Finding You
Elizabeth Holland
Copyright © 2021 Elizabeth Holland
All rights reserved
The characters and events portrayed in this book are fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.
No part of this book may be reproduced, or stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without express written permission of the publisher.
Cover design by: Dawn Cox Photography
Thank you
Thank you to everyone that has contributed towards the creation of this book.
A very special thank you to my wonderful beta readers.
Chapter One
Laura Harper
1st November 2020
The wind howled in the distance and Laura Harper pulled her sleeping bag tighter to ward off the icy gale. Only that morning the newspaper heading had warned that London was expecting a storm. The wind was bitter, and the cold stung her face as she tried to pull her woollen hat down to shield herself. Huddled in the doorway, Laura looked across the street to the flats above some shops. The warm glow of lights spilled out onto the dark street. Inside, Laura could see a living room. Perhaps there was a couple inside, huddled up on the sofa drinking hot chocolate and arguing about what series to watch next. Tears formed in Laura’s eyes as she thought about how that should be her on this cold November night. It should have been her curled up on the sofa with Sean’s arms around her. Instead, here she was lying on a damp cardboard box in a doorway. She had a second hand sleeping bag wrapped around her, desperately trying to keep the cold at bay and Sean… Sean was missing and presumed dead.
Laura felt herself trembling. She was unsure whether it was because of the cold, or her fear of being alone at night, in the midst of a terrible storm. A rumble of thunder filled her ears, and she jumped as her heart hammered in her chest. She took a deep breath, trying to calm herself. It didn’t work. Instead, Laura undid her sleeping bag and shoved it into her backpack, which held her life’s possessions. She couldn’t stay here, she was too jumpy to stay in one place tonight. Laura could never stay in one place for too long, she was worried about being found. Who knew what they would do to her?
As the wind howled and the rain pelted down, Laura continued to walk through the backstreets of London. She passed many heaps of blankets with other homeless people huddled underneath them. By now, some of them would have consumed enough alcohol to have fallen into a state of unconsciousness. Sometimes, Laura wished she could do the same, but she knew it was too dangerous. She had to always be alert. As she passed under a bridge, Laura took a moment to stand and shelter from the rain. She was absolutely soaked. In the distance she could see Big Ben towering above the dark streets. She could just about make out the time. It was almost two in the morning. She would need to find somewhere to sleep soon. Before she knew it, rush hour would be upon her and she would have to find somewhere to hide herself until the crowds retreated. Once the morning rush hour ended, she could go in search of something to quell the hunger that was already gnawing away at her insides.
Laura made her way towards the underground and settled on making a bed for herself down one of the tunnels. There were a few other homeless people sleeping there, and so she felt somewhat safe. They might try to steal something from her, but that was the least of Laura’s worries. Hopefully, these people would not try to kill her. With her sleeping bag wrapped around her again, Laura pushed her wet blonde hair back from her face. She was still cold and wet, but she would soon dry off with the luxury of a roof above her head.
As her eyes drifted shut, Laura thought about her friends and family back home. She hoped they were safe in their homes, not thinking about her. If her family or friends discovered where she was, then they would try to bring her home and Laura couldn’t let them do that. While she was in London, living on the streets, everyone back at home in Manchester was safe. It was too risky for her to be around the people she loved. People were looking for her - dangerous people - and to an extent Laura was looking for them. She needed answers. She needed to know where Sean was and whether he was still alive. Over a year had passed since Laura had last seen Sean, but she had to keep searching for him, and for answers. It was only within the last few months that Laura began living on the streets, until then she had been staying in hostels.
◆◆◆
29th August 2020,
Laura glanced down at the last few notes that she had hidden in her backpack. She could only afford a few more nights at a hostel and then she would be penniless. Before leaving Manchester, Laura had visited an ATM and withdrawn the maximum amount. The money had lasted her longer than she had expected, thanks to the cheap prices of the London hostels she had been staying in. Many of them were in the rough outskirts of London, but since losing Sean Laura had become fearless. She had suffered the worst pain imaginable, losing her beloved. Nobody could inflict more pain than that.
“Bathroom’s free, Claire!” A young blonde woman called as she walked into the communal bedroom. Laura’s head shot up at the sound of her false name. She had been going around under the name of Claire since the day she left Manchester. She couldn’t risk anyone finding out her actual name or else it might get back to the wrong people and then they would know where she was.
“Thanks.” She smiled back. The girl was a backpacker from Australia and they had been sharing a room for the last week. Their room held up to ten people, however only the two of them had stayed for more than one night, everyone else had moved on quickly. That suited Laura. Over the months Laura had got to know lots of travellers as they came and went from the various hostels - it had kept the loneliness at bay. However, nothing could stop the nightmares.
“I’ll see you downstairs for breakfast,” her new friend called after her as she took her towel to the bathroom.
