If You Hold Me (A Sugar Maple Novel Book 4)

by Ciara Knight

  “Isn’t it? You went to fulfill your dreams, and you haven’t yet. And until you do, you’re never going to stay here. I wouldn’t want you to stay here for me. Stay or go. I don’t care anymore. It’s your decision. I won’t hold it against you. At least this time you didn’t promise to always be with me.”

  “That’s not fair. We were kids. Manipulated, confused children who knew nothing about life.”

  “That doesn’t give you a reason to come in here and order me to end my meeting early with Seth.”

  He stumbled back, realization washing over him. “Meeting?”

  “Yes, meeting. It’s not a date. I’m helping him look over some coffeehouses he’s thinking about investing in as a new business opportunity for him. And, for your information, I told Seth the other night that I couldn’t date him because I was confused about how I felt about you and our future. But you didn’t trust me. You assumed I was playing games. Or are you just looking for an excuse to prove to yourself you made the right decision all those years ago? Just because football didn’t work out doesn’t mean that I’m your fallback plan.”

  “No, that’s not true.” Tanner closed the distance between them, desperate to make this right. “You don’t mean that.”

  “I do. And you can stop bullying me. I’m not your mother.”

  “Bully?” The word kicked him in the gut, and he thought he’d be doubled over for life.

  The anger faded from her face, and she reached for him. “Tanner.”

  “No.” He left in a huff, needing to collect his thoughts before he said anything else he’d regret. The last thing he ever wanted to be was like his father.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  “What did Tanner do, and should I go beat him up?” Stella nudged Knox out of the way to let Mary-Beth know they didn’t have to do the meeting if there was too much drama going on in her life.

  “No. It isn’t only about him. It’s something I said.” Mary-Beth settled in for an uncomfortable meeting about her Coffee Whisperer abilities—or lack thereof.

  “I doubt it. You could never say anything mean to anyone. That’s my job.” Stella allowed Knox to sit down but held her hand over his laptop so he wouldn’t open it.

  “I called him a bully. I compared him to his father.” Shame filled Mary-Beth.

  “Ouch.” Stella couldn’t even hide her wince, but she recovered quickly. “Well, I’m sure he deserved it. What did he do?”

  Mary-Beth dropped her head into her hands, unable to face the reality of her epic fail. “He came to declare his affection for me because he thought I was dating Seth.”

  “What? I can’t hear you. Sit up.” Stella tried to be supportive, and Mary-Beth knew she was in her own way. The girl would do anything to protect a friend, but she’d also tell you how it was, even if you didn’t want to know. She was the tough-love type.

  Mary-Beth faced Stella, Knox, and her mistake. “I said he came to declare his love for me and to promise that I meant more to him than football.”

  The front door chimed, but Stella shot up and ushered poor Mr. Laden, who worked at the recreation department, out the door.

  “You do know I need customers to run a business…”

  “Give him free coffee next time. That always works on me,” Stella returned, and this time Knox put his arm around her.

  “What my sweet bride-to-be is trying to ask is why did you get upset when he told you he cared so much for you?”

  “That’s what I asked,” Stella grumbled, but leaned into Knox, the Stella Whisperer. Only he could calm her like no other.

  Mary-Beth thought back to when Tanner had decided to take the scholarship to Notre Dame. She’d never felt so betrayed before, and the loss had been so great, she thought it would swallow her up and spit her out. She’d chosen to not pursue dance once his football schedule became so intense. If she had, they never would’ve gotten to see each other because he was always at practice or a game and she was always at rehearsals or recitals or working at the studio to earn class time. It had been her choice, and she’d never regretted it until that day Tanner made that big announcement. He’d chosen football over their plans. “It’s hard to explain, but I know deep down that I’m a consolation prize for a life he wanted but didn’t get. I guarantee that if he got a call tomorrow to go play ball for a pro team, he’d be gone.”

  “But that can’t happen, right?” Knox took advantage of Stella’s distraction and opened his laptop. “I mean, his injury took him out.”

