The joke was on me.
So why was I doing a fool thing like falling for Jed Carlisle? Because nothing but misery waited for me at the end of that road. Worse yet, I knew it, and I was letting myself fall for him like a pyromaniac drawn to a three-alarm fire.
Jed frowned as though he noticed the change in my demeanor. “Let’s get out of the heat.”
He put his hand at the small of my back and led me to the parking lot. Using his keyless remote, he started the engine before opening the trunk. He moved to open my passenger door, and I tried to push his hand away. What was he trying to prove?
“We’re not on a date, Jed.”
He leaned close. “Let’s make this perfectly clear,” he said in a low voice. “If you are riding in my car, I’m opening the door. Got it?”
I stared up at him with an expression that suggested I thought he’d lost his damn mind, but I let him open the door all the same.
We were silent as we took off, and I felt a sense of impending doom like I’d never experienced before. Not only was I about to lose the life I’d built in Henryetta, but I was handing Jed my heart on a silver platter.
And I was powerless to stop any of it.
Chapter 8
We’d been on the road for ten minutes when I got another text from Rose. She’d sent the first one while we were still on the road to Little Rock.
Are you feeling better?
I tossed the phone into my lap. She’d see the note soon enough; I couldn’t bear to answer. Tears stung my eyes, but I refused to cry. Crying never solved a thing.
Jed sent me a questioning look. It would seem he was back to his silent ways—he hadn’t said a word since we’d climbed into the car. He’d just plotted a course on the map app on his phone and started driving.
A few minutes later, Jed’s phone vibrated, and he turned it off without looking at the screen.
“Don’t you need to get that?”
He stared at me for a long moment—longer than was prudent while driving seventy-five miles an hour on a highway lined with eighteen-wheelers. But then he turned back to the road and clutched the steering wheel so tightly I was surprised he didn’t snap it in two.
Had he changed his mind? Sure, it was one thing to offer to go with me in the heat of the moment, but maybe he was having buyer’s remorse? “Jed?”
“No.”
“Are you sure?”
He didn’t answer, making me more nervous. Maybe I should give him an out when we stopped for gas.
The car was chilly, but I sure wasn’t going to complain given that the alternative was riding on a hot, smelly bus. I reached into the back and rummaged around in my bag until I found my denim jacket.
“What did you tell Rose?”
I stalled by starting to put my jacket on. How much should I tell him? I knew Rose had him on her speed dial—they weren’t only protector and protectee, they were friends—but I found myself wanting to be honest with him nevertheless. This was a good place to start. “I just told her I had to take care of some things, and I didn’t know when I’d be back.”
“And she was good with that?”
I made a face as I slipped into my other sleeve. “I left a note. I expect her to be calling in another couple of hours. Or sooner, since I haven’t answered the texts she’s sent this afternoon.” I glanced at him. “I told her I was sick and stayed home from work.”
He studied me for a moment before he turned back to face the road. “You can trust her, Neely Kate. Rose is one of the most nonjudgmental people I know.”
“I know . . .” I shifted and tucked my feet under me, staring down at my lap. “But if she found out . . . she’d never look at me the same.”
“Rose has done some bad things herself. She’s killed two men.”
“In self-defense.” I glanced up at him. “How many men have you killed?”
His jaw tightened. “Enough to damn my soul.”
I turned my back to the door and gave him my full attention. “Do you really mean that?”
His gaze met mine. “Yeah.”
The sadness and regret in his eyes caught me by surprise. This was the most real I’d ever seen him, and the rawness on his face touched something deep inside me. I grabbed his hand and sandwiched it between both of mine.
He seemed surprised, but he didn’t let go. “How many people have you killed, Neely Kate?”
“Let’s just say your damned soul has company.” And every mile that brought us closer to Ardmore also brought me closer to the things I’d done.
He was silent for several heavy seconds. “Is that what you’re trying to hide?”
Tears stung my eyes. Part of me thought I should answer, but I couldn’t bring myself to admit to my sins just yet, let alone relive them myself. “Just because you’re coming with me doesn’t mean you’re getting my life story.”
“Fair enough. But I’m pretty much an open book. Ask anything you like, and I’ll answer if I can.”
Jed wasn’t an open book by any means, but his offer piqued my interest. Would he actually answer? “How’d you get hooked up with Skeeter?”
A tight smile stretched his face. “I suspect you know most of that story.”
“You grew up together.”
He nodded. “The thing you have to understand about Skeeter is that he’s loyal . . . sometimes to a fault. We were thick as thieves when we were kids . . . hardscrabble kids. Skeeter and his brother were older than me, but Skeeter always included me and my sister Daisy, along with our friend Pete.”
That caught me by surprise. “I didn’t know you have a sister.”
“Had.” He paused, and I was sure that was all he planned to say, but then he added, “She drowned when we were kids.”
I sucked in a breath. I could see he was still hurting. “How old was she?”
“Five.”
“How old were you?”
“Eight, but she and I were close. I protected her from our parents. Only, I didn’t protect her that day.” A dark look filled his eyes.
