Lance cursed, took off his coat, hung it up, and proceeded to strip off his boots. Then he started snooping around, but there was nothing to see. It was just as he had assessed when walking into the room. Ash had next to nothing. He knew they were a minimalist, but this was extreme. At least he had seen odds and ends kept in their truck. It was Ash’s real home.
When Ash came back, Lance said, “You’ve stayed here for a while, huh? People don’t usually stay in a hotel long.”
“Very true,” Ash agreed. “I didn’t plan on staying this long, but I don’t plan on much.” Ash took off their boots and hung up their coat. “You can sit somewhere, you know? The bed. That chair. Whatever.”
Lance didn’t move. He studied Ash, doing his best to read them. He wondered what he should say. He knew what he needed to do. Sort of. He had to prove his love, and then he’d get to keep Ash, right? How was he supposed to do that, though? Was he supposed to bring up sex or would Ash? What was the right thing to do here? He knew they wanted it, based on their scent, but…
“Lance.”
“Ash.”
“You’re staring.”
“Uh, yep. It’s your rainbow hair. I never get tired of staring at it.”
Ash snorted. “Just my hair, huh?” They tugged at Lance’s shirt. “You kissed me for the first time today, and all I can think about is kissing you again and again.” Their eyes glimmered like emeralds as they walked their fingers up Lance’s chest and to the back of his neck, where Ash hooked their hand. “Stay with me tonight?”
Well, that answered his question, didn’t it? Ash wanted sex, loud and clear. They often gave off an intense wave of sweet arousal, more so as Lance and Ash started unofficially seeing each other, even more when Lance finally kissed them.
Ash reached up with their other hand, applying pressure to the back of Lance’s neck and urging him to bend down to meet them. He did, and their noses touched. Ash’s eyelids grew heavy.
“I want to pick up where we left off at the karaoke bar,” Ash said. They closed their eyes and moved their hips forward. They wanted to feel him. Lance liked being close to Ash. He wouldn’t mind holding them one bit, but sex… sex made him so fucking nervous.
Lance tilted his head so he could capture Ash’s lips with his. It was more of the same, soft caresses. But his mouth was parted slightly, and Ash took the opportunity to go deeper. They pressed their tongue against his teeth, and he opened his mouth a little wider at the request. He liked kissing fine until it involved too much tongue. Luckily, Ash didn’t dart their tongue down his throat. They kept it shallow, inviting his tongue to dance along. He did his best, but it wasn’t his favorite thing. And he sure as hell wasn’t good at it.
Focus, he told himself.
He pulled back and asked, “Condom?”
“That can wait,” Ash replied. They kissed Lance again, as deeply as he would let them. And it was pretty deep. He let Ash take total control since they seemed to know what they were doing and certainly knew what they wanted. Much more than Drew did. Drew hadn’t had much experience, but Ash did. The difference was as clear as the lack of sun in an Alaskan winter.
Lance slid his hand down Ash’s rib cage and rested it on their hip. Ash jerked back.
“Sorry,” Lance said. He didn’t know what he did so terribly wrong already, but his heart was ready to bail and leave him alone with his embarrassment.
Ash clicked their tongue against the back of their teeth and said, “It wasn’t you. You just touched the worst of my burns…”
“Burns?”
“I did something reckless last night, but it’s fine. It’s not bad.”
Lance had said he didn’t want to hear about Yuri last night. Now he wasn’t so sure, but Ash didn’t give him the opportunity to demand an explanation. They kissed him again and started fiddling with his clothes. “Way too many layers here.”
Lance supposed he’d let the Yuri thing rest for now. It was done and in the past anyway. He needed to catch Ash’s attention now. He needed Ash focused on him, and he had to prove his love was true.
Lance worked at his long-sleeved shirt first. He found it awkward to strip in front of Ash while they were staring so intently at him. It wasn’t that he stumbled or anything, but that look in their eyes, the heat, the slight tremble in their legs, he couldn’t help but think they were expecting way more than they were going to get. But that smile. He would die to see that smile every day.
