— You're wasting so much time, Joe.
I lean against the wall.
— I don't know about that. I had a nice drink, got caught up with old acquaintances. Worse ways to spend an hour.
She gives the eyeroll she's been perfecting since she was nine. -Not what I mean. And you know it.
She reaches over and grabs the sleeve of my jacket.
— This is the place for you. This is the last place for you. What we're doing here, its real. You can huff and makes faces and act like you think I'm crazy,
but you know I'm doing the right thing. And you know I can get this done. Anything you do between when you walk out that door and when you come back and tell us you're with us, all that will be such a waste of time.
I look at her. -Sweetheart.
I come away from the wall. -I don't think you re crazy.
I gently twist my arm free. -I know it like I know life ain't fair.
I make for the door, stopping to give Sela a look. -Try to keep her alive.
She opens the door. -It's what I'm here for. -Yeah.
I point down toward the basement.
— It'll make your job easier if you do like she says and kill that guy who made the mess.
I start down the rusted steel steps that lead into the alley.
Sela stands there watching. -Were not all like you, Joe. Some of us don't take to killing so easy.
I walk toward the gate that leads out onto Second. -Not my fault.
On the street I find a yellow. The driver asks me where I want to go.
I can't go there yet.
So I tell him to take me to the Bowery.
The nice thing about a place like the Whitehouse is they don't feel compelled to announce you if you drop by at an unusual hour to visit a guest. The bad things about a place like the Whitehouse, listed alphabetically, start somewhere around armed robbery, run past cockroaches and dirty needles, hit their stride with mass murder, start to tail off at rape, and end with a classic: zoophilia.
Add in the smattering of semi-functional resident bums, midwestern teenage runaways, and gagging-drunk European tourists on a budget, and you've got a holocaust of vomit and shit smells that draw up the stairwell like smoke pouring up a chimney.
I can almost see the reek as I climb through it.
Coming onto the top-floor landing, I have to turn sideways to fit down the narrow yellow hallway punctuated with close-set white doors. I hear snoring, early morning fornication, someone listening to Kraftwerk so loud on their iPod that they might as well hook it up to some speakers, a toilet flushing and clogging in the communal bathroom, and the distinct sound of someone moaning through a gag while a belt is applied to bare skin.
I long for matches and gasoline.
End of the hall, front of the building, I stop at the final door.
There's silence behind the door. Not even the grinding of teeth I would have expected. The lock is the worst piece of shit I've ever seen in my life. I flip my straight razor open, slip it in the half-inch gap between the door and frame, and start to edge the bolt out of its socket, pulling hard on the doorknob to create friction so the bolt doesn't snap back into place.
The door to the bathroom opens and a girl with the hem of her short skirt tucked into her panties, a ring of hickeys around her neck, and a shiny pink wig askew on her head, staggers down the hall to the room where I heard the fucking sounds.
She tries the knob and it doesn't open.
She bangs the door.
— You fuckers! Stop fucking and let me in!
The panting and groaning behind the door gets louder, faster.
She bangs again. -Fucking open up! I'm not waiting out here till you guys cum.
The fucking goes on.
She puts her forehead against the door and slouches and turns and looks at me, my razor working the lock. -Hey.
I watch the pulse that makes one of the hickeys on her neck flutter. -Hey.
She licks dry lips. -Thought that guy lives there.
I look at the door I'm working. -This guy?
She closes one eye, trying to think over the rising volume of her friends' fucking. -Yeah. Said he lives there.
— When'd he say that?
She looks down, sees her skirt, tries to pull it free of her waistband. -Shit. Uh, when'd he? Other day.
She pulls her panties down, gets her skirt straight, leaves her panties at her knees for the moment. -He, urn.
She covers her mouth.
— When I was blowing him. Said he lives there when I was blowing him. Said anytime I wanted to score I could come over for the same deal.
She drops her hand, points at the door.
— He wasn't lying to me, was he? I was fucking counting on getting some X off him for a party tonight.
I shake my head. -He wasn't lying.