“What happened?”
“We were fishing and Scooter caught a big fish. While we were helping him reel it in, I turned my back on my sister. When I checked on her, she was already dead, floating in the water.”
I was still holding his hand, and I squeezed it hard. “Jed. I’m so sorry.”
“We tried to save her. Skeeter was older, so he took over. He was a leader, even back then. He gave her CPR for a few minutes, and when that didn’t work, he picked her up and ran to the house.” He took a breath. “He took it almost as hard as I did. He considered us family and felt responsible for us. Even back then.”
“So you two have always been close?”
“We were good friends, but after that, he took me under his wing. He knew Daisy was all I had.” His voice broke.
When I spoke, I had to push the words out past the lump in my throat, indulging myself with a momentary lapse into self-pity. “At least you had her for a little while. I had no one.”
He turned to me. “No brothers or sisters?”
“No, but it sounds like we both had crap parents . . . only mine was just my mom.” Then I added in a snide tone, “You know who my father is.”
“You’re nothing like him, Neely Kate.”
“I’m not so sure about that. I suspect Kate’s right, and I’m more like my half sister than I care to admit. And she’s a lot like our father.” It scared the bejiggers out of me.
“If I ever have kids, I’ll make sure they know I love them. They’ll never be scared of me, and they’ll never go to bed hungry.”
“That’s what I wanted for my babies.” To my embarrassment, my voice cracked.
“I know. I’m sorry.”
I had to give him credit for not telling me a bunch of platitudes like I was young and it was God’s will.
He tried to grab my hand, but I shifted it out of reach and turned to look out the window. “Do you believe in divine providence, Jed?”
“So you don’t believe in karma? Cosmic justice?”
“I know there’s absolutely nothing you could have done to justify what happened to your babies, Neely Kate.”
If he only knew everything . . . And I suspected he would know before this was all said and done. He certainly wouldn’t be giving me compassionate looks then. “You don’t know . . . you don’t know.”
“So tell me,” he said quietly.
No. I wasn’t ready to lose him yet.
We reached Texarkana an hour later, and Jed said he needed to stop for gas. When he pulled in front of a gas pump at a truck stop, I told him I had to go to the bathroom. He watched me get out but didn’t say anything.
I headed inside, casting a glance over my shoulder. I couldn’t figure out why he was here. It didn’t make sense. Jed was one of the best-looking men I had ever seen, so I couldn’t believe he was in this just to sleep with me. At the same time, I couldn’t let myself think he actually cared. I’d been fooled by men before, which was what had gotten me into this desperate situation in the first place.
Rose texted again while I was peeing, but I ignored it. Pretending I didn’t see her texts would only make her more anxious. I knew that. Even so, I wasn’t ready to deal with her, and I wasn’t sure I ever would be. The guilt was already as thick and choking as toxic smoke. Rose had done everything she could to show me that she wouldn’t judge me. While I didn’t disbelieve her, exactly, I simply couldn’t live with the alternative.
Chapter 9
Jed had been in the middle of a heated phone call when I’d left the building, but he’d hung up before I reached him. From the way he was leaning on the top of the car, it hadn’t ended well. He looked like he was pissed.
“Are you okay?” I asked as a gust of wind kicked up my dress and blew my hair into my face.
Jed straightened, his gaze landing on my face, and he gave me a soft smile. “I am now.”
I half-expected him to say it with a leer, not that he’d ever looked at me that way before, but his smile was genuine. It melted the frost of my earlier despair. Maybe having Jed with me was a good thing. I gave him a playful grin in return. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
He hung the gas nozzle back on the pump and walked around the back of the car toward me. “It means I’m starving, and now that you’re back, we can get something to eat. What are you hungry for?”
I pointed at the truck stop behind me. “They have pizza inside.”
He shook his head. “I want real food. Are you up for stopping somewhere?”
“It depends,” I said slowly. “I can’t go anywhere too expensive. I have money, but I don’t know how long I’ll be gone . . . I need to make it last.” Then I remembered the bus stop. “Not to mention I owe you for your bus ticket and mine.”
He put his arm around my back, a gesture that felt more comforting than it probably should have, and steered me toward the passenger door. “We’ll work out all the details as we go,” he said as he opened the door for me yet again.
I climbed inside, and he shut the door behind me.
“Who were you talking to earlier?” I asked as soon as he got into the driver’s seat.
He turned on the car and steered us back onto the highway. “It’s not important.”
I decided to push it. “It looked important.”
He turned to glance at me. “It was Skeeter. We didn’t see eye to eye about something, but you don’t need to worry about it.”
“Was it about me?” Had Skeeter told him to spy on me?
He reached over and grabbed my hand, linking our fingers together. “No. In the grand scheme of things, it was about me, and it was a long time coming.” He shot me a look. “Mexican? Chinese? Steak?”
I was still in shock that he was holding my hand. This time he didn’t just squeeze it and pull away; he held it like it was something precious. This was by far the most intimate touch we’d ever shared. It suggested familiarity and fondness, not lust and desire. This was dangerous ground.
