Her hips jerked. “Tyler!”
“Look at me. Feel me touching you.”
Renny couldn’t take her eyes off his. The feel of his fingers touching her so intimately should have embarrassed her, or made her hide her face in shame, but she drew in a deep breath and let her body react.
Her hips moved, circled, pressing harder and harder against his fingers. He caressed her, slid into her with the heel of his hand pressing hard against her as she set the rhythm. Waves of need built. Her hands tore at the grass and she started to close her eyes.
“No.” Tyler wanted to watch her, see inside her through her eyes as her body flew out of control. His fingers moved faster, harder. His breathing grew harsher with every gasp escaping her panting lips.
Her hips jerked out of control and his own body tightened painfully as he took her higher and higher toward her release.
With a suddenness that surprised him, her body jerked hard, stiffened and convulsed around his finger.
Renny felt as if her soul had just burst from the confines of her body. Color formed around her, within her. For just one magical moment in time she was freed from the bog of suffocating burdens.
She needed this moment. She needed to know she could feel wonderful, carefree once again—if even for a moment.
Everything she felt in that wondrous moment was drawn deep into her starved soul. She drank in the shudders coursing through her body, reached higher, fought to stay in that burst of sparkling light for as long as she could.
She so desperately needed everything she was feeling and the man who’d awakened her to the secrets of her own body. She needed him, his strength, his warmth, his touch. He, of all men, could give her this rare gift of self.
All too quickly, the moment passed, the lights faded and she floated back to her spent and trembling body. Staring up into his eyes gone indigo with desire, Renny felt exhilarated. And very afraid that she’d set loose her own demons.
Chapter Thirteen
Tyler stared down into Renny’s luminous gaze. Watching her coast back to awareness shook him to his very core.
He had shown her pleasure, and in return, she’d given him the most wondrous gift he could ever have imagined. She’d let herself go, had trusted him, put herself in his hands and had allowed him to take her to a place where no one had ever taken her before.
Watching Renny climb the peak and then soar made him want to send her up and over again and again.
“You’re beautiful,” he said, leaning his head down. His lips touched hers tenderly, a soft caress. He needed her more than he’d ever needed anything. As his lips settled more fully over hers, he covered her naked breasts with his hard chest.
He loved the feel of her soft breasts beneath him. She shuddered. “Baby,” he moaned, braced for the heat of their passion to consume them both this time. His body melted onto her, a puddle of intense desire.
Beneath him, Renny trembled. His first instinct was to coax her to feel, to experience all that he could give her, but something felt wrong. Her lips were cold and her breath came in short gasps.
Tyler lifted his head. He’d expected to see many things lurking in her eyes: desire, embarrassment, maybe even anger. One never knew what to expect from Renny. He knew better than most that it was prudent to be on one’s toes.
However, he’d never thought to see stark fear in her eyes. “Renny?” He felt like a dagger had been thrust into his heart.
He lowered himself protectively over her, sliding his arms along the ground until his palms cradled her face. “What is it, baby? What are you afraid of? I didn’t hurt you, did I?”
Beneath him, Renny shook her head.
He brushed his thumbs over the soft, faded freckles that dusted her cheekbones. “I won’t touch you, not unless you want me to,” he promised.
No matter how much he ached for her, needed to touch her and be touched by her, Tyler would not add to her burdens.
Renny’s hands lifted to grip his wrists. Her fingers dug into his flesh. “Tyler—”
Very afraid that she was going to reject him, or ruin what had been a moment of indescribable beauty, Tyler leaned down and kissed her gently.
His body throbbed. Just one kiss, even if he couldn’t slide into her warmth, feel her body clench around him and take him to that wondrous place so far from the confines of their bodies.
Renny was all that mattered to him, all that he’d wanted and yearned for over the last year. He inhaled, drawing in her scent, then lifted his head.
“Don’t be afraid,” he repeated, his voice thick with desire. “We’ll stop. I’d never force you, Renny.” He pulled away from her.
“Not afraid!” Renny’s fingers reached up and grabbed a fistful of hair, keeping him from retreating.
Tyler bumped her forehead gently with his. “Renny, Lord knows I’m no saint. But I don’t want to hurt you and I don’t want to frighten you.”
He sighed, his body tight and coiled to the point of pain.
“I have to stop now or I won’t be able to stop.” He’d waited for her for so long, had imagined this moment on many hot, uncomfortable nights. So why was he hesitating?
Because one time wasn’t good enough. He wanted more from Renny. He wanted forever and was afraid that once her mind cleared, and she had her emotions back under rigid control, she’d never forgive him.
Her lips brushed against the side of his neck. “Don’t stop,” she begged, pulling him down, her lips seeking his.
“God, Renny.” He burrowed his nose in her neck. “Once done, it can’t be undone, or forgotten. We live tomorrow by what we do now.”
He was so used to her using her hatred to keep him at arm’s length that he expected the redheaded, sharp-tongued beast to rise and lash out at him.
When she went still on him, his body clenched in protest and braced for the attack. He could live with her anger, her stubborn pride and that unbending loyalty to those she loved, but he couldn’t live with regrets. Or her hatred of him.