She smiles, reaches down and pulls her panties back up, catching her skirt in them again. -Cool, that's cool.
There's a definite crescendo from behind the door, a shriek, a yelp, glass
shattering.
She blinks a few times.
— Hey, if you, like, got something on you, I could really use it. Not for free, but like the same deal I made with your friend.
I shake my head. -No, I'm not holding.
She sighs. -Shit.
The door bumps her ass and she lurches upright as it swings open into the hall. -Fucking about time.
She walks into the room. -You're such a whore, I told you not to fuck him without me.
The door closes.
I pop the lock, go inside, shut the door.
The room is shin-deep in empty take-out containers, plastic baggies, dirty clothes and toenail clippings, the walls covered in photos of barely clad starlets and models torn from men's lifestyle magazines. Through the grimy
barred window I can see an edge of sunlight is touching the roof of a building across the street. I pull it open to get some air in, then grab a dingy blanket from the bed to drape over the curtain rod. Its summer in New York City and the air coming in the window doesn't smell any better than the air already in the room. I light a cigarette and sit on the board-narrow bed and smoke and wait for the scum bucket that lives in the shithole.
Finally.
Back where I belong.
The cockroaches in the room, they move to avoid the blade of sunlight that cuts through the crack at the windows edge and slices across the floor. Roaches not liking daylight, its no great shock that I don't have to wait long for my particular roach to come home.
I know him by the sharp report of nails worn through the heels of his ankle boots striking the hallway floor. Even over the stuttering pipes, creaking joints and bitter howls of the waking building and its occupants, I recognize his nervous step.
Outside the door he jitters the keys in his hand, simultaneously keeping rapid time with clacking teeth. The key jams into the lock and the door jerks open and I smell his greasy pomade.
He steps in, closes the door, freezes with his hand on the knob and looks at the blanket blocking out the day. -Oh.
It's a small room, a very small room, a room with more in common with a closet than with other rooms. It takes his eyes less than a heartbeat to look it over and see the dark silhouette on his bed.
He holds his key to his face, looking at the fob that dangles off it. -My bad. Wrong room. Ill just. Don't get up. Ill just.
Not the brightest bulb, but not the dimmest, he knows that people who wait in your room with the window blacked out are bad news.
He just doesn't know how bad the news is yet.
He starts to open the door.
— Ill just. Go to my own room, yeah? Right. Sorry about this. My bad. Totally my bad. This place, so cheap, right? Have like ten different locks in the whole joint. Open someone else's room by accident. Happens all the time. My bad. Really, don't get up.
I don't get up. -No, you got the right room.
He stops vibrating. -Oh shit.
I watch a roach ski
tter across the shaft of daylight. -Close the door, Phil.
He closes the door.
I stomp on the roach. -Got some things I want to talk to you about.
If it wasn't daylight I could take him by the ankle and dangle him out the window and cut to the chase.
Instead I have to be subtle. -I'm going to cut your nose off, Phil.
He holds his hands up.
— Whoa! Whooooaaaahhh! Who said? Cut me? How did we get to? Hey, man, I'm sayin', How did we just skip aii the way across you're gonna beat the shit out of me, kick my teeth in, put a cigarette out on my forehead, and get aii the way to cutting my fucking nose off?
He drops his jaw.
— Like, what happened to conversation? What happened to getting all caught up?
He crosses his arms over the front of his dirty silk Hawaiian print shirt and moves his head to one side. -Hey, great to see you, Joe. Long time. How ya been? Fine? You been fine?
He puts his hands on his hips, moves his head to the other side.
— Sure, Phil, I been fine. How you been? What you been up to?
Back to position one.
— Me, oh, I been OK, the usual. This and that. And, you know. Mostly what I been up to is.
He throws his hands in the air.
— Mostly I been spending my days and nights making sure no one cuts my nose off.
He covers his nose. -I'm saying, Seriously fuck, Joe! Cut my nose off? My nose?
