“Mark,” Jim called from his leather throne, “you became family the minute you walked in. Now hang the damn ball because my wife won’t feed us until the tree is decorated.”
I wasn’t an emotional man, and I couldn’t remember a time I’d ever cried. But in that moment, my eyes grew wet, and my chest grew tight. After some searching, I decided on the perfect place to hang the ornament of honor: smack dab in the middle of the tree so everyone would see it.
By the way everyone celebrated, you would’ve thought I’d given birth to Christ. When I turned around, I brushed a tear from my eye. “I think I’m allergic to pine.” It was a lame excuse, and surely no one bought it for a second, but no one called me on it either.
While Jim supervised from his chair, we all took turns hanging ornaments until there was more sparkle than tree showing.
“You’re right,” I said to the man who shared another tumbler of his best scotch with me. “She’s quite a beauty.”
Jim looked from Bethany to Jess, and then his eyes locked on Amy. “Yes, she is, and the tree ain’t bad either.”
We all sat down to the pan of lasagna that the women had popped into the oven as we men trekked back, now bubbling and golden on top. Then it was back to Christmas duties: Amy baked more cookies for Santa; Ben placed his heartfelt and handmade gifts under the tree; and I retrieved the few things Jess had for her parents and sister, tucking them and my picture for Ben between the other gifts.
Ben and I went outside and sprinkled carrots on the snow-covered yard because the reindeer would be hungry. A plate of cookies and a glass of milk were put by the fireplace. The fire had long ago been tamped out because Santa would be coming down the chimney and he wouldn’t leave presents if he got his bottom burned.
It took forever for Bethany to get the little guy to sleep, but once he was out, the grown-ups enjoyed some adult eggnog. Jim tapped on his computer while Amy was glued to a classic Christmas movie. With everyone occupied, it was time for Jess and me to follow Ben’s lead.
I threaded my fingers through Jess’s as we walked up the stairs. If anyone cared, we didn’t hear a peep, and the important thing was that we didn’t care.
“Mark,” Jim called from his leather Lazy Boy.
We stopped at the top of the steps waiting for him to comment on our exodus. “Yes, sir.” I peeked over the rail where he looks up from his computer.
“The main pass just opened.”
“Thank you, sir.” I turned and led Jess to my room. I tried to shut the door, but it caught on something. Above the frame was a plastic piece of greenery.
“Mistletoe.” I plucked it from where it was taped. “Did you do this?” I held it over her head and nipped at her lips.
She wrapped her arms around my neck. “No. I was with you the whole time. It must have been Bethany.”
“I was doing a great job of disliking your sister, but I can’t anymore. There’s good left inside of her. What did you guys talk about that changed her tune?”
“She just realized that there wasn’t anything more important than family.”
I kissed Jess like it was my last kiss to give. “Stay with me tonight. Let me love you.”
“I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.”
I removed her clothes one piece at a time and made love to her slowly. I told her with my body what I wasn’t ready to say with my words. She deserved all three words, but I couldn’t give them to her yet. Tomorrow I’d heal the wounds of my past, and I’d be ready to move on with my future. A future with Jess.
Chapter 17
Jess
I woke to the rustling of fabric. Backlit by the bathroom light, Mark straightened his tie and slipped on his jacket. I swallowed the lump lodged in my throat. I knew the minute he walked out the door, nothing would be the same. Gone would be the man who teared up placing his first ornament on the tree. There wouldn’t be any more plaid flannel or Doc Martens. By next week, we’d be back at sea level, and these perfect days would be a memory.
“You have everything you need?” My voice caught in my throat, and I hoped it sounded more tired than upset.
“Well, you’re not coming with me, so there’s that.” He sat on the edge of the bed, his face freshly shaved with a borrowed razor, his hair no longer sex-messy but neatly combed and boardroom-worthy. “I’ll call you when I get there.”
“Okay.”
