by Lauren Rowe
Speak of the devils, I look toward the entrance to the tarmac and see a black stretch limo pulling through the gate. I wave with my good arm and the limo heads straight for me. When it parks, Peen Star and Mad Dog pop out, their faces aglow.
“Australia, here we come!” Keane booms in a terrible Australian accent.
“Best day evah, mate!” Maddy shouts, her accent no better than Keane’s.
The three of us hug and high-five as the limo driver unloads their luggage from the car.
“How are you feeling?” Keaney asks.
“Great. Better every day. I’ll be back to my old self in no time.”
“Yee-boy! Where’s Haha?”
“Already on the plane. She had to talk to the pilot about something.”
Out the corner of my eye, I see Maddy flash a thumbs-up signal in the direction of the plane, and then hold up her phone, trained on me.
Reflexively, I wave at Maddy’s camera, figuring she’s probably shooting a little something for Ball Peen Hammer’s Guide to a Handsome and Happy Life—which, by the way, has become quite the viral cash cow for Kaddy these days. But before I can think too much about what Maddy is shooting, she trains the camera on the jet, just in time to catch Aloha descending the steps, her head meticulously wrapped in a scarf. And just that fast, I know exactly what’s going on here. Bodyguard. Arm in sling. Tarmac. Private jet. Pop star in a head scarf descending plane steps and running toward her bodyguard. Holy fuck! I’m unwittingly starring in a remake of the last scene from The Bodyguard!
With Maddy’s camera trained on her, Aloha lopes across the tarmac to me. When she reaches me, she does exactly what Whitney did in this scene: she barrels into me for a kiss. Of course, I play my part, embracing her with my good arm and kissing the hell out of her, just as Keane bursts into singing the chorus from “I Will Always Love You” at the top of his lungs. It’s a vocal performance that ain’t gonna win the boy any Grammys, but it’s on point for the moment.
I don’t know who’s responsible for this dope-ass homage to Kevin and Whitney—my wife, Wifey, or Maddy. But whoever’s behind it, I suddenly feel the urge to add my own flavor to the scene.
I was planning to give Aloha the ring in my pocket somewhere in Australia. Maybe in front of the opera house in Sydney? But, see, that’s the earmark of an intelligent man: he knows when to pivot. Because the truth is that the simple ring I bought for Aloha in Las Vegas has weighed heavily on me. Talk about a mismatch between a woman and her wedding ring. Aloha is a lot of things, but simple and understated, she is not. Which is why, last week, I called Barry in LA and asked him to do me a favor: sell my prized possession for me—the shiny car I scrimped and saved to buy two years ago—and wire me the cash.
I break free from my kiss with my wife, pull the ring box out of my pocket, sink down on bended knee, and open the box to reveal an emerald surrounded by diamonds.
“Zander!” Aloha gasps. “Oh my God. It’s beautiful.”
“Aloha Shaw, my beautiful wife times two, will you make me the luckiest man in the world for the third time and marry me in Australia?”
Aloha’s green eyes light up. “Yes! Oh! Let’s do it in front of a koala in a tree this time, while I’m clinging to you like a koala in a tree!”
I laugh. “Perfect.”
As Maddy and Keane cheer, I slip the ring onto Aloha’s finger, get up, and wrap her in a one-armed hug.
“I love you so much,” Aloha says into my chest, her emerald eyes blazing even brighter than the rock on her hand.
“I love you, too, my beautiful hula princess.”
We begin walking toward the jet, with Keane trailing behind us, still singing horribly—and very loudly—and Maddy walking alongside us capturing every smile.
“Whose idea was this re-enactment, anyway?” I ask.
“Kat’s,” Aloha says. “When she found out we were flying to Australia via private jet, she said she’d never forgive me if we didn’t do it.” She holds up her hand to display her sparkling ring. “Thank you for improving the scene.”
“You’re welcome. I always hated the ending to that movie. I wanted them to end up together.”
