by JoAnn Durgin
“That’s great,” she said, “but we still won’t officially open it until next spring, right?”
“That’s the thing,” he said, slanting her a grin. “If everything goes as smoothly as it already has, we could be looking at sometime this fall. Things tend to move faster here in Croisette Shores, at least in terms of renovating playgrounds.”
“I suppose that’s a good thing...in terms of the playgrounds,” she said.
“Answer a question for me. Why do the playgrounds in Croisette Shores even have a sandbox, especially when the real thing is only a few blocks away?”
Serenity flinched at his words, a reminder of Danny. He used to say the exact same thing. “I think some moms get nervous with the ocean being so close, and they feel their kids are safer at a playground. It’s a contained area.”
When they reached their destination, Jackson waved his hand.
“They’ve already resurfaced? It looks great.”
“It’s that new stuff—forget what it’s called—but it doesn’t get too hot in the summer and stays naturally cool,” he said, crouching and testing it out. “They’re right.”
Like she’d done in Jackson’s office, Serenity twirled in a slow circle, envisioning how it would look once all the renovations were done. “I ask you, what kid could resist a new playground? When it’s finished, kids from other areas of town are going to want to come here.” She stopped. “What you’re doing is a great service for Croisette Shores. For the children, the parents, the town. Thank you. I’m honored to be a part of the project.”
“You’re welcome, and thanks for being willing to help.”
“I haven’t done much.”
He shot her a look. “That’s not true and you know it. Coming from the woman who won’t even accept payment for all her hard work on behalf of the renovation.”
“Consider it my donation to my community. I seriously doubt you’re getting paid for your tireless efforts.”
“Close your eyes.”
She did as he asked.
“Wow, you didn’t even question me that time. We’re making excellent progress,” he said, chuckling. Taking her hand, he led her across the playground before stopping. “Okay. You can open your eyes now.”
Future home of the Daniel Marshall Kincaid Memorial Playground.
Oxygen drained from her lungs and Serenity’s mouth dropped open.
~CHAPTER 26~
“Serenity, have I done something to offend or hurt you?” Jackson’s tone was full of concern mixed with confusion. How could he suspect she hovered on the edge of hyperventilating? Taking a quick breath, she willed the pounding in her head to ease. For her sanity, she needed to pretend the words on the sign hadn’t seared through her heart, reminding her all over again of the deep-seated pain that might never go away.
“I’ve obviously upset you. I didn’t know it would have this effect...” Jackson hesitated, and she darted a glance his way. The Adam’s apple slid up and down in his throat. The deep concern in his eyes helped her summon the strength she needed. From his reaction, she could tell he didn’t know Daniel Kincaid had been her Danny.
“Tell me how the name of the playground came about.” She moved over to the end of the old sliding board and sat down, frowning when it bowed under her weight. She liked the idea of naming the playground after Danny. In truth, it made sense and would be a fitting tribute to him since he’d always been a kid at heart. He’d barely been more than a kid when he was murdered. How ironic Danny would remain forever young while she felt like she’d aged two decades in the last five years alone.
“Last week, I got a call from the town treasurer,” Jackson said. “An anonymous donor sent a check with the specific request the playground be named in honor of Daniel Kincaid.” Hesitating, he eyed her. “It’s a very generous amount of money…and it costs more than people think to build a state-of-the-art playground with new equipment that meets all the safety requirements.” Stopping, Jackson slapped his palm on his forehead and groaned. “For a guy who’s supposed to be fairly intelligent, I can be unbelievably clueless. This is definitely one of those times. I’m sorry. I have no excuses and I hope you can forgive me.”
“It’s okay. There’s nothing to forgive. You couldn’t have known. So, you don’t have any idea as to identity of the donor?”
“Only the town treasurer knows. How well do you know her?”
“Everyone knows Dora,” Serenity said. “She’ll never crack. She’s loyal as anything, which is actually a very good thing. Dora will take the identity of the playground donor to her grave.” She looked up at him. “I think it’s time to tell you more about Danny.”
