by Leanne Davis
She could wait. She could also survive the year without Charlie, now living across the world. Until then, she had her best friends and a new job to start training for. She was very excited about it, more than she ever expected to be, actually. This wouldn’t last forever. She knew that now. It was just another separation. For the first time, it might even be okay.
For the first time, she had a whole lot of stuff to do too.
****
Charlie’s plane landed in the bustling city of Hamburg. From the sky, the city was fascinating to look down on. Lots of red-tiled roofs and white stucco walls as far as the eye could see. It also seemed brighter to Charlie. All the primary colors seemed to shine in comparison to San Francisco. He flew out of there while staring down from the plane’s window. The flight was long. Dull and tedious. He met another student, a Japanese girl, who was traveling to Germany to meet her boyfriend’s family. They met at graduate school in California and were now shuttling between Germany and Japan. They made the problems between Cami and him seem much easier to solve. Charlie eagerly showed her a picture of Cami and she reciprocated with one of her boyfriend. Conversation helped pass the flight. Although Charlie found the Japanese girl fascinating, it only made him miss Cami all the more. He tried to sleep but was too wired up to do so.
This was the first flight longer than three hours that Charlie had ever flown on. He found it exhausting and nerve-wracking. The ocean seemed so far below and the occasional, gigantic white caps, along with the frequent bouts of turbulence, concerned him as the sun finally set and the night fell. He remembered what Cami said and decided it did matter that the ocean below was hundreds of miles deep and thousands of miles wide. It seemed to go on forever.
By the time he landed for the last time, Charlie was grateful to be on solid ground. Hamburg was a grand city with a large port on the river Elbe. There were colorful flowers hanging from many of the window boxes and beneath the streetlights. The town was vast and beautiful, sprawling with so much charm and character, unlike any city he’d ever been to in America, that is, on the West Coast.
His room was very small and very old. Smelling a bit like musty, old socks, the furnishings were cheap, a badly done remodel that used clashing modern fixtures and styles. It was cold, ugly, and utilitarian. Setting his suitcase down with a sigh, Charlie looked out the one lone window and saw the wall of the neighboring building. Not much of a view.
But he was now officially an international student and ready for all that entailed. Naturally, it meant lots of work, but the excitement of living in a world that was foreign in so many small ways, not to mention, speaking a language he wasn’t too proficient in, Charlie was buzzing inside. His instinct to speak in his native tongue was a struggle to restrain, but the biggest shock to his system was how very different everything was from both home and Stanford. Suddenly overwhelmed at the extreme distance from River’s End and Everett, he felt very much alone. Out of the loop. Missing Cami. He immediately messaged Cami.
“How is it?”
“Ugly room. I’m hung over from the jet lag, so honestly? Terrible at this moment. I don’t know, but that’s how I feel right now.”
“It feels kind of the same on my end. I’m miserable on the days when you leave. I try to stay busy and go to bed early because tomorrow is always better. Try it. It really does work. Although, being at the Starrs’ I tend to be a little more social and less depressed than I’m allowed to be at home. Dad and Kate give me all the space I need.”
He stared at his phone. “I freaking miss you.”
“Charlie, it’s been one day.”
“It feels so different this time. I didn’t know it would be like this. The ocean between us is huge. You have no idea. We who come from central Washington can’t possibly fathom how long it takes to fly over it. And I feel the distance between us this time, where before, I could always put it into perspective.”
“It’s probably because you feel like an alien: strange land, language, customs, city and you’re on a whole different continent. But Charlie, it’s totally you. You thrive when you’re thrust into the unknown. I have no doubt you’ll do amazing once you start your internship and school. You’ll be so busy, you won’t even realize how fast the time passes by.”
“Promise?”
“I know you. So yes, I do. You always do better than just well. It’s why you are destined for so much more than what River’s End can offer. Who else do we know who could do anything even remotely similar to what you’re doing? No one. Though it pains me to say this, you belong there, Charlie.” Her tone was soft and sweet and quiet. There wasn’t a trace of poutiness or doom.
“That’s not what you said about college.”
“Things change. People grow up. Who knew I was capable of handling it?”
“Me,” he said instantly. “I knew you were.”
“Well, let’s see how I look and feel in a month.”
He sighed. “I’m more tired than I thought. The distance between us is gnawing at me.”
“Nah. We just had a good spell before you finally got laid again. You’ll get your head on straight again and be back in the game.”
He laughed. Before he began talking to her, he didn’t feel the least bit humorous. “Thank you, Cami.”
“For what? For being the girlfriend you always hoped for? Or for being so beautiful?”
He shook his head even though she couldn’t see him. “No. For making me feel better. Especially when you didn’t have to, since I’m the reason we’re always separated like this.”
“Think how it’ll be someday when we’re in the same city or… or only a few short miles away from each other. Think how easy things will be.”
“Sometimes… I think I cannot wait.” His voice was very soft. Cami sensed a tone of longing and yearning he so rarely, maybe never, used.