Not for the first time, he wondered if sex was that important. Did it mean that much? Was it the difference between really loving someone and not?
Ash reached out and touched his bare chest. So, he stopped. He would let Ash feel him out before getting to his pants. Their fingers lingered on his tattoos, tracing the lines that made them up. Their touch made him shiver a little, but it didn’t arouse him.
C’mon, he thought.
“You have a lot of tattoos,” Ash said.
“I guess you haven’t seen me without a shirt before.”
“Nope. Are their stories behind them?”
“Do they have to have stories?”
“There’s always a story behind everything, no matter how small.”
“I got tattoos with my brother and one of our close friends. It was kind of a thing we did for a while there.”
“See? A story.”
Ash let their hand linger when they placed their palm flat against the left side of Lance’s chest. Ash seemed content to feel his heartbeat. Lance was too, but the longer they stayed like that, the more nervous he got for anything beyond this because he wasn’t excited.
At last, Ash moved back to remove their crocheted sweater. The first things to catch Lance’s eyes were the little blotches of burned red skin marring the even brown tone he had imagined seeing. His hand hovered above one. He almost touched it, but he didn’t want to aggravate it any more. So, he grabbed a space on Ash’s waist clear of the tiny burns and held fast as he asked, “Seriously, what the hell happened?” These were fresh burns, definitely from last night.
“I went on a little adventure out in the middle of nowhere.” Ash dipped their chin to avoid eye contact. “They aren’t bad. I promise. They’ve already faded a lot thanks to the aloe I put on them after I got back here.”
Lance stiffened.
Yeah, the burns weren’t bad, but what the fuck did Yuri take Ash out to do? Was he into kinky sex? Lance couldn’t fathom what that would entail. What if he had gotten Ash seriously hurt? Lance was speechless and frozen. His head was spinning. His breaths came in faster and shorter.
“I’m gonna kill him,” Lance growled. “After all this time, I’m going to be what kills him.”
“What?” Ash frowned.
Lance scrubbed a hand down his face. Then he reached for the back of Ash’s head and gripped their curly hair tightly enough so he could maneuver their head, but not so tightly it would hurt. He angled Ash’s head up so they had to look at him.
“You ran off with my brother last night. That Yuri? That was my Yuri,” Lance said.
Ash’s jaw dropped. “You’ve got to be shitting me.” They bit their lower lip. Then they grabbed Lance’s waist, nails digging into his skin as if they were expecting him to become intangible. “Were you there? Were you there last night at Tipsy? You didn’t say anything. I didn’t see you. I wouldn’t have… Lance.”
“I’m not mad at you, Ash,” Lance reminded.
“I wouldn’t have done it, Lance,” Ash insisted. “I thought you weren’t coming back.” Their fingers trembled against his skin. Lance hugged them to stop it. They were both topless, and it felt good to have Ash’s skin pressed against his. It was the best kind of warmth; it was safe. It didn’t make Lance feel vulnerable because it was so safe.
Ash clawed at his back and sniffled. “I feel so stupid. I thought you weren’t coming back, that you didn’t feel the same way, so I… I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. But you came back to me today. You came back.”
&nbs
p; Didn’t feel the same way. Wasn’t coming back, Lance echoed.
Lance took a deep breath. “I know Yuri’s got enough charm for ten people. Nobody knows how to resist him.”
“It wasn’t that.” Ash choked out a laugh. “He screwed up his pick-up line big time. He was sure I’d say no after that and kept rolling with the punches, but I just… I didn’t care how it might turn out.” Ash swallowed. “I was in a bad place, okay? And spending the night with Yuri was crazy, every moment of it, but he did something for me. Something good. I wouldn’t have gone to the library today, hoping to find you, if I hadn’t almost been burned alive last night. If I hadn’t conquered fire.”
Lance let out a measured breath. “What kind of bad place?”
