And having the photos of her assault in the place where she felt most secure, the place where she’d been able to let down her guard, had been the last straw. Damn it to hell, he couldn’t take any more of this distance she’d put between them.
“Ryan,” he said, in a tone that couldn’t be mistaken for anything other than an order, “take Elle for a walk.”
As a former soldier, Ryan recognized a commander’s instruction when he heard one, and he didn’t hesitate. He wrapped an arm around Elle’s shoulders and helped the sobbing woman from the room. “Come on, Ellie, let’s get you some air,” he said softly.
As soon as the door closed behind them, Harvard was on his feet and heading for Rachel.
She held up a hand to ward him off. “I don’t need comforting.”
It was the biggest load of bull he’d heard in years. “Rachel, I just sat and listened to the woman I care about tell me that she suffered a horrific assault. You might not need comforting, but I sure as hell do.”
For a second, she seemed stunned by his words, then she walked straight into his open arms and held him tight. Giving him some of her endless strength. Humbling him in the process.
“It’s going to be okay,” she said into his chest, comforting him.
And his heart was shredded.
When the meeting picked back up, it was a somber affair. With her reddened eyes and tear-stained cheeks, Elle appeared wrung out. Ryan looked like he wanted to punch something. And Rachel? From what Harvard could see, she was pretending it was business as usual.
“The mission objective has changed,” Ryan stated harshly. For once, he wasn’t eating, even though there was a plate full of Chinese food in front of him. “I don’t give a damn about the stolen information; I want the people who did this.” He pointed at the photos, which were lying facedown on the table beside Harvard.
“As much as I appreciate the sentiment”—Rachel poked at the egg fried rice on her plate as though it had come from another planet, and she wasn’t quite sure what to make of it—“we’ve been hired to do a job. And, I have no idea who my attackers are. All I have are those two photos, and there’s nothing in them that even hints at my attackers’ identities.”
Pushing away her plate, she leaned into Harvard’s side and rested her head on his shoulder. “Be a darling and make me something to eat that’s actually edible.”
Harvard could practically hear Ryan’s and Elle’s jaws drop, but he didn’t care. All he cared about was that Rachel had turned to him. And sure, she was manipulating him, but considering what she’d revealed, he’d give her a pass for the evening.
“There’s still some pasta left over from yesterday. You want me to heat it?”
“Yes, please.” She moved away again and gazed at him expectantly.
Obviously, he wasn’t moving fast enough for her.
With a smile, he got up out of his chair and headed for the kitchen.
“No, no, no, no,” Elle said. “This can’t be happening. You two are far too comfortable with each other.” She pointed a finger at Rachel. “You touched him. You never touch anyone.”
“She touches me all the time,” Ryan complained.
Elle shot him a look of disgust. “She smacks you; she doesn’t touch you. But she’s touching Harvard, and I don’t like what I’m seeing. You’d better not have lost the bet for me, Rachel Ford-Talbot. I will hack your life and give you online herpes if you have.”
“The bet?” Ryan almost choked. “You’re worried about the bet after everything we found out tonight? The bet’s off. We can’t bloody wager on whether they sleep together after this. After finding out that Rachel was… No.” He shook his head. “I’m dissolving the betting pool and taking back my money. I don’t want a payout based on Rachel having sex with Harvard. No. Just no.”
“What?” Rachel lifted an imperious eyebrow at Ryan. “You think Harvard won’t desire me now that he’s seen those photos?”
“What? No!” Ryan’s head turned a vicious shade of red. “It’s just wrong. I feel like my bet is pressurizing you into sleeping with him. I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to be like them.”
Elle paled. “He’s got a point. I’m sorry, Rachel. I meant to lighten the mood a little. If that’s even possible.”
“It isn’t possible,” Ryan said darkly. “There’s no getting away from the fact she was—” He slammed his mouth shut and shook his head.
“Raped?” Rachel asked with a casual air. “Assaulted? Abused? Victimized? Brutalized?”
