by Joy, E. n.
"Here," he said, holding the ladle up to my lips for me to sample.
I slurped the liquid off the spoon while staring into his eyes. "Now this is more like it," I said. "What is this called?" I asked, holding my cup out so he could fill it.
"Sea Breeze," he replied, while refreshing my drink.
Jarvis and I stood side by side in an awkward silence.
"You wanna sit down and talk?" he asked me, taking a seat in front of the punch bowl.
"I don't care," I replied, happily sitting down next to him.
Jarvis and I laughed and talked for a couple of hours while slamming back cups of Sea Breeze. I had to use the bathroom so bad, my stomach began to hurt. I’d had to pee for the longest time, but I had been holding it in. I was too afraid that if I left, when I returned, some other chick would be sitting next to Jarvis taking my place. Because the entire time we’d been chatting it up, chicks had been watching, stalking around just waiting to make a move the minute I left. But now, I was about to explode.
"I have to use the bathroom," I said, not being able to hold my pee any longer. As I stood up, I felt my head spinning. I took one step and that was on Jarvis’s foot. "Excuse me," I giggled and stumbled. I held on to the wall for dear life as I made my way up the stairs to the bathroom. It seemed as if the music had gotten louder as I got closer to the top of the stairs or maybe it was just my imagination.
There was someone in the bathroom when I got there, so I did the pee-pee dance until they came out. Then I raced in, barely getting my pants down in time. After finishing my business in the bathroom, I walked into the hallway and stood still while the rest of the room did a dance. My heart beat along with the bass of the music as I leaned against the wall to keep myself from falling. I was drunk beyond my control and I didn't like the feeling one bit.
"Here, let me help you," Jarvis said, coming from out of nowhere, grabbing a hold of my hand and leading me into Tashonna’s mom's bedroom. He turned on the light as we entered the room.
"Why you takin' me in here?" I slurred, confused, but still following. “Let’s go back downstairs and talk.”
"Just come in here and rest for a minute," he replied, closing the door behind us. "You need to stay close to the bathroom anyway, just in case you have to throw up. You don’t look so good,” he reasoned. “Here, sit down." He led me over to the queen-sized bed.
I plopped down on the bed. My head and eyes both hung low as I tried to maintain what control I had left of myself. Jarvis sat down on the bed beside me.
"Lay back," Jarvis suggested as he slightly pushed my shoulder. I fell backwards like a ton of bricks had just hit me. I desperately tried to lift myself up, but to no avail. I laid there staring up at the ceiling. It was making me sick to my stomach as I watched the ceiling go in circles. I tried to close my eyes to stop the room from moving, even then my world still continued to spin.
Jarvis put his face into mine and stared at me. I opened up my eyes and looked at him like he was crazy. He then leaned in and tried to kiss me, but I turned my head. Jarvis forcefully grabbed my face and pressed his lips against mine.
"Stop, Jarvis," I protested.
"Why you trippin', girl?" he asked as he tried to put his hand up my shirt. “You know you down. You didn’t sit up under me all night for nothin’.”
"Stop it," I said, pushing his hand away.
"Oh, so now you gon' try to play hard to get," someone said. That someone wasn’t Jarvis. The voice seemed to have come from a distance. I was drunk, but I knew Jarvis was no ventriloquist. Someone else was talking. Someone else was in the room.
I looked in the direction from where the second voice was coming from. My eyes landed on Javon. He was coming out of the closet. He reached over and turned off the light switch. I forced myself to sit up, only to be knocked back down from a blow to the side of my head.
"Lay yo’ butt down," Javon demanded.
I fought to get up off the bed, but it was no use. I was drunk and they were too strong. Jarvis straddled me and pinned my arms down to the bed with his knees, while Javon ripped away at my pants. Jarvis began choking me until I nearly passed out, and as soon as he thought I was on the verge of unconsciousness, he'd slap me back to my senses.