After a rather cold shower in a communal bathroom that had questionable levels of cleanliness, Laura emerged. She put her jogging bottoms and jumper back on. Over the months Laura’s clothes were stolen or lost, as she never stayed in one place for too long. Laura tried to take her belongings wherever she went during the daytime, however sometimes it was impossible. She had visited various libraries and community centres trying to find information. However, all the news reports just listed Sean as missing. They hadn’t even mentioned the suspicious circumstances. Laura knew that someone, somewhere, was trying to cover something up. She just hadn’t discovered what that something was.
The breakfast room was almost empty by the time Laura entered. Her roommate was sitting at a table with a few people that Laura didn’t recognise. Keeping her head down, Laura wandered over to the buffet table - which was a glorified trestle table with a few boxes of cereal on it - and poured herself some cornflakes and milk. Unable to think of an excuse, Laura took a seat with the other occupants and said a quick hello. She still kept her head lowered. Although she looked nothing like the Laura Harper that once lived in Manchester, she didn’t want to take any unnecessary risks. The table continued their conversation about sightseeing whilst Laura’s attention roamed the room. Her eyes fixated on the television on the wall behind her roommate’s head. Laura’s heart rate quickened as she recognised the picture being shown. It was Sean. Laura had seen the picture countless times, it was his official police portrait that hung in their hallway. A lump formed in her throat at the thought of their flat and the last memories she had inside those walls.
Laura strained her ears but the television’s sound was muted, however somebody had switched the subtitles on, so Laura squinted her eyes to read them. Her breakfast churned in her stomach as she realised they were appea
ling for witnesses for both her and Sean. That was new, they had only previously mentioned Sean. However, the worse was yet to come. The screen flashed back to the news presenter who announced that Sean was presumed dead, however there had been some significant sightings of Laura. Laura took a deep breath to stifle the scream that was building within her - she had to get out of here and run. She couldn’t risk being caught and being returned to her family, they would be in grave danger if she were.
Without saying a word, Laura slammed her spoon down and ran to get her backpack. It was time she made the streets her home, she could fade into the shadows of London, whilst she tried to find the truth about what happened to Sean.
◆◆◆
Chapter Two
Early the following morning, eager Londoners woke Laura as they marched through the underground tunnel. As they walked past, the smell of their coffee hit Laura’s senses and her stomach grumbled with the thought of breakfast. The idea of walking into Pret a Manger and ordering a latte and a croissant filled Laura with joy. She could almost taste the sweet, buttery croissant as it would crumble in her hands before she could even get it to her mouth. The coffee would be strong and sweet, waking both her and her tastebuds. There would be no breakfast for Laura today, especially since she had no money left. Well, that wasn’t strictly true. Laura had money in a bank account, however she had cut up her cards and thrown them away before making her way to London. If she used the cards, then the police could track her and the police would find her. She couldn’t risk that, and so Laura had learned to beg for pennies and scraps of food. It was degrading and often fruitless, but it was life and it was what she had to do to survive.
After last night’s storm, Laura emerged onto the street to see it strewn with fallen branches. There were some robust Londoners battling the gale force winds, some with their umbrellas blown inside out, others with their winter coats pulled tightly around them. All of them wore a miserable expression as they bowed their heads against the weather and forged on towards their destination. Laura knew from experience that a day like this would produce very little money or food. Everyone would be in too much of a hurry to notice her sat by the side of the road begging.
The day passed slowly as the hunger continued to gnaw away at Laura’s insides. It had been an eventful morning with one particular commuter glaring down at her and telling her she should stop begging and get a job instead. If only they had known the story behind Laura’s homelessness, Laura felt sure they would have acted differently. The anger in their eyes would have faded to pity as they skulked away, feeling guilty for making such assumptions. Instead of telling the commuter her story, Laura had held her head in embarrassment and hoped that they finished their rant quickly and moved along.
As the sun set above the Thames, Laura was yet to eat anything. She would have to visit one of the homeless shelters for dinner tonight. When possible, she tried to avoid the shelters in fear of someone recognising her from the television appeals that both her and Sean’s family were conducting. The appeals had started back in August, whilst Laura was staying at a hostel. The police said fresh evidence had come to light, and they were appealing for the public’s help in the disappearance of Laura Harper and the suspected murder of Sean Scott. Laura hoped they were wrong about Sean. She occasionally caught glimpses of the appeals as she walked past shops, and she knew they hadn’t found a body… yet. It was only a matter of time before someone recognised her. She only hoped that someone would be one of the good guys. As the days passed, Laura grew more and more desperate for answers. Since leaving Manchester, Laura had lost a lot of weight and her signature blonde bob had grown out of control, now brushing the tops of her shoulder blades. Her haggard face no longer looked like the happy twenty-nine-year-old that she once was. With a sense of resignation, Laura packed up her belongings and began the short walk to the homeless shelter by Victoria Station. For a northern girl, she had quickly adjusted to the ways of London as she kept her head down and avoided making any eye contact on her short walk.
