by Peter Carey
“Oh,” Lucinda sighed, “I see it, Mr d’Abbs, I really do.” However she was not looking at Mr d’Abbs, but at the green-eyed man she had allowed herself to believe might love her. She could not see this man. She saw another, a queer stranger who rubbed his hands together like a praying mantis. She had made a bet with him and that was all. You could claim that it was code for a betrothal, a token of love, but not if you were sane. It was a bet, and only a mad woman would imagine anything else.
“With respect, Miss—you cannot see it. It is not here, but in all the scraps of paper, all the scribblings, the full-drawn plans that were flawed. I have been up early in the mornings. I have talked to my many artistic friends. I have pursued this most diligently. Miss Leplastrier, and not to make money.”
“I am most appreciative,” Lucinda said.
“You are not appreciative.” His voice rose and the tremble could not be ignored. Oscar saw how the brown eyes pleaded, even while they closed down with anger. “I tender no fee, merely the pleasure of doing the job well for you because I care for matters of the spirit …”
A small vertical frown mark appeared on Lucinda’s high forehead.
“… more than most men in this town. As you know, as you know. And I take it,” his voice rose even more as a flock of white cockatoos rose shrieking from the Moreton Bay fig beside the window, “I take it most uncivilized to be hectored on account of it. Do you see my bill attached?” (Oscar crossed his leg again.) “Do you see an account of my worry? Or my hours? Who protected your interests when you arrived in Sydney? You were lucky you were not robbed blind in daylight. Who invited you into his home, and provided you with friends? Here, in this room. How often you thanked me.”
“Please,” said Oscar, who could not bear the little man’s pain. “Please, Mr d’Abbs …”
“You will hold your tongue, sir,” said Mr d’Abbs, rising suddenly to his feet. He began to stride around the room picking up leatherbound volumes and banging them together. They gave off a smell like old bacon fat. There seemed to be no sense in the action except the exercise of anger. “I took you in when nobody would touch you. You were not a clerk’s bootlace, sir. You were a smudge. A disgraceful, cast-out little smudge. You ruined my journals. I will always be able to look at the pages and remember your untidy habits. So do not,” he shrieked, “presume to tell me how to draw a plan.”
“I was not,” said Oscar.
“Then do not,” said Mr d’Abbs, quiet again. He took a breath and then expelled it. He turned to Lucinda, speaking to her even while he continued to pick up the books which last night’s party had left abandoned on sideboard, sofa, table, ottoman. “I have not the skill to draw in perspective, miss, and I am not the only architect with this disability. Greenway—so Mr Fig informs me—was the same. But I have commissioned Mr Hill, from my own pocket” (by now he had half a dozen volumes clasped to his chest) “from my own pocket, to provide the perspective you have in front of you. You will see it is signed” (it was an untidy nest of books he held, quite unstable) “and if you do not like it” (a thick brown volume dropped and he kicked it—thwack—against the skirting board) “if you do not like it, you may take it to Lawson’s and sell it for ten guineas.”
Oscar still held one corner of the plan between thumb and forefinger. He was now crouching awkwardly with his backside hovering above Miss Shaddock’s low-slung sewing chair. He looked at Lucinda, expecting to see a sympathetic softening of the face, but saw, if anything, the opposite.
“Mr d’Abbs,” she said, relinquishing the plans to Oscar. “You have been complacent about the most serious matter imaginable. Good taste aside, this church cannot be made. You ignored the information I provided you with. The sheets must be three feet long and eighteen inches wide. Did it ever occur to you,” she cried, her voice shaking, “you who call yourself my friend, did you ever think what might depend on this?”
Mr d’Abbs was so loaded with his own emotions that he had no space to take on Lucinda’s anguish or wonder what might cause it. He looked like an actor stabbed on stage. He opened his mouth and then shut it. He caught a book as it slipped from his grasp.
“There is a wager dependent on this, Mr d’Abbs. 1 stand to lose my fortune.”
In her heart Lucinda expected this revelation to have some effect on Mr d’Abbs. It was an expectation carried from the time when she had placed a cauliflower on the front desk at Petty’s Hotel.
