Perfect. Absolutely perfect.
* * *
After dealing with flight delays, crossing a couple of time zones and spending a week away from work at a real-estate conference, all Alec wanted was a decent night’s sleep. But, apparently, that wasn’t going to happen tonight.
With hands jammed in his front pockets and bare feet, Alec stood on the sidewalk next to his new neighbor as the fire crew double-checked the upstairs apartment. He tried to tell them it was nothing more than burned popcorn, but since the security company had notified them, they needed to do their own investigation.
And he knew that.
But that did little to settle the memories the alarm had awakened in his mind. He forced even breaths into his lungs and exhaled slowly to calm his hammering heart. He could attribute his sweat-slicked skin to the thick-as-fog humidity.
A sweeping glance down the street showed nosy neighbors standing in their yards, gawking at the activity going on in front of his house.
Exactly what he hated—people in his business.
His bones sagged as his eyes burned with fatigue. The pounding in his skull didn’t help, either.
Why had Gran rented the upstairs apartment to a scatterbrain?
She’d called him to say a sweet, responsible girl from her church was looking for an apartment for the summer. Despite his hesitation at renting to someone without meeting her first and for only a short time, he’d given in, trusting Gran’s judgment. Look where that’d gotten him. With a signed lease and three months’ rent paid in advance, he was stuck with the popcorn burner.
His new neighbor—what was her name again?—glanced at him and stuck out her hand. “I’m really sorry for causing so much trouble. I’m Sarah, by the way. Sarah Sullivan. I promise not to be a problem in the future.”
Her smile revealed even, white teeth and emphasized her high cheekbones. The streetlights haloed her short dark hair that stood out at all angles. The top of her head didn’t even come to his shoulder. She didn’t look old enough to be out of high school, let alone living on her own. Something about her seemed familiar, but in his brain-fogged state, he couldn’t place where he’d seen her.
He shook her hand quickly, then released it. “Alec. And that’s good to know. I like sleeping at night. You related to Caleb Sullivan?”
“Yes, he’s my brother.”
That was how he knew her. “He’s a good man.”
“The best.” She looked at him and cocked her head. “Didn’t you play at his wedding a couple of weeks ago?”
“I did.”
The image of her walking down the aisle in the pale blue halter dress clicked into place.
Billy Lynn, Shelby Lake’s battalion chief on duty and Alec’s brother-in-law, strode over to them and clapped Alec on the shoulder. “All’s clear. I’ll phone it in to the security company. You’re both free to go back inside.”
“Thanks, man.” The tinge of smoke that lingered in the material of Billy’s turnout gear snaked through Alec, unearthing memories best left buried.
Sarah shot them a quick, apologetic smile. “Again, so sorry. Have a good night.” She jogged barefoot across the grass and disappeared into the house.
Billy chuckled and shook his head. “You’re going to have your hands full with that one.”
“I don’t have the time, or the inclination, to deal with anyone.”
Billy’s lips thinned as he scrubbed a hand over his buzzed head. “You know, Alec, Christy’s been gone four years today.”
Alec held up a hand. “Stop, okay? I know exactly how long she’s been gone.”
He didn’t need a calendar to know what day it was.
“My sister wouldn’t want to see you like this.” Billy crossed his arms over his chest, emphasizing his wrestler’s build.
“Yeah, well, she’s not here anymore.” And he had no one to blame but himself.
“No. No, she isn’t.” Billy heaved a sigh and moved his helmet to his other arm. “Listen, since I’m already poking the bear...we have an opening in the department, if you’d like to come back.”
Alec shook his head and scoffed. “You’re in rare form tonight, aren’t you?”
Billy shrugged. “What can I say? Haven’t seen you in a while, so I figured why not get it all in while I can?”
Alec waved a hand over the yard. “Dude, you know where I live.”
“Yeah, I know, buddy.”
“I appreciate the offer, but that part of my life is in the past, where it needs to stay.” The fire department didn’t need a crew member who still battled nightmares or freaked out over smoke alarms.
“Don’t even go there, man.” Billy’s voice snapped like a whip. “You threw away your career because of one house.”
Alec’s heart smashed against his ribs. “Go there? Dude, I never left. And it wasn’t just any house, Billy. You know that. It was my house. The one I shared with my wife. The one where we were going to raise our family.” His chest tightened as he chugged in ragged breaths. He jammed his fingers through his hair, then locked his hands behind his head.
Billy’s shoulders sagged. “I’m sorry, man. I didn’t mean to get you riled up. I just hate seeing you merely existing.”
