by Leanne Davis
“Yes.”
“I will, Charlie. I know how you feel.”
“Do you feel the same way?” His eyebrows lowered, and his mouth twisted. Obviously, he’d never considered she might feel differently. The surprise in his tone of voice made her hesitate, and she momentarily feared being totally honest. “Of course. I don’t want any accidents either.”
He got up and came over and held her phone out towards her. She took it. He flopped down next to her. “Why do you always have to take the most combative way to simply ask me something? Or to say something?”
She shook her head. “I don’t know why. But honestly? It annoys me when I have to show you an official report summarizing what I tell you. Like you can’t trust me to understand and repeat information. Or to follow it.”
“Well, in this case, I don’t know anything about it. So I wanted to know more. Sure. The moment I’m ready for sex with you isn’t exactly the best time for me to be articulate or coherent even.”
“You’re still angry at me.”
“I’m annoyed. Yes.” She stared downwards. He let out a laugh. “It doesn’t mean I can’t get over it. But this annoyed me. Lighten up, Cams. If you intend to stay with me as long as I intend to stay with you, it’s gonna happen. You can’t take every altercation, big or small, as the end of it.”
“Then how do I take it?”
“As a fight. A disagreement, a step in our learning process of how to tolerate each other, I don’t know. It’s just going to happen because it’s normal.”
“Normal,” she muttered it as if she didn’t know what the word meant.
He finally glanced at her. “Cami?” he sighed as he leaned over to grab her arm and pull her to him. “You make me insane and you drive me nuts and you know how to make me so mad, and then…”
She stared at him, wearily. “Then what?”
“Then you break my heart. You don’t know what I mean by terms like ‘normal disagreements’ and little fights and conflicts because growing up, what you saw wasn’t the same thing that I saw, was it?”
She shook her head. “I never saw any conflicts that ended well. I think that’s why I hide from them at all costs.”
“Listen to me, okay? I can get annoyed, mad, and even angry with you or at you. And yet it means nothing and bears no weight in us staying together long term. Okay? One isn’t the other. We are going to stay together, but we will have to communicate about issues and argue and fight and disagree about them. It doesn’t threaten our love or our relationship. Okay? Trust me. You’re going to have to learn to trust that my feelings about you at all times never change, not even when it’s hard. No couple runs around blissfully with each other, not every moment of every day. I’ll get tired, bored, and frustrated or I might want to read or watch a movie instead of dealing with you or maybe I’m just in a crabby mood. Doesn’t matter. Do you see what I’m saying?”
“To be real, we can’t always be getting along.”
“Yes.”
“Makes sense. And I know that you forgive my moods far more often than I have to deal with yours.”
He kissed her head. She knew then that he wasn’t mad anymore. Or annoyed. “And yes, now that I know the birth control you are on and how it works, I think it’s great and so much easier than condoms.”
She tilted her head up. “You trust me, then?”
“I do. I trust you, Cami.”
Her heart lifted and thumped with pleasure from hearing his words. “Really?”
He kissed her lips when they became available to him. “Yes. Really.”
A huge smile lit up her face. “Then… could we try it?”
He smiled and replied, “We could try it… maybe even a few times…”
Chapter Eight
THE NEXT MORNING, THEY ran to get breakfast at a coffee shop on campus. Something as simple as that felt amazing to Cami. They held hands between bites of muffin and sips of coffee, chatting and grinning like kids as they gazed at each other. Sex without condoms made it really good, no, great, even phenomenal. They made love three times before she grew so tired, she dropped off into a deep sleep, only to be awakened by him the following morning. Not for sex, however, but for class. Charlie wanted her to eat breakfast with him before his nine o’clock Economics class.
She walked with him to his classroom and he slung his backpack over a shoulder. “Call me when you’re done. I’m just going to walk around and look at stuff,” Cami told him.
“Okay. Soon as I finish. Sorry, I’d skip it, but finals are coming up.”
She shook her head. “I’d rather you pass now, than have to make it up later.”
