“Anyways, I wanted to fix it. I’m here to tell you that my husband and I are moving to Switzerland, because they have better doctors there.”
And that moment was gone. Switzerland? But oh no, she didn’t stop there when she said, “I want you to come with me. Give me another chance.”
I was already shaking my head no before she even finished her statement. “Are kidding me?”
“No! This is not a joke. Something is wrong with me and I need help.” That I couldn’t argue. I think it was that moment I understood Ty’s words. This woman might be my mother, but she wasn’t the most capable parent. She hurt me over and over again and it was time to let it all go. She would never change, even if I wanted her to with all my heart. Some people got handed the shit end of the deal and it was time to make the best of it. It was more than time to find my happy.
“I’m sorry, but I will not move with you. It’s hard to say, but when you left the second time, it was the last.”
My mother started to cry, holding her head in her hands. I looked at Ty, who stood by my side for every minute of that craziness. He kissed me on the forehead, his scruffy beard tickling me. It was comforting; it was more love I ever felt than what I felt from my mother.
“I think it’s time for you to leave Sherry.” This came from my dad behind me. He walked around Ty and I and grabbed her elbow, leading her out of the house.
I watched my dad put my mother in the car she had driven here. He leaned down and said something to her in the car, which she only shook her head to. My dad sighed but stood up, patted the top of the car and walked away.
Later in life, I would find out that this was the last time I would see my mother. She did move to Switzerland, crazy enough, but she lived a long life without interaction from me. I watched her drive away and saw the door to my sad teenage years close. It was time to heal from it all, I had given her too much of my sadness.
***
I packed the last of my bag at my apartment. Hannah would be back tonight and I was set to work tomorrow. I glanced around at the small apartment, seeing hints of Hannah here and there, but most everything I needed was either with me or in my cabin.
“What you thinking about?” Ty asked as he grabbed the last of his stuff out of the bathroom.
“Take me home,” I said before I could think. “Take me back to the mountains. I miss my cabin and my cat.” I had left Sir Cupcake in the very capable hands of Clara.
Ty smiled, “My pleasure.”
We were in the car and off in a matter of minutes. An hour later, we were in the middle of the drive, deep in the woods. The two-hour drive was without cell service. I listened to the soft music Ty had and looked out the window, watching the river that followed us as we twisted deeper in the granite mounds and tree lined mountainsides.
“I’m glad I got to meet your family,” Ty said.
I scoffed that he actually liked meeting my mother. “Maybe it’s a good thing I can’t have kids so I can’t pass that crazy down.”
Ty put his hand on my knee and gave it a squeeze. “I didn’t mean your mother. I meant your dad, June and Reece. Hannah. The people that mean the most to you. And Jo, you would have made a wonderful mother. Don’t discredit yourself there, even if you never have a child naturally. There’s a lot of love within you and I know you have the capabilities to spread it wide and far.”
His gaze didn’t leave the road but he didn’t waver in his words. The idea of children was taken away before I could even think about being a parent. I was tenderly young to fathom being a mother when I never had a good example of one. Yet, Ty sat there and told me, didn’t suggest it, but told me I would be a good mother, that I had the ability to be loving and caring, a trait I rarely associated with myself. Those words were never directed towards me. For the few I felt privy to tell about what happened, well they only gave me pity and sympathy. I loathed it. I didn’t want to be thought less of because I couldn’t bear children. I despised how people thought my life would be “less” without children. I mourned in my own way, but I steeled away and didn’t let anyone in because I didn’t want to people to think less of me. I didn’t deserve that. I was a strong woman who knew that not having children wouldn’t be the end of the world. I could, and would, do amazing things in this life. I knew it wouldn’t be easy and the journey might be long, but I still knew deep down that my purpose was something beyond the ordinary.
