Choosing a chair by the window, he opened the packet and located the schedule for the symposium. His presentation had been moved to the afternoon. Stratton wished he’d known that sooner. It would have saved him leaving home at five in the morning and missing breakfast with Denver and Leah. Something he very much looked forward to. He glanced at his watch. It was just after nine. He could call them. He was reaching for his phone when he felt it vibrate. A message from Leah popped up on the screen.
“Here’s Captain Levy hard at work building his fleet.”
Below the message was a picture of Denver attaching a pirate flag to the mast of a somewhat lopsided paper boat.
“So he liked the gift, huh?”
“Very much. As soon as we’re finished, we’re heading to the creek to have a race. From what I hear, you were the best paper boat skipper in Stone Mountain.”
“I was just better at figuring out which way the wind was blowing.”
“Something I’ve never quite mastered if my experiences trying to fly kites is anything to go by.”
“This is a serious blow to my image of you as perfect.”
“Then you might as well know the rest: I can’t roller skate, juggle, or play an instrument.”
“None of that matters. You make the best chocolate chip cookies in the world.”
“Why, thank you, sir. I’m so glad you like them. I’ll be sure to send pictures of our race.”
“Last time you took pictures down at the creek you fell in.”
“I had a little help with that.”
“Think of it as payback for having cake and icing smashed in my face.”
“That thought did occur to me. Captain Levy just reminded me that we need to feed Aristotle and Long John.”
“Then I better let you go. Good luck with the race. Tell Denver I’ll call him tonight.”
“Will do.”
* * * * *
Leah smiled as she pocketed her phone. It was silly to be so pleased by Stratton’s remark about the cookies, but that didn’t stop her from doing it. Being in love hadn’t taken away her independence, but it had rearranged her priorities. Her hopes, thoughts, ideas, plans, and dreams had expanded to include Stratton and Denver.
After giving the two pets their breakfast, she and Denver swung by the dining room to pick up their boats before heading to the mud room to put on rubber boots. Leah had come to enjoy these daily trips to the creek as much as Denver. Surrounded on both sides by pine and sweet gum trees, the meandering stream with its smooth, round rocks and crystal-clear water was an ideal place to escape the summer heat. Like most kids his age, Denver was never at a loss for something to do.
Her phone was full of pictures of him making mud pies, building a rock dam, catching tadpoles, and sitting by the water’s edge staring at his reflection. She captured these images of Denver’s daily activities for Stratton, but they had become just as important to her. As much as she tried not to look into the future, she couldn’t forget that at some point, pictures and memories were all she would have of their time together.
“What’s wrong, Mommy?”
Leah mentally chastised herself for allowing her thoughts to show. Remaining upbeat and positive was so much easier when the patient wasn’t someone you loved. “I’m just missing your daddy.”
A little hand patted her arm. “Don’t worry. He’ll be back on Sunday.” He bent down to pick up a stick. “Sometimes Daddy comes home early. Maybe he’ll do that this time.”
Denver was comforting her. It should have been the other way around. Leah blinked away the tears in her eyes. “Maybe he will. Where should we end our race?”
Using the stick, he pointed to an area where a fallen tree had formed a natural bridge over the creek. “Over there. The first one under the tree wins.”
Boats made of paper limited the number of races they could have. Denver ended up winning three and Leah one. For some reason she couldn’t figure out, her boats always got stuck at the second turn and by the time she rescued them, they were too far behind to win.
After lunch, she and Denver went to the mall to shop for a housewarming gift for Jade and Joel. The couple planned to move into their new home the weekend after the trip to Atlanta. Leah was trying to decide between ivory or beige table linens when Denver said something that drove all thoughts about gifts out of her mind.
“I’m glad you came to live with us, Mommy. Now Daddy won’t be alone when Aunt Jade and Uncle Joel leave.”
