by Leanne Davis
His world had always been silent. He never heard anything. Rarely, a high pitched sound managed to get through. He assumed when that happened, whatever created it must have been super loud. He had no context for the sound. He couldn’t identify it or where it came from. He didn’t really understand what sound was. Having no memory of ever having it, he honestly never missed it.
His one desire, however, was to be comfortable about being deaf. He suffered from isolation because he couldn’t communicate easily, not like everyone else. He remained on the outside, almost invisible. Always. Maybe if his family had been more supportive, his experience as a deaf person would have been different. But he didn’t have that kind of family. Finn found it hard to fit in and trusted no one. He naturally avoided speaking with hearing people about things he didn’t know about or understand since communication was such a challenge in itself. Despite how much he hated being deaf in a hearing world, he couldn’t picture himself not being deaf.
He would have been fine being deaf if the world would just leave him alone.
It bruised his ego whenever he tried to interact with the hearing world. It frustrated him no end and he could not handle it gracefully or accept that it was just how he was. He struggled with it endlessly and did everything he could to hide it when first meeting strangers. He also tried to minimize it later on to the few people he interacted with. That was why he all but ignored the woman he literally bumped into. Life experience had taught him how people reacted to him and someone so young and hot as she was probably was no exception. Being known as the deaf kid, came with a lot of teasing. Ribbing. Avoidance. Isolation.
Some people showed kindness, but it was mostly just saccharine, cloying pity. They couldn’t help treating him as less than others and not quite a man. People considered him disabled. That stigmatic label in most people’s eyes translated as his identity being strictly that disability. Few could see the person attached to it. Finn found this phenomenon particularly strong with kids, especially girls of his own age. He drew their pity and concern. Many even sought him out but always from a place of sympathy. The girls showed no sexual interest, desire or ever took notice of him as a guy. No. Deafness stripped him of all his sexuality and personality as far as they were concerned.
Finn never saw it as a disability because fuck! What was he missing? Hearing? How would he know what it was since he couldn’t experience it at all? It wasn’t a disability inside his head, just a difference from other people, but he knew others equated it to him as exactly that: disabled.
Did he resent that kind of treatment? That was like asking if the Grand Canyon was very deep. It left a chip on his shoulder the size of Idaho. He knew that about himself when it lodged in his throat and he tried to ignore it. He strove to restrain his anger and resentment, sometimes even his rage. Keeping his head down and his mouth quiet, he dutifully went about his work. Alone. As unnoticed and unseen as he could make himself. A ghost. A shadow. A recluse.
He’d endured a few pity-fucks over the years from girls who felt so sorry for him, they offered up sex as a sort of reward for interacting with them. A better person might have turned down their obvious efforts to make themselves feel less guilty. They hung out with him and let him touch them, all the while indulging their empathy for the deaf kid. But hell, they weren’t able to treat him like any other guy his age, and they used sex as a kind of charity towards him, in place of real interaction.
The sadder part of that entire arrangement? Finn didn’t really enjoy any of their sexual encounters. He was so self-conscious the entire time of not making any unexpected noises, or doing anything else that was random or odd or weird to the situation or moment. He kept his mouth shut always. The inability to hear or monitor your own body’s noises can lead to moments of embarrassment. Again, something more to emasculate him and take away his pride and hell, his testosterone. He was a guy. He didn’t enjoy being made to feel stupid or less than anyone else. So sex was usually more than a little awkward. Silent for him, he was told that it was too freaky quiet. He didn’t mutter compliments or his desires or caring or anything, really. That often resulted in more criticism. Without any true caring or companionship or chemistry, he usually hurried through it, so no, it wasn’t any sensual, romantic, or even pleasant experience. Not for either partner. It was easier for Finn not to bother with it.
Now at twenty-three years old, the less he did it, the more he thought about it.
And then he had to run into a woman like the one who just head-butted his chest?!
Naturally, sex was the first thing that popped into his brain.
If there were a fantasy image he could conjure up of what sex on legs would look like, it would have to be that woman. He stared after her, hating the longing and rush of hormones and lust and hell, good, old-fashioned horniness that deluged his body. It humiliated him. He tried to repress the urges because he knew, right down to his core, such a girl, or any woman really, would never have that kind of rush of emotions and horniness towards him.
No. Not him. Not the deaf kid. The new deaf hire. The freak. The handicapped dude. The impaired kid. The guy that this girl would find out soon enough, whoever she was, that he was commonly known as “the new deaf guy.” Finn was sure they gossiped over him and news traveled quickly around the ranch. It was human nature to discuss that which is different, strange or odd. And a deaf ranch hand? Not as common as a hearing one, now was it?
Some ranches were harsh places of employment. Some of the employers and employees came directly from the dregs of society. Men who were mean and asked stupid, ignorant questions.
Not the Rydell River Ranch, however. Finn guessed that Jack held a discussion with the other ranch hands and his brothers, explaining that Finn could only read lips and couldn’t hear them unless he was looking at them when they spoke. No doubt, he said it as a warning to avoid future problems or creating a situation.
In other words, he warned them to leave the deaf guy alone.
Finn appreciated the effort, even though he detested his need for the protection.
Finn felt inadequate in most situations. He knew he didn’t have all the information and therefore it could lead to some very embarrassing and awkward moments in his life. He tried to avoid them by limiting them whenever he could.
That woman who nearly plowed him over? Definitely not in his caliber, that was for sure. She was way beyond it.
