Being Jolene

by Caitlin Kerry

  It wasn’t too long of a hike, and I was impressed by how well Annabelle did on the trail. She had boundless energy. I don’t think it ever ended. She had been here for a week already and she blossomed in the mountains. Ty had told me I did the same thing. I only blushed and shook my head.

  It had been a few weeks since we had committed ourselves to each other. It was scary, but when Ty was gone, I had come to a conclusion that was a long time coming. Before, I was always searching for a connection. And it seemed the only time I could find it, the only time I allowed myself to feel it, was when I was at that moment with another person, when that climax hit and I couldn’t think of anything else. It was small and fleeting and one I tried to find over and over again. What terrified me about Ty was that connection was between us, but it was more than simply when we were physically together. It was all the time. I never thought I could have that without hurting the ones around me.

  The sun was bright and hot today, and I watched Ty put another layer of sunscreen on Annabelle. It was adorable. Ty was barely done applying the sunscreen and she was already off and running through the meadow.

  Ty stayed back a bit and watched her with an eagle eye.

  “I forget that you aren’t used to all of this. Please let me know if it’s too much.” Ty had said this to me three or four times already in the last week. I reassured him that I was fine. Yes, Annabelle was a full time job and took a lot of energy, but this was part of it. It was just beginning. It wasn’t going to be easy and it would take time, but I would do it for Ty. He was worth it. He always had been, it just had taken me a bit to get there.

  “I think I found it!” Annabelle shouted.

  Ty and I caught up to her and saw we had made it to our destination. A cemetery. It was two miles in from the sign posted on the side of the road that talked about the mining town of Pikesville. It was a small area of land covered in worn gray cement headstones, most boarded in with tiny white fence posts. You could tell which ones were the children and which were the adults. It was almost equal in the distribution of size, a sad fact of the time. I had no idea where the headstone that I was looking for was, but I wandered and glanced at the names that adorned the weathered stones.

  “Jo,” Ty called out to me. He was standing at the end of the cemetery, close to the tree line, and he was gazing down at one of the stones. “I think I found it.” Annabelle and I both went to Ty and when I glanced down, I saw it. The headstone was simple. It read, Margaret Mary Brown 1861–1911. I had talked to my dad and he told me the rest of the story. Maggie and Jed had left the mountains and had their one and only child in Boise. Afterwards, they moved back since they knew it was their only home, the one they loved. They lived off the land and died here.

  “Is this lady your family?” Annabelle asked me.

  I leaned down and sat on the grass next to the headstone. “Yes, one of my great grandmothers.” I ran my hand over the stone, tracing the name. I had read the journal in its entirety, understanding what Ty had meant. I could see the similarities, the fire we shared.

  “Is she family like Dad’s your family?” Ty’s daughter asked. I smiled because it was quickly becoming apparent we were a family. A non-traditional family, but yes, Ty was my family and so was this tiny human. Never in my wildest imagination did I find myself here, in these mountains, with not only the man I love but also the girl that held a special place in his heart next to me. Ty taught me that your heart was large and full of room to love. He loved me, more than I deserved most times, but I was done taking it for granted. Instead, I was going to cherish it and use it as the strength I knew I would need as we navigated these unchartered waters. Our adventure wouldn’t end here; it would live on like the story of Maggie and how these mountains changed her life. Looking up, I knew Ty and these mountains had forever changed my life, and I didn’t regret a single second of it.

  EPILOGUE

  Ty

  That summer with Jolene was only the beginning of our story. The prelude to the life we would live, the love we would share. In many ways, I had found my equal, the one who pushed me and kept me grounded. I spent the winter in Boise and we made it work with having Annabelle with us. We fought and there were times where we were still learning the nooks and crannies of our joined life. But we made sure to laugh, to spend time with the people we considered family, and found all of those simple tasks that grounded us. I was taken aback by how much Jolene missed the mountains in the winter. I tried my hardest to get us outside, but nothing could really compare to the mountains that shadowed Gypsum.

  That spring, the cabin started to be built. We didn’t have everything figured out; that wasn’t how life worked. We only took each day as it came. One day I would ask Jolene to be my wife. We would be this family, with Annabelle and the rest of crazy family I had. It wasn’t perfect but it was our family and it made sense to us. I made sure that I could steal time away and take my beautiful Jolene up in the air to the places I dreamed of showing her. Every day was an adventure waiting to happen. I wouldn’t let a day slip by where we didn’t live life to the fullest.

