Uneasily she tried to brush aside the worry that perhaps Adrian would never be able to relax and let himself trust both of them completely.
He did love her, she told herself with some violence. He hadn’t said the words but that was all right. She knew him, understood him. She had complete confidence in his love. Her only fear was that he would never have the same confidence.
Somehow he had to learn that the iron control he held over himself wasn’t necessary any longer. He was a whole human being now. He’d healed himself. He must learn to have faith in the health of his emotions and in those of the woman who loved him. He could live safely now without a perfect cover.
And she did love him, Sara knew. With every fiber of her being. One month of the stilted courtship hadn’t changed that. Nothing on earth could change it. She had never been so certain of anything in her life.
She was at home that evening when he called. She was always at home these days. Not because she didn’t have friends or invitations but because she was terrified that Adrian might phone and find her out. She wanted nothing to upset him or alarm him. She wanted him to know that she was simply waiting for him.
The conversation followed by its now predictable path.
„How was the flight back to Seattle?“ she asked politely.
„Fine.“ He hesitated. „Have you eaten?“
„Oh, yes. I fixed myself a salad.“ Sara searched mentally for something to add to the careful conversation. „And I had a glass of wine.“
„I went down to the tavern and had a beer.“
At least you got to get out of the house, Sara thought irritably. I’m forced to sit here from five o’clock on because I can’t be sure when you’ll call. And I’m terrified you’d use the evidence of my not being at home as an indication that you were right not to trust me. „Sounds good,“ she said brightly. „How’s the plotting going on the new book?“
„Okay. I’m trying to figure out how to untwist some things in chapter four without giving away too much information. This book is going to be a lot easier to write, though, than Phantom was.“
Not surprising, Sara thought. This second book wouldn’t be nearly so autobiographical. Phantom had been a form of catharsis. The next book would truly be fiction. She didn’t have any doubt that it would be as good in its own way as its predecessor, however. The bottom line was that Adrian really could write. „Speaking of giving away information, Adrian,“ Sara heard herself begin quite firmly.
He paused before inquiring cautiously, „Yes?“
She floundered. „Well, I was wondering. I mean, it’s been a month now and I was just thinking that you might have come to some, er, decision.“
„About what?“
Sara very nearly lost her temper. „About us!“
„Oh. You still want a date when everything’s going to be settled, don’t you?“
„Adrian,“ she tried reasonably, „this is getting us nowhere. I’ve tried to be patient – “
„You don’t know much about patience, honey.“
„Don’t be condescending. Just because people like you know all about patience, doesn’t meant the rest of us – “
„What do you mean, people like me?“
Sara wanted to cry for having used all the wrong words. The forbidding cold was back in his voice. „I just meant that you seem to have developed a great deal of patience during your life. I, uh, I haven’t been quite that fortunate, Adrian, I’m trying to give you the time you need, but-“
„I’m not the one who needs the time,“ he interrupted quietly.
„Well, I sure as hell don’t need it! I know what I want. I’m in love with you, and this past month has been awful.
I feel like I’ve been in exile. You don’t touch me, you’re so polite I could spit, and you won’t tell me how long it’s going to go on. There ate times when I really begin to wonder if you – “ She halted the flow of words abruptly.
True to form, Adrian refused to be left hanging. „You wonder if I what?“
„Nothing,“ she mumbled.
„Sara, tell me what you were about to say.“
She sighed. „I wonder if you will ever really trust yourself or me enough to love me.“ There. It was said. She hadn’t dared anything that intimate before and she wasn’t at all certain how he would react. She had been assuming a great deal, Sara thought bleakly.
Silence on the other end of the line greeted her statement. Then Adrian’s voice came with rock-hard certainty.
„I love you, Sara.“
She caught her breath, her fingers clutching the receiver. „You do?“
„You’ve been a part of me for months. I can’t imagine life without you.“
The simple words were devastating to her. „You never said anything quite that explicit before,“ she finally got out rather weakly.
„I don’t flunk I’ve thought it out quite that explicitly until now,“ he admitted slowly. „You’ve just been there, a part of me.“
She closed her eyes in relief. It was finally over. It must be over. „Oh, Adrian, Adrian, thank you. I love you so much and I’ve been going crazy down here waiting for you to be sure.“
„I’ve been sure all along.“ He sounded vaguely surprised. „It’s you who needed the time.“
Sara’s eyes narrowed as she picked up the first inkling that her waiting might not be ended after all. „I don’t need any more time, Adrian. Please. I’ve been very patient. I could wait forever if there was a real need, but there isn’t. There’s no need for us to be apart.“
His voice hardened. „I want you to have more time.“
She heard the finality in his words and fury mingled with despair. „You think I’m playing a game with you.“
„No, Sara, it’s not that. I just – “
She didn’t let him finish. „Adrian Saville, you don’t know what real game playing is!“ Quite precisely and quite definitely, Sara hung up the phone. Then she walked to the hall closet and found her shoulder bag. There was a chic, cheerful little tavern down the street and around the corner. If Adrian could have a beer in the evenings, so could she. Come to think of it, she needed it a lot more than he did tonight.