  “Yes, but that doesn’t matter. What happens if something else comes along and he leaves again?” A heat deep in her belly rose to her chest. “It’s difficult to explain, but I have this feeling that he’s not going to stay.”

  “Do you think that’s why you can’t make him a special coffee?” Knox’s fingers touched the keys, but when Stella shot him a sideways glare, he retreated from his laptop.

  “Maybe. I don’t know. I think I’m getting closer. We did a tasting this morning, and he liked what I made.” A dash of hope sprinkled over her doubt.

  “That’s good, right?” Knox asked.

  “I guess. Maybe if I had more time, but he keeps wanting too much too fast.” She wrung her hands, a nervous energy making her long to move far from this conversation.

  Knox closed his laptop and stood. “I have an idea.”

  A zap of warning jolted Mary-Beth. “Listen, I know you want me to be this perfect Coffee Whisperer, but I can’t be. It won’t work for the show, not when I have failed over and over with Tanner. I’m too confused. I mean, our relationship didn’t make it before, no matter how much we loved each other. How can we work through things now?”

  Stella leaned across the table, shocking Mary-Beth with her gentle touch. “Because you two belong together. You always have, and you always will. And great love is worth the wait. Trust me.”

  Were those tears in Stella’s eyes? Before Mary-Beth could say another word, Stella retreated, using her faux leather jacket to swipe her tears, and she ushered Knox to the front door, ending their meeting before it had ever started. How that man had chiseled through the rock-hard exterior of Stella Frasier, Mary-Beth would never know.

  Knox held the door open for Stella and looked back at Mary-Beth. “Get to work and have some samples ready. We’ll be back in an hour when you close for a private tasting.”

  Mary-Beth wasn’t sure she liked where this was going. If it weren’t for Stella, she would walk away from the Knox Brevard show. She couldn’t disappoint Stella’s fiancé, and not to mention that if she didn’t do the show, would that affect Jackie’s segment? No, Mary-Beth had made a commitment, and unlike other people, she would never break her word.

  Mary-Beth went to work, mixing, concocting, and tasting different blends between serving customers and decided on six of the best.

  The sun dipped below the mountain, leaving streaks of auburn and gold with twinkling stars. A beautiful fall night so inviting she stepped outside and closed her eyes to breathe in the scents of autumn. There was no place in the world like Sugar Maple this time of year. She’d always belonged here and always knew she wanted to stay. Her phone buzzed in her pocket, interrupting her moment, and she saw it was her mother, finally returning her call.

  After a deep breath, she answered. “Hello.”

  “Hi, how are you and Andy doing?” Her mother sounded tired, not surprising since she’d always been overworked.

  “We’re good. How are you and Dad?” Mary-Beth wanted to skip the pleasantries, but she knew it was important not to put her mother on the defensive if she was going to get anywhere with their conversation.

  “We’re good. Are you calm enough to talk now?”

  Mary-Beth abandoned her moment of fall bliss and returned to the inside of the coffee shop for a private conversation. “I’m working on it, but I’m calm enough to talk.”

  “Okay, so I ask for you to listen before you start yelling at me.”

  “I didn’t yell, but yes, I promis
e to listen.” Mary-Beth paced the coffee shop, looking at everything, as if she needed a distraction to control her temper.

  “Okay, here I go.” A breath blew into the phone with a whistle before her mother began. “Your father and I saw how you struggled with your relationship with Tanner. He was a god in our town, but you were never one to follow or be left behind. At the games, you were abandoned on the sidelines, watching. You stopped pursuing your love of dance and attended more practices and games. When Tanner announced he’d go to UT on a football scholarship, you had forgotten about your childhood dream of going to New York to try out for a dance scholarship. It was as if you had no direction in your life except Tanner.”

  Mary-Beth hated the fact that she saw the truth in her mother’s words. She wanted to argue, but being forced to listen without interrupting meant she actually had to remember the words long enough for a rebuttal. That allowed the truth to sink in.