“Stop, please.” Ryan sounded like he was the one in agony.
“Why?” Rachel pinned him with her dark eyes. “Why should I hide from the words? Why should I be ashamed of saying them aloud? Would a person who’d been stabbed or robbed or shot have the same problem? No. It’s only the victims of sexual assault who’re expected to carry the shame for their attackers.” She reached for her wine glass, noticed it was empty, and got up from the table to fetch the bottle off the counter.
“But he’s right,” Elle said. “This changes everything. Before, it was a bit of fun to bet about the sexual tension between you two. Now it feels like we’re turning sex into something disposable, just like those guys did.”
“That wasn’t sex.” Harvard took the pasta out of the microwave. “Rape isn’t sex. Don’t ever confuse the two.”
“Honestly,” Rachel said. “I don’t care if the silly bet stands or not. I plan on doing whatever the hell I please, regardless. It didn’t offend or traumatize me if that’s what you’re thinking.”
“How couldn’t it have?” Ryan asked, looking pained. “The memories it must bring back. The way it must have affected how you see sex…” He shook his head.
“Ryan,” Rachel said as she returned to her seat, “there is absolutely no way I’m ever going to discuss my sex life with you. I have a therapist. She’s infinitely more qualified than you are to deal with anything I have to tell her, and much more pleasant to talk to. If you want her number, I’d be overjoyed to pass it on. Goodness knows you could use some counseling.”
To his credit, Ryan huffed out a laugh. “Great. I’m glad you’re coping, but I still don’t want any part of the bet. I don’t care what everybody else does, but I’m withdrawing from it and butting out of your sex life. Sleep with Harvard, don’t sleep with him; it’s up to you.”
“Did you hear that?” Harvard said as he placed the plate in front of Rachel. “We have Ryan’s permission to sleep together. It’s just what we were waiting for. You want to skip dinner and head downstairs?”
“How can you joke about this?” Ryan asked.
Harvard held the man’s gaze. “Because I’m not going to tell Rachel how she should deal with an assault that happened to her, not to me. I’m going to trust her when she tells me she’s fine.”
“I’m not ashamed of what happened to me, Ryan,” Rachel said. “The reason I hesitated in sharing those photos is I’m a private person. It’s not like I’ve been ignoring this for years. Believe me, Harry and I tried to find out who raped me, but there was no trail. The room was rented under an assumed name, check in was done remotely, and no one remembers who collected the keycard. If there had been an online trail, Harry would have found it.”
Ryan looked pained. “Why didn’t you let the police investigate? There might have been forensic evidence that led to those shitheads.”
“Yes,” she agreed as she sipped her wine. “I’ll admit, I regret refusing the investigation at the time.”
“What the hell?” Elle snapped at him. “Are you saying this is Rachel’s fault that these guys weren’t caught?”
“No!” Ryan clasped the back of his neck with both hands and let out a frustrated sigh. “I just hate the thought of these bastards getting away with this. I hate that Rachel went through it. I hate that somebody’s using it against her right now. I hate feeling…”
“Helpless?” Rachel raised her glass to him. “Welcome to my world. I hate it too. Which is w
hy I refuse to feel that way. One day, I’ll find out who they are, and I will eviscerate them. Then they’ll discover that I’m not the same girl they toyed with years ago. Until then, I have to do what’s best for Benson Security and for my father’s company, which means doing my job. Elle can take the photos and see if she can find any clues in them, but until we have something concrete to go on, we’re better off focusing on finding TayFor’s thief.”
“So, we’re just going to ignore this?” Ryan said.
“No,” Rachel said. “We’re going to do what I’ve been doing for the past ten years. We’re going to live our lives.”
Harvard took his seat beside her, resisting the urge to wrap his arm around her while she ate. He had the good sense to realize that the boundaries he could push in private weren’t ones she’d tolerate being pushed in public. “We’ll expand our investigation to include finding out who sent the photos. We know they have a vested interest in TayFor, and we know this situation with Rachel is personal for them. What we don’t know is whether the person who’s blackmailing her was involved in the attack, or if they came across the photos some other way.”