For the first time since she’d met him, Jackson seemed uncertain. “Sure.”
“Let’s go sit on the bench and hope it holds the weight of both of us.” Her attempt at humor didn’t seem to work since he still seemed bothered when he held out his hand and helped her to her feet.
“Wait. Let me test it out first,” he said, putting his hand on her arm to stop her when she started to sit on the bench. A couple of seconds later, he gave her a nod.
“Danny grew up in this neighborhood, too,” she said, sitting beside him. “He was a year ahead of me in school, and I knew him from the time we were in the same preschool.” Serenity’s eyes misted as she took in the rusty equipment, the leaning chain link fence, the broken swing. She pointed to one corner, overgrown with unruly weeds. “The sandbox was in the far right corner and we’d play there for hours. Danny learned early on not to throw sand in my face or dump it over my head.”
Shifting his position, Jackson turned to face her. The wind sifted through his hair, and for a brief moment, she glimpsed the little boy he’d been once, sitting at the feet of his mother or a teacher, listening to a story.
“Danny tried to kiss me under the finger painting table in preschool. Then in fourth grade, he caught me unaware in my classroom and kissed me behind the coat rack. That was my first kiss. He surprised me, and I was mad as anything. I retaliated by kicking him in the nose. Hard. I never knew a nose could bleed so much. The teacher demanded to know who’d assaulted Danny, and he had to go to the emergency room. I was scared to death I’d killed him and the police would storm into the school, put me in handcuffs and haul me away. On death row by the time I was nine. Not one of the kids told on me, but about an hour later, I finally couldn’t take the guilt and owned up to being the aggressor.”
She paused as she saw the corners of Jackson’s mouth upturn. “Then when we were in middle school, he wanted to be cool and acted like he could barely tolerate me. He teased me and called me silly nicknames, but he usually walked me home when he didn’t have track and field practice.” Serenity brushed aside a tear. “Danny wasn’t very good in math, and he told everyone he was only walking me home because he needed my tutoring skills.”
Jackson smiled. “Why do I have the feeling that endeared him to you even more?”
“You’re right. It did.” Not that she’d thought about it before. No wonder Jackson was a psychologist. Understanding the way people think was a gift, but perhaps some were born with more of an innate understanding of human behavior than others. “In high school, he turned his attentions to a few other girls. But when it came time for the school dances, Danny always came back to good old, reliable Serenity. We dated off and on, but pretty much exclusively his senior year. From that point on, it was pretty much a given that we’d marry.”
“Was anyone ever arrested for his murder?”
“No,” she said, shaking her head. “The police classified his death as a random act of violence. I’ve never believed it, but I can’t explain it and I have no way of proving otherwise. My heart tells me there was nothing random about his death.”
“Tell me why you think it might not have been random.”
“Danny was smart in some ways, but when it came to human nature, he was too trusting and naïve. He always wanted to believe the best in people. I’m not saying that’
s not a good way to live, but in his case, it might have gotten him killed. Unfortunately, we might never know.”
“As exhibited by my ignorance a few minutes ago, I think being clueless is indigenous to the male species. Was there a formal investigation into his death?”
“No,” she said, shaking her head. “Only a rudimentary one. No one ever pushed for it.” Her hands trembled and belied the calmness in her tone. “I thought my dad might try to find out more. There’s only one reason I can think of why he hasn’t.”
“Because he’s afraid of what he might find.”
“Exactly. The same as with my mom.” She blew out a breath and glanced over at him. “When there’s a missing person—especially for this long—there’s a good possibility there’s not going to be a good outcome.”
Jackson nodded. “I talked to my brother and asked him to run your mother’s information through the system. Knowing Kyle, he forgot. If he doesn’t call me back by tomorrow, I’ll call him again and remind him.”
Serenity’s heart raced. “Thanks. Call as soon as you hear anything?”
He helped her to her feet. “So, you’re okay with the playground being named after Danny?”
