by Ford, Mia
“While I think that’s an awesome idea, I don’t paint anymore.”
“Why not?”
She looks a bit like a deer in headlights. “I just don’t. I stopped. Real life got in the way I suppose.”
Something definitely happened. A creative spirit like her wouldn’t just flicker out her flame. “Well, if you ever change your mind I would happily buy some of your work.”
“You haven’t ever seen it yet.”
“I don’t think I have to.”
A thickness clings to the air. I want to run with my natural instinct and just kiss her already, but I have to ignore my usual impulses because of my rule. No mixing in with clients.
“Erm… do you think you could show me how that machine works?”
“The Cross Trainer? Sure thing.” Back to business. Much easier. “Let’s go.”
I take her over to the machine and point out how to use it safely, loving the way she listens so intently to me, really absorbing all of my words. As she moves to get on it, a magnet inside my body does all the work for me and pulls me into her. I accidently crash into her and our bodies remain moulded together for a heart beat too long, enjoying the warmth she races through my veins alongside my blood.
Shit. Everything inside me reacts. My cock tugs with bliss, my heart races, my lungs squeeze tight. I glance down into her eyes, every fiber of me screaming. Holding back is not my thing and I don’t like it one bit.
The world stops still, the moment seems to go on forever, neither of us want it to end. I haven’t been with anyone that’s ever tilted my world on a brand new axis before and I don’t think I like it. It leaves me out of control and that isn’t a place I prefer to be. I like to hold all the power.
What makes it even more challenging is the way that she reacts for me too. I can see the dark, hooded desire in her eyes. She wants me to touch her, to feel her, to take her to heaven.
It would be so easy. I only have to bring my lips down to meet hers…
“So, do you think you get it now?” My gruff voice fills the much too silent room with sound, breaking the magic of the moment. “I’ll only be over there if you need me.”
I don’t miss the disappointment on her expression. Nor do I ignore the ragged breaths flying out of her mouth, but I have to behave. It’s the only way I know how to be. Business and pleasure doesn’t mix.
“Er, yeah thank you. I think I get it now.”
I leave her to it, barely able to cope, and I move towards the reception desk once more. I keep my eyes fixed on my hands because I can’t look at her, not until I’ve calmed down.
Mia is going to be the death of me. I honestly don’t know how much longer I can keep resisting temptation.
6
Mia
Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.
Anxiety darts through me as I finally escape the oppressive atmosphere of the gym with my eyes fixed firmly on the ground. I can’t stand to look at Noah as I leave because I’m pretty sure my feelings are written all over my face. He must know by now that I’m incredibly attracted to him and it’s very embarrassing.
I nearly turned to jelly when he banged into me. I practically puddled at his feet. I made myself seem desperate as I just stood there silently begging him to just kiss me already. The funny thing is for a split second it looked like he wanted me too. If he’d taken that step, I don’t know what would have happened.
Thankfully, he pulled away and things resumed to normal. Well, sort of normal. I rushed through the rest of my work out and have escaped quickly before I can do anything else to make a fool out of myself.
I need to speak to someone and there’s only one person in the world who will understand.
“Hello…”
“Kayleigh,” I leap over her, unable to let her finish. The words need to spill out my mouth like lava spilling from a volcano. “Something happened.”
“What happened? Are you okay?”
I rush along the street a little further, until I’m a safe distance away. “I’m okay, but it was the guy at the gym.”
“Did he ask you out? I’ve been getting the feeling that he’s into you.”
“He didn’t ask me out, but we had a moment.”
“A moment?” I can almost hear her screwing her nose up. “What do you mean? Did you hook up?”
“No, but there was this...” How do I describe it?” “This moment where his body collided with mine. Accidently, I think, and a real intense sexual chemistry sizzled between us.” There’s a fizzing at my core to remind me. “I don’t think it was just a one way thing either.”
“Oh my God, I knew it,” she laughs, pleased with herself. “I could just see it. It’s so obvious. That’s awesome, no wonder he likes you, you’re beautiful. What happened? Did he try it on?”
“He pulled away and I honestly felt breathless afterwards.”
“Oh, that’s a shame.” The cogs in her brain tick away. “You know you should ask him out.”
“Ask him out?” I screech, much too loudly. “I can’t do that?”
“Why the hell not? It isn’t the 1920’s. We’re practically a hundred years later than that now. Ask him out.”
Even the idea of asking Noah out on a date makes me feel sick. Knowing my luck if I ever even managed to get the words out, I would end up puking everywhere, humiliating myself.
“I can’t ask him out, I’m much too shy for that.”
“No,” Kayleigh warns. “You’ve spent your life so far being much too shy, but not anymore. You are strong and confident, coming out of your shell, kicking ass. You can do this. It’s the brand new you.”
I groan. “Oh, I like the idea of a brand new me, but I can’t do it. What if he turns me down?”
“I don’t think he will, but so what? Just brush it off.”
That’s easy for her to say, she has desensitized herself to rejection with all the dating she does. I don’t know if my super fragile heart would be able to take it. Even now, imagining it makes me shudder. There’s dragging myself back out of my shell and there is this. It’s too damn much.