  The End

  Thank you for reading Being Jolene! If you enjoyed Jolene and Ty’s story, leaving a review or telling your friends is a great way to show your love. If you don’t want to miss you on any news, releases, teasers or sales make sure to sign up for my Newsletter. (http://eepurl.com/8HJlP)

  I love to hear from readers. Drop me at line at caitlinkerrywrites@gmail.com

  Read June and Reece’s story in book one of the Tell Me series

  Amazon

  Turn the Page for the beginning of Finding June:

  FINDING JUNE

  by Caitlin Kerry

  CHAPTER 1

  September

  Boxes upon boxes cluttered my new apartment. With a glass of wine in one hand, I surveyed the four walls that were supposed to be filled with the life of a young twenty-three-year-old college graduate. I had no clue what that looked like. I had followed the steps in the plan. I had done all of the things I was supposed to, and somehow I still didn’t recognize the life that filled the boxes sitting in front of me. The mementos and memories were of a girl who thought she had it all figured out. One day, I woke up and realized I had to start all over again. The roles I had played in life were gone; I had to find new ways to identify myself. I quickly found out that wasn’t the easiest thing to do.

  Setting the glass of wine down, I carefully walked through the sea of boxes. I was overwhelmed, and I didn’t know where to start. I sat on the floor and pulled one forward, opening it to find books to place on my new bookcase. My brother, Daniel, had come down from Seattle to help me move the rest of my stuff from my storage unit, and had left this morning. I had only been back in Boise for a few days after my summer job by Red Fish Lake.

  I thought leaving would . . . I don’t know, maybe give me some kind of direction. Don’t get me wrong, it was a nice summer. I got to play in the beauty of Idaho and meet a few cool people, but I didn’t exactly find myself. If anything, I prolonged this feeling of being lost, thinking each new day would be the one where I figured it out. Hoping this all-encompassing feeling of drowning in the nothingness I felt, the lack of direction and ability to make waves in my life, would be gone. Unfortunately, I was back in Boise feeling much like I left, nothing being solved. Leaving wasn’t my proudest moment, but now the only thing I could do was move forward, facing things head on.

  Grabbing another glass of wine, because at this point I had forgotten how many glasses I had consumed, I went after another box. Another box of a life I didn’t recognize anymore.

  Opening it, I assumed it was more books, but the picture that haphazardly lay on top made me draw in a sharp intake of air. It was me, with my long, dark-golden hair; a smile on my face and the look of hope still shining in my eyes. I was wearing the black robes many college graduates had worn, my tassel hanging on the left side. Next to me—with his arm around my shoulder and his quiet smile that never seemed
to reach his eyes—was Owen.

  It was a moment caught in time, a portrait of the old June that had no idea what the next four months had in store for her. It was a moment I wished I could go back to so I could warn myself I was going to lose my way. On that bright spring day, I knew who I was and I had some kind of idea of where my life was heading. Now—the June sitting on the floor in her new crappy apartment, slightly drunk off a bottle of cheap red wine—was a very different girl.

  Seeing Owen in the picture brought me back to our vacation; the sun warming my skin and the ease I felt, how relaxed I was. Anger and hurt rose in me as I remembered how fast that was taken from me. On our beautiful vacation at a white sandy beach, with the bluest of oceans as a backdrop, Owen devastated me with only a few simple words.

  Words are a funny thing. You go back to the days when you were running around the playground and the kids were chanting, “Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” As an adult, you think to yourself, Well, that’s a lie. Words can be the most powerful thing in the world; they can raise you up, and take you down just as fast. Owen’s words took me down to a point I had never been.

  We were sitting at a small table outside, eating our lunch on our last day of vacation, when he looked at me with a type of regret in his eyes, a sullen look that made his normally bright blue eyes darken with dread. I knew the look, but was not expecting what was about to happen. Lacking emotion, he told me he was moving on. With his new job he wanted to focus more on his own path in life. Since my path wasn’t as clear, he didn’t think he needed to be forcing his life on me. He even had the balls to say I seemed a bit lost in my life, and he wanted to be with someone who had it more together. He then kindly pointed out that it took me five years to get my degree, so I obviously had issues with commitment or some stupid shit. I quickly stopped listening. Message delivered: he was done with me.

  His words affected me, and that pissed me off. I liked to think I had high self-esteem and I was above this type of negativity, but I was wrong. Instead, with little emotion, Owen said he was done with me, leaving me feeling like shit. How could you not, when someone you thought you wanted to spend the rest of your life with tells you that not only is he done with you, but also points out your flaws? That really fucking sucked. Owen had always been a bit clinical in his dealings of life. Everything had its place, and if it didn’t fit, it had to change. Looked like I didn’t fit anymore.

  I heard my phone beep, alerting me of a text and bringing me back to the present. I looked around, trying to pinpoint where my phone was in this mess. It beeped again, and I was able to tell it was in my kitchen. The text was from Jolene telling me how excited she was to see me soon. I glanced at the clock and saw time had gotten away from me, noting I had to be in work within thirty minutes.

  Working in a restaurant was completely okay when I was in school, but now I felt pressure from my parents to find a different job and move on from the simplicity of being a server. I felt conflicted about it all. I had a job, and serving wasn’t the worst thing to be doing. At least I was employed, and for now, I was holding on to it while I figured everything else out.