Renny trembled in his arms. Her pulse raced and he felt a wetness on his face and knew she was crying. He tried to pull away.
“You’re frightened. It’s okay. I understand.”
“No. Not scared. Need you,” she whispered so fiercely and so softly he froze. Her arms tightened around him to prevent him from looking at her.
He lifted his head, stared down into her eyes. They were wide and wild. He saw the fear mingling with desire.
“You’re afraid,” he said, his gaze searching hers, his voice demanding honesty.
Renny sighed. She traced the sides of his face with her fingertips. “Yes. But not of you. Not what you’re going to do.”
“Then what, baby? What are you afraid of?”
“That you’ll stop. That you won’t want me.”
Stunned, Tyler stared down at her. “Not want—how?” Her fear was so off the mark, so ridiculous, he was speechless. But in that same moment, the truth struck.
Renny wasn’t afraid of him. She was afraid of herself, of losing control. He saw it all so clearly now: the strength of her will, one she wielded relentlessly in order to control everyone and everything around her.
The temper that emerged whenever she lost control. Anger, he realized, helped her regain control and stay in control. Control to Renny was as essential as water to a fish.
Tyler did the only thing he could: he gave her the reins of his heart. He let her pull his mouth to his, let her set the pace, take charge.
He met each hard, almost bruising kiss with passion to match. He responded to her needs with the wants and desires of his body.
Finally, they broke the kiss and stared at one another with eyes blazing with desire. He slid his hands down her body, following the gentle curves. Grasping the waist of her pants, he
hesitated a moment.
“I can’t wait much longer—”
Renny didn’t hesitate. “Then don’t wait. I’m not afraid of you, of this.”
Tyler shed their remaining clothing and slid back over her, his erection sliding over her soft, bare flesh.
Renny reveled in his touch, the feel of his naked skin sliding over hers, the gentle touch of his fingers gliding across her hip and that part of him that throbbed against her nest of curls.
She arched her hips, trying to bring them closer. She needed this. Him.
As he took her back along that wondrous path of love, a tiny part of her remained afraid. She’d lied. She was afraid. Very afraid. Not of Tyler. Not anymore.
This man, who for most of their acquaintance had been her enemy. Now he was her lover. Her salvation, her anchor.
That’s what scared her. She’d never be able to go back to relying only on herself. She needed him, and feared she wouldn’t be able to survive without him. What if this was only a dream? What if she woke to find that no such place existed? Maybe she’d never find her way back into the warmth and light.
“Don’t be afraid,” he whispered in her mouth as he ran his hands all over her. “Trust me.”
“I do,” she groaned as his fingers slid into her.
Renny gave herself up and let herself feel. His touch made her feel beautiful, wanted. His moans made her feel needed and the sensations humming through her body took her far away from everything that tied her to the earth.
In Tyler’s arms, she had no worries, no fears. Only this wondrous feeling of belonging. Of being.
“Might hurt,” he gasped in her ear.
Renny pulled his mouth back to hers. “Already hurt. Need you. Need more.” Her body felt on fire, and ached for release. She wanted to go where he’d sent her before. This time, though, she wanted him with her.
“Come with me,” she begged.
“I will. Say my name, Renny. Say my name. Call me to you.”
The small twinge of pain as he entered her, stretched her, was swallowed by her crying out his name.
“Tyler,” she moaned as she accepted him inside. He became a part of her. They were one, united, and that brief flash of pain was a small price to pay for such wondrous feelings.
She’d never felt this close to anyone. They were merged. She wanted it to last forever and yet she wanted that ending, that burst of light, the feeling of flying into forever.
“Again,” he gasped.
Renny’s breathing came hard and fast. She was climbing but he was holding back. She felt it. She moved hard against him.
“Say my name. Please,” he urged her as he continued to kiss her lips, her face, the hollow of her neck.
Renny gripped his hair tight and pulled his head so she could see into his eyes. They mirrored hers: filled with a hunger that consumed.
“Shut up, Troll,” she ordered, then kissed him hard.
He laughed, then moaned when her fingers dug into his backside and squeezed. He pumped himself furiously into her.
Renny rose to meet each thrust, held him tight to her with her legs wrapped around his waist and rode wave after wave of burning need.
“Now, Renny,” Tyler gasped. “Let go now.”
Renny let go and rose higher, faster and harder. This time, she didn’t soar alone. And when the shudders subsided, she didn’t fall back to earth by herself.
* * *
Matthew floated in a strange world that was a mixture of shadows and light. High above where he lay, a new and wonderful place beckoned him forward. Yes, he thought as he drifted closer yet. The place of his ancestors; a place where death became an everlasting life.
It was a good place. Peaceful, beautiful. All he had to do was lift his hands high and let his body soar upward where white buffalo roamed in herds so thick, the whiteness nearly blinded him.
His head fell back, his back bowed as he held out his arms. “Take me.”
A roar filled his head. The herds of buffalo fled in a thundering mass. Shadows crept over the beauty and a gust of wind slammed him back to the shadowy world where his body writhed and twisted in pain.