When I laid on my dad’s couch after being released from the hospital, I felt alone. By the end of the day, I knew I would get enough pity from everyone else. Self-pity would get me nowhere. Only self-worth would get me through this. I had to shut out the words I knew would come. For a long time I felt that in order to have this self-worth, to avoid the negative, I had to shut myself out and put on a face that was meant for the public. If people didn’t know anything wrong, they couldn’t throw their words.
I rolled down the window and let my hand feel the wind. When I first met Ty, I figured it was the same. If Ty didn’t think anything was wrong he would see no reason to think anything different. However, it was like Ty knew; it was as if our souls spoke to each other, finding out our secrets and forcing us to confront everything head on.
***
Ty and I stood there by the sink in the tiny cabin. Ty was washing and I was drying the dishes from our dinner. Sir Cupcake stood on the window seal above the sink licking his paw and batting his tail. The window was open and I could hear the bluebird outside singing his song.
It was simple. It was everything.
“This is nice,” I said aloud.
“Washing dishes? Not my favorite task but I enjoy who I get to do them with.” Ty leaned over with his hands still soapy and in the water, kissing the top of my nose. I set down the dish in my hand and reached up, placing both hands on the side of his face, feeling the hard stubble from his barely-there beard. I was barefoot so I had to lean up only a bit and our mouths touched, a caress of lips. I leaned in a little further and kissed him more fully. For only a moment I let everything I feared to feel go and put in that kiss. The kiss was broken and the dish was back in my hand only a few seconds later.
“You know,” Ty started, “if you keep doing that, I might get the wrong idea.”
I swallowed, knowing it truly was difficult to hide anything from this man. He could read me like a book, his favorite book.
“Keep doing what?” I goaded him. Keeping silent at this point seemed futile.
“Kissing me. Looking at me like you want to rip my clothes off. Looking at me like you want to sit by the fire with me and run your hand through my hair. Looking at me like I look at you. Keep doing all of that and I might think you’re falling in love with me.”
My eyes lifted, seeing through the warped window, old from season after season of harsh weather. The wood was old, the paint peeling, but it was keeping me from turning my eyes to Ty. His fingers found my chin and turned my head his way, leaving me no choice but to gaze into his chocolate eyes. “Jo, don’t hide from it.”
“Let’s go to bed,” I said instead. I had chickened out. I felt a tiny bit of the self-loathing I tried so hard to avoid. Why couldn’t I admit it?
The sun was finally setting and I was exhausted from the weekend. I felt every emotion know to man this weekend. Some were rustier than others, never getting to be let out, but others were all too familiar.
I pulled off my clothes, not caring, and laid face down on the bed only clad in panties. The bed lowered as Ty got on and I felt him settling on top of me, straddling me on my lower half.
“Let me give you a massage,” he said this quietly as he laid his large hands on my lower back.
“I think I’ve heard this line before,” I joked, and then cringed. We were past that. Way past that.
Ty still gave me a small chuckle but leaned over and reached into his overnight bag lying against the wall. I felt a shocking cold trickle of oil on my back. I gasped, but Ty held me down.
“Where did you g
et that?”
“I always come prepared.” I glanced behind me and saw Ty, shirtless thank you very much, wink at me as his hands ran up the length of my back. I groaned in heavenly delight from the pressure and turned my head back.
He quietly massaged my back and I couldn’t believe how good he was at it. When I asked where he learned about it, he told me Brooke was in massage therapy school at the end of their marriage. Ty got to be the guinea pig more often than not. You would think that would make me jealous, but it totally didn’t. It only made me want to thank her when I met her.
Ty pushed hard on my upper shoulders, doing this thing with his hands and knuckles that made me moan into the pillow.
“Fuck, Jo, better be careful with those sounds.” I smiled into the pillow and wiggled my ass, pushing up to him and feeling how hard he was.
I heard his tight intake of breath and then felt a small slap on my ass, causing me to give a little squeak.
“Behave,” Ty chuckled.
His hands weaved a map over my skin. I felt his fingers tracing across my skin in a pattern unrecognizable.