  Her mother continued without pausing. “What we did wasn’t right, but it’s what we thought was best. We wanted to protect you, and when Tanner decided to run off to Notre Dame, he expected you to drop everything. You’d already decided to try out for the dance team, and you were excited to be close enough to home to visit on weekends whenever you wanted because you knew you’d miss Andy. I didn’t want Tanner deciding your entire future for you before you were old enough and experienced enough to decide it for yourself.”

  Mary-Beth slipped and said, “It should’ve been my decision,” but her mother ignored the comment and continued.

  “I doubted our decision, and we were going to tell you both at Christmas, but after Tanner was injured and couldn’t play ball, there was no way I was going to tell you the truth.”

  “Why not? Then he could’ve moved back to UT to be with me.”

  “Because love at seventeen isn’t like love at thirty, forty, or fifty. When you’re young, anything is possible, but when the reality of an ex-career turned mediocre living becomes your future, you grow resentful. I wanted you to be more than that. I wanted you to be independent and not have to worry about the man making the money because you gave up everything to follow his dreams and you find yourself home raising children you can’t afford, working two shifts a day, tired, and broken by the time you’re forty, hoping to give your kids a future, only to see them throwing it away.” Her mother’s voice broke, and sobs sounded muffled from the other side of the phone.

  Her mother never cried. Not when their first house was foreclosed on after Dad lost some money in a bad investment, or when the car was repossessed when no one needed private lessons on the piano, or when they ate pasta for a month because Dad lost his job at the factory. “Mom, are you okay?”

  “Yes, I am, but I need you to understand why.”

  “I think I do.” Her father had been the fun, free-spirited one who never got in Mary-Beth’s way and made her believe anything was possible, while her mother grounded her when she wanted to fly away. “But it still didn’t give you the right to lie to me, to break us up and keep us apart for so long.”

  “It’s not too late. Go to him now and tell him how you feel, and you can be together. You can hate me for the rest of your life, but I’m proud of the successful woman you’ve become. You’re everything I ever wanted you to be, and now I know you can financially handle your future and any whim Tanner decides to drag you on. Go to him now.”

  Mary-Beth didn’t know what to say. She wanted to run into Tanner’s arms more than anything, but something still held her back. Fear. The fear of losing him all over again. The fear he’d never be happy without more in his life. The fear that her mother was right. “Can I ask you something, Mom?”

  “Yes, anything.”

  “Do you still love Dad? I mean, after all he’s put you through, would you change the fact you married him?”

  Mary-Beth expected her to take a minute or avoid the question, but she answered without thought. “No, because I have you and Andy. I wouldn’t trade you two for anything, not even all the riches in the world and an easy life. That’s the only reason I feel guilty over what I did to you. But I still believe if you were meant to be together, you can be together now and have an easier life. And that would have made all of this worth it. That is, if you still want to be with him.”

  Her mother’s words hung in the air like a gnat she couldn’t swat away. “I love Tanner in a way I have never and will never love anyone else. But, honestly, I don’t know.”

  “Why?” her mother said in a surprisingly steady tone.

  “I think it’s because if he left me once, despite the circumstances, what will stop him from leaving me again, or worse, what if he wants to take me away from everything the way Dad always took you away? How do I know that I won’t resent him later if he does? Do you resent Dad?”

  Her mother didn’t say anything for several seconds. “Sometimes. Marriage is complicated and can be difficult, but at the end of the day, when I crawl into bed, the only arms I want to hold me are your father’s.”

  In that moment, Mary-Beth knew she needed to take a chance, because there was no man in the world she’d want to ever be held by but Tanner McCadden.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  “Trust me, this is a good idea.” Knox Brevard, a man on a mission, blocked Tanner’s path to his motorcycle.

  The body odor of a few nearby players reminded Tanner he wasn’t alone, so he squared his shoulders. “No, it’s not. Things are complicated right now between Mary-Beth and me. I don’t think sticking a camera in our faces will help things. I’m not into reality television.”