The phone rang insistently behind her but Sara ignored it. She walked to the door, opened it as the phone continued to ring, and then she stepped outside. It was a wonderful, balmy Southern California evening. The scent of the sea hovered in the air and the row of palm trees lining her street rustled lazily in the evening breeze. Sara walked briskly down the sidewalk, wondering what the trees looked like in Southeast Asia.
The tavern was only half full, with a crowd of people in their late twenties and early thirties. The women, with their cleverly casual hairstyles, their silk shirts and jeans, chatted vivaciously with men in equally expensive hairstyles and designer jeans. Several heads nodded familiarly as Sara took a lone seat in the shadows at the back of the room. She ordered an imported beer and sipped it thoughtfully when it arrived.
The trees in Southeast Asia. Images of menacing jungles and treacherous swamps came to mind. Not really her kind of place. Adrian had learned caution the hard way in such places around the world. Caution and patience.
But there was a time and place for caution and patience. Surely they shouldn’t be allowed to stand in the way of a loving commitment. Love was so rare and so valuable it was a shame to make it wait on caution and patience. Sara took another taste of the expensive import and thought about Adrian’s reluctance to release himself completely from the reins of his self-control.
He had let those reins slip on a couple of occasions, she reminded herself. The first time he had made love to her, for example. The second time as well. Of course, on those occasions he had been assuming that he could keep his past hidden from her. He’d had no need to fear her reactions to learning his full identity because he’d assumed she never would know of it.
But even that last night at his home he had been unable to send her away although he had already ma
de up his mind to give her time. He had needed her that night, not in a sexual way, but in the way a man sometimes needs comfort from a woman. He’d let her comfort him to some extent, she reminded herself on a note of hope. He’d held her very tightly that night, even in his sleep. She’d been aware of the tension gradually leaving him. She seriously doubted that Adrian had ever risked taking much comfort from others.
Sara turned the matter over in her mind. He loved her and she loved him. And as she had told him, life could be short and precarious. Love was too important to risk losing because of too much caution and patience. She needed to find a way to make Adrian understand that. She needed to yank him out of his cautious, patient, controlled world.
An hour later she walked home alone, opened the door and saw the gleam of the crystal apple as it sat reflecting the light of her desk lamp. She stared at it for a long moment, thinking of Vaughn’s plans to retrieve the gold. Then, very slowly and very thoughtfully, she closed her door.
The phone rang just as she was about to get into bed an hour later.
„Hello, Adrian.“
„Have you calmed down?“
„I’ve calmed down.“
„I love you,“ he said quietly.
„I know. I love you.“
„Just give it a little more time, sweetheart,“ he urged. „The waiting isn’t easy for me, either.“
„I think it’s easier for you than it is for me,“ she told him.
„No,“ he said in a raw tone. „It isn’t. Good night, Sara. Sleep well.“
„Good night, Adrian.“
She hung up the phone and trailed slowly out into the living room. Once more her eyes fell on the crystal apple. There must be a way to break the impasse. The apple held the key to the gold. Perhaps it held the key to unlocking Adrian’s emotions.
Again she wondered what the trees looked like in Southeast Asia.
Adrian answered his phone on Friday morning with a sense of anticipation that he couldn’t deny. Very few people in the world had his unlisted number. Sara was one of those people.
„Hello?“
„She’s gone crazy, Adrian. I warned you this would happen. Don’t say I didn’t warn you!“ Lowell Kincaid was one of the few other people who had the number.
„You didn’t warn me,“ Adrian said patiently. Determinedly he squelched his disappointment that the caller wasn’t Sara. After all, he would be seeing her this evening. He could wait. „Calm down and tell me what you’re talking about, Lowell.“
„You think it’s a joke, but I can tell you from past experience, it isn’t.“
„Okay, it’s not a joke. Now tell me what it is that isn’t a joke.“
Kincaid spoke grimly. „She’s applied for a passport.“
Adrian paused, absorbing that. „A passport?“
„And she called me up to see what I knew about getting in and out of Cambodia.“
„That is a joke, right? You and she both have a very strange sense of humor, Kincaid. I’ve told you that on previous occasions.“ But Adrian’s hand was like a vise on the telephone receiver.
„Believe me, I’m not finding this funny. Applying for a passport isn’t the end of it, either.“
Adrian sucked in his breath. „All right. Let me have it.“
„She asked me for a second copy of your half of the map and she’s put an ad in the L.A. Times. Want to hear it?“
„No. But I think I’d better.“
„Listen to this.“ There was a rustle of newspaper on the other end of the line and then Lowell began to read: „ ‘Danger, adventure, financial reward for the right person. Applicant must be willing to travel out of the country, able to take care of himself and willing to follow employer’s orders. Personal interviews only, no phone. Three o’clock on Friday.’ That’s today, Adrian.“
„I know it’s today.“
„She goes on to name the hotel down in San Diego where she’ll be interviewing applicants. You know as well as I do that every California bozo who’s into fantasy violence is likely to show up. Adrian, this is all your fault. I’m holding you personally responsible.“
„My fault? You’re the one who gave her half a map and a legend, for pete’s sake!“
„And then I gave her and the map to you, damn it! I thought you would now how to take care of both!“ Lowell hung up the phone with a crashing noise that made his listener’s ear hurt.
