rebecca caught his eye. She was walking across the field toward him, wisps of hair loose around the front of her head, like a halo glowing in the soft light from the setting sun. They had all put in a long day in the fields, riding the tractor with rudimentary equipment, harvesting the corn for feed. Rebecca had insisted on helping despite Jake’s protests that she rest. The Amish were apparently made of hearty stock.
When she reached him, she smiled shyly. “You’re a natural.” She fingered the strings of her bonnet, then dropped her hand.
“Maybe it’s in my blood.” Both his parents were Amish, after all.
“I can’t thank you enough. Will you stay for dinner?”
He scrunched up his face, realizing how hungry he was. He had been too busy to think about it earlier. “I would hate to intrude.”
Rebecca waved her hand in dismissal.
“When did you have time to make dinner?”
“I made a shepherd’s pie from some leftovers in the icebox. I hope that’s okay.”
“Sounds great.”
He followed Rebecca up the worn path to the house. She slowed before they reached the porch. “You were talking to Samuel. How does he seem? He hardly speaks to me.”
Jake wanted to take her hands in his, to reassure her, but he resisted. “He’s sticking to the same story. I hope he changes it before the court date.”
Rebecca lowered her eyes and nodded. “I can’t thank you enough for intervening on his behalf. If not for you, I fear he would have been overwhelmed by the English legal system.” She let out a mirthless laugh. “For an Amish woman, I’ve had my fair share of legal troubles.”
This time Jake did reach out and touch her wrist briefly. “I’ll help you however I can.”
“Denki.” The Pennsylvania Dutch word for thank you rolled off her pink lips.
“You’re very welcome.”
When they entered the kitchen, Grace and Katie had finished setting the table. Grace smiled up at him. “Oh, we’ll set another plate.” She stretched up and grabbed a white plate from the cabinet.
Rebecca held out her hand. “You can wash up. The bathroom is at the back of the house.”
After Jake washed his hands, he joined them at the long pine table. He had been invited to join an Amish family a time or two as part of his studies, but he had always felt as if the family was putting on a show for his benefit. Only when he joined Rebecca and her family did he feel comfortable.
He looked over at Rebecca and she caught him watching her. Well, almost comfortable.
Samuel sat across the table from him. An aura of teenage angst rolled off him. Jake supposed he had gotten all he was going to get from the young man today.
Samuel put his hands in his lap and they all followed suit. They bowed their heads in silent prayer. Samuel was the first to raise his head and pick up his fork, signaling it was time to eat.
“How was school today, girls?” Rebecca asked.
Grace smiled. “We got to play outside at recess. The teacher thinks we might not have many nice days left before it snows.”
Her mother laughed. “Did you learn anything?”
“Our teacher Miss Marian is getting married.”
Rebecca caught the professor smiling.
“I suppose some things are universal. Kids love recess and their teachers,” Jake said.
Rebecca took a scoop of potatoes with her fork and stopped midway to her mouth. “Girls, did you know Professor Burke is a teacher?”
They both looked at him without saying anything.
“He doesn’t teach little kids. He teaches big people in college.”
“Amy’s older brother left home and went to college. He’s now under the Bann,” Katie said, her tone ominous, as if at her tender age she already understood the full repercussions of being shunned.
Jake fidgeted with the knife, pushing it under the edge of his plate. Shunning was losing popularity in a number of Amish communities, but some Amish parents still felt it was the only way to encourage baptized members to return to the fold. Some parents used it to encourage their child to be baptized.
Tough love.
Katie swallowed a mouthful of food and asked, “Is being a professor bad?”
Rebecca laughed nervously. “No, it’s just something Amish people wouldn’t do. We only are allowed an eighth grade education.”
“Why?” Grace asked.
“Because that’s all we really need. You’ll learn everything necessary to be a good wife and mem at the Amish schoolhouse.”
“They want to make sure they can keep us close,” Samuel bit out. “They want us to have no choice but to stay.” He tossed down his fork and pushed back his chair. The legs scraped against the wooden floor, making a sharp squeal.
Rebecca slowly closed her eyes, as if gathering strength. Samuel stomped up the stairs. The young girls stared after their brother with shocked expressions.
“Girls,” Rebecca said, “your brother has been rude and I will deal with him later.” She paused, perhaps to quell the shakiness in her voice. “Anyway, the Amish school will teach you everything you need to know.” Rebecca watched her daughters with a look of hope and sadness in her eyes. Jake knew how important it was that her daughters stayed in the Amish community, especially with her eldest pushing all the boundaries.
“What if I decide I want to be really smart like the professor? Will you stop talking to me?” Katie said with a hint of what the future teenage Katie might be like.
Rebecca’s jaw tightened and she blinked slowly. “My wish for you is that you grow up to love being in Apple Creek as much as I do.”
“When Miss Hannah married Sheriff Maxwell, she moved to a house in Apple Creek, but she’s not Amish anymore. If you marry Professor Burke, can we get a house near them? We could play with Emma and Sarah every day after school.”