“Do we bring the rest of Benson Security in on this?” Elle tugged her laptop closer.
“That’s up to Rachel,” Harvard said.
As all eyes turned to her, she dabbed her lips with a napkin. “The warning gave me three days to leave TayFor. Let’s hold off telling everyone else for now. Until we have something more to go on.”
Ryan’s jaw clenched tight, and it was easy to guess he wanted to rush the building with every man he could find, interrogating every staff member until he found the culprit.
Looking Rachel in the eye, Elle cleared her throat and said, “You are amazing, and we’ll investigate your attack any way you choose. Whatever your plan, I have your back.”
For a second, it looked like Rachel didn’t quite know what to do about Elle’s declaration, but then she caught Harvard’s eye and said, “Is there any more pasta?”
“Yeah.” He stroked a hand down her back. “I’ll get you some.”
Chapter Fourteen
Elle took the photos away to have them tested for prints and DNA and to see if she could get anything off them digitally. Ryan lingered to talk to Harvard, no doubt to argue for more drastic measures to find her attackers. And Rachel said goodnight to both of them before retreating to her bedroom.
Where she currently stood, staring at her bed. Staring, but unable to actually get into it.
She’d showered and changed into a silk camisole and boy shorts set she liked to sleep in. She’d moisturized, tidied away her things, set the alarm for the morning, and checked the temperature of the bedroom. In other words, she’d done everything she could to avoid climbing into the bed she usually loved.
But no matter how determined she was to get past what had happened, when she looked at the blue and black Japanese silk of the bedspread, all she saw was that photo. No, not the photo, the images it contained. On. Her. Bed.
Thinking that changing out the cover might help, she replaced it with one that had the most gorgeous silver embroidery over black silk.
It made no difference.
She just couldn’t bring herself to get into bed.
And that made her furious. Ten years earlier, her attackers had stolen so much from her. They weren’t taking this. All she needed was a little help to get past this latest setback and return to normal, nothing more. And she knew just where to find it.
Rachel shrugged into her short black robe, tying the belt tight as she stalked across the hallway to the guest room. Her knock was firm. A few seconds later, Harvard opened the door, wearing black pajama pants that sat low on his hips and nothing else. At the sight of his muscular chest, she momentarily forgot why she was there.
“You okay?” he asked in that calming voice of his. Nothing ever seemed to rile the man. And goodness knows she’d tried often enough.
She raised her chin. “I need you to sleep with me tonight.” She narrowed her eyes. “Just sleep.”
That penetrating gaze of his seemed to bore straight through her. With Harvard, there was always the feeling that he was seeing far more than she’d like him to see. It was disconcerting.
He flicked off the light switch and stepped toward her. “Lead the way,” was all he said.
Turning on her heel, Rachel wondered at his lack of curiosity over her sudden invitation but was thankful for it. To explain would make her more vulnerable than she already felt. And she didn’t want that.
When they stepped into her bedroom, she tried to imagine how Harvard would see it. Unlike the rest of her apartment, her bedroom was decorated in shades of blue against warm white walls.
“Blue,” he said, looking around the room.
“The red clashed with that.” She pointed at the ceiling, which was the glass bottom of her pool. The gentle blue lights in the water wouldn’t do anything good for a red color scheme.
“You could have used red lights in the pool, but I’m thinking that might have given you nightmares.”
With the things going on in her head these days, he wasn’t wrong. “I sleep on the right.”
Harvard looked at the bed, then at the door. “The right is closest to the door.”
“And that’s a problem why?”
“Because if I’m going to sleep beside you, I’d rather be between you and anything that might come through that door.”
A link in the chains around her heart gave way. “This apartment is locked up tight and alarmed, which you know, as you check it every night. I’m safe here.”
“Rachel,” was all he said, in that deep rumbling tone he used solely for her name.