But she was not a little girl and Mr d’Abbs was not her protector. “What do you know about stakes?” he hissed.
Lucinda thought: So! He hates me. So be it. Why shouldn’t he?
“You little brat. You are playing with money as if it were windfalls in an orchard. What do you know about business?”
This insult had a most salutary effect on Lucinda. It dismissed her panic. It unlocked all those not inconsiderable opinions which told her that she was a better person that Mr d’Abbs. She drew herself up to her full height, unclenched her hands and rubbed their palms together.
“Do not patronize me, Mr d’Abbs,” she said. “You are a dabbler. You are all dabblers.” She felt herself at one with Oscar Hopkins. They stood together, outside the pale, united. “You are children.”
“We are children?”
“Oh, yes, indeed,” Lucinda said, imagining that the day would come when she would regret this outburst. “Indeed you are.”
“We?”
“All of you,” said Lucinda, indicating with a sweep all the empty chairs, thus summoning and dismissing the images of Miss Malcolm, Mr Calvitto, Mr Fig, Mr Borrodaile, and even—there—Mr Henry Parkes. Thus, with a disdain worthy of Elizabeth Leplastrier, she burned the last of her social bridges in Sydney.
Mr d’Abbs affected spluttering. “And you, I suppose, are adults?”
“We are wagering everything. We place ourselves at risk.”
“Oh, how noble you are,” cried Mr d’Abbs, his face quite twisted with passion, “how elevated.”
“We are alive,” said Lucinda and at that moment she felt herself to be what she said. “We are alive on the very brink of eternity.”
Lucinda took the plans from Oscar and placed them gently on the low walnut table beside her chair.
“You get out of my house,” said Mr d’Abbs, snatching up the plans. He looked as if he might cry if not obeyed. “You, sir, Mr Smudge, go now.”
“Do not call him Mr Smudge, if you please.”
“This is my house and I will call him what I like.”
For a moment Oscar thought Lucinda intended to strike Mr d’Abbs with her hand. Mr d’Abbs anticipated the same. He screwed up his face and this gave his hatred a slightly pathetic cast.
Lucinda’s cheeks were flushed and her lips, hitherto so tightly tucked away, were now released and slightly parted. She gazed at Mr d’Abbs with an expression related to, but slightly kinder than, contempt. Her passions rushed through her veins declaring their intensity (but not their tangled nature) in lips, nostrils, in those extraordinary large green eyes. Oscar thought: How beautiful she is.
“You have no head for business,” said Mr d’Abbs.
Oscar held out his arm. Lucinda took it. Oscar thought: I love her.
“She takes his arm,” hissed Mr d’Abbs. “Not that door, unless you wish the sleeping quarters. You have no head for business and no eye either.”
They found their way into the hallway. Oscar saw a woman (it was Mrs d’Abbs) holding the front door open for them. She was apple-cheeked with golden curls and she looked at them both with her eyes bright, her mouth open. As they passed through the door she pressed an orange into Oscar’s free hand.
“Thieves walking out the door,” announced Mr d’Abbs, running into the passage. “An idea stolen and no thanks given.”
He stood beside his pretty wife watching Oscar and Lucinda walk arm in arm up the garden steps to their sulky.
“You are not the maid, Henny,” he said. “It is hardly seemly that you open and close our door for r
iff-raff.” But his tone was not as harsh as his words suggest and all the time he spoke, his eyes quizzed hers on quite a different subject which related to how much she had heard and what she thought of him as a result.
And all the while Henny d’Abbs was picturing her orange. She saw it peeled and broken into segments and thought how all that was good in it would soon be incorporated in a completely different world.
88
A Lecture Based upon a Parable
That Mr Ahearn chose to walk four miles from his hotel in Pitt Street all the way to Whitfield’s Farm, was partly the result of his habit of early rising, a good habit at home when one could light the stove, feed the hens, study the newspaper, and still be at one’s office half an hour before one’s clerks, but there was also, in this long slow walk, a kind of conceit. For to soak one’s shoes in dew-wet grass, to pick one’s way along a foot-wide path of the meandering type more often made by cattle than by humans was, to Mr Ahearn’s mind, evidence of a kind of honesty, and this differentiated his advice (the advice he was about to deliver, the advice he carried with him) from that of people who travelled in hansoms at speed, cut a dash in traps, sulkies, broughams, phaetons. He could see himself in his mind’s eye, a view from up and looking down—a man with a staff on a road, a traveller in a parable.
