by Ada Marie
“You know nothing about Travis. He and I are just friends, not that it’s your damn business. Matt and I will never be together again. Get that through your thick skull. I don’t love Matt, I’ll never love him. So stop trying to push me to be with him,” she said. Everyone stared at her in shock.
“But you belong together,” Aubrey whispered.
“Except we don’t,” Annabella whispered. Turning to Travis, she asked, “What are you doing here?”
“I needed to see you. We need to talk,” He stated.
Feeling the eyes on her, Annabella just nodded. She couldn’t run away from him anymore; he didn’t deserve that. And right now, she felt like he was the only friend she had. “Come on.”
“Why have you been avoiding me?” Travis asked when they sat on her bed. Ryan had already finished cleaning up the bathroom.
“I was embarrassed,” Annabella admitted, not able to look at him.
“For what?”
“You were messing around, and I just ran away. I- I’m –” Annabella started.
“Hey, don’t do that. Don’t feel embarrassed. Listen, I care about you, and if I pushed you too far, I’m really sorry. I never wanted that. I know that you have a hard time with being touched, for whatever reason that is. I should have known better,” Travis apologized.
“It’s not you Travis, there are just some things that... I just… I –” she stuttered.
Rather than say another word, Travis just put his arms around her in a way to comfort her.
“Travis, I don’t want to lose you as a friend. You’re the only one who doesn’t look at me with pity. I know I freaked out, and I know that you have every reason to walk away, but please don’t leave me,” Annabella begged, surprised by her own words. She thought that maybe it was the medication she was on, but if it was she was glad because everything she’d said had been the truth.
“I’m not going anywhere, but your brother said that you need to get some rest, so how about you do that, and I’ll come by later?”
“Please don’t go,” she whispered.
“You want me to stay?” he asked, surprised.
“Yes,” she whispered, right before the darkness hit her and she slipped into unconsciousness.
***
Travis stared at Annabella while she slept. She’d been sleeping for three hours now. He found the sight of her asleep fascinating. With all her behavior, the way she hated being touched, the clothes she wore, Travis knew that somewhere deep inside, she held a secret, one that she probably never shared with anyone.
His heart broke for her. He wasn’t sure why to be honest, maybe it was the fact that he cared about her in a way that he’d never cared for another girl before.
It was all so wrong, and he had no right to feel this way, but he couldn’t help it. He was all sorts of wrong for her. She needed someone like Matt, and as much as that twisted a knife in his pounding heart, he knew it was true.
The fact was that no matter how hard he’d try he knew he’d never have the strength to stay away. God knows he’d tried. The two weeks apart from her, he tried staying away. He figured it would be better that way, but he constantly found himself missing her.
He didn’t want this, he never wanted to feel anything for anyone but he was in too deep. It was only a few weeks since meeting her and he was already in too deep. The girl that lay on that bed was suffering, and the only thing he wanted to do was take it all away. Hell, he’d take it all for her if it meant her happiness.
A soft knock interrupted his musing. The door opened and Ryan stepped inside.
“Thank you for staying with her,” he said to Travis, plopping down on the futon in her room.
“She begged me not to leave, and I couldn’t leave her like that,” Travis admitted.
“You care about her,” Ryan observed with a smile.
“I do. A lot. Maybe even more than I should,” Travis said the words before he could stop himself.
“Don’t listen to them. Her friends I mean. Aubrey, Chelsea and Maxie, they’re the center of their own universe. I could never understand one bit why Bella was friends with them. She isn’t anything like them. As for Matt, he’s a good guy, he’s just jealous of you.”
“We’re just friends,” Travis tried to explain, but Ryan wasn’t buying it.
“You can keep saying that all you want, but it’s so much more than that. I see the way the two of you look at each other, and she laughs when she’s with you. It’s something she hasn’t done in a long time. I see something in her that I don’t really see when you’re not around. I see the old Bella fighting her way back,” Ryan said in a bittersweet voice. “I wish she could just talk to me about what she’s dealing with.”
“She’s an amazing person. I didn’t know the old Bella, but I know this one and she’ll talk when she’s ready. You can’t push someone to talk about something they feel they need to deal with on their own.” Travis spoke from experience.
“I know, but that’s my baby sister right there, and I don’t want her to suffer any longer. Travis, take care of her. Don’t you go and hurt her,” Ryan warned.
“I’d never hurt her. Not intentionally.”
“I’m glad she has you. She won’t talk to the rest of us, but maybe she’ll talk to you,” Ryan said. “Here, will you give these to her when she wakes up?” Ryan held out his hand and put some pills in Travis’s hand.
“Of course,” Travis said as Ryan left the room to give them space.
“I didn’t think he’d ever leave,” Annabella said, sitting up.
“You’re awake,” Travis said, surprised. “Why did you pretend to be asleep?”
“My brother would have hovered. He’s worried about me,” Annabella said in a flat voice.
“Do you blame him?” Travis challenged.