“Charlie… you need to do this. I see now what we almost lost. We don’t have to lose anything this time, not if we do this—us—right. I want you to do it right since it’s a major part of your ambition in life. Ambition runs in your blood and you can’t hold it back. As we all know, I don’t share that ambition in any capacity—”
“That’s because for half your life you didn’t have a reliable roof over your head. So, having a home was your main ambition. For good reason too. I don’t think I gave you enough credit for that.”
“True. I had other reasons. But the point I’m trying to make is that you and I deserve the right to be the real people that we are.”
“I’m so tired of all the obstacles that keep you from me.”
“Me too. But in the end? Someday, probably whenever we finally get together and end all the distances between us, those will be our best times yet. It’ll be a dream come true and the most wonderful joy knowing it will last forever. Just like you always told me to believe in. I didn’t. Now, I want to. And I’m beginning to believe it.”
“Why are you sounding like I used to?”
“Maybe I turned some kind of corner.”
Charlie didn’t grumble any reply although he wanted to. His complete exhaustion and jet lag were speaking. The strangest part was that he felt as if he were missing something. Always before, their separation was more like an escape. He didn’t miss any of the things that went on at the ranch, not even most of the people there. He missed his family and Cami of course, but he could put it away in his pocket and be content. He was always satisfied and living in the present no matter where he was physically located. “Maybe I turned backward while you turned forward.”
She laughed outright. “Go to sleep now, Charlie. Trust me, it’ll all be much better tomorrow.”
Lying down, he stared up at a ceiling that sloped downwards. It was comprised of dark planks of wood. He hoped she was right and that this wasn’t a mistake. One that cost a ridiculous amount of money for him to learn. Maybe his ambition finally exceeded his capabilities.
****
While Charlie was packing to leave for Germany,
Cami had visited Everett and interviewed for several jobs. She hadn’t told a soul what she was doing at that point. As far as everyone from home had known, she was visiting Brianna.
But in reality, she was meeting with prospective employers.
Kianna Goodman, the director of a place called Shield Shelter, held out her hand to Cami. “So why did you apply for this job?”
It had three locations: one in Seattle, one in Everett, and one up north in Bellingham. Most of the children who found refuge in the Shield Shelter system were homeless or runaways. Many suffered from sexual and physical abuse or were molestation victims. Some were on drugs. Some were starving. Some were pregnant. It provided short- and long-term housing for at-risk children and young adults.
Cami licked her lips. “I have somewhat limited experience. But I did work for my family’s ranch resort and that included doing everything from housekeeping to food prep and waitressing. I also worked the front reception desk and shopped the inventory. I realize obviously, that the resort clientele is nothing like the young people here who are only coming to a shelter for help. But I do understand how the system works. I also know how much things cost, like paper towels, and bigger items, like beds and mattresses. My past employment history might seem a little skimpy and unrelated to this job, but I think my skills can handle whatever comes up.” Cami knew she was stretching her luck, but she held her breath and added. “I once was homeless. I had to live in a car sometimes or in condemned, abandoned buildings because my mom was high or drunk. I was surrendered to foster care more than once and later returned to my mother’s custody. Sometimes, she rented an actual room, but most of the time, we slept in an old car. That was how I lived until I was thirteen and she died of a drug overdose. As gruesome as it sounds, that was the best thing that ever happened to me. I came here…” Cami tapped the name on her resume. “The Rydell River Ranch and Resort because my dad worked there. Lucky me. He changed my life and gave me everything I’d been lacking until then. So, although I can’t counsel anyone, I fully understand and empathize with them after walking in their shoes myself. Maybe there’s something I can give to them, something no one else can, not even you.”
Kianna raised her eyebrows. “And what would that be?”
“Hope. I can prove to them that hope for change is always possible. Their lives can be different. And successful. I can show them there is more to life than all the factors that made them homeless or categorized them as ‘at-risk youth.’ I’m sure I’d have been homeless all my life if my mom hadn’t died. Go figure. Look, I’ve never given back or tried to make things right or whatever. But I saw the posting for this job and I believe I truly have something to offer that most people don’t. Yes, some have master’s degrees and a history of relevant, charitable work, but I have a skill that people need too: understanding. I know where they are coming from. Being chronically unsafe and unfed makes anyone distrustful. People are out to hurt you or abuse you or just use you. I think by seeing someone like me, still pretty young and close to their own ages, who suffered from their same circumstances, could help them. Just by my presence.”
To Cami’s happy surprise, she got the job. She was the house’s nighttime navigator.
Navigator was kind of a fancy name for babysitter, although it was much more than that. Cami considered the position noble and worthy. She was helping new and existing clients of the shelter receive all the services they and/or their families needed most. Cami accepted the night shift without hesitation despite the hours and pay, which made it undesirable to people with more advanced training.
Cami could not counsel anyone, but merely help them slog through the necessary red tape to find the appropriate help they needed. She was also assigned to contact the people who could provide psychological or counseling services. Housing was the highest priority in their program. There were numerous subsidiaries that the Shield Shelter cultivated, employing the area churches and other nonprofit organizations. The goal was always finding affordable, safe housing for all the applicants.