He walks in little circles, kicking the trash out of his way. -Why not an ear? My lips? Fingers? Jeezus!
He stops, holds a hand up.
— Not, mind you, that I'm making suggestions, expressing a preference, mind, just that, you know, fuck. You know?
He stands and pants.
I show him the razor again. -You want to let me finish?
He pulls his head back.
— Oh, there's more? There's more after you're gonna cut my nose off? You got more that comes after that? Here, let me pull up a chair, let me get comfortable for this, I can't fucking wait to see how it ends.
There's no chair in the room, so he takes a seat at the end of the bed, crosses one leg over the other, rests his hands on his knees and cocks an ear my way. -By all means, man, proceed.
I balance the razor on my finger, watch it jump slightly with every beat of my heart. -What I was gonna say, Phil, was, I'm gonna cut your nose off.
He nods. -Yep, yep, got that part, got it. Gooo ooon.
I flip the razor, catch it so it rests easy in my palm.
— I'm gonna cut your nose off, I was saying. I'm gonna cut your nose off if you waste a single fucking second of my time, is what I was saying.
I look from the blade to his face.
— If that makes any difference in your reaction, Philip, that is what I was saying.
His jaw tightens, clicks twice, he nods. -Yeah, yeah. Sure. That makes a difference. Urn.
He points at his nose. -Too late.
I fold the razor. -No, man.
I slip the razor into my pocket. -It's not too late.
He queases a smile.
— Great, Joe, that's great. You know I want nothin' but to help an old buddy like you. Never want to waste a second of your time. Time being, you know.
He rubs fingers against thumb, hopefully. -Time being money. You know what I mean. -Yeah, I know, Phil.
I take my hand out of my pocket. -I just thought wed do this one the old-fashioned way.
He sees the brass knuckles on my fist. -Aw, Joe, we coulda worked it out like gentlemen.
I give him a closer look at the knuckles.
Much closer.
He slams into the wall and drops in a jumble on the floor.
I stand over him, using one of his old dirty wife beaters to wipe the blood from brass. -Shut up, Phil.
I point at the crushed mass that used to be his nose. -Just feel lucky you still got that fucking thing.
— I need to know how it stands.
— Right, right.
— There a bounty?
— A? A what? A bounty? Jeezus, man, what do you? A bounty?
I knock the brass knuckles on the side of the sink where he's washing the blood from his face. -Stay focused, Phil.
He flinches. -Yeah, focused.
He looks in the mirror, sees the bib of blood spread over his shirt. -Oh for fuck! Maaan. That sucks.
I clink the knuckles again.
He snaps to.
— Yeah, focused. Yeah, bounty. Yeah. Like I was sayin? Fuck do you think, Joe? Stab Terry and all. You think there's a bounty? Fuck yeah, there is. -How much?
He pulls a baggie from his pocket, starts sorting through the pills inside. -Man, this II teach me to focus exclusively on the ups. I mean, fuck, I don't
got a single painkiller in here.
He fingers a couple chalky white pills from the bag and pops them in his mouth. -Still, any port in a storm.
I slap the back of his head and he coughs and the pills fly out of his mouth, bounce off the mirror and drop to the floor.
He stares at the pills, one resting at the edge of the pube-clogged scum-grate in the middle of the room, the other rolled to the base of a toilet inside one of the doorless stalls. -Oh, that, that was utterly unnecessary. That was totally fucking flagrant.
I put a finger beneath his chin, raise his eyes to mine. -Phil, perhaps I'm not communicating my urgency here.
I fit my hand around his jaw.
— Its early in the morning and you re burned out, distracted. I know. It's hard for you to focus. But.
I exert pressure, squeezing the hinges of his jaw.
— If you pay attention, you'll notice that I'm talking more than I usually do, giving you more chances than I usually have in the past to tell me what the
fuck I want to know before I give you some new scars.
His jaw creaks. Phil whimpers. -That might give you some idea of just how thin your ice is.
I stiff-arm him into the wall, careful not to shatter his jaw. I don't want to shatter it yet, not until he's talked. -And just how bad things are going to get if you don't focus immediately.