This wasn’t the first time Denver had said or asked something that left her scrambling for a response. His question about where babies came from was a good example. She’d been ready to give him chapter and verse before Stratton intervened and said simply, ‘From the hospital.’ Later when they were alone, he teased her about wanting to give the ‘birds and the bees’ talk to a six-year-old.
“That’s right. It’ll be nice and cozy with you, me, Daddy, and Maria.”
He looked at her with eyes that seemed oddly wise for one so young. “I won’t always be here, Mommy.”
Her heart leapt into her throat. “Where are you planning to go?”
“I want to be a fighter pilot.”
Leah’s held-in breath rushed from her lungs. “That won’t be for a long time yet. I just had a great idea. Let’s get some pretzels from Aunt Annie’s to take home.”
“Yes, Mommy. Let’s do that.”
“We’ll get one for Maria, too.”
A few hours later when Denver was taking a nap, Leah went to sit in the courtyard. Her plan to catch up on her reading never materialized. Instead of seeing the words on the page, she heard Denver saying, ‘I won’t always be here.’
Silent tears dripped down her face. How could she bear to lose him? And when it was over, how was she going to pick up the pieces and go on?
Chapter Fourteen
Stratton shifted slightly, allowing Denver to settle more comfortably in his arms. His eyes were valiantly trying to stay open, but it wouldn’t be long before they closed. Not even his favorite Muppet movie could keep him awake.
One of the many side effects of the pain medication required to keep him comfortable was fatigue. Denver was at the point where he was sleeping more than he was awake. His muscle weakness had progressed to the point where he had to be carried up and down the stairs. This rapid deterioration in his health had been gut-wrenching to witness.
Stratton hadn’t wanted to believe it when the team of specialists at Emery told him to make the most of July and August. Even so, he reduced his workload so he, Leah and Stratton could spend time at the cabin on Lake Oconee. The lazy days spent fishing off the dock, riding bicycles, eating watermelon, and catching fireflies had come and gone far too quickly.
He was grateful for the support of his family during this time. Jade and Joel dropped by nearly every day, and his parents had made the trip from England twice. As for Leah, she had gone above and beyond his every expectation. He practically had to drag her away from Denver’s side long enough to eat or just get a breath of fresh air. In the last few weeks, she’d joined Stratton in his nightly vigil by Denver’s bed, watching over him like a protective angel.
Her attachment to and devotion for his son was a palpable thing that even in the midst of his suffering he couldn’t ignore. Neither was he blind to the emotional and physical toll caring for Denver was taking on her. His only solace was the knowledge that her grief and sorrow would pass. In time, she would have a real husband and children who would drive out the pain of this experience. Something he knew wasn’t possible for him.
* * * * *
Just as September gave way to October, Denver slipped away from them. It had been ten days since the funeral, and the house still bore an almost unnatural quiet as if it, too, was in mourning. As much as one could be prepared for something like this, the reality was shockingly different. Along with a profound sadness, Leah felt hollow, numb, and achingly alone.
She’d cried so hard and for so long that the tears
would no longer come. Her heart was breaking, and the only person with whom she could have shared her tortured feelings had closed himself off from her. She knew Stratton’s pain and sense of loss had to be ten times worse than hers. She understood that he needed time alone to deal with it in his own way, but this deliberate, continued avoidance of her cut like a knife. He had retreated behind an impregnable wall of silence that made her feel more and more like an intruder.
“Leah, can I come in?”
The words coming from the other side of the bedroom door startled her. They were the first he’d spoken to her in days. As she walked across the beige carpeting to let in Stratton, she caught her reflection in the mirror. The tan she’d collected over the summer was long gone. She looked like a pale, lifeless ghost, which was pretty much what she felt like.
Taking a deep breath, she opened the door. Stratton looked as if he’d aged five years in as many days. The vacant stare he sent her chilled her to the bone. “Hey.”
He nodded his head in acknowledgement. “I wanted to talk to you about some arrangements I’ve made. Is this a good time?”
