To deal with this problem, it’s a good idea to set aside some time to practice mindfulness every day. Once it becomes second nature (if it ever does), you can reconsider whether this is still necessary. Practicing mindfulness every day may sound like a daunting prospect but it becomes worthwhile immediately and, after a while, many people find that they really like doing it. However, regardless of whether you like or dislike it, these preferences are just more content your mind produces, and the whole point is to take back control over your life from your personal word machine. Given that, it is far more effective just to make the decision to practice every day, and then go for it. Here are some ways that you can institute a daily mindfulness practice:
1. Set aside the time. In the beginning, it can be useful to set aside a designated amount of time every day or every week to practice mindfulness skills. The section below on sitting meditation has some specific examples related to that particular exercise. However, you can use the same basic principles for any of the mindfulness practices you choose to engage in.
The first thing you will want to do is figure out how many times a week you want to practice. We recommend that you practice some form of mindfulness every day. If you absolutely can’t seem to fit that into your schedule, then figure out how much you can manage.
Second, it’s a good idea to set a time limit to your practice. Something between fifteen and thirty minutes at a time is a good starting point. You can adjust this as you choose, once you become accustomed to the practice.
2. Relaxation and distraction. People are often tempted to use mindfulness practice as a time to relax. That is a mistake. If you are relaxed, that’s fine, but if you are tense, that’s okay too. The point, however, isn’t to relax. The point is to be aware of whatever is going on for you without avoidance or fusion. It is a matter of acquiring and strengthening skills that can be useful when your verbal repertoire begins to dominate your other forms of experience.
Initially, it is a good idea to find a place in which you can practice without having to do other tasks, but that doesn’t mean eliminating the distractions your mind presents to you. If you are distracted, that is simply another fact to notice. See it, note it, and then move on with the practice.
3. Feeling too bad to practice. There is no such thing as feeling too bad to practice. In some of the exercises below, you will find that when you are actually doing the work, negative content comes up for you. But this is only another set of experiences to be mindful of. It is not a problem; it is an opportunity. Presumably, you bought this book partly because you are already dealing with negative experiences. Learning what to do when such experiences show up is thus vital to your purpose. Practicing with, say, an irritating itch is in principle not any different than the same skills applied to, say, anxiety or depression.
This doesn’t mean to persist in the face of impossible circumstances. If you have a pain in your back that must be attended to, then do that. Persistence without self-awareness is just a different kind of trap. Over time, you will see that if you use pain as an excuse to run away from the practice, and if you detect that is how you are using pain, then you can learn how to do something new with pain.
Ultimately, mindfulness should be practiced as moment-to-moment awareness in real-time. It is not a special state that you “enter into” like a trance, or self-hypnosis. These guidelines are meant simply to get you to start practicing the techniques. Once you see mindfulness entering into your daily life, you can decide whether to continue with a regimen of this nature.
THE PRACTICE
The practice of mindfulness is about getting in touch with your own experience moment to moment in a defused and accepting way. In earlier techniques we’ve discussed, you were asked to be mindful of specific areas of your experience (i.e., thoughts in time, bodily sensations, defusing from implicit evaluations). In this chapter, there will be other things you are asked to notice, but your responses needn’t be guided by anything but by the experiences that appear.
At times, many things may come up for you at once. There are different ways you can handle this. Sometimes, you might alternate back and forth between different sensations. Sometimes, you will be able to hold a number of different things in your awareness at one time. Some of the exercises actually ask you to be mindful of more than one thing at a time.
Part of the elusiveness of mindfulness is that it is purposive, and thus evokes evaluations, but the whole purpose of being mindful is to learn how to defuse from your evaluations. The best way to think about it is that there is neither a right nor a wrong way to be mindful. Simply be who you directly experience yourself to be (a conscious observing self) in the moment. If evaluations show up, then observe the evaluations but do not believe or disbelieve them. If you take your verbal judgments about your progress literally, that will be yet another instance of fusion with the verbal story your mind generates. Buying into thoughts that judge you as good or not good at being mindful is just the word machine taking control once again.
As you practice, allow yourself to become more mindful of the sensations, thoughts, and feelings that are happening for you. Be gentle and nonjudgmental (even with your judgments!). This isn’t a test. It’s just living.
Now, let’s dive into the exercises themselves.
EXERCISE: Be Where You Are
After you’ve read through the following script a few times, close your eyes, and follow the instructions given. If you are comfortable with this, have someone close to you read the script aloud while you do the exercise. You can also record these instructions on an audiocassette tape and play it back to yourself while you practice. Remember not to panic if you become distracted while doing this exercise. Just bring yourself back to the present moment and continue to follow the script. (Note that you can abandon the script once you have the basic principles of the exercise memorized.)