  “It’s not like that,” Stella said, inserting herself into the conversation. “Listen, you know me. You know I would only ask you to do this if I thought it would help Mary-Beth. I would never cause her any more pain, and if I thought your football mentality would get in the way, I’d race you out of town myself on our bikes.”

  He looked to Andy, who eavesdropped while acting as if he was collecting equipment to return to the locker room. “What do you think, kid?”

  Andy dropped the bag of helmets and waved for a teammate to take care of the rest of the job. “You should do it. Knox’s show has saved this town from financial ruin. It’d help Mary-Beth’s business if she was on his show. Besides, I’m hoping you’re gonna stick around, because otherwise I can’t leave Mary-Beth here alone. She has a ton of friends, but friends aren’t family.”

  “I just called several recruiters and put my name out there on your behalf, and now you tell me this?”

  “I’m a teenager. I’m not supposed to be reliable.” He shrugged and strutted off, leaving Tanner with Stella and Knox and their proposal to deal with.

  A whistle blew in the distance, probably another sports team ending practice with the setting sun. “And you sure she wants me to come back to Maple Grounds? She made it clear she didn’t want me bullying her into anything.”

  “Men!” Stella stomped off, leaving Knox behind.

  Knox chuckled. “Trust me, you’re never going to understand them. You just have to love them. Do you want Mary-Beth in your life or not?”

  Tanner didn’t even have to think about his answer. “Yes, more than anything I’ve wanted in a long time.”

  Knox clapped his shoulder. “Then what do you have to lose?”

  Tanner found his words ominous. The last person who said that to him was his father, when he nudged him to go see Notre Dame. “Fine.”

  The short distance to the town square was enough to make him nervous. Mary-Beth had him running circles with no mapped-out plays. He hated not knowing what to do. Had it been this complicated when they were teens?

  When he walked inside, he prepared himself for another onslaught of angry words and accusations, but Mary-Beth tentatively walked over and stood a breath from him.

  “I want to apologize.”

  He looked down at her, trying to read her, but couldn’t. “I don’t understand.”

  She crooked a finger around one of his. “I
never should’ve called you a bully. You’re nothing like your father. I was scared.”

  His tense muscles softened, and he closed the space between them, ignoring the bell at the door announcing Knox and Stella’s arrival. “Of what? Me? I’m sorry I came barging in here like that. Jealousy can make a man stupid.”

  “Then it can make a girl an idiot.” She bit her bottom lip, and he allowed her time to collect her thoughts before asking any more questions or bulldozing through everything. “I was jealous all those years of football. Most women worshiped you for the game, but I started to resent giving up everything for you. I didn’t understand what I was so scared of until I spoke to my mother.”

  He studied her expression, expecting hostility but finding softness instead. “You spoke to her?”

  “Yes, and she made me see how much I gave up the first time we were together.”

  He grabbed her hand tight. “I never wanted you to give up anything for me. I wanted to play ball so I could afford to give you the world, but now I’m only a poor farmer.”

  “I never cared about fame and fortune.” Her thumb brushed distractingly over his knuckles.

  He wanted to show her that she was everything and football meant nothing without her. The longing to see her again had plagued him for years. “Then what did you care about?”

  “You. That was the problem. It wasn’t your fault, but I gave up everything I was interested in to be with you. I gave up dancing so I could meet you after practice and we could sneak off to our hideout for a couple of hours. I gave up hanging out with my friends on Friday nights after the games because I wanted to be with you. I gave up auditioning to go to New York so we could go to UT.”

  “I never knew. You told me that you lost interest in dance and only did it to keep your mother happy.”

  “I told you that so you wouldn’t convince me to continue because it would mean less time for us.”

  Mary-Beth’s hands trembled, and he took them both, kissing each of them and holding them to his chest. “I’m sorry I didn’t see it. I was young and selfish and wanted football and you. I should’ve thought about what you wanted.”