She smiled. “Once I recovered from the initial shock, I think it’s a great idea. Danny would have loved it, too. I only wish Liam could play here one day.”
“Do you think about Liam a lot?”
“Yes, but not as much as I used to. I’m not sure if that makes me a horrible mother or if it’s a natural part of the grieving process.”
Jackson took her hand and covered it with his. “You’ll have other children someday, Serenity. I realize no one can take the place of Liam, but each child will be special to you, a part of you and settled in your heart.”
She nodded, unable to speak, touched by his sweet sentiment. After losing both Danny and Liam, she hadn’t entertained thoughts of remarrying or having more children. Jackson was the first man she’d even considered dating much less anything else. Did he look at her as a potential wife? No, how could that be possible with all her emotional baggage?
“Jackson, you know everything about my life, but I know very little about yours,” she said as they reached her office.
“You didn’t ask.”
When she started to turn away, he touched her arm. “I understand, Serenity. Like I said before, you’ve concentrated on taking care of yourself for so long, you’ve erected walls. It’s not selfishness, it’s self-protection, pure and simple. It takes time to build up those walls, so it’ll take time to bring them tumbling down.”
“Like the walls of Jericho?” She gave him a small smile. “Still, you don’t have to sound so clinical about it.”
His chuckle was low in his throat. “Sorry, I’m afraid it’s instinctive.”
“Problem is, you’re right.” She glanced up at him. “Forgive me?”
“For what?” He seemed genuinely puzzled. “Have lunch with me tomorrow and I’ll tell you everything you want to know about my family. Anything. Feel free to bring Clinton.”
“The nurse’ll be with him tomorrow and I’ve already stocked his fridge,” she said. “I’d love to have lunch with you.”
As he waved and headed in the opposite direction, back to his office, Serenity realized how much she’d come to enjoy his companionship, his friendship...and the incredible smile that reached deep into her heart and grabbed hold with a silent promise to never let go.
~CHAPTER 27~
“Speak to me, Doc Jack,” Serenity said. “Time to tell me about your family.” They’d enjoyed a great, casual lunch of clams and scallops at Hermann’s on the beach and shared a slice of carrot cake afterwards. For whatever reason, neither one of them brought up the subject of his family during their meal. Somehow she sensed it might be a difficult topic for Jackson.
“As you wish,” he said, crossing his arms over his chest. In his deep red T-shirt, it only emphasized those distracting muscles. “I was the middle son of three boys, so I didn’t suffer any high expectations for greatness.” Jackson’s smile was half-hearted, but the tautness around his mouth spoke volumes. “You know, the middle child syndrome.”
“A stereotype,” Serenity said. “Where are your brothers now?”
“Chad’s three years older. He was the golden boy and graduated at the top of his class at Harvard Business School. Classic overachiever, but the guy’s brilliant. As expected, he got a top job and worked as an investment banker in New York for Goldman Sachs. Was being the key word. Chad lost most of his colleagues on 9/11, and to be honest, I’m not sure he’ll ever fully recover.”
Hearing the pain in his voice, Serenity reached across the table for his hand, overwhelmed with the need to touch him. She wanted him to know she was there for him in the way he’d been there for her so many times. “I’m sorry, Jackson.” No wonder he might be reluctant to talk about his family.
“He was supposed to be in a meeting in his office that morning, but my sister-in-law had a doctor’s appointment and asked him to go with her. So, Chad sat in a doctor’s office and lived to mourn his coworkers and friends.” When Jackson met her eyes, they were damp with emotion. “Chad’s had a tough road. He withdrew from life for a while and took off on an extended trip to go find himself.” Tracing circles on the tablecloth with his finger, Jackson was quiet for a long moment. “He finally came around and realized his wife and two daughters needed him and that’s where his heart lies.”
“I can’t even imagine,” Serenity said, “but I’m sure you helped him however you could.”