“I don’t think I’ve had a decent night’s sleep in four years.” He mumbled the words mostly to himself. He didn’t need to close his eyes to feel flames from the past searing his skin or smell the choking grasp of the thick smoke. Or hear his wife’s frantic screams, begging him to save her... He ground the heels of his hands into his eye sockets. “I have a responsibility to my grandparents now.”
“It wasn’t your fault, Alec.” Billy gripped his shoulder.
“Tell that to your mom.” Jane Lynn’s grief-stricken screams echoed inside the dark chambers of his mind.
You should have saved her! My daughter is dead because of you!
Squeezing his eyes shut, he forced the accusation back behind the locked door of his memory. He glanced longingly toward his front door. “I appreciate your concern. I do, but I’m running on empty. I need to catch some z’s.”
Billy gave him a long look. “I’m serious, man. Would you want Christy to live like this if she had lost you?”
Of course not, but how could he explain the deep hole in his heart that couldn’t be filled by anyone else?
“I know it’s been tough. I miss my baby sister every day,” Billy continued. “You know, I used to watch you two together and think you were the perfect couple. You’d cook these fantastic meals together, and anytime Etta James came on the radio, you’d pull Christy away from the sink and dance with her. That’s what you need—to find another dance partner...someone who makes you laugh and brings back the joy in your life.”
Billy stated the impossible. No one could fill his arms...or his heart...the way Christy had. She had been a perfect fit.
He shot a mischievous look at Alec. “If you don’t start living—I mean really living instead of going through the motions—then I’m going to pass out your number to every single chick I know...and I know plenty.”
Alec’s eyes narrowed. “You wouldn’t dare.”
“Try me.”
Alec dropped his chin to his chest a moment, then glared at Billy. “Fine, you win.”
The teasing tone dropped out of Billy’s voice. “It’s not about winning, Alec.”
“Yeah.” Alec rubbed his thumb and forefinger over eyelids made of burlap. “I really need to hit the hay.”
Billy clapped him on the shoulder. “Yeah, okay. We’ll talk soon.”
“Later.” Alec strode across the lawn, his feet and the frayed hems of his jeans dampened by the night dew. He entered his apartment, locking the door behind him.
Instead of heading for his bed, he dropped into the oversize leather chai
r in the corner of the living room. Swinging a foot onto the matching ottoman, he rested his head against the cushioned back.
The minute the fire alarm had screamed through the stillness of the night, his adrenaline had yanked him out of his sleep. He had thrown on clothes and rushed upstairs. All he could think about was saving the new tenant. He couldn’t handle another death on his conscience.
Sitting up, he opened the drawer in the side table and reached for a handful of photos, smudged with fingerprints and creased from being handled. He leafed through them quickly, not really needing the visual reminder of Christy’s smile or the way her blue eyes sparkled when she laughed. But, for a moment, he needed to flip through them to remind himself why he couldn’t respond differently to Billy’s offer.
He paused on the one photo that nearly mangled his gut each time he looked at it—a candid shot of him and Christy slow dancing in his grandparents’ kitchen. They had celebrated their first Christmas together as a married couple with his family. While doing dishes, their wedding song had come on the radio. He asked Christy to dance with him. She’d fit perfectly into his arms. He hadn’t minded the way she teased him playfully about his missteps. His sister, Chloe, had taken the picture as he dropped a kiss on the tip of his wife’s nose.
The memory only served to hurt him more deeply. Because, as he continued to gaze at the image, a thought invaded his mind. He hadn’t just lost his wife and everything they owned in the fire—he’d also lost his unborn son.
Alec dropped the pictures back in the drawer and slammed it shut. He pushed himself out of the chair and wandered down the darkened hall to his bedroom.
More than anything, he wanted to bring back the family he’d lost and have the life he was meant to live. But that was impossible.
If he could turn back the clock, he’d make different choices—choices that would’ve protected Christy and his baby. As long as the trauma from his past continued to plague him, having a life with anyone else was impossible.
But he couldn’t drown out Billy’s words. His brother-in-law still remained single, despite his share of dates, so he didn’t understand what it was like to love and lose one’s partner.
What Alec wouldn’t give to laugh again and to have the same kind of happiness he’d shared with Christy.
But dancing ever again?
That was out of the question. No one could fill his arms the way she had.
Copyright © 2016 by Lisa Jordan
ISBN-13: 9781488007422
Small-Town Girl
Copyright © 2016 by Jessica Koschnitzky
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