by Lauren Dodd
“I really like it here,” I say, finally.
“I’m glad. Now let’s go see what’s for dinner,” he says, he starts to put his arm around me but I see him catch himself at the last minute. I hate that I’ve reacted so violently to his touch. He shouldn’t have to pay for Phil’s crimes but I just can’t force myself to act normally. I can sense a small change in myself though just in the week I’ve been here. Hopefully, by the time the summer is over, I won’t even recognize the pathetic girl who lied to get here.
****
“Yuck,” Lisa states, plugging her nose as she spits out a spoonful of the dinner she had simmering in the crock pot all day.
I’ve barely been able to keep myself out of it because it smelled so good. Dad takes a bite and rubs his belly happily.
“I can’t eat this. It tastes like dog shit,” Lisa insists.
“It’s delicious. What’s wrong with you tonight?” Dad asks.
She does seem a little off and I’ve been worried it had to do with the car. After all, she doesn’t have the unconditional love for me that Dad does. She works hard and I’m sure she doesn’t appreciate some girl swooping in and using her things and taking up her personal space.
“I’m really sorry about the car, Lisa,” I apologize, wanting to clear the air. I really like her and I don’t want to put on the fake tough girl act anymore. I’m going to enjoy her company if she’ll let me and just deal with saying good-bye when that day gets here.
She rushes toward me and clutches my arms. “No, sweetie. You didn’t do anything wrong. I’ve just been in a shitty mood all day. Work was sucky and all I could think about all damn day was eating a mad cow burger.”
I see Dad marveling at the way I keep my arms linked with Lisa’s. I know he must think that I just don’t want him to touch me when it’s really all guys that I react to this way. I decide to change the subject to distract him.
“What’s a mad cow burger?” I ask, curious.
“Oh, my! Lisa, get your purse, STAT. We have to get Cassidy to Chubby’s on the double,” Dad teases, grabbing his keys and running to the garage door.
“Yes,” Lisa shouts, pumping her fist in the air.
I chuckle at their silliness. Something as simple as a burger makes these two act like a couple of kids on Christmas morning. I think I could easily stay here forever.
We pile into the SUV and Dad drives us to the other side of town. At least I think it’s the other side of town. I’m trying to pay better attention so that hopefully I can find something other than the library without having to use the GPS. Eventually he pulls into a dilapidated parking lot in a neighborhood that doesn’t look quite as pristine as the rest of the town.
I peek out the window at the small brick building with the red metal roof sitting smack in the middle of the parking lot. Tons of cars are coming and going with people standing in line in the front and coming out a rear door with greasy paper bags of food also.
“Let’s go, gang,” Dad says but Lisa is already practically to the red rear door. I catch up with Dad, my stomach growling at the smells permeating from the little building. A giant neon sign of a dancing ice cream cone stands atop the roof beckoning customers from all over the city. I love little hole in the wall restaurants like this. Wade and I always watch the food road trip shows together and I can’t wait to tell him about this.
“What do you recommend?” I ask, walking over the threshold of the restaurant as Dad holds the door open.
“Everything,” he teases, ushering me inside.
The rear order area is only ten feet by ten feet and there are already six people squished inside. Dad and I make our way over to Lisa who is chin up to a paint-chipped counter watching burgers be fried on a giant grill. I speed read the menu, knowing this isn’t the kind of place where you dilly dally around with your order.
The sounding of boiling hot oil kissing the ice crystals of frozen French fries catches my attention and I watch a girl about my age lower a metal basket of fries into the oil. After a few minutes, she takes them out, dumps them in a metal bin and shakes salt over them. I’m practically drooling.
“What can I get you, folks?” a baby-faced kid asks us. I recognize the T-shirt he’s wearing as the ones that Seth and his brother and sister had on. They must like this place, too. Dancing cheeseburger T-shirts in every color of the rainbow hang above the menu for sale.