Mr Ahearn was aware of how he looked to such a degree that, were he at all good-looking, it would be obvious that he was vain. But he was not good-looking, knew himself not good-looking, and yet he had a knowledge of his appearance so exact that it could only have been obtained by examining himself not with one mirror, but with two, and sometimes—there was a silver-backed one of his wife’s he sometimes used—three.
Mr Ahearn’s face had become, in the five years since he saw Lucinda on Sol Myer’s boat on the Parramatta wharf, more so. It had become more blotched and leathery. The cheeks seemed to have sunken, the Adam’s apple to have risen, the long strands of hair across his bald pate to have reduced themselves in number while they increased their thin black definition. The nose craned forward while the belly had swollen, and underneath his cardigan he had permitted himself to leave a button undone. His shoulders were narrow, but his arms were long and powerful and his hips wide. And he did not need you to tell him it was so—he saw it all. He thought himself the tortoise, and from this, unlikely as it may seem, he drew great strength, and he saw, with all this peering at himself with two and three mirrors, not merely imitating the behaviour of a vain man—he was a vain man, although he knew perfectly well that most of the world would class him as downright ugly.
Mr Ahearn believed his adult form was one for which he was personally responsible, that he had made his own face and manner through the habits of his life. He had cultivated goodness and propriety. He had begun as a poor clerk and thought himself lucky to have got that far. His mother was a rag and bone merchant and his father the same, but mostly drunk or absent. When he was twelve years old he had copied down the parable of the talents. He had written it on a small piece of white paper. He had a good hand, mercifully free of fashionable flourishes, and he was able to fit Matthew 25:14–30 on a piece of paper the size of a postcard. He folded it in four and kept it in his wallet, and he had the parable in his wallet now, fifty years later, as he walked across the rickety wooden plank bridge at the entry of Balmain, where Mullens Street is these days. It was a single plank, and often stolen, and in that respect Balmain has not changed very much, but it was not Balmain which was the subject, but this piece of paper, measuring six inches by four which was not the same piece of paper, of course not, as the original, for it was a piece of paper that received much wear, was taken out, folded, shown, to a child, to a grandchild, to a stranger in a coffee palace, and even the best paper will not withstand this, and so Mr Ahearn had, over the years, got himself into the habit of transcribing the parable on to a new piece of paper on every New Year’s Day. He would begin: “For the kingdom of heaven is a man travelling into a far country …” and work slowly and painstakingly until, just as his wife was laying the roast potatoes out on a bed of brown paper and popping them back into the kookaburra oven, he would, with much satisfaction, transcribe: “And cast ye the unprofitable servant into outer darkness: there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth.” And thus, as Chas Ahearn folded the piece of paper into four between the thick pincers of his nails, a new year would begin.
What talents he had been given, he had used. He was a man of property but a careful man, a Christian man, and if the Lord had seen fit to bestow on Lucinda Leplastrier an amount of capital equal to the sum of all his lifetime’s labour, he had not been resentful of this.
But he had watched her. He had watched her carefully, sometimes from close by, but more normally from a distance, via rumour and hearsay. He watched her as he might have watched a stranger’s child playing with a crystal glass. In other words, it was not his right to say anything but he sat, on edge, waiting for the crash, hoping perhaps to catch the glass between the child’s hand and the floor, unable to rest or read a newspaper for fear of what might happen.
He had not approved of the purchase of the glassworks. He had thought it impulsive, ill-considered. But when he heard about the glass church, he was beside himself. He was angry. He could not help this anger, but he was now making this journey, not to chide her or vent his spleen, but to avert the crash. It was his Christian duty.