With that, I grip my wife’s hand and lead her up the steps of the plane, so we can do the one thing poor Kevin and Whitney never got to do: fly off together to our happily ever after.
Chapter 61
Aloha
Sydney, Australia
I’m standing at center stage, soaking in the tidal wave of applause and love crashing down on me. It’s my last show of the “Pretty Girl” tour. My last show I’ll ever do quite like this. After tonight, I’ll be free. The master of my own destiny in a way I’ve never been before.
Normally, at this point in the show, I wave to the arena and race offstage to take a quick bathroom break and change costumes before coming back out for my two-song encore. But tonight, for the first and only time, I’ve got a little something special up my sleeve. Something this crowd, and none other, will get to witness.
“Thanks for coming to my last show of the tour!” I bellow. “I’d like to take a moment to thank some people.” I thank my band and dancers and crew and the arena applauds raucously. “I also want to thank my husband.” I look to the wings to find Zander standing with Keane and Maddy. “Come out here for a minute, Hubby Bubby Boo.”
Shaking his head, Zander ambles to the front of the stage next to me and I hand him a microphone off a nearby stand.
“Say hi to all my new Australian friends, honey.”
Zander brings the mic to his luscious lips and waves with his free hand. “Hi, everyone.”
“Isn’t my husband sexy?”
The crowd agrees.
“Zander and I have had so much fun traveling with our two best friends through Australia. Have you guys seen them—Keane and Maddy—or as we like to call them Kaddy? They’ve been all over my Instagram and Twitter lately.”
The audience roars.
“Have you guys watched their ‘Ball Peen Hammer’ videos, like I told you to do?”
Again, everyone applauds and cheers.
“Let’s get them out here, huh?”
The audience goes ballistic.
I look toward the wings just in time to see Keane pulling Maddy toward me while Maddy shoots me an expression that says, What the fuck are you doing? “Maddy, you should record this,” I say. “It’s pretty cool to stand at center stage in a packed arena and have all these nice people cheering for you.”
Laughing, Maddy pulls out her phone and dutifully captures the moment as she continues walking across the expansive stage.
When the duo reaches Zander and me, Keane grabs the mic from Zander and bellows, “Hey, Sydney! How’s it going, mates?”
Everyone screams.
“Hey, do you Aussies wanna see something super cool?” Keane yells.
The crowd indicates that, yes, they do.
“Awesome. Watch this.” Keane turns to Maddy and smiles. He takes a deep breath. “Madelyn Elizabeth Milliken...”
And that’s my cue. I grab Maddy’s camera from her and continue filming as she looks at me like, Huh?
“Maddy, yo, back over here,” Keane says. “You don’t want to miss this.” He grins. “Maddy, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. You put the happy in my every meal and hour and birthday. You’re the happy and the lucky in my happy-go-lucky. The happy in my handsome.” He takes another deep breath. Shifts his weight. He’s visibly shaking. “Mad Dog. Madagascar. Mad Genius. Madelyn the Badasselyn. Maddy Behind the Camera. I’ll never want anyone but you. I want to grow old with you. I want to take care of you. To be your husband. I want to have eighteen babies with you.”
“Huh?”
Keane pulls a ring out of his pocket, kneels, and holds it up to her. “Madelyn Elizabeth Milliken, will you marry me?”
Maddy clamps her hand over her mouth and nods profusely.
Keane leaps up, slides the ring on his woman’s finger, and kisses her
... and, of course, the entire arena loses their freaking minds.
Keane and Maddy embrace, and Zander and I simultaneously tackle them and the four of us hug and laugh and wipe away tears. I feel euphoric. Like the final piece of some sort of cosmic jigsaw puzzle just snapped into place for me. These people. Right here. This is my family.
Suddenly, I remember where I am and that there are more than a few people waiting on me. I turn to the crowd. “Hey, everyone, thanks for coming to our best friends’ engagement party!”
Everyone roars their excitement.
“Now let’s celebrate!”