He’d been even more stunned since Brianna was the first person he saw coming around that remote corner of the barn. Usually, he could go all day, or close to it, without seeing, talking or interacting with anyone. As if the shock of a physical run-in didn’t already muddle his senses enough, then he realized she was a female. All the way out there! Not exactly a common occurrence. The only female who Finn witnessed out in the barns and fields or working with the horses before was Jack’s wife, Erin. But Erin never worked in this barn. This barn was strictly under Finn’s care. He cleaned the stalls, fed the horses and did all the other rigorous, twice daily chores. He was assigned the primary care of each horse in this particular barn. It housed the medically-in-need rescue horses Jack was rehabilitating at his River’s Rescue. The vet visited this barn the most often and each horse there had a long list of care and ministration. That was Finn’s new job. Something he did all day, mostly alone. And it was almost sheer bliss for him.
But that female! And not just any female, but a young one. Not too young, his age most likely, but holy shit! She was the hottest piece of ass he’d ever seen up close and personal.
Sexist? Sure. But what the hell? Not like anyone could hear him… He smirked to himself as he watched her barely covered ass in the jeans shorts she wore. She disappeared into one of the houses that the family built beside the river.
Her hair was thick and long, ending at the waistband of her shorts. A strawberry blond mass of wavy hair. She had long, slim, tanned legs, with a small, tight ass and narrow shoulders. Smooth, toned arms and a slender, petite body she kept tig
ht with muscles.
Except for her boobs. They were huge! Impressively so, and she showcased the perky, round mounds beneath her tight-fitting, camisole tank top. Owing to his bewilderment at seeing her freaking breasts right there, he forgot to glance up at her mouth so he missed whatever she said. It was probably some kind of startled exclamation at the run-in, or an apology for not expecting him as he never expected to see her either. But he missed whatever she did say and it made him so mad, he nearly bashed his head against the barn. Usually, the first thing he did was glance at people’s mouths to see first, if they were talking; and second, to decipher what they were saying. He hated to miss things especially when people first met him. It often required several more interactions or someone telling them his affliction, before they fully got it.
But this bombshell literally amazed him and his stupid eyes were too busy drooling over all the eye candy that he missed what she said. The only reason he bolted away from her was his fear of saying something wrong or inappropriate. If she asked him a question and he just kept standing there without answering her, it was very awkward, not only for him but also for her, the listener. He hated to put people in a state of unease.
His weariness from those types of interactions was the main reason he quit school during junior year. There was no reason or anyone to keep him there, neither the teachers nor the other students. Unfortunately, there was also no parental figure. Drifting all over since leaving school, Finn never stayed anywhere longer than a few months.
Until he found the Rydell River Ranch and Resort.
No other ranch that he worked on anywhere, however, included attractive, young blonds walking idly around the outlying field and barn where he worked. None ever included an eye-catching beauty carrying a wildflower and doing nothing except that—walking and smelling her flower.
Who prepared for someone like that? Who did that?
He shook off the odd meeting and swooped back into the dark, gloomy interior of the dusty barn. He was about to redress an old abscess on one of the mares. Her hind end hadn’t been properly cared for and Jack wanted to remedy that. So what about that woman? He’d never see her again, or talk to her or deal with her. She was most likely just a guest who wandered off the Rydell River Resort. That was something Finn had nothing to do with. All the rescue operations and horses were housed the furthest away, on the opposite end of the ranch and resort, as far away as they could be without dipping into the river.
Finn thanked his lucky stars for that daily. He was glad all those hearing vacationers stayed out of his world so he could enjoy the quiet solitude that framed his life.
That was enough. All he wanted. Quiet. It was the only thing he was used to and he relished it.
To continue reading River's Rescue click here.
My Other Titles:
The Sister Series is about the emotional scars and battles that are often hidden in people.
Rape. Drugs. Abuse. Violence. Pain. Betrayal.
And how they can be overcome.
Love. Joy. Family. Forgiveness. Faith. Hope. Redemption.
The Other Sister
The Years Between
The Good Sister
The Best Friend
The Wrong Sister
The Years After
The Broken Sister
The Perfect Sister
The Lost Sister
The Remaining Sister
The Step Sister
Daughters is a spin-off of The Sister Series about Jessie’s (The Other Sister) daughters.
Christina
Natalie
Melissa
Emily
The Rydell River Ranch is a large horse training, boarding and breeding operation, owned and operated by four brothers who are left in charge of their century old legacy in the small, rural town of River’s End.
River's End
River's Escape
River's Return
River Road
River on Fire
River's Lost
River of Change
River's Destiny
River's Rescue
Share in the fall, rise and eventual fulfillment of the rock band Zenith’s destiny…
Zenith Falling
Zenith Rising
Zenith Fulfilled
The characters are all connected to Seaclusion, Washington a fictional town set along the Pacific Ocean.
Poison
Notorious
Secrets
Seclusion
My Standalone Novel
Jason Malone has spent his life being denied by his family. His father, the respected mayor of his hometown, has all but ignored his existence, while his drug-addicted mother has always caused him more harm than good. After being unjustly imprisoned for crimes that lead back to his absentee family, he is finally starting to get his life back together again.
Until the day his estranged brother's fiancée walks into his life and changes everything.
Christine Andrews is the dutiful daughter of a rich and powerful family, engaged to Trent Gallagher, her father's right hand man, and poised to join her father and Trent in running the empire her father has built. Until Christine discovers the existence of Jason Malone and suddenly she begins to doubt everything around her, including her fiancé.
Christine becomes caught in a power struggle between the two brothers, but she soon realizes there is far more at stake than her heart, when one night everything is altered forever.
About the Author
I live in the rainy area of Western, Washington, and spend as much time as I can getting away from the rain by traveling to destinations all across the state where my family and I do tons of camping, boating, fishing, and horseback riding. Many of the locations we camp become the basis for my books. Most of my settings are fictional but are based on real places.
I earned my business degree from Western Washington University. I worked for several years in the construction management field before turning to writing full time.
I love to hear from readers! Please contact me at: [email protected].
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Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed River’s Destiny.