Ash rested their forehead against Lance’s chest. “An I-don’t-care-what-happens kind of bad place. It’s been a long and lonely road. I’ve always gone where the wind takes me, and it never mattered where or what happened. Then I met you, and I stayed for you. So, maybe I betrayed you because of what I did last night, but if I hadn’t done it, I wouldn’t be with you now. I would be gone.
“Yuri made me realize what I wanted and that I had to go for it, give it one more shot. I don’t think what I’ve been doing all my life has been living. I’ve been watching everyone else instead. Well, no more. I want to be with you. I want to let you in. I want to live.”
“I—what? Banging Yuri made you realize you want to be with me?” Lance asked incredulously. That didn’t add up.
If tonight was a bust and Ash saw how broken Lance was, they would go back to Yuri in a heartbeat. He knew how this worked. Yuri would leave him and take Ash too. Yuri was interested in Ash. He said he wanted to go back and see them again, and that was bad news. That meant that last night went well, right? Somehow. It didn’t sound like it went well to Lance, but what did he know? He didn’t have anything on his brother. He had to change, and he had to make tonight good. Really good. He would always be a shadow, but maybe he could become more substantial.
Lance closed his eyes and concentrated on Ash’s skin to remind himself that he was here with Ash, right now.
He almost wished Yuri would get sick again so that the rules would switch, so Yuri would need him again and not the other way around.
Lance’s jaw clenched. That’s a fucking horrible thought, shithead.
“It’s only been you for me, Lance,” Ash said, breaking into his mind. “I’m sorry. I really am. Please, don’t leave. I don’t know how to make this up to you, but I want to try. I don’t want to lose you. Every date, every moment I spend with you, all the time it took thawing the ice around us, it’s been everything. It’s made me feel something music can’t. Before you, there was nothing but music for me. I perform in front of audiences, but I’ve always been alone until you. I can share my music space with you. That’s the most precious thing I have. I… I love you, too.”
How? How was Ash so perfect? How could they say things like this before they’d even had sex, like Lance was their mate and therefore someone they couldn’t lose? Could it be true? Or would it all fall apart like it did with Drew?
“Ash,” Lance said. He gently cupped their cheek. “I’m not mad, okay? You had every reason to doubt me. You had every reason to think I wouldn’t be coming back. And I’m sorry. I’m trying to fix it now. You were right to doubt me because I almost didn’t come back, but it’s not for the reason you think. It’s not because I don’t feel the same way.” He hoped like hell that wasn’t a lie.
Ash waited, searching his eyes. They probably wanted Lance to give a better explanation than that, but he didn’t. He couldn’t.
“You came back, and that has to mean something. When you said you love me, that has to mean something.”
“It does. I mean it,” Lance said.
“I love you too, Lance.”
The sweet scent of Ash’s arousal was as strong as ever, so Lance knew he hadn’t ruined things beyond repair yet. “Do you still want me to spend the night?”
“Uhm, yes. Very much yes.”
“Your burns really don’t hurt?”
“Nah, just watch out for that one spot if you’re worried.” As if to prove Ash’s point, they took Lance’s hand and guided his palm down their side and then back up to cup their breasts, one and then the other. Ash’s nipples got hard at the same time their arousal became as sweet as cotton candy.
Lance was down to sleep with Ash—sex not so much—but he had to. He couldn’t be so fucking pathetic forever, not if he wanted to keep Ash. There was no more time to waste for any of it. He had hurt Ash by keeping them at a safe distance from his heart. Yuri was better now and he was going to leave. Lance needed to step up and take control or his life would be left in tatters.
Ash touched Lance’s lips. “Thank you for giving me another chance.”
“Another chance? We’re just picking up where we left off.” Lance took their hand and kissed it.
Ash kissed his chest, right over his pounding heart. “Shall we continue, then?”
“Yes.”
No.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
ASH AND LANCE WORKED on their pants and underwear at the same time. Ash was so turned on; their arousal was dripping down their thighs. They squeezed their legs together and then looked at Lance. He hated that their eyes went right to his soft dick.
“One of us is way hornier than the other,” Ash said.
Lance laughed because it was either that or panic, and he was already on the verge of panic. “Talking about my brother ruined the mood.”