“I want the mad cow burger with a large order of butter fries and a jumbo butterscotch malt,” Lisa demands and, for a second, I think she might jump the counter to make it herself if the kid doesn’t get a move on.
“I’ll have the same,” I say, trying not to gross out by the name of the burger. If Lisa eats it, it must be pretty dang good.
“I’ll have a double mad cow with chili fries and a peanut butter shake. But I don’t want any of it unless Seth is cooking,” Dad announces.
A thought crosses my mind about how strange is it that the same unusual name would cross my path twice in one day. Then, the beautiful blond stranger from the library turns around and everything starts to go in slow motion.
“Martin and Lisa, my favorite customers,” he shouts over the sizzling burgers and whirring mixers churning up milkshakes.
I can’t stop staring. He moves expertly, flipping burgers at just the right time while razzing Dad about the latest Red Sox loss. He doesn’t even remember me. Not that I should be surprised but I guess maybe I would have liked to have made a small impression.
“Isn’t he a dreamboat?” Lisa whispers in my ear. I turn my head, my cheeks blushing, embarrassed that she busted me checking him out.
Dad gets distracted by a young girl giving him the total. He busies himself digging in his wallet for cash. Seth meets my eyes and winks. I feel lightheaded and just stand there like an idiot. His crooked smile pulls up on one side and I feel certain that I might as well have my feelings tattooed across my forehead. There is something hypnotic about this guy. I want to lean across the counter and smooth his curls behind his ears. I want to feel his lips on mine and his hands running all over my body.
I watch him grab a brown paper bag and a black Sharpie and jot something down. I’m dazzled by everything he does and I don’t even care if he knows I’m watching every move he makes. I’ve never had this strong of a physical reaction to a guy, even before the Phil stuff. But something about Seth makes me feel like I could overcome all of that. Something tells me that he could cure me.
The young kid hands Lisa a bag of food and her shake, then Dad gets his. They start walking to the door because it is getting even more crowded.
Seth walks toward me, never taking his eyes off mine. I feel sweaty, breathless, and excited seeing him get closer and closer to me. He holds out a greasy brown paper bag and a Styrofoam cup. “For the lady, who is obviously not named Lisa,” he teases.
I reach out to take the bag from him and the tips of our fingers just barely graze each other. A jolt runs through me like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. He looks at me with such intensity that I could swear an X-rated movie just played between us in a millisecond. I bolt through the crowd of people before I start to hyperventilate. I bust through the red door and spot Dad and Lisa sitting down at a picnic bench near a treed area. I take a couple of gulps of fresh air to try and get control of myself.
As good as it felt to know that Seth remembered me, and as good as it felt to react to a guy’s touch normally, there is something very dangerous about what just happened back there. It felt downright combustible which is the last thing I need in my life.
I chuckle to myself. It’s not like the guy even asked me out or anything and I’ve already got myself convinced that I couldn’t handle a relationship with him. Talk about your wishful thinking. I take a sip of my malt and practically groan. It is almost as good as Seth’s fingers touching mine.
I walk around to the vacant side of the picnic table, across from Dad and Lisa. Lisa is devouring her burger so ravenously she reminds me of
a Tyrannosaurus Rex feasting on a Velociraptor. Dad eyes her curiously, moving his food out of her reach. I start to unwrap the lip of my bag when I see a note written in black Sharpie on it. I look up to make sure Dad and Lisa aren’t paying attention then glance back down.
I cleaned bird shit off your car. Surely that earns me one date. His cell phone number is scrawled underneath. I sit there in shock. I knew that I was attracted to him, but I can’t believe that he is genuinely attracted to me. He could have any girl in the world, why would he want me?
“Is something wrong, honey?” Dad asks, noticing that I haven’t pulled out my food yet.
“No, not at all,” I say, digging into the bag for my burger. I scarf it down as fast as I can, which isn’t hard considering how good it is. No wonder Lisa was craving that all day.
“Oh my God, I should have worn pants with an elastic waist,” Lisa complains, tossing her garage in a nearby trash can.