Just when I forgot about Javon, he began punching me in my side. They seemed as if they were enjoying the pain they were causing me because they laughed as they tortured me. I screamed and yelled only to be drowned out by the loud music that was playing downstairs. I kept hoping for someone to change the CD so the music could stop just for a brief second so anyone could hear me screaming. But the music played on continuously. Javon and Jarvis did the unthinkable next. Once again, my innocence was stripped right from under me. What was I to do now?
Later that night, after the party, when I got home, I was relieved that my mother was working a double shift at the hospital. She’d been a registered nurse for the past few years. I couldn’t bring myself to tell her that her baby girl had just been raped, beaten, and sodomized all in one night. With her Angina, the heart condition she and her sisters inherited from my grandmother, she might not be able to handle the news. I walked straight to the bathroom and ran some water in the tub. I cried like a newborn baby as I scrubbed my bruised body. When I finished, I walked into my room, climbed into my bed, and continued to cry until I fell off to sleep.
For the next couple of weeks, I had to nurse myself back to health. My ribs felt like they were broken, but all I could do was wrap Ace bandages around my body and pop 800 milligrams of Ibuprofen every few hours to numb the pain. I already had problems sleeping because of the things John had been doing to me, but after the incident with Jarvis and Javon, I began having nightmares and cold sweats. I was paranoid of every man I came in contact with, and it was nearly driving me insane.
I alienated myself from the world. All I did was sit in my room and read. I was too afraid to go outside, other than going to school, because my short temper had me acting out in a way that had me second guessing what I was capable of. The final incident that let me know I needed help was when I stabbed a girl in my math class in the neck with a pencil. And what do you know? Her mother pressed charges on me. Back to juvenile I went. I was charged with assault and sentenced to serve a deuce.
I had to adjust to being away from my mother. It didn't bother me coming to the detention center when I was doing weekends or a couple of months, but having to do two years, which is what I had gotten sentenced, was going to be a challenge. At least I didn’t have to worry about John or any other man forcing themselves on me while I was locked up. With that in mind, I decided that this place wasn’t going to be so bad after all.
"Parker, you got a visit," the correctional officer yelled into my tiny room.
I quickly brushed my hair back with my hand and stood in front of my door, waiting for the C/O to unlock it.
"You lookin' mighty good today, Hayden," C/ O Bradley complimented as we headed down the long hallway that led to the visiting room.
"Thanks," I replied dryly as I continued my stride.
Being on lockdown for the past fourteen months had done a body good. My acne prone face was as clear as plastic. My flat chest and small behind had blossomed like a bed of dandelions in an open field. A sista was stacked like a deck of cards, and my hair hung neatly to my shoulders. One of the rules in juvenile was that we had to keep our hair braided or in a ponytail, of course I kept mine braided. My girl, Kristen, kept a sista looking nice and all I had to give her was two honey buns and a bag of chips. I had even grown a couple of inches taller. The judge told my mother that if I got into some programs, kept my grades up in school, and signed up for anger management, he would consider letting me out early for good behavior. I took every program I could. I got straight A's in all my classes, and I finished my anger management class with no problem. That meant that I’d be going home real soon.
I smiled as I walked down the detention center hallway. It was always nice to see my mom's smiling fa
ce once a month. I was so happy when she wrote me and told me that her and John had broken up because she had found out he was smoking crack. She just didn’t know how relieved I was to be able to go home and not have to worry about being violated. It would be just me and my momz. I couldn’t have asked for anything more.
I walked into the visiting room and saw my mother's smiling face. I smiled back as I made my way over to her. I continued to smile as we hugged, but my smile faded as I watched John make his way over from the vending machine.
"Surprise," Momma smiled.
"Hey, Princess," John said as he placed the food he had just purchased on the little end table that sat in between us. He sat down next to momma with a huge smile on his face.
If looks could kill, John would have died on the spot. I was shooting daggers.
"What's that look for, baby?" Momma asked me.