It was past time they had some kind of conversation. She waved him into his own room. “As you can see, I’m not doing anything important.”
He followed her to the window seat. “I spoke with Teresa in Human Resources about your return to Hutchison Clinic. There are two openings; one with Dr. Jesup and one with Dr. Showers. You can have either one. Your salary will be the same as it was before. All you have to do is give them a return date.”
Returning to work in the same building with her soon-to-be ex-husband seemed like a recipe for more heartache, but it would be the only way she could see him. At the moment, that was far more important than the fact that she would be subjecting herself to the very kind of gossip she’d always tried to avoid.
“I appreciate you doing that, Stratton.”
“It was part of our arrangement.”
As if she needed reminding. “Yes, it was.”
“You won’t have to worry about running into me for a while. I accepted an assignment with Doctors without Borders in Yemen.”
“Yemen?” Leah repeated dumbly.
He went on as if she hadn’t spoken.
“Jade’s not thrilled about it, but this is something I’ve wanted to do since I was in medical school. I had to put it on hold when I married Eva. Then I had…” He paused, his eyes closing briefly. “I had Denver to consider.”
Leah wasn’t thrilled about him going halfway around the world, either. Feeling the start of tears, she shifted her glance to the rainy landscape. “I’m glad you’re getting the chance to do something that’s important to you.”
He shrugged. “There’s nothing keeping me here.”
Every word he spoke was like the thrust of a dagger into her heart, and yet she wondered why she was so surprised. Wasn’t this how it was always going to go? Stratton hadn’t loved her in April when he asked her to marry him, and he didn’t love her now. Her usefulness to him had come to an end. From his point of view, there was no reason to prolong something once its original purpose had ceased to exist.
Stratton was following the template they’d set up months ago. He wasn’t to blame for her feeling so abandoned, not unlike the animals she saw being dropped off week after week at the shelter. She was the one who’d kept hoping that the illusion of closeness they shared would turn into something lasting.
A hand waved in front of her face. “Where did you go?”
She tried to smile, but the muscles in her face seemed frozen. “Sorry about that. What’s going to happen to Long John Silver?”
“Jade and Joel are taking him to their house.”
“When do you leave?”
“In four days. Maria’s daughter is coming to stay with her so she won’t be alone in the house. Don’t feel you have to rush back to your apartment. You’re welcome to stay here as long as you want. I went ahead and paid your rent for the rest of the year.”
Why would she want to stay when it was obvious he wanted her gone? “That wasn’t necessary. You’ve already done enough.”
“As you once said to me, that’s not your call to make. I also met with my attorney. She’ll be contacting you in the next few weeks.”
“You’ve thought of everything.”
“I wanted to make this transition as smooth for you as possible.” He stopped for a moment, his eyes dropping to his lap. “Just because I haven’t said anything doesn’t mean I can’t see that you’re hurting. The sooner you’re away from all this, the sooner you can put it behind you and be happy again.”
Did he really think that was possible? She was losing the two people she loved most in the world. “How do you know I’ll be happy again?”
“Because you have a great capacity for love.”
“You have a great capacity for love, too, Stratton. I saw proof of it every day with Denver.”
His face closed up, like a door being slammed shut. “I should get going. I’ve got a ton of paperwork to get through before I leave the country.”
Leah didn’t plan on being here when he left. She rose to her feet and walked with him to the door. “In case I don’t see you again before Saturday, I wish you the best in Yemen.”
He reached for her hand and brought it to his lips, lightly kissing her knuckles. “I can never thank you enough for what you did for Denver and me.”
Any gratification she might have received from his remarks was diminished by his actions. There was no escaping the fact that he couldn’t get away from her fast enough.