“But then where would I work out? I will have to find a new gym.”
“Why, Mia? People face this sort of thing all the time. This is Las Vegas. Dating happens. Rejection happens, people just get past it. You really don’t have to make a huge deal of it.”
“Hmm, I guess so.” I’m not convinced.
“Look, I have to go, I’m off out in a moment but promise me you’ll just think about it?”
“I don’t think I’ll be able to think of anything else.”
“If it seems too hard then maybe we should head out this weekend to get some flirting practice in.”
“You think?” Even that is enough to make me panic.
“Yeah, I guess so.”
“Right, I’ll plan it and see you soon.”
We say our goodbyes and I hang up the phone, all filled with confusion. This is why it’s easier to not think about love. The last year without a man has been simple. Boring, yes, and now that I’ve noticed how boring it is, I’m incredibly restless, but stepping out of my comfort zone is something else. It’s okay to think about, but not do. Maybe I should focus on the other two possibilities to spice up my life and book a vacation or get a new job instead. I can’t really afford to go anywhere and I doubt anyone will want to hire me for anything I actually want to do now, but it’s still easier than a fling.
I slope back into my one bedroom apartment, glancing around at the pure white walls. When I got rid of Wesley and I had to get somewhere smaller and more affordable, I planned to start painting again just for myself, to cover the walls in my colorful pictures but I haven’t ever quite gotten around to it. Inspiration hasn’t struck, I suppose. There hasn’t been any reason for me to paint.
“Well, if you ever change your mind I would happily buy some of your work.”
Noah’s offer to purchase some of my work to cover his gym might have been him just being polite, but i
t leads me to my painting cupboard all the same. A place that hasn’t been opened for far too long. Now, I inhale deep, breathing in the all too familiar smells of canvases, paints, and brushes, and something shifts within me. I don’t think I’ll paint for him, I can’t imagine working out among my art, but I might for myself.
I don’t even really think about what I’m doing, I just pull it all out and I shut my thoughts off. I love painting on instinct, I don’t like to think as I work, I just feel. Painting my emotions did me well in college and that’s what I feel like I have to do right now. There are certain things that I need to get out.
* * *
Exhausted, drained in a really good way, and covered in paint, I collapse onto my bed with a giant smile on my face. I forgot how awesome painting makes me feel, how it’s like therapy to get everything out in a creative way. The exercise is good and I love the endorphins, but for me it will always be art.
This is what I need, I have to start doing this more for myself.
It doesn’t even matter what the end result looks like, I haven’t even looked at the painting, but I feel amazing anyway. It’s like I have grabbed a piece of me back from where Wesley chucked me away.
“Thank you, Noah.” I call out into the air. “That was amazing.”
The hot blood pumps around my body, making me feel all alive. The tingling in my core intensifies and cries out to me for some relief. After the mish mash of emotions that I’ve been through today, my body deserves a reward. I slip my hand down my body, pausing only to cup my breast. My eager fingers reach into my panties and as my eyes fall closed so I can lose myself to the sensations to the only one face in my mind.
I reach forward and brush my hand through his dark, shaggy hair, his warm eyes piercing into me as I touch him. He feels warm and safe, I’m sure he will protect me through anything.
“You are so beautiful, I hope you know that. You should be a model.”
The fact that he pretty much said that only intensifies the racing of my heart. My fingers plunge deep into my soaking warm cavern and I picture him pressing his body up against mine like he did before. I get all the same sensations, I spin into over drive, every hyper sensitive part of myself wanting him.
“I have wanted you ever since I first laid eyes on you.”
“Oh, Noah.” I tilt my head back and slip my finger up towards my clit. I circle it, replacing my finger with his tongue. “Oh, that feels so good.”
His head is now between my legs and he’s tasting me at the same pace my finger is going. He looks like a man with experience, like he knows exactly how to treat a woman’s body, and that’s exactly what I need. Someone who knows what they are doing with me. I don’t need a man to fall in love with me, that didn’t exactly work out before, but I do need someone who can drive me to the peak of desire.
I move faster, his face, his body consuming me. Thoughts of him growing more intense by the moment.
“Oh, fuck.” My free hand grips onto the bed sheets as fantasy Noah climbs up my body and he drives into me, hitting all the right spots as he thrusts hard in and out of me. “Fuck, Noah.”
Damn it, I really wish he was here right now. I could use his body, I need that feeling of pure bliss. I would love to straddle him, to take control and to ride him, feeling every inch of him as we fuck…
“Oh shit!” I explode, tumbling into the gorgeous depths of an orgasm. My body shudders and shakes while the pleasure violently rockets through me. “Fucking hell, Noah, that feels…”
Fuck, it’s been far too long since I’ve had such a powerful orgasm. My finger nearly gets cramp because the hot bliss insists on rolling over me for far too long… not that I want it to end, it feels wonderful.
I crash onto the sheets, panting desperately through the post orgasmic bliss. That was something else! And it was all to do with him, the sexy man from the gym. In the heat of the moment, it doesn’t seem like the worst idea to ask him out on a date after all. With all of this happiness bursting inside of me, I’m sure I could just walk right up to him and demand that he take me out for dinner.