“I guess not. I was stupid. I keep screwing up. Maybe, I’m just a big screw-up.” She didn’t want this anymore. She felt like everything she did was a terrible mistake. She acted without thinking; she was becoming reckless.
“Hey, you’re not a screw-up, Bella. It’s okay to feel afraid, and it’s okay to lose yourself. You do have people here for you, you know. You don’t have to face any of what you’re going through alone.”
“Everyone that I love and care about, Travis, they treat me like I’m a broken car that can be fixed. It’s like they can take me to a shop and get me a new engine, and I’ll run just fine. But they can’t fix me; I’m not a car. I’m a person,” Annabella said, feeling the anxiety of everything finally catching up with her. Everything she said was true, Ryan, her parents, her best friends, hell even Matt treated her like she could be fixed, and the truth was, she couldn’t be fixed.
“I don’t look at you like that. Do you want to know what I see when I look at you?” Travis asked.
Annabella sat up on her bed, still staring at Travis. Did she want to know what he saw when he looked at her? Lately the only thing anyone else saw was a problem that needed to be fixed, and the truth was that she didn’t want to be anyone’s problem anymore.
“That depends,” she whispered.
“On what?”
“If you think I’m a problem that needs to be fixed,” Annabella whispered.
“Bella, look at me.” Travis placed his hand on her chin, forcing her to make eye contact. “I’m not them. I’m not your best friend, I’m not Matt, or your parents, or your brother. I’m Travis. I’m the guy who acted like a total dick to you the first time I met you, but soon felt the need to be your friend. I don’t see you as a problem, or something that needs to be fixed. I see you as you. You’re beautiful, amazing, kind, funny… I see you for who you are and not who I want you to be. I love hanging out with you, even when you leave me in a lake all by myself without any explanation as to why. The thing is, I have plenty of friends, b
ut I don’t have any like you. I care about you, maybe more than I should, but Bella don’t ever think that I’m not here for you,” Travis said.
“Travis, you shouldn’t want to be around me. I ruin everything that I touch. I don’t want to ruin you.” Annabella feared where her friendship with him was going. She couldn’t handle the thought that Travis cared about her. She couldn’t handle any of it.
“I’m not going anywhere. You can tell me to leave, and you can tell me that I shouldn’t stick around, but I’m not going to let you push me away. I won’t let you do that. And I won’t let you destroy your own happiness.”
Sighing, she said nothing. She just looked into his beautiful green eyes that she loved so much.
“Why did you do it?” Travis asked, breaking the silence. “Why did you break that mirror?”
“I don’t know. I was upset and I just- I can’t explain it. I don’t really want to talk about it either.”
“Okay, then. What are your plans tonight?”
“Nothing,” she said flatly. The only thing she wanted to do was stay in her room, and not have to face the rest of the world.
“Come home with me. To dinner with me and Mom. She was just telling me that she’d love to see you again.”
A smile lit up her face. The thought of seeing her again made her elated.
“Okay,” she responded, hurrying to the bathroom to get dressed. With everything else that was going on, she was glad to have one thing to look forward to in her life.
Ten
“Bella, I’m so glad you could make it for dinner.” Casey’s arms wrapped around her as she and Travis came in the house from riding his bike.
“Thanks for having me,” Annabella said to the older woman. It was strange; she barely knew her, but with Casey she felt like she didn’t have to pretend as she had to with her own family.
“My pleasure,” she smiled, which faded upon seeing her hand. “Oh my goodness what happened to your hand?” Casey asked.
Exchanging a glance with Travis, she began to panic. Placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder, Travis spoke first. “We were outside messing around, and she tripped over her own two feet and her hand went flying into the window.”
“Oh, you poor thing. Are you okay? Does it hurt?” Casey asked, taking her injured hand in hers.
“It’s bearable. Scars on the outside, they’re nothing compared to scars on the inside right?” Annabella asked, hitting a nerve at how true that statement really was for her.
“Well, I’m glad you’re okay, is there anything special you’d like for dinner?”
“Anything is fine, Mom,” Travis told her.
“I think I’m just going to order a pizza. I’m way too tired to cook anything,” she said, then walked into the kitchen.
“Thank you,” Annabella whispered to Travis, grateful that he didn’t tell her mother the truth. The last thing she needed was another person to pity or feel sorry for her.
“There’s no need for her to know what happened. That’s your business; no one else’s.” Travis laced his fingers with hers.
Butterflies circled in her stomach; she wasn’t sure if it was due to the fact that Travis made her feel better or if it was due to the fact that when she was with him, she felt scared, not because she was afraid of him but because she cared for him. And caring for someone was something she’d tried to avoid for so long. Looking at Travis, she felt herself begin to unravel. His hair fell in his face in a way that she loved so much, his green eyes fixated on her as if he could stare at her forever. And that scared her the most.
“You have to stop looking at me like that,” Annabella told him.
“Why?”
“Because, you just have to,” she replied.
“What if I don’t want to?” Travis challenged, and the truth was he didn’t want to stop. He wanted to stare at her forever. He was falling for her without even realizing it.