He pulled her against him and leaned down to smooch her. Would she ever grow used to it? Would she ever feel the casual ease with which he did it? How special he made her feel? They ended the kiss and he hugged her. Idly. Just because. That always made her grin.
“Hi, Charlie.”
He lifted his head to see who greeted him. “Oh, hey, Rosalie,” he spoke over her head. Cami had to push back to see whom he’d spoken to.
Rosalie was a tall, leggy blonde who wore big glasses that perched on her nose, and hair that was tightly pulled back into a ponytail. She wore conservative clothes, almost on the nerdy side, but her natural beauty shown underneath it all and she could have worn anything and made it look good, Cami suspected.
Charlie let her go as he nodded towards her. “Rosalie, this is my girlfriend, Cami. Cams, this is the girl I told you about, my partner in the project final.”
Yes, he had told her all about Rosalie Mintz. Every detail about how they worked together, how much time it took, what he liked about her style, and what annoyed him. He never, however, mentioned she looked like that. Cami scoffed internally. As if she had to worry about Charlie Rydell, of all guys, cheating on her. No matter who or what, Charlie was the truest person she’d ever met. To her, especially. Always. She stood up taller, not in any effort to claim her stake on Charlie, but because she really believed that deep in her heart. She might screw things up, or fight or argue with him, which in turn, could trigger her deep insecurities, but he would never cheat on her.
Rosalie scanned Cami with a critical eye and withering judgment. Her pleasant facial expression stayed put, however, and she smiled… finally. “Hi, Cami. Do you also go here?”
“No.”
Charlie nudged her, answering for her when she didn’t expand on it. “She’s visiting from my hometown.”
“Ohh,” Rosalie’s expression grew big-eyed as she pursed her lips. “Did you forget that I’ll be gone this weekend? We still have to finish up the project before then.”
“I didn’t forget. We’re on for seven, right?” Charlie let Cami go as he adjusted his backpack. Nope, Charlie hadn’t forgotten. He even told Cami he had to do that after dinner and possibly tomorrow as well. No helping it. Cami said it was no problem. Her clinginess and need to have him around her seemed to retreat whenever she was actually with him. She found it much easier to handle him doing things that didn’t involve her when they were together. She also had no problem entertaining herself, doing things as simple as listening to music.
Rosalie glanced at her. “Okay. Good. Well, nice meeting you, Cami. We’d better go. Professor just walked in.”
Charlie winked at Cami as he released her hand, turning and following Rosalie inside. Cami peeked in and saw them sit next to each other, still chatting. Rosalie even touched his arm as they sat. Cami glared at the girl but invisibly. Charlie was his normal, casual self, speaking to her while taking things out of his backpack. He was just as Charlie-like as Cami could ever conjure up in her mind’s eye. There were no subtle or intentional signals from Charlie to Rosalie. But Cami noticed definite signs coming from her to him. A small smile curved Cami’s lips, and her wonderful, sweet, handsome, confident, boyfriend had no idea of it. None. It could never occur to him that someone as traditionally beautiful as Rosalie might like him. And he wouldn’t have responded anyway becau
se of his loyalty to Cami. The green-eyed monster of jealousy had no place in her heart.
But neither did she like it. As she turned to walk the campus and let Charlie attend his class, he texted her. That afternoon, they spent together alternately talking, making out and having sex.
“You want to just come with me? Rosalie lives in a regular apartment with some roommates so there’s a lot more room than there is here.” Cami pondered the idea. How much of his life did she never know about or witness? Strange friends in apartments and all the ways their time could be spent. But he invited her. He never excluded any details about Rosalie and Cami never ran across anything she didn’t already know about from Charlie’s own mouth.
“If you’re sure…”
He stopped gathering up his supplies and zipping his backpack to glance her way with a small smile tugging on his lips. “Of course I’m sure. Besides, Dawson wants us to meet up later. So, we can go from Rosalie’s to the local hangout.”
“Okay.” She glanced down at her jeans. “Am I dressed all right?”
His gaze flipped up and predictably, briefly scanned over her. “Since when do you care?”
“Since you started to hang out with football players and leggy blondes.”