He mistook my silence and said, “Or we can get pizza, if you’d prefer.”
Should I remove my hand from his? For better or worse, I liked it. “Well, we are in Texas now. Maybe we should get Tex-Mex.”
“Tex-Mex it is.”
It didn’t take us long to find a restaurant, and it was early enough for dinner that we didn’t have to wait for a table.
After we ordered our food, Jed sobered. “How are you doin’ after talking to Kate?”
“Better now,” I said. It felt like we’d made our visit to the psych ward several days ago, not earlier that afternoon. “I was stupid to think she would tell me anything, but I had to try.”
“Do you think she knows everything, or is there a chance she’s guessing?”
I considered ignoring his question, but I didn’t get the impression he was trying to fit the puzzle pieces of my life together. More like he was asking out of concern for me. “She definitely knows more than I would like. If she went to Ardmore and started snooping into my life, Beasley wouldn’t be too difficult to figure out.”
“Is he one of the people you need to talk to about the azaleas?”
My eyes narrowed. “Why do you think I need to talk to anyone about the azaleas?”
“Because you’re ashamed of what it signifies. You need to know what Kate knows so you can do damage control. The best way to do that is to figure out who she—or the person she hired to look into you—talked to.”
“Why are you helping me?”
He gave me a half-shrug and half-grin. “I needed a vacation.”
“I’m serious, Jed,” I said, leaning forward. “Why are you doing this?”
He shifted in his seat. “The honest to God truth, Neely Kate, is that I don’t know. I’ve been asking myself that very question since I bought those tickets and got on the bus with you.”
“Did Skeeter tell you to tag along with me?”
He released a bitter laugh. “No. The opposite, in fact.”
My eyebrows shot up. “He wants you to come back? What about me?”
“The conversation devolved before we got around to you.”
“What happened?”
He looked like he was weighing his words before he said, “I suspect people have fed you bullshit most of your life, and I don’t want to be one of those people, so I’ll tell you even at the risk of scaring you off.”
My pulse picked up. “Okay.”
“Skeeter gave me an ultimatum. Either turn around and go back or not come back at all.”
“He fired you?” I asked in dismay and disbelief.
“Yeah.”
“You got fired for helping me, and you don’t even know why you’re doing it?” He was right. It sounded fishy as hell.
“He’ll change his mind,” he said, sounding bitter. “He always does.”
I blinked in surprise. “How many times has he fired you?”
“Maybe one too many.”
That answer worried me, prompting me to say, “You still haven’t explained why you risked Skeeter’s wrath to help me.”
He picked up a sugar packet and began to turn it in his hand. “Let’s say I really wanted that vacation.”
“A permanent one.”
He shrugged. “I’ve never had a vacation before. Maybe we should head to Florida when we finish in Ardmore.”
“We?”
“Why not? You’re not sure if you’re going back to Fenton County—”
“I never said that.”
He gave me a no-nonsense look. “You didn’t have to, Neely Kate. It wasn’t hard to figure out, just like I figured out that you were heading to the bus station.”
“You knew I was coming to Oklahoma.” It was a statement, not a question. I still hadn’t figured out the how of it.
“Before you took your first step down the porch.”
In hin
dsight, that duffel bag was a pretty obvious tell. “But how’d you know I was taking the bus?”
He put the sugar packet down on the table. “That part was a gamble, actually. I knew you were headed to Oklahoma, but I also know you don’t have a lot of money. We both know your car would never make it to Little Rock, let alone another state. If you were considering not returning to Fenton County, you would want to make the money last. The cheapest way to get to Oklahoma would be to ask a stranger for a ride, but I was hoping you wouldn’t resort to something so dangerous. The fact that you escaped the hospital by bus was additional evidence.”
I shook my head. “You saw me.”
“I almost didn’t. By the time I figured out your escape plan, you’d already run out the back door. I’d just gotten outside when I saw you getting on the bus.”
“How’d you know it was me?”
There was that grin again. “I’d recognize those sexy legs anywhere.”
I sucked in a breath, surprised he wasn’t hiding his interest.
He rested his forearm on the table, a nonchalant pose that didn’t quite match the hungry look in his eyes. “You made it painfully clear at the bus station that you don’t want to sleep with me—and I suspect I made it painfully obvious to you, when you were plastered against me, that I am very interested in sleeping with you. That being said, I respect your choice, Neely Kate. You are in full control of what happens on this trip. I’m not going to try anything, so you don’t need to be on edge. You have enough to be anxious about without worrying about fending off advances from me. Nevertheless . . .” He smiled at me again, and this time it was full of promise. “I’m a red-blooded man who has the eyes God gave him, and as long as I’m not being lecherous, I see no reason to hide my attraction to you.”
My body flushed. “And if I change my mind?” I asked before I could stop myself.
“Then you’re in control of that too.”
My mouth parted in shock, but the timely arrival of our food saved me from having to respond. When the waiter left, I picked up my fork, ready to dive into my enchilada.
Trailer Trash (Neely Kate Mystery Book 1) Page 6