Eventually, Laura rounded the corner and came across the front door to the shelter. To her relief, the doors were open and she let herself in. The warmth enveloped her and the smell of food filled her nostrils. There was a gentle hum of conversation as Laura pushed open the door to the main hall where everyone sat eating and volunteers milled around trying to help and talk to the homeless. Keeping her head down, Laura walked towards the front counter and queued up for some food. Behind the counter stood a young man who looked around her own age, he was tall with thick black hair and dark green eyes that sparkled with concern.
“Good evening, what would you like?” he asked her as he pointed towards the array of food in front of him. Laura forced herself to concentrate on the food. Quickly, she pointed towards the curry. As soon as the mystery man had dished it up, she went to dash away.
“Would you like any cake?” he asked her, stopping her in her tracks. Laura turned back around to look at the cake on display. It was a lemon drizzle cake. Her mouth was watering just looking at it.
“I promise I didn’t bake it.” The man joked, he was already cutting Laura a slice after seeing the look on her face. “A woman named Isy occasionally drops off a cake on her way to work. Rumour has it she’s about to up-sticks and open her own cafe in Wales.” Laura wasn’t listening to what the man was saying, her focus was on how soothing the tone of his voice was. She took the cake from him. She would wrap it in a napkin and put it in her bag for tomorrow. Without uttering a word in reply, Laura took her tray and scurried away towards an empty table at the back of the room. She couldn’t help the guilt that flooded her as she had almost lost herself in the stranger’s compelling voice. His voice had been smooth and comforting, and Laura had felt herself falling under its spell. It was worlds apart from Sean’s gruff tone, and Laura was annoyed at herself for appreciating a voice that was so different from the one that had once been her entire world. Grief tore at Laura’s heart as she realised she might never hear Sean’s voice again. The last few months had been particularly difficult and her thoughts were all over the place. Part of her wanted to give up, meanwhile the other part of her refused to give up until she discovered what had happened to Sean. It was a constant, exhausting battle with herself.
Trying to ignore the thoughts buzzing around her head and the stranger stood behind the food counter, who was still occasionally glancing her way, Laura turned her attention back to her food. As she took a bite of her curry, it surprised her how good it tasted. Her tastebuds sizzled as she picked out all the individual flavours; turmeric, cumin seeds, black mustard seeds, and a hint of aniseed. It surprised Laura how quickly she had identified the flavours. Her life as a chef was a lifetime ago, but all of those years of training would never leave her. Despite this, there was something else in the dish, a flavour that she didn’t recognise. As she continued to eat her first meal of the day, Laura saw the shadow of someone sit down opposite her. A knot formed in her stomach and she completely lost her appetite. They had found her. Would she have enough time to run?
Time stood still as Laura looked up from her meal, keeping her knife and fork in her hands. They could be used as a weapon if she had to. She’d worked in kitchens long enough to know that these everyday objects could do a lot of damage. With her heart hammering in her chest and a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach, Laura slowly looked up to see who had sat down. She sighed in relief as she realised that the man sat opposite her was the same one that had just served her dinner. Her grip on the cutlery loosened, and the tension left her body.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.” His voice was deep, but he seemed unsure of himself, like he didn’t really know what to say to her.
“It’s okay.” Laura’s voice came out as a whisper as she focused on her breathing to stop the panic attack that had been about to burst out of her. Every inch of her body was screaming at her to run. It had been so long since someone had sat close to her, and talked to her, that i
t felt wrong. She forced herself to relax, it was only one of the helpers at the shelter, he wouldn’t harm her.
“We’re encouraged to sit with people and talk to them. Sorry, it’s my first night here, so I’m not sure what to say.” The man ran his hand through his dark hair as he shot Laura a nervous smile.
“You don’t have to talk to me.” Laura shrugged her shoulders and looked down at the half eaten food in front of her. She had grown unaccustomed to making eye contact with people.
“Why don’t we start by introducing ourselves? I’m Luke.” Ignoring Laura’s stand-offish attitude, Luke stretched his hand across the table for Laura to shake. With a sigh, Laura took his hand and gave it a brief shake. His touch was soft and there was something reassuring in the way his hand held hers. For a moment she felt safe. Laura shook her head to clear the thought from her mind. She couldn’t allow herself to feel safe. If she thought she was safe, she would be vulnerable.
“I’m Claire.” The lie slid effortlessly off of her tongue.
“Lovely to meet you, Claire. Can we do anything for you, other than a hot meal?” Laura rolled her eyes at Luke’s words. He sounded as though he was reading from a script. She just wanted to eat her dinner in peace and then skulk off into the night to find somewhere safe, and hopefully dry, to sleep.
“No, thank you.” She shrugged her shoulders and turned her attention back to the half eaten plate of food, hoping he would get the hint and leave her alone. He didn’t.
“Perhaps we could help you get back in touch with your family?" Laura knew he meant well, but she really just wanted him to leave her alone. At the mention of her family, her eyes filled with tears, there was nothing she wanted more than a hug from her mum, a reassuring nod from her father, and a badly timed joke from her younger brother. She missed her family so much, but she knew she had to stay away from them to keep them safe.
Finding You Page 1