“What are you tracing?”
His fingers continued his joinery. “Your freckles,” he told me “It’s like you have a constellation of freckles on your back.”
I shivered at his words. I felt him lean down and kiss each freckle on my back. “I could create myths and stories from them. Strong beautiful characters facing daunting villains and enchanting creatures.”
“What’s the ending? Is it happy?”
“Oh yes, quite happy.” His fingers never left my skin, but each caress was executed with thought. “You see the main characters in your myths are all trying to find one thing.”
I snuggled deeper into the bed. “What? The missing crown or maybe the source of endless life?”
“No, something much simpler. Home. They are lost in this constellation of beauty. They want to battle their demons and then go home to find comfort.”
By now the only light in the small room was the lamp on the tiny dresser. Ty ran his hands around to my stomach and leaned down, moving his mouth over each spot he had traced. I turned over and sought his mouth. Our kisses weren’t rushed. They were quiet but soulful.
I felt him reach down to me, finding me ready and wanting. Ty turned me back over and his hands lifted me up on my knees. He slid my panties down, carefully pulling them off. I heard him take off his pants and then his hands were on my waist, roaming and caressing my ass. He slipped in behind me, his hard cock finding me ready for him, the angle more intense than if we were facing each other. His hands felt strong on my waist as he pushed into me, each time making me delirious, falling deeper in the bliss Ty brought out in me. One hand left me and found my core, his hands moving around in small circles and putting pressure on that spot that drove me crazy. As his thrusts increased in speed and the pressure of his hand become more dramatic, I broke apart with a loud cry. Ty pushed into me only a few more times before he also lost control. His hot breaths warmed the back of my neck as he laid on top of me, and I could feel his heart race skin to skin.
We laid there, our limbs tangled. When sleep came, it was quiet with the slow sound of our steady breaths. Simple. I was starting to crave each simple moment with this man something fierce, realizing these simple moments kept me going. I wondered what I did before this.
CHAPTER TWENTY
Jolene
“I spent Sunday with the other mining families in the small green area across from the mercantile. The women in this country are strong to live by their husband’s side in this unforgiving land. It was a united band between us, knowing what we sacrifice to live this forest, to harvest from it”–From the diary of Maggie Brown, September 1891
We found ourselves back in the car, except this time we were no longer in the trees but in the fields. Amber waves of grain was an understatement when it came to this part of the state. Farmland could be seen for miles and the mountains were only blimps in the background, fading into the horizon.
Ty had mentioned he was going home for a few days and wanted me to come. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous. I would not only be meeting his daughter for the first time, but his whole family, ex-wife and all. I was having to gear up for it.
“When was the last time you brought a girl home?”
“I never really brought Brooke home, but I guess that might be the last time.”
“What you’re saying is you’ve never had a girl meet your family.”
Ty shrugged. “It’s hard because it’s not just my family, it’s Annabelle, too. I didn’t want to bring anyone around that I didn’t think was going to stick.”
“Confession time,” I said bluntly.
Ty glanced over at me, grabbing my hand and bringing it to his lips. “Hit me with it.”
“What if I am terrible with Annabelle? And she hates me. Not only does she hate me, but so does everyone else and they think I shouldn’t be around your kid.”
Ty didn’t say anything for a moment and I panicked. “Jo . . .” he started. Oh God. He was going to say that I probably would be awful with Annabelle. What did I get myself into you? “I can tell you over and over again that you will be amazing with my daughter and she will love you. Because she will, but I think the only way you will believe it is after you spend some time with her, with us. Annabelle and I are a team and I promise you there is room for more.”
Ty was right. I wouldn’t believe a word he said until I had first hand experience, if I even made it that far before ruining it. It was crazy to think at the beginning of the summer, the idea of dating a man who had a child was so far fetched it was almost impossible to believe. Yet, here I was about to meet a little girl who was an important part of the man sitting next to me. This man made me reconsider all the reasons why it wouldn’t work. He made me think of the few reasons why it would work.