Rebecca picked up her fork and stabbed at her mashed potatoes. “Girls, eat before your food gets cold.”
*
Rebecca washed the last plate and handed it to the professor to dry. He placed it in the cabinet and hung the damp dishtowel on the hook.
Rebecca turned around and leaned back, curving her hands around the edge of the counter. “My husband never helped with chores inside the house.” She lifted a shoulder to shrug. “I suppose most Amish men know their place is on the farm.” She lowered her gaze, suddenly feeling flushed. “Or more and more nowadays at the factory or building swing sets down the road. Things are changing fast.” She didn’t say more because Willard’s nasty words rang in her head. That had been his battle cry. Things were changing too much. We had to hold on to the old ways.
The Amish must remain separate.
Her stomach ached. She hated that she agreed with her husband’s general premise, yet she’d never resort to Willard’s extremes.
The professor smiled and Rebecca worked her lower lip. Her growing feelings of affection were getting difficult to ignore.
“I suppose I should go.” He apparently sensed her unease.
“Maybe—” she couldn’t believe she was about to say this “—we could sit and talk on the porch for a bit?” Oh, what was she doing? What kind of example was she setting for her daughters? She should escort the professor out the door to go home for the night.
The professor held out his hand. “After you.”
She was lonely and longed for adult companionship. The nights were too long with all her racing thoughts about Samuel’s future.
Her future.
As Rebecca and the professor passed through the house, she called up the stairs. “Girls, I’ll be on the front porch. Get changed and you can read a bit before bed.”
Footsteps scampered overhead and she heard the bathroom door slam shut. No doubt Katie had beaten Grace to the bathroom. She smiled at the ordinariness of everyday life. What she wouldn’t do to have all of life be that simple.
Rebecca stepped onto the porch and sat in the rocker. A warm fall breeze swept across her skin and with it the scent of dried hay and freshly harvested crops.
The professor lowered himself into the chair next to hers and sighed contentedly. “I could get used to this.”
Rebecca laughed. “The path not chosen.”
“At the time, it wasn’t for me to choose. My parents left their Amish community and eloped.”
“Were they happy?”
The professor settled back in his chair and made an indistinguishable sound in the back of his throat. “I imagine they were happy in the beginning. They were young and free of all the rules of the Ordnung for the first time in their lives. They were together.”
Rebecca stared over the farm. The bright moon cast the land in a warm glow. A deep but good tired settled around her. Momentary peace, compliments of the man sitting next to her. A man who was completely wrong for her.
She shook away the thought. She could never get together with an Englisher. It would go against everything she believed in. Every reason she had worked so hard to bring Samuel back into the fold.
She’d be a hypocrite.
A wistfulness in the professor’s tone made her pause. Made her realize something. “Did something happen to make your parents regret their decision to leave the Amish community?”
“I never said…” He shook his head and laughed. “I guess I didn’t have to say as much.” He sighed heavily. “My father was frustrated because he could never get a decent job. He was stuck working minimum-wage jobs because he—”
“Only had an eighth grade education,” Rebecca finished for him, realization dawning. “We talked about that over dinner.”
“Exactly.”
“Is that why you got all that education and teach at a university?” She swatted away a moth fluttering close to her face.
“Yes, I always equated an education with a happy life. My father would sit down every night with a beer in one hand and a remote in the other in front of the TV and mutter something about ‘get an education son, because them people hold all the power.’”
The ever-present emptiness inside Rebecca expanded. She was not the only one with a painful past.
“He pretty much gave up on life. Drank himself stupid right until the end.”
She was grateful for the cloak of darkness to hide the tears brimming in her eyes.
“He died of liver failure.”
“I’m sorry.” Nervously, Rebecca played with the folds in her long gown and tucked her bare feet under the rocker. She hated to ask, but curiosity got the best of her. “What about your mom?”
“My mom died when I was ten. From cancer.”
Rebecca gasped. “I didn’t mean to pry. How horrible. I’m so, so sorry.”
“My parents couldn’t afford anything but the basic treatment. I suppose they could have gotten more care if they weren’t naive to the system. It was all foreign to them.” He scrubbed a hand over his face and his features grew pinched. “My dad’s drinking got worse the sicker my mom got…”
He let out a quick breath. “I’ve never told anyone the story of my life. I guess I never wanted to share my past with anyone before.”
“I’m glad you told me. I feel closer to you.” She glanced away, suddenly feeling very self-conscious.
He reached out and covered her hand on the arm of the chair and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Life gets complicated sometimes.”
Keenly aware of his hand on hers, she glanced over her shoulder at the door. “I know. I hope we can get Samuel out of trouble. I really appreciate your putting up his bail.” She slid her hand out from under his and wrapped her arms around her midsection. “The thought of him in jail…”
He leaned toward her. “I’ll help you in every way I can.” He tilted his head. “But when I said life gets complicated, I wasn’t talking about Samuel.”