“I’ve tried. The best thing I can do for him is pray, but he’s resistant to the point of being adamant against Christianity. Chad’s of the opinion a loving God wouldn’t have destroyed the innocence of a nation on 9/11. He can’t understand my belief in a higher power who could allow it to happen. Even though my family’s heard the story of how God found me, and even though I pray they can see I’ve changed for the better since I became a Christian, they’re so set in their behaviors and habits, they can’t open their narrow minds to something beyond the scope of their limited understanding.”
The regret in his eyes touched her deeply, and Serenity squeezed his hand. “I love how God has a way of bringing us into His presence even when we’re not consciously seeking Him.”
“That’s a beautiful truth. Chad”—when Jackson hesitated, she heard his voice catch—“likes to pick stupid fights with me. The primary reason I go home at holidays is for my mom. It’s important for her to have us all gathered around the table.” Frowning, he took a quick sip of his iced tea. “Doesn’t matter that it’s tense and only a matter of time until the verbal sparring match begins.”
“I always wished for a sibling, but I think I see it through rose-colored glasses,” Serenity said. “More someone to share the burdens and responsibilities as opposed to someone I might be at odds with. I really wanted a sister. I begged Mama, but she finally told me she couldn’t have more kids.”
“Sorry,” he said. “I have times when I wish I was an only child, as bad as that sounds. But, in your case, I think Deidre’s as close as a sister, am I right?”
She nodded. “She’s part of me, so yes, you’re right.”
“I’m not saying we didn’t have good times growing up, because we did.”
“Does Chad still work as an investment banker?”
“Funny you should ask. He always used to call himself a weekend cook. After the initial aftershocks of 9/11 wore off—and some extensive therapy—he quit his six-figure job and went to work as a sous chef in a top New York restaurant. Now he’s happier than he’s ever been. In that regard, I’m happy for him, but I wish he’d ease up on the criticism of something that’s so important in my life. Mom and Dad always admired Chad and now they’re trying to accept him as a chef. They dote on his kids, though, and that’s great to see. In spite of everything, they’re great kids, due in large part to Chad’s wife, Leslie, and how grounded she is. She’s a full-time, stay-at-
home mom and filled the void when Chad decided to go off on his little expedition.”
“What about your dad and mom?” she asked. “Are you close?”
“We talk, but it’s mostly surface stuff and nothing deep.” He smiled a little. “Nothing like the discussions I’ve shared with you. Dad’s the most passive of us all. He worked as an accountant and is now happily retired, fishing and golfing as much as he can. Mom stays busy with all her charity and social events. Financial success equates with personal worth in my parents’ eyes, unfortunately.”
“And your younger brother, the lawyer?”
“Kyle’s being groomed to be the youngest partner in the history of his prestigious law firm in Seattle. I call him runt and he hates it. Good guy, but I’m afraid his ego is inflating along with his rising status in the firm. We’re pretty close—closer than I am to Chad—but Kyle’s committed to breaking a few hearts on his way to the top. I just don’t want to see him sitting in that big corner office in a few years, surrounded by his awards and material gain, lamenting the fact he has no one to go home to at the end of the day. He’s still young, though, and he’s got a lot more growing up to do.” He frowned. “Not that I’m an expert on anything. Far from it.”
After settling the bill, Jackson put his arm around her waist and steered her out of the restaurant. “Do you have time for a walk on the beach?”
Seeing the hope in his eyes, Serenity hadn’t the heart to tell him no. “I have an appointment with a new client later this afternoon, but I can definitely spare more time with my favorite client.” The warmth of his smile filled more holes in her slowly mending heart. Never would she have thought she’d meet a man after God’s heart like Jackson. When he moved his arm to her shoulders, she didn’t protest. The action seemed an unconscious gesture on his part. The unconscious, little gestures were those she hugged close in her heart.
Removing their shoes, they carried them as they skirted the edge of the waves lapping on the shore in the low tide. The sun was partially hidden by the clouds and a light breeze stirred the air. “For a long time, I didn’t feel like I measured up to my parents’ ideal of a career,” he said. “In spite of the fact that I...” Scratching his head, he paused, making her wonder at his open-ended sentence.