“Who’s the leggy blonde?” His expression was deadpan.
She grinned and punched him playfully on the arm. “Gee, I don’t know… Rosalie?”
He shook his head. “You still don’t get it, do you?”
“Get what?”
“You are hot. Okay. Far out of my league in just your looks. I could only remotely stand a chance with you because of how you know me, and my personality. All the shocked reactions when my friends first meet you is because half of them believed that I conjured you up. Many commented on how hot you were, saying no way would a girl like you date a geek like me.”
“What? No. Not… no way. I’m pretty weird looking.”
“For River’s End, maybe. And you’re really not. You have your own mental image of yourself that’s still stuck on who you were at thirteen and everyone’s initial reaction to that Cami. But that was more your own version of yourself. You’ve always been lusted after, Cams. You just never cared. Here? You’re hot and edgy. Not the kind of girl anyone expects to find with preppy, geeky, freckled, and bespeckled me.”
“Bespeckled?”
He shrugged and grinned. “It just rhymed with the point I was making. You’re hot. I’m not.”
She paused. “You don’t really think that, do you?”
“Of course I do. You’re always so worried about me staying interested in you, when everyone who sees us as a couple rightly assumes that you’ll be the one who eventually grows tired or bored of me.”
“That’s all bullshit.”
“Hot. You are hot. Small and compact with wild hair and dark, mysterious makeup and clothes. No, you really are.”
“You never say stuff like that to me.”
“Do you want me to more often?” He set his stuff down and walked towards her, looking down into her face while wrapping his arm around her. His jaw clenched.
“No… of course not, that would be weird. That’s not how we interact. But I’m just saying, I didn’t know you thought that.”
“I do. And you are. It’s just not one of the reasons why I’m with you.”
“It’s what’s on the inside?” She bit her cheek, holding in a snarky laugh.
He rose up from finishing packing his bag. “Actually, yes. It’s how you make me feel.”
“Oh, Charlie, how can you ever doubt me with you? There is no one that comes close to being like you.” She grabbed his face between her hands and gave him a huge, loud kiss. He grinned as he lifted his head up from her grasp. “I’ll say more if you’ll promise to react like this. I just didn’t think it was very important to you.”
“It’s not. Obviously, I’m feeling superficially insecure here, on top of my usual insecurities. I guess I like hearing that you feel that way about me.”
“I do. So, let’s go see my leggy blonde and football player friends. Right? They are all just people I know.”
She let him tug her out of the dorm as he locked it and she said, “It’s still a tiny bit weird you have all these friends.” She didn’t add that she preferred him in River’s End when Cami was his only friend that mattered. She was his best friend. His entire world. And the focus of his life.
Now? Being his girlfriend while he was at college? She was only one of many factors influencing his life. And shamefully, she preferred to be the one who dominated his thoughts, time, attention, and interest.
And except for Jacob and Brianna, she was it. His entire social calendar. But here she was one of many. His world had grown, expanding to places she never dreamed it would. And that was where her jealousy lay. She didn’t care about Rosalie liking Charlie or Dawson and the crew wanting to take him out. She no longer held the title as the sole influence and most special friend in his life. She enjoyed thinking of the two of them against the world. He obviously needed more than she did.
They walked to Rosalie’s apartment. On the way, she leaned her head into his arm. “By the way, you have some insecurity to overcome too. You are no longer freckled and geeky. You are confident, self-assured, handsome, and interesting and just a little aloof and not always accessible. Believe me, you will do nothing but drive women crazy the older you get.”
“Yeah, but you are the only woman I’ll ever direct it towards. So, it only matters what you think of me.”
They entered Rosalie’s apartment. Rosalie’s smile wavered and dimmed after her initial greeting toward Charlie when she caught Cami’s eye behind him. Cami smiled, her nerves swelling her tongue and making her unwilling to speak. But Charlie, ever the confident one, took the lead. Dropping his stuff down, he chatted to Rosalie and her roommates. There were two of them and he obviously knew them well, judging by their greetings and odd looks at Cami as she stood stupidly stiff as a statue behind Charlie. As if she couldn’t survive without his presence. Owing to her shyness, that was usually the case. But in River’s End it didn’t matter. It rarely ever came up, not like it did here.