Not wanting to worry my mother, because of her bad heart, I just played it off. "Nothing, I just had a sharp pain in my stomach. It musta been from the oatmeal I ate at breakfast," I lied.
"You need to stop eatin' so much. You’re startin' to get fat," Momma laughed.
"Not fat, Momma, it's called thick," I corrected her and laughed, which kinda-sorta lightened the mood; seeing Momma’s smile. Her smile was like a healing balm.
"Umm huh," John added with a seductive look in his eyes.
I nearly threw up from his comment. The mood had just that quickly taken a negative shift.
"Momma, we need to talk…alone," I said, looking over in John's direction.
"That's fine, baby.” She turned her attention to John. “John, could you please excuse us for a minute?"
The noided look on John's face let me know that he was afraid that I was about to tell Momma what he had done to me.
"Okay…okay…yeah, cool," he stammered.
I watched with a disgusted look on my face as he got up from his chair and made his way back over towards the vending area.
"What's the matter, baby?" Momma asked me when John was out of ear shot.
"I thought you said in your letter that you and John broke up."
Momma sighed before speaking. "We did, baby, but he promised me that he would get clean. And he did; hasn’t touched the stuff in the last couple of weeks. So I’m giving him another chance."
"Momma, I don't like him," I whined like I used to when I was a little girl.
"Well, Hayden, I love him and he's gon' be around," she said, sternly. "Now, you don’t have too much time left in this place. The time you do have I think you should spend gettin' over this problem you all of a sudden have with your daddy.”
“He’s not my daddy,” I said with an attitude.
I wanted to slap her for being so stupid. If only I could tell her what he had done to me and probably others, she would have a change of heart. Surely having a problem molesting little girls was far worse than a crack problem. But I couldn't tell her, because I knew she would be devastated, and with her heart being bad and all, I knew it would kill her. I could not-I would not-murder my mother with words.
My mother looked over at John with a smile and waved him back over to us. I watched the look in her eyes as he walked towards us. Just her look alone confirmed that out of all the men she had ever been with, she loved this monster the most. So it was clear and evident that as long as I wanted to be around my mother, I’d have to be around the monster too.
Chapter Three
Later that night, after the party, when I got home, I was relieved that my mother was working a double shift at the hospital. She’d been a registered nurse for the past few years. I couldn’t bring myself to tell her that her baby girl had just been raped, beaten, and sodomized all in one night. With her Angina, the heart condition she and her sisters inherited from my grandmother, she might not be able to handle the news. I walked straight to the bathroom and ran some water in the tub. I cried like a newborn baby as I scrubbed my bruised body. When I finished, I walked into my room, climbed into my bed, and continued to cry until I fell off to sleep.
For the next couple of weeks, I had to nurse myself back to health. My ribs felt like they were broken, but all I could do was wrap Ace bandages around my body and pop 800 milligrams of Ibuprofen every few hours to numb the pain. I already had problems sleeping because of the things John had been doing to me, but after the incident with Jarvis and Javon, I began having nightmares and cold sweats. I was paranoid of every man I came in contact with, and it was nearly driving me insane.
I alienated myself from the world. All I did was sit in my room and read. I was too afraid to go outside, other than going to school, because my short temper had me acting out in a way that had me second guessing what I was capable of. The final incident that let me know I needed help was when I stabbed a girl in my math class in the neck with a pencil. And what do you know? Her mother pressed charges on me. Back to juvenile I went. I was charged with assault and sentenced to serve a deuce.
I had to adjust to being away from my mother. It didn't bother me coming to the detention center when I was doing weekends or a couple of months, but having to do two years, which is what I had gotten sentenced, was going to be a challenge. At least I didn’t have to worry about John or any other man forcing themselves on me while I was locked up. With that in mind, I decided that this place wasn’t going to be so bad after all.
"Parker, you got a visit," the correctional officer yelled into my tiny room.