Epilogue
Zander
Two Years Later
I’m standing in the wings in Seattle, watching my wife sing one of the biggest hits off her new album. Aloha the Brave was Aloha’s seventh studio album, but the first released by her as “Aloha.” No last name required. It was the first of Aloha’s albums to be categorized as singer-songwriter-alt-pop. The first comprised solely of songs she personally wrote or co-wrote. And the first to garner two Grammy nominations for her, personally. One for writing and one for performance.
The song Aloha is currently singing to the packed crowd in this arena is called “Boy Toy,” a quirky little jam with a genius melody that uniquely showcases the texture and warmth of her voice. A “story song,” it tells the linear tale of a horny princess imprisoned by an evil witch in a tower. One night, the princess scales down the wall of her prison in search of sexual gratification. When the princess finds a suitable boy toy—a dude with “chocolate skin, muscles on top of muscles, and diamond studs in his ears”—she rides his back through thorny, scratchy bushes to a nearby cave where she proceeds to have her way with him, every which way, “Lionel Richie style,” night after night. Finally, one morning, the princess awakens in the cave with the boy by her side and realizes he’s no longer her boy toy. He’s magically become her knight in shining armor.
Needless to say, I love this song.
And I particularly love watching Aloha perform it live. She always slays this one. But tonight, especially, my wife is slathering it with extra sauce, probably due to the fact that everyone she loves the most is sitting in a skybox watching her, all of them elated to be witnessing the one-two punch of Aloha followed by the headliner of this world tour, the band that took off like a rocket two years ago and hasn’t let up since, 22 Goats.
The simple truth is that Aloha took a couple steps back in her career when she rebranded herself and released music in a new market—a market filled with the kinds of music fans who, by and large, would consider attending an Aloha Carmichael concert a fate worse than death. But that’s exactly what Aloha has loved most about doing this tour with 22 Goats—getting the chance to earn audiences’ respect the good old fashioned way: by pouring out her heart and soul onstage every night. And, man, does she ever. In each and every new city, my brave little wifey walks onstage to face a firing squad. And, every night, she walks offstage with an entire arena’s worth of hearts in her pocket.
It’s been a joy to witness, which I do from the wings in my capacity as Aloha’s husband and personal bodyguard, and also as the co-head of security, along with Brett, for the entire tour.
Handling Aloha’s personal security on this tour has been worlds different than the last tour, when she was “Aloha Carmichael.” First off, she’s not the headliner. And the arenas aren’t filled to bursting with Aloha-nators. I’d estimate Aloha-nators make up only about twenty-five percent of every audience. So that right there makes things more relaxed than the old days.
Plus, people don’t get nearly as bold and hands-y with her as before, now that she’s married to me. I also tend to think people treat Aloha more humanely now as a result of seeing Maddy’s amazing documentary. Yes, people still ask Aloha for selfies and autographs all the time. And, yes, people still hug her and cry when they meet her—even more so, nowadays, since people often feel deeply moved by Aloha’s revelations in Maddy’s movie. And, yes, paparazzi still pops up regularly, sometimes annoyingly so. But, generally speaking, the world is a far gentler place for my beautiful, fragile, strong, iron butterfly of a wife than ever before. And it’s allowed her to blossom in a whole new way. It’s been a pure joy for me to witness.
Onstage, Aloha finishes her song and everyone in the arena applauds enthusiastically. Aloha thanks the crowd and says, “This last one is extra special to me. It’s about someone I love with all my heart. Someone who helped me figure out how to steer my sailboat. I hope you enjoy it.”
The band plays the opening riff, and, as they do, Aloha glances at me in the wings. She touches her chin. I do the same. And then Aloha returns to her microphone and begins to sing:
I was a sailboat,
Adrift, afloat
Wind at my back
A noose at my throat
Full steam ahead
But didn’t know where,
Out of control,
No rudder to steer
I was rudderless
Rudderless
Hopeless
And loverless
Orphaned and motherless
Waiting for you
Rudderless
Rudderless
Hopeless
And happy-less
Orphaned and fatherless
Not understanding why I was so blue
No way to know I was looking for you
And now I’m...