“Then we’re going to have to fix that.” Ash brushed their fingers down Lance’s thighs. “How do you have so much muscle? What’s your gym routine like?”
“Don’t like it?”
“You’re sexy as hell, Lance. Sexier than I could’ve ever imagined.”
Well, Lance supposed that was points for him. At least Ash liked his body.
Ash pressed their hand against his stomach and trailed fingers down his happy trail. It made his skin jump, but he forced himself to stay still and gritted his teeth as Ash explored him. They ran their hand down his shaft, gently squeezed his balls, and went back to his shaft, coaxing his dick to attention effortlessly. The whole time they did it, he made sure to think about sex, about being aroused. He stared down at Ash’s nipples and tried to conjure up every erotic thought he could, anything to get his brain and body online for what was about to happen. Luckily, his body was getting the memo. The stimulation Ash provided helped big time.
Okay. I can do this, he thought.
Ash looked up at him. “Better?”
He nodded, because he was afraid if he spoke, he would say something wrong.
“You seem a little stiff.” Ash poked his left shoulder. Their finger lingered on his arm as they traced the white tiger face he had tattooed there.
“Too excited,” Lance gritted out.
“Well, try to relax a little.” Ash ran their hands down his arms and sides, and it helped. Ash felt good. This warmth, these soft caresses. Just like Drew, Ash wanted Lance to enjoy this. So, he had to. He couldn’t let them down. And he needed to make sure Ash got everything they wanted.
“How do you want me to touch you? Show me.” Lance said.
Ash laughed, green eyes twinkling. “Have you never done this before, or do I just make you that nervous?”
“Kind of both.”
“How can it be ‘kind of both’?”
“Last time I did this it was with another guy,” Lance said, though he omitted how long it had been since then, and that he had only done it once.
“Got it.” Ash took Lance’s hand and mapped out their body for him. “I really like your hands on my lower back.” Lance rested a hand there, just above their ass. Ash arched their back in response and let out a little moan.
“Of course, breasts and vagina like love too.”
Ash dropped one of their hands in between their legs and started rubbing. Lance watched carefully and n
oticed the way Ash seemed to melt into vulnerability.
Lance followed Ash’s hand and moved it away to cup their sex with his own hand. He thought Ash had reacted strongly before, but it was nothing compared to now. They rolled their hips forward and against his hand.
“Yes,” they said.
Lance tried to ignore the sticky liquid coating his fingers and the potent smell that accosted his nose like a tickle that wouldn’t go away. Whenever he jerked off, he made sure to do it in the shower because he hated the mess. The look on Ash’s face meant they were enjoying this immensely, so he pushed the discomfort aside. He touched different areas and did more of the same when Ash reacted well and when they verbally told him to keep doing that. He dipped one finger inside of them, and the rocking of Ash’s hips intensified.
“My legs are gonna give out,” Ash said. It was then Lance noticed their legs shaking. “Meet you on the bed? You can get that condom.”
Lance nodded, and Ash stumbled to the bed. Lance tried to ignore the need to wipe off the remnants of arousal on his fingers, but he ended up doing it anyway, against his thigh—though that didn’t exactly make him feel better—when Ash had their back turned, and he used his unsullied hand to grab that condom out of his wallet. Putting it on was awkward as hell because his hands were shaking. However, he was pleased to see that he was fully hard. His body understood what would be happening next, brain too. He’d perform.
When he was ready, he went to Ash, who was lying back first on the bed with their knees in the air and legs wide. A red flush spread across their chest, and their fingers were at their sex again, rubbing and dipping inside as Lance had done. He worried Ash was doing this because he hadn’t done it well enough. But when he got on the bed and crawled over to them, they opened their eyes and smiled wide.
Ash grabbed the back of Lance’s head and pulled him in for a lingering kiss. Lance tried to ignore the fact that sex was messy and kissed Ash back. Ash was fierce, and they introduced rolling hips like they were on a loop. Ash hit him in a sensitive spot, and Lance lost his breath for a moment.
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