I quickly brushed my hair back with my hand and stood in front of my door, waiting for the C/O to unlock it.
"You lookin' mighty good today, Hayden," C/ O Bradley complimented as we headed down the long hallway that led to the visiting room.
"Thanks," I replied dryly as I continued my stride.
Being on lockdown for the past fourteen months had done a body good. My acne prone face was as clear as plastic. My flat chest and small behind had blossomed like a bed of dandelions in an open field. A sista was stacked like a deck of cards, and my hair hung neatly to my shoulders. One of the rules in juvenile was that we had to keep our hair braided or in a ponytail, of course I kept mine braided. My girl, Kristen, kept a sista looking nice and all I had to give her was two honey buns and a bag of chips. I had even grown a couple of inches taller. The judge told my mother that if I got into some programs, kept my grades up in school, and signed up for anger management, he would consider letting me out early for good behavior. I took every program I could. I got straight A's in all my classes, and I finished my anger management class with no problem. That meant that I’d be going home real soon.
I smiled as I walked down the detention center hallway. It was always nice to see my mom's smiling face once a month. I was so happy when she wrote me and told me that her and John had broken up because she had found out he was smoking crack. She just didn’t know how relieved I was to be able to go home and not have to worry about being violated. It would be just me and my momz. I couldn’t have asked for anything more.
I walked into the visiting room and saw my mother's smiling face. I smiled back as I made my way over to her. I continued to smile as we hugged, but my smile faded as I watched John make his way over from the vending machine.
"Surprise," Momma smiled.
"Hey, Princess," John said as he placed the food he had just purchased on the little end table that sat in between us. He sat down next to momma with a huge smile on his face.
If looks could kill, John would have died on the spot. I was shooting daggers.
"What's that look for, baby?" Momma asked me.
Not wanting to worry my mother, because of her bad heart, I just played it off. "Nothing, I just had a sharp pain in my stomach. It musta been from the oatmeal I ate at breakfast," I lied.
"You need to stop eatin' so much. You’re startin' to get fat," Momma laughed.
"Not fat, Momma, it's called thick," I corrected her and laughed, which kinda-sorta lightened the mood; seeing Momma’s smile. Her smile was like a healing balm.
> "Umm huh," John added with a seductive look in his eyes.
I nearly threw up from his comment. The mood had just that quickly taken a negative shift.
"Momma, we need to talk…alone," I said, looking over in John's direction.
"That's fine, baby.” She turned her attention to John. “John, could you please excuse us for a minute?"
The noided look on John's face let me know that he was afraid that I was about to tell Momma what he had done to me.
"Okay…okay…yeah, cool," he stammered.
I watched with a disgusted look on my face as he got up from his chair and made his way back over towards the vending area.
"What's the matter, baby?" Momma asked me when John was out of ear shot.
"I thought you said in your letter that you and John broke up."
Momma sighed before speaking. "We did, baby, but he promised me that he would get clean. And he did; hasn’t touched the stuff in the last couple of weeks. So I’m giving him another chance."
"Momma, I don't like him," I whined like I used to when I was a little girl.
"Well, Hayden, I love him and he's gon' be around," she said, sternly. "Now, you don’t have too much time left in this place. The time you do have I think you should spend gettin' over this problem you all of a sudden have with your daddy.”
“He’s not my daddy,” I said with an attitude.
I wanted to slap her for being so stupid. If only I could tell her what he had done to me and probably others, she would have a change of heart. Surely having a problem molesting little girls was far worse than a crack problem. But I couldn't tell her, because I knew she would be devastated, and with her heart being bad and all, I knew it would kill her. I could not-I would not-murder my mother with words.
My mother looked over at John with a smile and waved him back over to us. I watched the look in her eyes as he walked towards us. Just her look alone confirmed that out of all the men she had ever been with, she loved this monster the most. So it was clear and evident that as long as I wanted to be around my mother, I’d have to be around the monster too.