“No,” he cried out.
His eyes flew open. The world had turned white. He blinked but the whiteness blinded, like the sun shining down on a snow-blanketed prairie.
His breathing felt labored. His chest hurt with each short gasp as though he’d just been thrown roughly to the ground.
Pain assaulted him from head to toe. It radiated from his center outward and consumed him. He lay still, closed his eyes and struggled to hear his heat beating. The pain was so bad, so overwhelming, he couldn’t hear his life’s blood flowing in his veins.
Matthew knew he was hurt and hurt bad. He vaguely recalled a sound like thunder before everything had gone black. He’d been shot.
He’d been shot once before, in the thigh, but this time was worse. He was dying, could feel his soul straining to leave his body. But a strange pressure on his chest kept him pinned to the earth.
He struggled to remember what had happened but his mind was fuzzy, filling with fog so thick, it was all he could do not to be pulled back down into unconsciousness.
He tried to move but felt as though he’d been bound tight. He was trapped. Struggling weakly, he cried out.
“Be still, child.” The deep, gravelly voice should have made him feel threatened, but instead it calmed him. A wave of warmth brushed against him, stilling the trembling that had started deep inside.
Matthew’s chest burned, each breath a struggle. He felt so weak. And tired. Keeping his eyes open was becoming harder and harder to do.
The pressure on his chest eased.
“Be still. You are safe.”
The whiteness shimmered then came into focus. Matthew blinked as the apparition hovering close to him took on the features of an old man with a face as round as the moon. His skin—what Matthew could see between a white mustache and beard—appeared ancient, like the craggy side of a mountain.
Drawing in a deep, startled breath, Matthew choked against the deep waves of pain that followed each breath. He kept his breathing shallow.
Who was the stranger? Fighting the encroaching wall of gray, Matthew’s gaze latched on to a pair of crystal-bright eyes shining from the midst of the white. Old eyes. Kind eyes. Sad eyes.
Eyes that made him feel safe. “You are safe, child. She is on her way. You must fight the darkness and resist the temptation of the light. It is not time for you to depart this world for the next. You must be strong.”
Matthew kept his eyes on the kind stranger. The man looked old as the hills. From him he felt a healing warmth seeping deep into his soul.
His eyes blurred for a moment. Once again he saw the blue and white spirit world, heard the victorious cries of warriors returning after battle. The translucent figures were so far and yet so close. Many of them seemed to be staring down at him.
He lifted a hand, as though begging them to come to him, to lead him up that path into a world with no pain.
“No,” the command came harshly. “You will obey me in this. Here is where you must remain. Your time is not at hand.” A strong gust of wind whipped over him, forcing him to close his eyes against the swirling dust.
Matthew’s throat seized; he coughed and moaned in pain.
A hand slipped beneath his head and cradled him close. “Drink.”
Matthew sipped water through his parched lips. He’d never tasted anything sweeter. He eagerly drank until the water flask was removed and he was once again lying on a soft bed.
“Enough,” the voice ordered.
“What happened?” Matthew concentrated on the face above him, each breath a struggle.
“What happened?” he asked again. “Can’t remember.
Need to remember. Important…”
Everything was a hazy dream. A nightmare.
“Someone…” He started shivering.
A heavy fur was placed over him. “Sleep,” the gruff voice ordered. “You will remember later.”
Just as the heavy blanket of sleep claimed him, an image appeared: a dark-haired woman with big, green eyes.
“Brenna,” he said, his voice a weak sigh as he drifted away on a gentle cloud of warmth.
Chapter Fourteen
Renny stared up into the waning light. Soft, fluffy clouds skimmed across the darkening sky. Soon, golden-pink fingers would bathe the heavens in the elegant colors of the approaching night.
Funny, she thought. She’d never once figured that she’d like this mating stuff. What she’d just experienced had seemed incomprehensible to her. She’d figured it was just something women did to please their mates.
Living in close quarters with her parents either in her mother’s tipi or the small cabin her father had built had clued her in that mating wasn’t distasteful or painful. No matter how her parents had tried to hide it, mating was noisy and strange-sounding.
She grinned. And wonderful.
“What’s so funny?” Tyler demanded, rising up onto his elbows to stare down at her. He trailed a long blade of grass between her breasts.
“Nothing,” Renny said hastily. When he just lifted a brow, she shrugged. “It was nice.” Of course, it might not have been so wonderful with anyone else.
She hastily shook off the thought. She had enough pulling on her emotions. She didn’t want to get into why this felt so right.
“Nice?” He lifted both brows. “Just nice?”
Now Renny grinned sheepishly. “Well, better than nice. It was wonderful. Thank you.”
Tyler feigned a moment of shock. “Where is Renny? Who are you?”
Renny smacked him in the shoulder. “Don’t ruin it,” she warned.
“Ah, much better,” Tyler said. The blade of grass snaked down over her belly.
Renny turned on her side so she could see into Tyler’s eyes. He looked younger, and carefree. He looked happy, ridiculously so. She reached out to touch his mouth, loving the full softness. So often his mouth was tight and firm. Often because of her own behavior, she admitted. She frowned.
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