Find a comfortable position. You can be seated in a chair or lying down on the floor or your bed. Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. Relax. Don’t let yourself drift off to sleep, but allow your body to rest.
Now slowly bring your awareness to the tips of your fingers. Feel your fingers. Rub your fingertips together. How do they feel? Can you feel the small indentations on your fingertips that are your fingerprints? Take your time and try to feel them. What are they like? Are your fingertips rough from lots of work or are they smooth and silky? How does it feel to rub them together? Notice the feelings and then move on.
Now rest your fingers where they were before. What are they touching? Are they resting on the blanket on your bed, or are they resting on the arm of your chair? What does that feel like? Is it soft or hard? Does it have any other distinguishing features? Is the blanket furry with cotton? Does the armrest have any markings or is it smooth? Take the time to completely absorb the way these objects feel to your fingertips.
Now bring your attention to your hands and arms. What do they feel like? Perhaps they are relaxed and heavy. Perhaps they are still tense from a long day’s work. Either way is okay. There is no need to judge, simply observe the feelings in your arms and hands. Are there any aches or pains? Take note of these, but do not fixate on them. Simply note the pain and move on.
Move your attention down to your toes. Wiggle them around a little. Are they in shoes or socks? Are they free to move about? Squish your toes back and forth feeling whatever is beneath them. How does it feel? Can you tell what it is just by the feeling? Would you be able to tell only by touch? Just notice the sensations as you bring your awareness to your feet.
How is your head positioned? If you are sitting, is your head aligned with your spine or is it drooping, resting on your chest. Without trying to change the position of your head, simply note where it is positioned. There is no right way for your head to be. Just let it be where it is. Now think about the sensations in your head. Do you have a headache? Is your head relaxed?
What about your face? How does your face feel? There are all kinds of sensation
s to explore in your face. Think about your brow. Is it smooth and flat or is it crinkled up with stress? Again, don’t try to change it, just notice it. Now bring your awareness to your nose. Can you breathe freely or are you plugged up? Take a few breaths in and out through your nose. How does that feel? Can you feel cool air flowing into your lungs or is the air warm? Pay attention to the feeling for a moment. Then think about your mouth. How is your mouth positioned? Is it pursed? Is it open? Is it closed? What about the inside of your mouth? Is it wet or dry? Can you feel your saliva coat the inside of your mouth and throat? Explore all of the sensations throughout your face. Perhaps you can feel oil on your skin. Perhaps your skin is dry. Perhaps there is no feeling at all. Just note it and move on.
Now bring your attention to your chest and belly. Place one hand on your chest and one hand on your belly. Can you feel yourself breathing? What is that like? Are you breathing fast or slow? Are your breaths going into your abdomen or into your chest? Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. How does that feel? Now invert the pattern. Spend some time with your breath, then place your hands wherever they were before.
Now think of your whole body. Where are you sitting or lying? Can you feel the back side of your body touch the chair or bed in various places? Be mindful of the way your body is positioned. There is no need to move, just observe.
Now think about the room you are in. Where are you positioned in the room? Do you have a sense of where the door is? What about the ceiling? Can you feel your body in the context of this larger space?
When you are ready, open your eyes and take a look around the room. You can move if you wish. Notice where the various pieces of furniture are. What do they look like? You can spend as much time as you like investigating the different aspects of the furniture. Remember not to judge, just notice.
Whenever you are ready, you can stop this exercise and carry on with your day.
When you have completed the Be Where You Are exercise for the first time, take a few minutes to comment on it below. If you wish, you can continue this practice of writing your responses in a journal after each session, but it is not necessary.
_______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ EXERCISE: Silent Walking
Many cultures have developed different forms of walking meditations. This exercise is a variant on some of these.
Take ten minutes (or longer) and walk silently. You might walk around in a circle in your yard, you might walk around the house, or you might take a walk around the neighborhood. Try to remain silent throughout the course of the entire walk so that you can “listen” to the content your mind is producing.
As your attention is drawn to particular objects in your environment, thoughts in your mind, or feelings in your body, call these out by saying them three times. The purpose of the brief word repetition is to support you in defusing from your thoughts about the event. For example, if you are walking around the neighborhood and you see a car go by, say aloud, “Car, car, car.” If you start to feel stressed out during the walk, you might say “stress” three times. Notice what happens as you do this.
Notice each time your attention is repeatedly drawn to something. For example, if you notice that you keep coming back to certain thoughts or feelings during your walk, you might want to gently file this information away. You might want to focus on these matters with other skills that were presented in this or previous chapters.