Before Annabella had the chance to answer, Casey walked back into the room.
“So I ordered pepperoni, I hope that’s okay with you Annabella.”
“I love pepperoni.”
“Good, Trav, Marissa came by here a bit ago,” Casey blurted out, without even acknowledging what she’d said, but instantly regretting it with Annabella being in the room.
Annabella wondered who Marissa was. He’d never mentioned her in any conversation they’d had before. Maybe he didn’t want her to know.
“I really don’t understand why she keeps on like this. I’ve told her dozens of times that I’m tired of it and uninterested.”
“I have no idea, but if she doesn’t stay away, I will have a restraining order put against her. Tell her to back off.”
“I have nothing to say to that bitch,” Travis said, his voice cold and angry.
“I’m going to shower; I’ll be back down soon,” Casey said and vanished from the room.
“Okay, Mom.”
“Who’s Marissa?” Annabella asked when his mom was gone.
Turning to face her, Travis felt his eyes widen. How could he possibly tell Annabella about Marissa if he wanted her to maintain a permanent residence in his life? He also knew that he couldn’t start something with her based on lies a secrets.
“She’s an ex, and not one I prefer to talk about,” Travis admitted, leading her to the couch.
“Oh.” Annabella was jealous. She felt stupid for it.
“We ended several months ago, ten to be exact, but she keeps coming back around,” Travis added quickly to assure her that there wasn’t anything happening between him and Marissa. “It didn’t end on a very good note though.”
“What happened?”
“I saw her for who she was. She wasn’t just sleeping with me; she was sleeping with a buddy of mine. Of course, neither of us knew about the fact that we were screwing the same girl. When I found out and broke it off, she claimed to be pregnant. I didn’t believe her so I made her get a test, it came back negative, but she still wouldn’t give up. She kept on and on until I finally had enough, I called her a few names, said some things I shouldn’t have, and she had her brother kick the living shit out of me. It was so bad that I was in the hospital for three days,” Travis told her. He wasn’t sure why, but he didn’t feel the need to hide. He confided in her the train wreck that was Marissa and the truth was he felt better after talking with her.
“I’m sorry, Travis,” Annabella said. She couldn’t imagine how that must have felt.
“Hey, it’s okay. It was months ago. It’s in the past.”
“Just because something is in the past doesn’t always mean it stays there,” she said.
“It does if you let it. The thing is we all have a past, whether it’s good or bad, but if we don’t dwell on the past then it can’t control us.”
“Travis, you should stay away from me. I have too much baggage for you to be around.”
“Like what?”
“I can’t talk about it,” Annabella said.
Annabella and Travis sat on the couch in front of his flat screen T.V. in the garage. After dinner, his mother got a call from a client, and decided to head to the office. Travis put on some show about cars. Annabella couldn’t help but feel relaxed. Being with Travis was different. She could be laid back. Around her friends, she was jumpy, afraid, and lonely. Most of all, depressed.
“So, do you play?” Annabella asked him eyeing the drums that sat next to his bike.
“I do,” he responded.
“How long?”
“About a year, I’ve been playing guitar since I was eleven though. Music is my life. In fact, I even write my own songs.”
“You write?” she asked. Travis didn’t strike her as a writer. Sure she could totally see him in a rock band, but she never thought of him as a w
riter.
“Why does that shock you?” Travis asked. He’d been writing since he learned to play guitar. It was a good outlet for him. He didn’t think it was such a big surprise.
“I don’t know, I just didn’t think you wrote.”
“And from what I hear so do you, I saw your journal on your desk at your house.”
Annabella froze. “You didn’t read it did you?”
“No, I’d never do that.”
“What do you write about?” Annabella asked.
“Everything. Do you want to hear a song? I actually just wrote a new one about a week ago,” he told her with a smile. He knew the minute he played the song, she’d know exactly what it was about.
“I’d love to.”
“Come on then, sunshine.” Travis smirked, holding a hand out to her.
Taking his hand, Annabella followed Travis into the house, up the stairs and into a room. His bedroom. She wasn’t expecting his room to seem so normal. His walls were painted a grey color and there were lyrics of rock bands that were painted in red. There were pictures of his mom and him on his wall. His bed was huge, bigger that hers. On the other side of his bed sat a desk. His room was organized and she was surprised. Travis didn’t seem like the type of guy who kept things organized. She took him as the sort of guy who put things where he wanted and didn’t give a damn about the mess. It was looking as though she and Travis had more in common than she thought.
“You look shocked,” Travis said, breaking their silence.
“You know, I didn’t imagine your room to be so organized,” she admitted.
“I don’t like things messy,” he said, and it was true. The past few years, with him and his mom being on their own, he was the one who always did the cleaning since his mom worked long hours.
“Me either, so how about that song?” She was excited to hear it.
“Are you sure you want to hear it?” Travis asked, grabbing his guitar from the corner. He remembered the first time he saw the guitar. He knew it was meant for him.