Her first day arrived and her heart pounded while her sweaty palms kept her nervously wiping them off. Kianna met her in the foyer of the Everett house to take her on a long, thorough tour of the whole house and all the facilities. She met the people who lived there and received a huge, in-depth overview as to how it was started and the reasons why certain rules and policies were firmly in place. She saw the front desk where she would technically be in command, but when they entered the main living room, she felt like her presence there would be more appreciated. Supervising, joining in their activities, and being there to monitor any problems, concerns or threats actually appealed to her.
Cami spent the first week training with Kianna, doing the job with her before another subordinate took over for the second half of her training. The required tasks shared many similarities to her job at the resort. Any time there are a lot of people staying in one area, basic human needs are the same. Meeting the kids who were staying or living there was the best part to Cami. Most of them were teens between the ages of twelve and seventeen. There was one boy who was twenty-one, but he kept to himself.
“Well, how is it?” Jacob asked as she did a face-plant on the couch at the end of her first week. The hours of the graveyard shift screwed up her circadian rhythm and she was all jacked up from lack of sleep, causing her nerves to fill her with anxiety.
“It’s terrible…”
“Then why are you doing it?”
“I don’t mean terrible for me. I mean it’s terrible knowing how many at-risk kids are out there. Did you know that thirty percent of the city’s homeless are kids? Teens? Some are young adults, but all of them are as ill-equipped as you or me trying to live on our own. Yeah, sure. We’d do well. You can’t even do your own laundry, Jacob.”
“True. But then again, we aren’t addicted to alcohol or opioids.”
“Yet,” she mumbled, thinking of his increasingly often recreational use. This middle class white boy thought he was so much better than any disadvantaged youth. She sneered at him. “You’re such a child,” she snapped, rolling her eyes and walking away. She knew she could not even begin to explain it. Jacob led a charmed life if only by having the same parents raise him. His only real trauma was his parents’ divorce. However, when each parent found a new place to live, they were barely five miles apart. That was the only time Jacob ever had to lift a finger to move anything. His entire life, he had food, shelter, clothing, medical care and without even a single thought about where it came from or if it would continue. From there, his life was all about what he wanted, and he got plenty of that. Cami enjoyed that type of lifestyle now too, and had for the last decade, ever since AJ and Kate became her parents. Before then? Never. She never assumed she’d have something to eat or anyone would bother to pick her up after school. Even a roof over her head was a huge luxury. Sure, it’s easy to criticize and judge homeless teens when you had no idea about their struggles.
Cami would have told Jacob all about it if he had the slightest curiosity in listening to her. She longed to at least educate him, but so far, Jacob hadn’t shown the smallest amount of empathy or caring for anyone outside of himself.
While manning the desk of the house at about midnight, Cami looked up and saw a girl descending the stairs. She was perhaps fourteen or so and she flopped down on the sofa and flipped the TV on. Cami made a few benign attempts at small talk, but the girl failed to respond. After a week of no interaction, the girl flipped the TV off and sat up. Out of nowhere, she asked Cami, “Why are you here?”
“They pay me,” Cami replied dryly without taking the bait. Her only reaction was to flip the page on the paperwork she was reading. Cami read all the handbooks and materials provided by Kianna. Several were how-to-react manuals that used different scenarios she might encounter to explain how to cope and help others through them. Since starting work, Cami provided numerous odds and ends to the kids, mostly to answer their physical needs, but also special things
like new pajamas, hair products, and makeup. She sadly remembered all the things she longed for and never received during her stints in foster care.
She directed one young girl who believed she was pregnant to a safe doctor. Free health care for the residents was also provided by Shield Shelters. Another older guy, nearly twenty, was struggling with alcohol and drugs so Cami told him about all the local AA groups and rehab options that were available. All of them had contracts with Shield Shelter to provide services at little to no cost as long as the participants were serious and attended classes and lectures regularly.
The longer Cami manned the desk, the more often the inhabitants stopped by to visit. Most came because she kept a bowl of candy out. Not those gross, cheap, hard candies that sit until they are moldy, like the kind that you find in the sad, state-run, old folks’ homes. No. Cami only offered good candy of all varieties. That instantly drew many of the shelter residents to her desk. After a few initial comments or questions, some of them stayed—they were obviously lonely—and many would sit down and talk to Cami. Most were fascinated to listen to her experiences of her life on a real farm and horse ranch.
Their collective loneliness just about broke her heart. Kids all alone without a family, or if they had a family, for whatever reason, they weren’t currently living with them. No one understands how lonely, forgotten, and hopeless a child without a family feels. It’s a different kind of lonely. It’s a constant gnawing, chewing-up-your-insides kind of pain that stays with you all the time. Cami could never explain how it felt, not even to Charlie. The horrible sense of not belonging to anyone, no one to protect or care for you, or provide the very basics.