He pressed his lips to mine, and when he pulled away, I curled into the comforter to cover the tears I couldn’t control. I had no right to ask him to give up what he’d been trying to get back for over a decade. I could never understand what it meant to him. Even at her worst, Bethany wouldn’t stoop so low as to take something from her family.
“I’ll see you soon, sweetheart. Merry Christmas.”
I counted all fourteen steps that he walked down, hoping on each one that he’d stop and turn around. I listened as the front door opened and closed. As the icy snow crunched under his Italian loafers. As the beat-up rental whined to life and chugged and coughed all the way down the driveway. I tried to convince him to take Dad’s Jeep but he said my parent’s had given him enough already.
I buried my head in my pillow and cried harder than I’d ever cried in my life. Light leaked into the room from the hallway.
“Are you okay?” Bethany climbed into bed beside me. She wrapped me in her arms and hugged me tight. “He’ll be back.”
“No, I don’t think so.” I pulled the edge of my T-shirt up to wipe my eyes. “I’ll see him back in Los Angeles, but it won’t be the same.”
“Why would you say that? It’s obvious the man loves you.”
I rolled back and stared at the ceiling. “Mark loves his business more than he could ever love me.” I hugged the pillow that still smelled like him. “We’ll get back to Los Angeles, and he’ll go back to his boardroom ways.”
Bethany lifted up on one arm. “Here’s where I give you some sisterly advice. Men don’t think with their hearts. They think with their egos and their dicks, and if Mark’s ego is as big as his penis, then he’s going to need some time coming to terms with his feelings for you.”
“Do we have to keep talking about the size of him?”
Bethany laughed, and then covered her mouth so she wouldn’t wake Ben, who was sleeping only a few doors down. “Yes, I’m still pissed at you about that. Seriously, how in the hell did you get so damn lucky?”
“You call this lucky? Look at us. It’s Christmas morning, and the men we love are somewhere else. Yours gets a pass because he’s probably saving someone’s life. Mine … I get it. I get him, but a part of me hoped against hope that he would stay.” That realization made me feel awful too because I knew how important this deal was for him.
“Just remember that men are inferior species. Knowing that makes me feel better.” Bethany gave me a squeeze and rolled out of bed. “I can’t lay in this bed with you anymore. I just know you had hot monkey sex all night, and it feels icky knowing I’m lying where he …”
I picked up Mark’s pillow and tossed it at her. “Get out of here.” I rolled over and pulled the covers to my nose. They still smelled like him.
“Don’t get too comfy. You’ve got about an hour before an excited four-year-old wakes up the house with a scream.”
I closed my eyes and sank back into sleep, but like Bethany warned, the ear-piercing scream came in loud and clear, though it wasn’t as timely as she’d predicted. It was well past eight. The morning light shone through the seams of the curtains, casting a beam on Mark’s borrowed clothes. He’d folded them neatly and placed them on the dresser. It was as if he’d never been here and they were still waiting for his arrival.
With all the commotion downstairs, I knew I wouldn’t be allowed a second longer than it would take for me to get dressed. I pulled on the borrowed jeans. I was halfway to wearing the ugly snowman sweater when I decided I wasn’t ready to let Mark go yet. He might not have been present in person, but I’d make sure he was present i
n my heart. I shook out the black T-shirt and pulled it over my head. Next, I shrugged on the flannel shirt that hung to my knees. With a final look back at the bed we’d made love in last night, I squared my shoulders and walked down the steps.
It was eerily quiet for a house with an excited four-year-old. I turned the corner and heard Ben giggle from behind the kitchen island.
“Why is everyone hiding?” I could see my mom’s blonde hair peeking out from behind the sofa. My dad’s Santa hat popped up above his lounger. Movement came from behind the tree, and I was sure it was Bethany. “Come out here before you knock over the tree. What the hell are you all doing? This isn’t how we do Christmas.”
The arm of a finely tailored suit peeked out from the side of the tree. Inch by inch Mark appeared. On top of his head was a set of reindeer ears. “Merry Christmas, sweetheart.”