* * * * *
Stratton stood for a few minutes outside Leah’s room, his fists clenching and unclenching. He knew his behavior since Denver’s passing had been insensitive and hurtful, but it was the only way he could do what was necessary. The intense attraction he felt for Leah had been at war with his conscience ever since he kissed her. He longed to satisfy his need for comfort, to seek a temporary oblivion from the pain and lose himself in her. But how could he do that when he had nothing to offer in return? He was dead inside; the goodness of life had been sucked out of him.
His steps led him to the door at the end of the hall. A door he’d avoided opening since the funeral. Turning the handle, he walked slowly into Denver’s room, his eyes instinctively going to the neatly made bed. His agonized groan sounded loud in the stillness of the room. Six years old was too young to die. Why couldn’t it have been him instead? Tears of rage and resentment burned his eyes as he strode past the wooden desk, its surface covered with construction paper, scissors and crayons. He dropped down wearily in the chair where Leah had spent so many nights.
Her words returned to mock him. You have a great capacity for love, too, Stratton. I saw proof of it every day with Denver. He’d wanted to tell her that his love hadn’t been enough to save Denver, his brother and sister-in-law, or his marriage. In fact, love hadn’t done him much good at all. It had brought him nothing but pain and disappointment. And now the only thing he’d been living for was gone.
The trip to Yemen wasn’t the fulfillment of a long-held ambition as he’d led Leah to believe. It was an escape from a house consisting of empty rooms, lost hopes and painful memories. A house that now felt like a prison.
Chapter Fifteen
Two days after that heartbreaking conversation with Stratton, Leah and Aristotle moved back to her apartment. They quickly discovered that the place where they’d once been so content no longer held any appeal. There was a similar experience a few days later when Leah met with Teresa in Human Resources.
The only inducement for going back to Hutchison Clinic was Stratton. His admission that there wasn’t anything keeping him in Myrtle Beach made waiting around for him to come back from Yemen both pointless and futile. The spark she’d felt between them had been in her head. Her once burgeoning dream of finding love had crashed and burned.
Knowing where she didn’t want to work didn’t help figure out her next place of employment.
There were plenty of doctors’ offices and clinics in the surrounding area, but she hadn’t yet made any inquiries about potential openings. The barren feeling inside her seemed to grow more pervasive every day. Instead of going on interviews, she spent hours looking at the pictures of Denver and Stratton on her phone. This lack of urgency was problematic for several reasons, one of which was her continued survival. She wasn’t independently wealthy. Getting a job wasn’t optional.
An irritated sigh slipped out as she entered the law offices of Stanley, Stanley and Jefferson. This general lack of direction and lethargic attitude toward correcting it was unlike her, and the fact that she couldn’t seem to snap out of this stupor wasn’t just annoying; it was beginning to be worrisome. It was okay to grieve for Denver and be upset about losing the man she loved, but she couldn’t stay in this state of limbo forever. It wasn’t healthy or productive. Her life might feel as if it was over, but it wasn’t.
After giving her name to the receptionist, she was taken up a flight of stairs to an office overlooking the street.
“Esther, here’s Mrs. Levy.”
Leah winced. She wouldn’t be a Mrs. much longer.
A woman in her early forties looked up from watering a jade plant sitting on the window sill. “Thanks, Cici.” Her smiling glance moved to Leah. “Have a seat. I’ll be right with you.”
As Leah sat down on a stiff leather chair, she glanced down at her hands and tried not to remember that sunny day in May when she and Stratton stood side by side at the courthouse.
Esther finished with the watering can and took a seat behind the desk. “I appreciate you coming today. It’s always easier to go over this stuff in person, and on an unrelated note, I’ve been curious to meet you.”
“Why is that?”
Esther smiled as she shuffled through a stack of folders. “Because I knew Stratton’s first wife.”
“They say the third time’s the charm; maybe his next marriage will work out.”
“I thought he was crazy when he first told me about this arrangement. Having seen you, I can’t for the life of me figure out why he doesn’t want to stay married.”
The Gift of Love (Finding Love Book 9) Page 11