“Seth doesn’t disappoint,” Dad agrees. I felt like Seth knew that I didn’t want him to say anything about meeting me in front of Dad and Lisa somehow. Like he could just read my mind, which is crazy. He’s probably just a total player, not some soul mate that just happened to pop randomly into my life two different times in the same day.
“This is really good,” I brag, popping the last bite in my mouth.
“This place has been here since the fifties. It isn’t much to look at but the food makes up for it,” Dad says.
“Part of me feels guilty for loving it so much. I hate seeing Seth being forced into his father’s footsteps at such an early age,” Lisa says, sucking out the last of her malt.
My ears perk up at the mention of Seth even though I’ve got my bag wadded up in my hand, just waiting for the courage to throw it into the trash can.
“What kind of a man runs off with a girl half his age and abandons his family?” Dad asks disgustedly. “What a coward.”
I feel sad for Seth. Not only was he toting around his brother and sister but now I find out that he has to work at this burger joint just to help out his family after his dad abandoned him. This new information gives me the courage to toss the bag right into the trash. The last thing this guy needs is any of my baggage.
I follow Dad and Lisa to the car, hating how much I’m mourning a relationship that never even began.
Chapter Five
Two weeks go by and I’m still thinking about Seth. I purposely go to the library in the afternoons, knowing that story time is long over and that he is probably busy flipping burgers. Thankfully, Lisa hasn’t had another burger craving saving me the humiliation of being faced with Seth again, although if he even remembered me I’d be surprised.
I’ve been devouring novels like they are ice cream sundaes and I’ve already blown through my English teacher’s suggested summer reading list. I’ve decided that I’m really going to bring it with my grades next year. I know I’m capable of getting straight A’s and Chastity seems to hate me no matter what my grades are so I might as well do something to benefit myself for a change.
I’ve still got the whole afternoon to kill and I decide to surprise Dad and Lisa by cooking dinner for them. I scour the Internet looking for a recipe that is equally delicious and simple but will still impress Lisa.
Chastity would die if she knew how much I admire and respect Lisa. She’d probably make some crack about how immature she is just because she’s a little younger than Dad, or how she can only manage having a full-time job, cooking, cleaning, and DIY projects because she doesn’t have any brats to contend with. There’s always an excuse anytime Chastity perceives anybody one upping her. She doesn’t have the ability to look inside herself and recognize that she just lacks some things.
I find a recipe for Chicken Marsala casserole and it sounds like something they would like. I check the cabinets and refrigerator and, unsurprisingly, Lisa already has all the ingredients. I gather everything on the island and start assembling the casserole. Once I’m done, I pop it in the refrigerator until I’m ready to cook it. I’m beside myself at the thought of surprising them with a special dinner. I whip up a bowl of brownie mix so that dessert can be cooking while we eat.
I head upstairs to take a shower. I peel off my clothes and examine myself in the wall-size bathroom mirror. There’s no hiding it anymore, Lisa’s delicious cooking is bringing back the soft curves that I used to love so much. My chest is so much fuller that my girls are overflowing the cups of my bra and it gets harder and harder to button my shorts every day. I usually just lounge around in my bikini bottoms until Dad and Lisa get home to avoid their stranglehold on my waist. If I keep this up, I might have to plead with Dad for a little bit of money for clothes.
I run my hands down my body, pleased with how the stick thin girl is disappearing. I feel more myself than I have in almost two years. And the more I feel like myself, the stronger I feel. Like anything is possible.
I turn on the water as hot as I can stand and get in, pulling the shower curtain closed behind me. I take my time shaving my legs, loving that it seems like there is an endless supply of hot water. I had no idea how calming water could be when you weren’t worrying about someone walking in on you. And as much as I love Wade, he thinks it’s fun to pour out all my bath products which makes me crazy.