He came, at last, along the rocky ridge past Birchgrove House, a solid enough property which she would have been wise to purchase herself. He had told her so, four years ago. He had directions from a farmhand knee-deep in pig mire. The man pointed down through the orchard to a small half-painted cottage above the western side of the peninsula.
He had burrs caught in his socks and in his trousers. There were burrs caught even in his shoelaces. The pasture was in poor condition, and Chas Ahearn, observing the burrs, the state of the sheds, fences, the piebald cottage, could not help himself valuing the property. If it had been his he would have had surveyor’s pegs dotted like cribbage pegs throughout the orchard.
The gate all but fell off the cottage fence. What this gate was meant to keep in or out was not exactly clear. There was a cow tethered in its front garden. Mr Ahearn checked his gold fob watch. It was a gift from the Parramatta Benevolent Society of which he had been chairman for twenty years. He did his jacket up around his cardigan and knocked loudly on the door.
The servant was a fright. He had never seen such a servant, not even at Parramatta where every second one was a murderer. He had coal dust on his hands, and on his face. His hair was unruly, sticking out in all directions and although his beard was not heavy, the early sun, cutting in from the direction of The Heads, showed the orange stubble on his skin. His eyes were red and the left one smudged about with black.
“Is your mistress at home?”
He was informed she was still abed. This information was delivered in a voice so well educated that it confused Mr Ahearn a little, but not for long: he decided he was an actor, and having leapt to this conclusion, he clung to it.
He told the servant he would wait, but if he himself had not made to move towards the passageway, it is doubtful he would have been invited in. He was taken to the kitchen with the explanation it was “cosy.” As the day was unpleasantly hot and humid Mr Ahearn could see nothing in this “cosy” but a convict form of clever rudeness. It was chaps like this who allowed Englishmen to write such patronizing accounts of their visits to the colony. And what a feast of sneering could be had here. The house was not clean. The kitchen was practically disemboweled. There were empty pots with burned bottoms and if these appeared to Lucinda as symbols of recklessness and joy, they were not perceived as such by Mr Ahearn. There was an item of female clothing strung across a chair like a fisherman’s net. A bottle of brandy sat next to a small potted plant. A single tracery of cobweb ran across a sparkling clean glass window. A drawing board was propped on a workbench, which had, until recently, occupied a space more suited t
o it, inside the garden shed. On the drawing board he found evidence of the folly he had come to stop.
Mr Ahearn sat heavily, leaning forward, his hat in his left hand, while the right hand wiped and smoothed and patted his head.
When Lucinda came downstairs to receive him, she found that he had taken it upon himself to remove the drawing from the place where she had left it so carefully pinned. He held it against the window pane, and was kneeling on her three-legged stool with his big sweaty nose (on which his wire-rimmed spectacles were precariously perched) pressed close to it. He was caught in flagrante delicto. He had no time to rearrange his face. His mouth was open, but his forehead creased, as if wonder and censoriousness were there lined up for battle.
He did not greet her formally. In fact he began as if she had, just a moment before, left him with an invitation to inspect her plan. He made no apology for the early hour but rather held out her plan to her as if it were a table napkin he had finished with, and she a woman with nothing better to do than take it to the laundry.
Oscar stood in the doorway and watched. He was quite insensitive to Mr Ahearn’s rudeness. He saw only what he imagined Mr Ahearn must see—that in this room, two hours before, he had kissed Miss Leplastrier on her soft and pliant mouth. Lust was visible. Mr Ahearn should surely see it.
“Where will the vicar change into his vestments?” Mr Ahearn demanded. “Where will he blow his nose in private? When he is late, he will be on show, like a fish in an aquarium, and what will you do,” asked Mr Ahearn, seating himself upon the three-legged stool, “about the heat?”
Lucinda knew it impolite to greet the old goose in her gown, and yet she wished him witness to it. She was a free woman, and she dared stand before her visitor, uncorseted, with burnt pots and unwashed plates around her. She had kissed her lodger’s mouth and held him hard against her loins. She stood thus before Mr Chas Ahearn and refused to be ashamed.
“A fatal flaw,” intoned Mr Ahearn. “A cardinal error.”