Of course, reality might be very different, but it’s a nice idea.
I grab my cell phone, still consumed by him and I look up his gym just to see his face again. As his picture fills my screen, fluttering butterflies all the way through me, I know I won’t be able to form those words to his face. He’s just so intimidatingly beautiful. I stroke my finger down his cheek and smile to myself. He was awesome as a fantasy, I could keep him in my imagination.
Finally, I force myself back into the other room and I see my painting. I’m surprised to see so much emotion there, so many feelings, so much… passion. Noah is definitely a part of this, I can almost see him in amongst the paintwork. With a cheekiness floating through me, I snap a picture of the painting thinking that even if I don’t have the confidence to ask him out on a date, I might be able to show him this. See what he says.
Inspiration flows through me now, like it’s my blood. I want to pick up my paint brush again and create even more art. I don’t want to stop. I giggle to myself, wondering what I will come up with next. The creativity is back and I can’t see it going anywhere anymore.
I really am purging the past, stepping out of my cocoon and I feel incredible.
7
Noah
“She is a bitch.” Trent bangs his fist down angrily, passion flowing through him as his hatred for Hayley comes out again. “Who the hell does she think she is? She’s honestly so crazy. It’s as if she doesn’t even understand what she did wrong, she doesn’t get it. She must have her wires all crossed wrong.”
“It doesn’t matter so much to me.” I huff sadly. “It’s Alex. He doesn’t deserve this.”
“I bet he barely remembers her, she wasn’t exactly mother of the year when she was around.”
“I know, I know… but I still feel horrible for him.”
Trent sucks back the rest of his drink and he indicates for the waitress to come over. “Let’s get some more drinks in. Forget that bitch. Alex has you, he has Jenny, he has your mom…”
“Yeah, he was more than happy to stay at my mom’s tonight. She spoils him.”
“That’s what grandparents are for, and at least it got you out the house tonight.”
“That’s very true.” I raise my glass at him as soon as the waitress brings it over to me. “So, let’s stop talking about her now. I want to forget that she even exists for a few hours. Let’s just hope I don’t get any texts tonight.”
“Can’t you turn your phone off?”
“Nah, in case something happens with Alex. Mom might need to get hold of me.”
“Fair enough. Let’s not talk about her anymore then. Let’s talk about me.”
I laugh and listen intently as Trent tells me all about his latest adventures. His work makes sure he is all over the place, meeting new people, seeing new faces, getting up to mischief. It’s enough to take my mind off everything that’s been going on recently which is exactly what I need. This is a good idea.
“So, where are we going to go tonight?” I lean back in my chair. “It’s been a while, I don’t know where’s hot.”
“Everywhere I am,” Trent teases. “You know it, baby.”
I laugh and shake my head, enjoying his confidence. “Alright then. You lead the way then.”
“You done here? You want to head to one of the casinos for a bit?”
“Sure.” I shrug. “Whatever you want.”
I don’t gamble myself, it isn’t for me, but I know that Trent loves a flutter and he has money to burn so it doesn’t matter if he loses or not. I’m along for the ride anyway.
“And we can head to one of those pool parties afterwards. Or maybe a club.”
“I don’t mind, wherever the most women are.”
“Ah, I see.” He wiggles his eyebrows at me. “Planning to make the most of tonight?”
“Yes, exactly, and since I know that you’re the best wing man eve
r…”
He throws his arm over my shoulder. “Not that you need it, but I got you covered.”
We finished the rest of our drinks and headed towards the exit, but unfortunately, we didn’t quite make it outside. A distinctly female voice screamed out my name, demanding my attention. For one horrifying moment, I thought it might be Hayley, trying a different tactic, but thankfully, it wasn’t.
“Noah, oh my God, Noah. How are you?”
A leggy brunette practically wraps herself around me and she kisses my throat as if I actually belong with her. I try to politely peel her off me without causing any offense. It might not be Hayley, but it’s still a face I don’t want to see. My heart sinks, I feel sick to my stomach, I don’t want to be here for another second longer.
“Hi, Ally,” I drawl out with a smile. “It’s erm, good to see you…”
“Yeah, oh my goodness, it’s been so long. How are you?”
She cups my cheek and leans up as if she’s going to actually kiss me. I have to pull back slightly. I don’t want to embarrass her but I need to create a chasm of distance between us.
“I’m good thank you. How are you?”
“I’m good.” She winks and drags a finger down my face, moaning blissfully as if she thinks this is foreplay. I’m not a sure thing, not for her no way. “Obviously, I’ve missed you.”
“Yeah, right, I see.” I shoot Trent a desperate look but he misses it because he’s embroiled in flirting with one of Ally’s friends. He’s out of reach so I can’t even nudge him. “So, you’re out tonight?”
“Haven’t you missed me?” She pouts out her bottom lip. “I thought you would have by now…”
I raise one eyebrow knowingly at her. She knows why I haven’t missed her, why I haven’t really thought about her since we ended our little fling. She’s just trying to wind me up asking this.
“I have to go, Ally. Me and Trent have got a big of a night ahead. I don’t get to see him much.”