I collapsed in a heap in the middle of the floor and cried. My family bolted from their hiding places to scream “Merry Christmas!” Mark scooped me up and pulled me to the couch where he cradled me in his lap.
“I thought you were in Aspen.” I wiped my tears and runny nose on his plaid shirt.
“I got within a few miles and turned back.” He looked at my father. “A wise man recently told me I’d know I was in love when nothing else mattered but her. Each mile I drove made my heart ache. It was like I left pieces of my heart behind. By the time I got to the city limits, my chest cavity was empty.”
He slid me off his lap and dropped to his knees in front of me. “I don’t have anything to give you for Christmas but words. I hope they’ll be enough.” He pulled my hands to his heart. “I love you, Jess Stone. I’ve loved you since that day you walked into my office and told me I couldn’t live without you. You were right. I was just too stupid to know.”
My sister chimed in, “Told you … inferior species.”
“Can I dislike your sister sometimes?”
I pulled Mark into the seat next to me. “Of course, but not today because today is all about family. Look around you. This is what life is about. You can’t make a diamond without coal. Bethany’s a diamond in the rough.”
“Which means she’s still coal,” Jim said. “We keep hoping Matt can put enough pressure on her to make her shine.”
Bethany spread her arms wide. “I may be coal, but this guy—” She wrapped her arms around Ben. “—he’s the diamond.”
Ben wriggled out of her arms and raced to the front of the tree, shaking with anticipation. “Can I hand out presents?”
“Of course, honey,” Amy said. “Start with your mom, we promised her the first gift.”
Ben let out a disappointed growl and handed his mom his handmade gift, wrapped in newsprint and tied with string.
She started to open it and stopped. “Not today. I think Mark should open his gift first.” From under the tree, she pulled a long heavy package.
Dad sat on the edge of his seat and watched with interest. “Come on, Uncle Mark. Open it. Hurry.”
Mark ripped through the wrapping to find Dad’s ax. He looked up at my father, and a tear fell from his eyes. “I don’t understand. How did you know I’d be back?”
Dad rose from his seat and tugged Mark in for a man hug. The one-handed, pat-on-the-back kind that said it all in their caveman language. “Because you love my daughter, and you’re worthy of her. Besides, I’m getting too old for that cold shit, and someone else needs to take over that family tradition. Are you up for it, son?”
“Damn pine allergy.” Mark swiped at his wet lashes. “I’ll make you proud.”
Dad gave Mark another pat on the back. “You already have, son. You already have. Now let’s open some presents, shall we?”
The next twenty minutes was a flurry of paper and bows. Bethany surprised me again with a gift that made sense. I opened the box to find a beautiful leather satchel.
“Every secret—” She rolled her eyes. “—administrative assistant should have a briefcase of sorts.”
I slipped a check for thirty-five hundred dollars into her back pocket before we handed our parents the tickets to an Alaskan cruise. Bethany had been right again. They were thrilled and spent the next hour exclaiming over the brochure.
Mom and I made our way to the kitchen to start breakfast while Mark, Dad, and Ben cleaned up the paper. It was fun watching the two men pretend to bury Ben and then call out for him. I wasn’t sure who had more fun, Mark or Ben. Bethany sat at the center island and buttered toast.
“Oh my God, I forgot your present.” I dropped the whisk and raced to get my purse from upstairs. When I got back downstairs, I demanded, “Why didn’t you remind me?”
She tilted her head and smiled. “I’m trying to turn over a new leaf.”
I held the pretty blue box behind my back. “Pick a hand.”
“Right.”
“No.” I switched hands just to irritate her.
“Left.”
“Wrong again.” I palmed the gift and held it out. “This gift is held in my heart.”
I dropped the Tiffany’s box into her palm and watched her jaw drop with it. “You shopped at Tiffany’s?”
I pulled the top off the box to show her the Christmas tree charm. “I couldn’t give you the stationery I’d already bought.”