“Whatever.” She threw up her hands in surrender. “Sleep on the right if that makes you happy.”
After flipping the door’s lock, which she never used, Harvard threw back the bedspread and climbed in. The sight of him reclining on the black sheets, the perfect embodiment of raw male power, made her heart race and her breathing grow short. But it wasn’t from fear. Harvard would never threaten her. It was from awe.
He was beautiful. It was the only word to describe him. All glorious muscle and endless strength married with a smart brain and too perceptive gaze. He was everything she tried to avoid in a man, because she wasn’t sure she’d ever be able to resist him.
And he was in her bed.
Swallowing nervously, Rachel toyed with the necklace she only took off for sleeping. The locket that had been passed down through the female line of the Talbots for generations. The one her grandmother had given to her mother, who’d given it to Rachel when she turned eighteen.
The locket was empty. Her mother had told her, “When you find your future, this is where you’ll keep it. Over your heart.”
Why she’d thought about that while staring at Harvard, in her bed, where no man had ever been, she didn’t know. It had to be nerves. Or anxiety. Or fear. All things she never allowed herself to feel.
Never again.
With pure determination, she cast Harvard a look filled with challenge as she slipped off her robe and unfastened her necklace, which she gently placed on her dresser—beside the ring he’d given her.
“Pretty,” he rumbled, his eyes on her body. “Do you wear stuff like that every night?”
“Yes. But don’t expect to see this again. Tonight is a onetime deal.” Without hesitation, she rounded the bed and climbed in beside him, making sure to keep some space between them. It felt strange, lying in bed with someone. It wasn’t something she’d ever done, well not since she’d had pajama parties with her cousin Samantha when they were children. And Harvard was nothing like Samantha.
Rachel lifted the remote from her bedside table and switched off the lamps dotted around the room. Now, there was only the soft blue glow rippling from the pool above them.
“Do you need me to draw the shutters over the pool?” Automatic panels built into the edges of her ceiling slid out to hide the pool
if needed.
“Do you usually close the shutters?”
“No.”
“Then I’m fine.”
She put back the remote and lay there, staring at the water above her and feeling tense. It was then that she realized she hadn’t once thought about that damn photo since Harvard had stepped into her room, nor had she felt anxious about getting into bed.
A relieved breath escaped her. All she’d needed was a distraction. And they didn’t come much bigger than Harvard. Part of her considered sending him back to his room now that she was in bed and didn’t need him, but a niggling fear at the back of her mind told her not to. What if she ended up lying there alone, thinking about the photo, or worse, thinking about the attack? No, she was much better off with Harvard beside her. For tonight anyway.
“Are we just gonna sleep side by side like this?” His deep voice broke into her thoughts. “Or can we snuggle?”
That made her look at him. “Snuggle?”
Harvard lay on his back, one arm behind his head, making the bicep bulge, the other resting on his stomach. His eyes were on the pool above them.
“I told you I wasn’t perfect and that I had issues, same as everybody else. One of those issues is that I’m a snuggler.” He turned his head to grin at her, all wicked playfulness and tempting sensuality. “I also told you that I’m a bed hog, which means even if we aren’t gonna snuggle, you’ll wake up during the night with me wrapped around you anyway. I snuggle in my sleep.”
“Oh, for the love of Prada. Fine. We can snuggle.” Honestly, he was completely exasperating. “How do you do it?”
His eyes went wide. “You don’t know how to snuggle?”
Rachel frowned at him. “Do you have an opinion on that?” Because she’d bloody well send him back to his own bed if he did. She’d rather sleep in the other guest room than deal with any mockery. But only if she were desperate, because the last thing she wanted was to let them win by giving up her bed.
“I have absolutely no opinion on your lack of snuggling experience,” he said with mock solemnity and a mischievous sparkle in his eyes. “I’m real glad that I’m the one who gets to show you how to do it. Now turn on your side with your back to me. We’ll start with a basic snuggle position—spooning.”
Rich: Benson Security 5 Page 13