Adrian stood silently staring at the receiver for a very long moment. The lady was playing games again. In her usual impulsive, off-the-wall style she was issuing a fullblown challenge.
She appeared to have absolutely no fear of him. Sara must know that he would be furious when he found out what she had planned. Everything she had done was quite deliberate, of course. She’d notified her uncle just to make certain Adrian would find out immediately what was happening.
A challenge, Adrian thought as he yanked his canvas overnight bag down from the closet shelf. She had one hell of a nerve. He recalled the way he had walked into his home that first night and found her casually searching his study. She’d had no fear of him then, not after she’d found the apple. And she obviously had no fear of him now.
But she had shuddered and gone cold whenever she had mentioned the man called Wolf. And she knew he had been Wolf.
He had wanted to give her plenty of time to accept him completely once she’d learned the whole truth. He’d wanted to be certain she could handle the idea of what he had once been. He loved her. It would tear him apart if deep down she was unable to accept him and his past. A few more weeks or months and he would have been more certain she knew what she was doing.
But Sara had no patience for strategy. She had applied for a passport and put an ad in the papers. She was going to force his hand.
Adrian zipped the bag closed, checked for his keys and set the house alarms. It would take him several hours to get to San Diego and he didn’t want to waste any time. There was a midmorning flight that he just might make if he moved quickly.
He was astonished to find himself suddenly very impatient.
The line began forming outside the hotel room at two o’clock. Sara watched in growing trepidation from the lobby, trying not to be obvious. If any of the wildly varied assortment of men in the line realized that the potential employer was the lady in jeans who was hanging around the front desk, she would be mobbed.
She had never dreamed so many people would show up in response to that ad. What really alarmed her was that Adrian was not among the thirty-plus males lounging in line. Nervously Sara wiped her hands on her denim pants. In a few minutes she was going to have to start dealing with that motley crew. Several of them looked rather tough. One or two appeared to be ex-bikers. A few were probably ex-military and some appeared merely curious. None of them was an ex-wolf.
Reaching for a pad of hotel paper and a pen Sara tried to jot down a few interview-type questions. What did one ask a mercenary? Especially when one had absolutely no intention of hiring him? She needed a question or two that would definitely exclude everyone in that line. Desperately she searched her brain for something that would make each of the waiting men ineligible.
At five minutes to three Sara steeled herself for the task ahead. Adrian was nowhere in sight. She was going to have to start the interviews or risk a very discontented line of applicants. The hotel management would not thank her for starting a riot.
Chin high, she took hold of her jangled nerves and swept down the line of rather scrungy-looking males. Without glancing at any of them she opened the hotel-room door and said over her shoulder, „I’ll see the first man in line now.“
Five seconds later she found herself alone in the room with a swaggering young man who was wearing a much-abused military fatigue shirt. He took one look at her and grinned arrogantly.
„You the lady who wants to hire me?“
„I’m the lady who is looking for the right man,“ Sara said coolly. „Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to ask you a fe
w pertinent questions.“
„Go right ahead, ma’am,“ he retorted with mock courtesy. „I’m at your service.“
The swaggering young man’s grin was gone when he stomped out of the room five minutes later. He was grumbling fiercely under his breath. Sara beckoned for the next applicant.
She had sent fifteen of the men packing when there was a loud commotion in the hallway outside the room. Angry voices rose in protest and a second later the door was shoved violently open. Sara looked up from interviewing candidate number sixteen and saw Adrian filling the doorway. Anger, a seething impatience and a vast masculine annoyance burned in his eyes when he looked at her.
But the room didn’t go cold.
Adrian pinned her for an instant, then his gaze flicked to candidate number sixteen, a middle-aged ex-military type running to fat.
„Out.“
The ex-military type examined the newcomer for a few taut seconds, then shrugged and got to his feet. „I was just leaving. Seems I don’t fit the profile of the successful applicant,“ he drawled. He used the words Sara had just spoken a second before the door had been flung open. He sauntered past Adrian, a flicker of amusement in his expression. „A very interesting lady. Good luck, buddy. I think you’re going to have your hands full.“
Adrian ignored him and turned to confront the remaining candidates. „Everyone can go home. Interview time is over. The lady has already hired a man. Me.“
„Now wait just a damn minute, pal….“
Adrian glanced over his shoulder at Sara. „Tell them, Sara.“
She got to her feet and realized her knees were slightly shaky. She had seen Adrian in a lot of different moods, including the one that could chill a room. She had never seen him thoroughly annoyed. She summoned a polite smile as she nodded at the men in the hall.
„I’m afraid he’s right. Mr. Saville is the perfect candidate. Thank you all for showing up today.“
There were a few growls of protest but the cluster of men dissolved. A moment later the hall was empty and Sara was left to face Adrian alone.
He leaned back against the doorjamb, his arms folded across his chest. „What the hell kind of game do you think you’re playing, Sara Frazer?“
The Waiting Game Page 21