“You’ll be okay, Jo. You will wow all of my family, one way or another.” Ty winked at me. I didn’t know if that was a good or bad thing.
“Where are we staying again?”
“At the house. My dad still lives there and tries to keep up the land as best as he can. There are plenty of empty rooms since all the kids moved out.”
“Oh,” I said quietly.
“Oh?”
I nodded. “At least I’ll have my own room to escape too.”
“Do you think you’re going to be spending the night alone?”
“You did say there is plenty of empty rooms and you come from a conservative family. I assume that means separate rooms.” Since I really had no idea how this was all going to go done.
Hello unexplored territory, I am completely lost.
Ty chuckled as he turned off the long winding road and started down another road, equally as long but more farms less turns. “Jo, I came home at the age of eighteen with a pregnant girlfriend, who I married and then divorced because she was gay. I also co-parent with her and her girlfriend. Conservative doesn’t really apply to me anymore. My family understands. I think after my mom left and the shock wore off, we knew life wasn’t perfect. We almost loosened up a bit.”
“Will your dad care? Since he’s the one who lives there.”
“No, not at all. I think my dad played a part for many years to appease my mom. Hell, he was trying to appease the whole community. The downfall of small towns like this is the problem of everyone knowing your business. It gets old fast.”
Ty pulled into a dirt driveway and in front of me was what I could only describe as an old rambling farmhouse, red shutters included. There were also about ten cars in the driveway.
“Hmmm,” I said.
“What?” Ty put the truck in park.
“Why are all the cars Chevy?”
Ty gave me a small laugh and ran his hand through his hair. “Because in this country, we drive American cars. Or at least my family thinks so.”
Strange.
“You ready?” He yanked open the door and hopped out. I f
ollowed and glanced up at the large two-story house. Images fluttered through my mind of a young Ty running around with his many siblings, hanging in trees and getting lost in the big red barn that was adjacent to the house. I saw the siblings bringing dates here before homecoming dances and prom, taking pictures with large smiles and pretty flower corsages. It was strange how vivid it all was, without even meeting these people. That statement became false quickly as people started to flood out of the door. Kids were running around and soon I was surrounded. There was a loud, “Daddy!” and I saw an adorable girl with white blonde hair run up to Ty. He sunk down to his knees and the girl launched herself into his arms. His arms wrapped around her as he kissed her on the top of her head. Their embrace was tender, the love between them evident. You could feel it in the air and see it plain as day. I stood there awkwardly. Two women walked up to me and watched them embrace. One was clearly Brooke, Annabelle’s mother, with her long blonde hair. She looked like the typical popular girl, with her perfect smile and bleach blonde hair. The girl standing next to her had shoulder length black hair with a beautiful half sleeve of tattoos on her left arm.
“Hi. I’m Brooke.” The blonde stuck out her hand and I shook it.
“Jolene,” I told her.
“I’ve heard a lot about you. Okay, that’s a lie but Ty did say you were coming and that’s more than we’ve gotten out of him in years. This is Avery.” I shook the dark haired girl’s hand.
“And this is my Annabelle.” Ty stood up and held the little girl’s hand in his own.
I leaned down to get on her level. My hands were sweaty and I really had no idea what to say. “Hi Annabelle. I’m Jolene, a friend of your dad. It’s nice to meet you.” If I pictured this child as a tiny adult it made this easier. Just had to remind myself to not drop the F-bomb or anything. That was bad for tiny adults.
“Hi Jo. My dad told me I could call you Jo.”
My heart skipped a beat.
“He did?”
She nodded with boundless energy. “Yeah and my mom said you’re actually dad’s lady friend. Momma Avery said if I’m really lucky I will have three moms and one dad soon, which would make one of the most loved people in the whole wide world. She also said three moms and one dad is much better than two dads and two moms.”
Being Jolene Page 17