EXERCISE: Cubbyholing
In this next exercise, you will be asked to note the category of your psychological content as it comes up. This exercise can be done on its own, it can be done in conjunction with just about any other exercise in this book, or it can be done as you carry on with your normal day. As thoughts, feelings, or bodily sensations arise, mindfully note into which category they fall. Do this aloud if you are in a place where you can do that. Do not call out the specific thought or emotion; the point is to focus only on the category to which the content belongs.
Here is a list of the different categories from which to choose. Undoubtedly, there are many more categories, but for the purposes of this exercise, stick to the ones listed below.
Emotion
Thought
Bodily sensation (just say “sensation”)
Evaluation
An urge to do something (just say “urge”)
Memory
When you do this exercise, lead-in your labeling of the content with the word “there’s.” For example, if you start to feel your heart beating really fast, say, “There’s sensation.” If you respond to your fast heartbeat with the fear that you are going to have a panic attack, you could say, “There’s emotion.” If your fear is so great, you feel compelled to call a doctor, you could say, “There’s an urge.”
You can do this exercise while sitting, but you can also do it on long drives, while lying in bed at night, on walks, and so forth. Once you start it, try to stay with it for at least several minutes, more if you are able. If you catch yourself in long periods of silence, see if you haven’t been hooked by a thought or feeling you’ve been following. Then come back to the exercise.
Labeling psychological content by type will help you to learn to deal with content in a defused way. For example, if you have a thought about what you need to do later on, staying with the label “there’s a thought” supports you in staying present with what is actually happening. The thought may be about the future, but that is pure content. In fact, the thought is occurring now, and noticing that is a powerful habit of mind. Cultivating this habit can be helpful when even more difficult content appears (e.g., a thought that you may have a panic attack later).
EXERCISE: Eating Raisins
Raisins are funny little fruits and when we eat them, we tend to just pop them into our mouths without much thought. You might be amazed to discover how much deeper your experience of a raisin can be if you treat it mindfully.
First, take a raisin and eat it the way you normally do, that is, just pop it into your mouth. Now, get another raisin. Put it down on the table in front of you and examine it. Notice the wrinkles on its skin. Look at the various shapes the wrinkles form. Take out a second raisin and place it next to the first, and notice how unalike they are. No two raisins are identical.
Are the two raisins the same size? Think about the raisins in terms of the space they take up in the room, in the world, in the universe. Think about their size in relation to one another.
Now pick up one of the raisins and roll it around between your fingers. Feel the texture on the outside of the fruit. Feel the slightly sticky traces it leaves on your fingers as you move it back and forth.
Place the raisin in your mouth. Roll it around inside your mouth, over and under your tongue. Hide it in the crevices between your jaws and your cheeks. Don’t chew it for at least thirty seconds or so. When you are ready, eat the raisin and note the way it tastes. Note the way it feels on your teeth as you chew. Feel it as it slides down your throat when you swallow it.
Now eat the second raisin, but this time, eat it super slow. Chew the raisin as many times as you can, until it turns into liquid mush in your mouth. Is the flavor different when it is eaten this way than it was last time? How is it different? What does it feel like in your mouth as it falls apart? How does it feel as you swallow it? How does it compare with the last raisin? What’s different when you eat the raisin mindfully rather than simply popping it in your mouth and slurping it down? Write down your answers to these questions in the space below:
_______________________________________________________________ _____
__________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ EXERCISE: Drinking Tea
Now we will try a similar exercise with a cup of tea.
Boil a pot of water.
Get a tea bag or a tea-leaf strainer filled with tea leaves and put it into a cup.
Pour the boiled water over the tea bag or the strainer. Fill the cup.
Let it steep.
As the tea steeps, watch the water change colors. When you first pour the water over the tea, the water will turn a light brown, green, or red (depending on the kind of tea you are using). Soon it will darken. Let it steep for a few minutes and remove the tea from the water. Look closely at the color of the tea. Is there anything you didn’t notice about the color before? If so, you might want to jot down your observation below:
_______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ Now place your hands around the outside of the warm cup. Have you ever felt a cup of tea like this before? How does it feel? Is it quite hot, or just warm? Note the temperature.
Bring the cup to your lips. Feel the steam as it touches your face. Blow into the cup and feel the steam rise up to your lips. Smell the tea. Take a good long whiff. Ninety percent of your sense of taste is controlled by your nose. If you aren’t smelling your tea, you aren’t tasting it.
Now take a sip. Does it burn your lips? Is it too hot? Or is it nice and warm? What does it taste like? Try to note your experiences without judging them. Then, describe your experience below:
_______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ If you don’t like tea, that doesn’t really matter. Just try the exercise. Note how much you dislike tea as you taste it. And write down that experience. It’s folly to think that you should practice present awareness only in moments of pleasure. That would eliminate half of your life. You know that you will have some unpleasant experiences, so you might as well experience them fully and take them for what they are worth.
Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life Page 16