I wash my hair three times hoping that the black will fade. I’m tired of looking like this. I want my old self back. None of my weight loss or appearance changes made Phil stop trying to touch me or made Chastity love me so I might as well feel good about myself. I wonder if Lisa would be willing to help me fix my hair and possibly fund some new clothes. I’m going to try and work up the courage to ask her.
I pull on my too tight clothes and go downstairs to pop the casserole in the oven. I set the table then head out to get the mail. The timer for dinner goes off at the exact same moment that the garage door goes up. I timed it perfectly.
“What is that amazing smell?” Lisa asks, walking inside. She looks really tired making my idea seem even better.
“I made dinner. I hope that’s okay,” I say.
“Okay? Um, yeah, it’s way better than okay.” She jogs up the stairs to change out of her dress and heels.
“Dang, it smells good in here,” Dad says, shutting the garage door. “You cooked us dinner?”
“You guys work so hard, I just wanted to help out a little.”
“That’s really nice, sweetie. You’re a good girl,” he says. I can tell he’s wrestling with himself wanting to hug me, but he restrains himself knowing how I’ll react.
His words wash over me like a brave ray of sunshine on a cloudy day. That’s all I’ve ever wanted was for someone to tell me I’m good. That I deserve good things to happen to me and that I’m worthy of being loved. Wade is the only one that has ever made me feel like I was deserving of love.
I busy myself pulling the casserole out and setting it on hot pads on the table. I add a loaf of French bread and a stick of butter and pull out the side salads that I prepared and set them next to everyone’s plates. I stand back and survey my work, pleased that everything looks delicious. Dad and Lisa bolt downstairs in more comfortable clothes and take their seats at the table.
“Chicken Marsala?” Lisa asks, sniffing the casserole.
“Yep, good nose,” I say with a laugh.
“I think Lisa was a bloodhound in a previous life,” Dad jokes.
I serve them both a good portion of the casserole and wait eagerly for them to try the first bite before taking my own.
I watch Lisa, in particular, since she will be the harder one to impress. She blows on the bite at the end of her fork then pops it in her mouth. I’m on the edge of my seat until she starts moaning and groaning with delight. I’m so happy I think I might bust the button on my shorts, which after this dinner I will probably do anyway.
We enjoy a wonderful meal and talk about our day. They do most of the talking, comparing work days, while I listen on with delight. I’ve always dreamed about having
dinners like these but had gotten to the point where I thought they were just a dream. Chastity and Phil rarely sit down to eat at the same time, and, if they do, it usually just results in them bitching at each other about something that one of them did or didn’t do. Nothing like the peaceful feeling of this dinner with the back and forth easy flow of conversation minus the sarcasm or derogatory names like Chastity’s dinners are famous for.
With each day that passes I know I’m edging closer and closer into dangerous territory. I know how easily I could imagine my life being here full-time. But I couldn’t leave Wade and let’s face it, Dad was a sport taking me on for the entire summer, but full-time with no reprieve is a completely different story.
I savor another forkful of the delicious casserole forcing myself to slow down which is the same thing I need to do with my life here. Enjoy myself now and try not to worry about what the future holds.
****
The next morning I hear a horrible sound coming from the direction of Dad and Lisa’s bedroom. I peek inside the open door and see Lisa crouched over the toilet wretching with Dad gently rubbing her back.
“Oh my God, I poisoned her,” I blurt out, unable to stop myself.
“Cassidy, no,” Lisa shouts until an un-human amount of puke forces her head back into the toilet bowl again.
“Sweetie, I’m not sick, and you’re not sick, so it couldn’t have been your dinner,” Dad reassures me. I run into the bathroom and pull open a drawer containing washcloths and hand towels. I pull out the softest washcloth I can find and run cold water over it. I wring it out and place it on Lisa’s forehead.
“That feels amazing,” she says, flushing the toilet for the fourth time since I came in. She slumps against the wall. I kneel down and rub the cloth all over her face. I do this for Wade all the time and I’m always amazed at what a difference it makes. “You’re the best daughter ever,” she mumbles, her eyes getting droopy.