I relax my hand and take it from his jaw. -How much, Phil, how much has Terry put on my head?
He works his jaw up and down, listens to it click, rubs it. -Twelve pints.
I look at him. -Again? — Twelve pints. -A blood bounty?
He wipes some of his own blood from his face. -What I said.
The door swings open and Phils next-door neighbor comes in wearing a
stained bed sheet like a poorly wrapped toga. She walks past us, eyes all but closed, goes into a stall, hikes her sheet, sits and places her elbows on her knees with a yawn.
I grab Phils shoulder and aim him at the door. -Come on.
He looks back at his lost pills, straining against me. -Just a sec, man, just a sec, really, man, I can't afford to let that shit go.
I shove him at the door. -Yes, you can.
He bangs out into the hallway and I follow him. -Twelve pints.
He walks backward, trying to get a peek through the swinging bathroom door.
— Man, that fucking chick is gonna snag my shit. -Anyone scooping that stuff off the floor is hard up enough to deserve it.
He raises a hand. -Well there you go, man, you just described me.
I give him another shove and he bounces off the door to his room.
— Twelve pints is an interesting number, Phil.
He gets the key from his blood-stippled high-waisted trousers. -Fascinating, I'm sure. But, like, you don't understand what I got going here.
He points at the bathroom.
— That chick there gives it up for anything. Mean, I could probably lay off some NoDoz on her and come away with a hand job. Thing is, I'm not saying / wouldn't eat the shit on the floor back in there myself, but with this deal I don't have to. I can just give them to her and still get a hummer out of it.
He sticks up both thumbs. -It's win-win, man.<
br />
He lowers his thumbs.
— But if she sees them on the floor she'll eat them just out of fucking curiosity. Man, I'll be out the pills and the hummer.
He points both thumbs down. -Lose-lose. -Hey, asshole.
The girl stands in the open bathroom doorway.
Phil points at himself.
She nods. -Yeah, you. That stuff you gave me, that was like total bullshit, wasn't it?
He shakes his head. -What, huh? No, no, that was good stuff, I wouldn't, you know.
She puts her hands on her hips and the sheet falls off one shoulder, exposing a tit topped by a scabbing Betty Boop tattoo. -Yeah, like you said you wouldn't cum in my mouth either.
He shakes his head.
— That was like I told you, like an accident, like I lost focus for a second at the point of impact and next thing I knew, BANG.
She narrows her eyes. -Yeah, bang, my ass.
Phil puts a leer on. -Hey, if that's what you're into.
She makes a fist and starts down the hall.
— Don't even, you dick. Cumming in my mouth is one thing, but that shit you gave me was almost all baby laxative.
Phil backs into his door. -Hey, no way.
— Bullshit. I've had the runs all morning. -Look, this is the big city, you got to expect shit to be cut a little.
The girls door opens and a guy with too many gym muscles sticks his head out. -What the fuck, that the guy ripped you off?
Phil raises a righteous finger.
— Ripped off? I. Man, I never in my life. This shit is like a calling for me. I. Out of the kindness of my, I, I, like I barely have any shit for myself and I cut a deal with this girl, throw her a little help when she's in need and now. I.
He folds his arms. -I'm fucking insulted.
Too Many Muscles comes fully out of the room, bare-assed, showing the rest of his muscles. -Fucking rip-off artist.
Phil opens his mouth and I dig a thumb under his arm and turn him to his own door.
— Open it.
He looks at me.
— Sure, sure, just no one likes being called a rip-off artist. -Open it.
He opens the door.
Too Many Muscles is trying to catch my eye so he can flex and make it clear that I shouldn't fuck with him. The girl is shaking her fist in Phils face, her voice rising, telling him she better get some good X off him if he expects another blow job. The corridor is filled with smells of shit and smoke and sweat and fungus and incense and fast food and spilled cheap wine and puke and the residue of the last corpse that rotted unnoticed in its room for a week before it was found.
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