“Who’s this?”
Rosalie turned to look at the dark-haired visitor. “Oh, Charlie’s girlfriend, Cami.”
Charlie glanced at her with a secret, little smile of amusement. “Cams, that’s Kendall and Heather. Why don’t you sit with us?” He glanced at Rosalie, adding, “We’re heading out to meet Dawson and the gang after this.” At least he offered a reasonable explanation for why she was trailing Charlie like a baby duckling.
“Oh. Fun. Maybe I’ll join you too. Do you guys mind?”
“I’m sure no one does.”
No one except Cami. Her eyebrows shot upwards in surprise. Charlie pressed his lips in an obvious effort to restrain a smirk and not crack up because he knew exactly what she was thinking. She liked that part about them. Their intimacy allowed them to discuss things using only their looks and tacit exchanges. He squeezed her hand as she sat near him. Then he turned toward Rosalie and started to discuss their project, none of which Cami understood.
Meanwhile, Cami perused her phone, putting her headphones on to avoid making chit-chat with the roommates. It took a while before Charlie was tapping on her hand. She yanked the earphones out. “Done. You wanna grab some dinner now?”
She nodded, her eyes lighting up in her eagerness to leave. But then, oh yeah… All three girls grabbed their coats and keys, surrounding Charlie and fully intent on joining them. For a moment, Rosalie even managed to bump Cami out of the way. Rosalie insisted on telling Charlie a cute anecdote about one of their professors. Cami could only glare at her tall back.
Once free of the apartment and on the sidewalk, Charlie stopped and waited for Cami to come. He held out his hand, still chatting to Rosalie. But his smile stayed warm and completely fastened on Cami. He knew. She stared up at him gratefully. He knew Rosalie was into him and he couldn’t have cared less. He saw
her casually trying to shove Cami out of the way. He freaking knew! Taking Cami’s hand, he squeezed it with a quick eyebrow lift, and wink of his eye, he pulled her right between Rosalie and him, causing Rosalie to physically step aside. He leaned down and grazed his lips on her mouth in a quick short kiss before walking forward. Cami underestimated him and had to restrain a laugh. She wrapped herself up in his love and attention, draping it around her heart as if it were a scarf she could physically wear. And in many ways, yeah, it really was something she could wear proudly. He loved her.
Shoring up her resolve, she found the strength and gumption to face them all. She ignored all the distractions that drew Charlie’s attention away from her.
They walked into a crowded restaurant that crawled with college students. It was so odd for her to see Charlie as part of a popular crowd. Stranger still when he seemed as much liked and sought after as anyone else there. The girls tagging along with them were certainly there because of him. They all squished into a large table that had a booth on one end before sliding two more tables together with the accompanying chairs next to it. There were a few hasty introductions. Cami nodded and smiled, trying her best not to appear totally dumb and mute. She wasn’t very successful. Charlie easily spoke to the football players, which amused her. There was some teasing about “ask Charlie” stuff. Obviously, everyone already knew how smart Charlie was and how much he could help them. He’d already helped many of the players and won their respect and friendship. Rosalie and her friends knew he was smart too. They ate their pizza and drank their sodas and Cami heard plenty of jokes from the lewd to the perverted. It was hard for her not to laugh. She didn’t add much, but she started to feel less like an intruder as the hours passed.
When they all suggested going to Tyrell’s apartment for a party, her eyebrows rose. Charlie went to college parties? He didn’t ever mention that to Cami and was so straight-laced at home. She trailed him when they entered the apartment. Music played as they all milled about the sparse furnishings. The talk of alcohol and pot could be heard, and she briefly glanced at Charlie when Dawson offered her some. Cami rarely did any drugs in front of Charlie. It had become something she used to do in the past. And not too often. Then someone handed Cami a beer. She drank it quickly, grateful that it helped ease her nerves and loosen her tongue. She smiled a few times, and even laughed at some of the easygoing banter.