Rebecca glanced up into his warm brown eyes. Her pulse beat steadily in her ears and her skin flushed warm.
Get up. Move away from him.
She couldn’t. This gentle man held her heart. She sucked in a breath, waiting for him to continue.
He leaned closer, his breath whispering across her cheek. A smile tilted the corners of his mouth. He hesitated a minute, as if waiting for her reaction. Her permission. A boldness she’d never known surged through her. She reached up and touched his cheek; the scruff of his unshaven jaw felt rough under her palm.
He leaned in closer and brushed a gentle kiss across her lips. Then he pulled back and angled his head, studying her.
Closing her eyes briefly, she dropped her hand into her lap and wrung her hands. She opened her eyes and met his.
“Should I apologize for kissing you?”
No, no, no.
“We’re from two different worlds.” Her voice came out in a strained whisper. This entire situation was foreign to her.
A twinkle lit his eyes. “So, that’s a no?” He laughed.
Rebecca smiled. She could get used to this man’s easygoing ways. His warm heart. His companionship.
Too bad a relationship between them would never happen.
*
Jake scooted forward in his rocker and curled his hands in an effort to keep them to himself. He was having trouble containing a smile. Rebecca had her hands wrapped around the arms of the chair and looked as if she was ready to bolt. He really should apologize, but if he was truly honest with himself, he wasn’t sorry.
The memory of her soft lips on his. Her clean scent. Her soft skin.
Definitely not sorry.
But he hated to see her filled with angst. And he didn’t want to risk having her send him away forever.
“Did I overstep my place?” he asked in a husky voice.
Rebecca lifted her fingers and touched her lips. An emotion he couldn’t quite define flittered in the depths of her eyes.
“It’s my fault.”
“Your fault?” Intrigued, Jake leaned back in his rocker and relaxed his hands. “Because you’re beautiful?”
She lifted her hand in dismissal. “Please. You’re embarrassing me.” She turned her face away from him and smoothed a hand along the edge of her bonnet. Slowly she turned to face him, clutching her hands in her lap. “This kiss can’t mean anything. We have no future together.”
She was right. The pain in her eyes cut to his core. “I didn’t mean to cause you any more stress.”
The thought of encouraging Rebecca to leave the Amish didn’t bring him joy any more than saying goodbye to her would. His father had convinced his mother to leave and he had experienced firsthand the sadness that had ensued.
“I hope I didn’t destroy our friendship,” Jake said, a muscle working in his jaw.
Rebecca bowed her head. “Don’t blame yourself. I feel the connection between us, too.”
Jake’s heartbeat spiked at her admission. Yet, still, he could never ask her to leave the Amish.
Rebecca met his gaze, a look of clarity in her eyes. “I should have never put you in this position, Professor Burke. I came to you because I was worried about Samuel.” A tendril of hair that had escaped her bonnet fluttered in the breeze. “I don’t want you to feel responsible for me every time something goes wrong. It’s not your responsibility.”
“I don’t mind.”
Rebecca shook her head slowly. “You’re a good man. But I
need to rely on my own community. Not an outsider.”
“An outsider, huh?” Jake laughed before giving her a wounded look and covering his midsection as if he had been punched in the gut.
Rebecca’s brow furrowed. “Are you not feeling well?”
Jake lifted an eyebrow. “We really are from two different worlds.”
“Yes, we are. I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to keep coming around.”
A rustling sounded from the yard and Jake rose to his feet and squinted into the darkness. Lester Lapp, the bishop’s son, stepped into the soft light flowing from her house.
Rebecca was slower to her feet. She walked to the railing and wrapped her hands around it. “Hello, Lester. It’s late to be calling.”
“I have business to discuss.”
“Business with me? You haven’t come by my farm since before Willard’s arrest.”
Lester adjusted his hat on his head, as if trying to gather his thoughts. “He killed my brother.”
The soft gasp from Rebecca made Jake’s hands twitch. He longed to pull her into an embrace. Comfort her.
Lester held up his hand. “I’m sorry. I should have been more sensitive. I have forgiven him, but I still struggle with my loss.”
She bowed her head and whispered, “I understand.”
Lester gave Jake a pointed look, but turned back to Rebecca. “The bishop hasn’t been feeling well. I’m here on his behalf.”
“I hope your father is feeling better soon.”
Lester nodded. “Denki.” He took a few steps closer, put his foot on the bottom porch step and rested his elbow on the railing. “The bishop would like Samuel to meet with him and a few of the church elders.”
All the color drained out of her face and Jake immediately felt defensive. “I don’t believe he’s guilty of the things—”
“He’s confessed to?” Lester interrupted with a smug quirk of his lips.
Rebecca wrung her hands in front of her. “Samuel’s afraid of something. He’s trying to protect me.” Her words came out rushed and flustered. “And he’s not baptized yet. The church elders have been known to overlook transgressions of our youngie.”
Love Inspired Suspense September 2015 #1 Page 30