We both laughed until we cried. The front door burst open, and the brisk cool air rushed past us. “Ho ho ho,” came a deep voice from the entry. We all turned and watched Matt rush in to scoop up his wife and son.
“I can’t live with you, but I’ll be damned if I can live without you, either.” Matt pulled Bethany in for a kiss while Ben made gagging noises.
I took the precocious four-year-old from his father’s arms. “Go to Uncle Mark so your parents can have a moment together.”
Mark sat on the floor with Ben in his lap. I leaned across the island and watched as the two played together. This was the boy Mark should have been able to be. The kid who sat in front of a Christmas tree and experienced the joy of the season. Instead, he was forced to skip an entire rite of passage and be a man.
He must have felt my eyes on him because he looked up at me. “Can I make my list for Santa now? I want one of these.” He held up the erector set and smiled.
Chapter 18
Mark-Six Months Later
I pressed the intercom. “Jess, can you come in here?”
She hated when I used the intercom, and I used it just to annoy her because make-up sex on the desk was so amazing.
“Did you really just summon me?” She marched behind my desk and pulled the phone cord from the wall.
“I did.” I leaned back in my chair and kicked up my feet on top of the desk. “I needed to see you.”
She fisted her hips and narrowed her eyes. “You could have walked out to my desk.”
“But I wanted to show you something.” I stood up and tugged on the crotch of my pants.
“Really? You’re going to summon me to your office and then try to seduce me with your magic penis?”
I rounded the desk and pulled her into my arms. “So it’s magic now?”
Her soft curves melted into my hard angles. “It must be. How else do you suppose I got pregnant while on the pill?” She rubbed her still flat tummy. Just barely three months along, she hardly showed any signs that the start of our family was growing inside her.
With my hands wrapped around her back, I held her to me. “In reality, there is a low percentage failure rate, but if you want to believe I have a magic penis, I’ll go with that.” I pressed against her, forcing her back—step by careful step—until the back of her knees hit my chair. “Have a seat, love.”
She leaned back and kicked her legs up on the table, giving me the perfect view, and I groaned. “How am I supposed to concentrate when you’re not wearing underwear?”
Her laughter was a song in my heart that I’d never be able to silence. She lived and breathed in me. “How am I supposed to not murder you when you insist on using that damn intercom?”
She dropped her legs to the floor and leaned toward me. Her face was in line with my zipper. She tucked her fingers into my waistband and pulled me forward. “You know it doesn’t really bother me.” My belt was the first thing to go, then she moved on to my trousers, drawing my zipper down tooth by tooth. “You’re so damn perfect that I don’t have much to complain about.” She slipped her hand into my pants and stroked my raging hard-on. The woman could cough and I’d think it was sexy. She merely breathed in my direction, and I was hard. “Now what did you want?” Up and down her fingers caressed my length. “I’ve got work to do. My boss likes his lunch on time…served on my naked body.”
I thought about yesterday’s lunch of dim sum. An uncontrollable twitch rocked me. “Yes, I do, and I’m starving, so I’ll get on with it.” As much as it pained me to pull her hand out of my pants, I had to. I’d never accomplish anything beyond our orgasms if I let her continue. I reached across the desk for an envelope and placed it in her palm, the same one that had driven me to distraction seconds before.
My mind raced between options. Make love, then open the envelope. Open the envelope, then make love. Screw the envelope and make love. In the end, the envelope was too important. “I’ve decided to change the logo for the company, and I want your opinion.”
She slid her finger under the flap and pulled out the artwork proposal. She stared at the new logo that said Cantwell and Cantwell and then dropped the envelope to look at me.
“Who’s the other Cantwell?”
I dropped to my knees in front of her. Bethany wasn’t the only one to get excited over a blue Tiffany box. Jess’s hands shook so badly she couldn’t open it. I opened the lid and my heart at the same moment, hoping that she’d accept what I offered her—which was everything I had.
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