Rudderful
Rudderful
Happy and
Wonderful
Life is so lover-ful
’Cause, babe, I got you
Rudderful
Rudderful
Life is so
Beautiful
Wherever I’m goin’
It’s always with you
Rudderful
Rudderful
Life is so
Beautiful
Life is so
Wonderful
Wherever I’m goin’
I’ll always love you
By the time Aloha reaches the end of her simple love song, my heart is exploding with unadulterated joy and love, the same way it always does. “Rudderful” isn’t a complicated song, but the way Aloha sings it... straight from her heart... with such honesty... oh, man, watching her sing this one always gives me goosebumps on top of my goosebumps.
The band strikes the last chord of the song and the audience graces Aloha with their most ardent applause of the night. And, once again, my baby’s leaving the stage with every audience member’s heart in her pocket—even the ones who came here tonight loathing her.
Aloha takes a bow, thanks her band and the crowd, tells everyone she’s honored and thrilled to be opening for 22 Goats, her “favorite band in the world!” And then she waves, blows kisses, and beelines into the wings and straight into my arms.
“Best show yet,” I gush as she crashes into me.
“Having all our peeps here tonight got me feeling so pumped. Oh, God, I feel amazing right now! Euphoric!”
I laugh and kiss her. “Hold that thought. After we party with everyone at Captain’s later, I’m gonna take you back to our hotel and go for a new PR. And euphoria is always helpful when going for the gold.”
She giggles and I nuzzle her nose.
“I sure do love you, Mrs. Shaw.”
She skims her lips over mine. “And I love you. My beautiful rudder.”
Author Biography
USA Today and internationally bestselling author Lauren Rowe lives in San Diego, California, where, in addition to writing books, she performs with her dance/party band at events all over Southern California, writes songs, takes embarrassing snapshots of her ever- patient Boston terrier, Buster, spends time with her family, and narrates audiobooks. Much to Lauren’s thrill, her books have been translated all over the world in multiple languages and hit multiple domestic and international bestseller lists. To find out about Lauren’s upcoming releases and giveaways, sign up for Lauren’s emails
at www.LaurenRoweBooks.com. Lauren loves to hear from readers! Send Lauren an email from her website, say hi on Twitter, Instagram, or Facebook.
Music Playlist
“The Judge”—Twenty One Pilots
“Dancer”—Flo Rida
“There’s Nothing Holdin’ Me Back”—Shawn Mendes
“Silvertongue”—Young the Giant
“Brave”—Sarah Bareilles
“Here Comes the Sun”—The Beatles
“Cheap Thrills”—Sia
“Counting Stars”—One Republic
Acknowledgments
Thank you to Jarvis Albury, the fitness trainer in San Diego who, while kicking my butt in the gym, became my inspiration for Zander. What a positive, hilarious, kind, force of nature you are! And, as always, thank you to my dear readers. You’re the best!
Additional Books by Lauren Rowe
All books by Lauren Rowe are available in ebook, paperback, and audiobook formats.
The Morgan Brothers Books:
Enjoy the standalone Morgan Brothers books in any order, but suggested reading order is as follows:
Hero. The epic love story of heroic firefighter, Colby Morgan, Kat Morgan’s oldest brother. After the worst catastrophe of Colby Morgan’s life, will physical therapist Lydia save him... or will he save her? This story takes place alongside Josh and Kat’s love story from books 5 to 7 of The Club Series and also parallel to Ryan Morgan’s love story in Captain.
Captain. A steamy, funny, heartfelt, heart-palpitating insta-love-to-enemies-to-lovers romance. This is the love story of tattooed sex god, Ryan Morgan, and the woman he’d move heaven and earth to claim. Note this story takes place alongside Hero and The Josh and Kat books from The Club Series (Books 5-7).