  My attention turned to the picture I was still holding in my hands, a pang of sadness hitting me square in the chest. I got up and walked out of my apartment to the dumpster behind the building. I wanted to take the picture and destroy it with a sledgehammer, but I had cried too many tears over Owen. I could vision it breaking into a hundred pieces, but instead I loftily threw it in, a deep clunk echoing in my alleyway. Good-bye to naïve June and the hope in her eyes. Time to face real life.

  As I entered my apartment, I went into my bedroom and quickly threw on my work uniform: black pants, a long-sleeved, black button-up shirt, and a red tie. I put on eyeliner and mascara, which highlighted my brown eyes. Dressed and ready, I was out the door within five minutes. With my new place, the drive was quick. The colors were changing in Boise and leaves were starting to fall. The City of Trees was my favorite during fall.

  The Shack, or Jackson’s Steak House as it was formally called, was located downtown. The Shack was one of the only few pieces of my life I still recognized. While it wasn’t the most ideal job and didn’t use my degree, I clung to the familiarity of it and the comfort it brought me. I could do this job with my eyes closed. I cherished the routine of it since my life was seriously lacking any type of familiarity.

  As soon as I walked in, I felt like I was gaining a bit of my life back; like it was my safety net, even if the job had moments of truly sucking. The strong smell of the wood-lined walls and food drifting from the kitchen mixed together, infiltrating my senses. For a small moment, I felt like I was home. As I put my purse away, I heard a loud, “June!” Suddenly, I was tackled from behind with a loud squeal in my ear.

  I pulled away to look at my best friend, Jolene, who was as beautiful as always. Her thick, dark brown hair with bright red streaks was swept up in a twisted concoction; her brown eyes were perfectly done with smoky makeup. Jolene’s tall frame surrounded me, as she glanced at me with the look that asked why this was the first time she had seen me.

  I wasn’t even able to get a word in as Jolene hugged me, finally letting go and saying, “You missed so much this summer, and I can’t wait to fill you in on this new guy—”

  However, her sentence got stopped as Steve, my General Manager, said to me, “June, welcome back. A table just got sat in your section. Jump on it, all right?”

  And that was it. Life back to normal, whatever the fuck that was.

  CHAPTER 2

  I quickly walked up to the front and looked at the floor charts. Finding my section, I glanced up to see where the table was. I grabbed some paper and turned around, only to walk smack into a hard wall. I looked up into mesmerizing green eyes. My breath caught.

  Nope, not a wall.

  The first thing I noticed was warmth from the large, strong hands steadying me. Those strong hands felt slightly familiar; a tingling feeling crept up my arm, creating a sense of déjà vu. I looked back up to see a man was standing in front of me.

  “Who the fuck are you?” I asked.

  Have I mentioned I lack a filter in awkward public situations?

  Jolene was suddenly next to me. “This is what I was trying to tell you, Junebug . . .” Her mysterious tone was totally throwing me right now. This was all too weird.

  Why was she making this a big deal? I turned my head to Jolene, squinting my eyes towards her, a look of confusion on my face. I looked back to the man whose warm hands were still on my arms. His gaze was intense and currently directed at me. None of this moment made any sense. I mean, I had been gone for three months. He was nothing new, even if those eyes took me off guard. Even if his touch felt familiar.

  I shook my head, and without a word went past the wall of a man with striking moss-green eyes, breaking his hold on me. I took the drink order from my first table and went back to make them. As I tried to shake off the previous movement and focused on what I was doing, a feeling of comfort settled in; it was like I had never left. The familiar motions of grabbing glasses and filling them, or taking drinks from the bar, gave me a tiny bit of peace. It was amazing where the peace-filled moments came from.

  Except . . . there was something different. It was the man standing next to me, unapologetically staring at me.

  And I thought I was awkward in public.

  I glanced over at him, but he just kept staring. I focused on filling the glass with the syrupy soda, thinking he would go away. A quick look over and nope, he was not going away.

  “Can I help you?” I asked him, as if he were someone I was serving rather than a coworker.

  Silence lay heavy between us as his eyes took me in. He stared at me, not even trying to hide it, making me feel self-conscious.

  What the hell was going on?

  I pretended he wasn’t there or blatantly checking me out.

  “Reece Day,” he finally said, the deep voice catching m
e off guard.

  “What?” I stopped filling my drinks, and turned my body to face him.

  His face was filled with a look, like I was a puzzle and he was trying to put the pieces together. Which didn’t make sense since he was the one totally creeping me out right now and I had just met him. “My name. I was telling you my name,” he said after a few awkward moments of silence.

  I frowned. “I didn’t ask for your name.”

  This time, he smiled; a big smile that I couldn’t turn away from. He looked triumphant. “Oh, but you did. When you said, and I quote, ‘Who the fuck are you?’ I answered by telling you my name.”

  I had no idea what to make of this odd conversation or the man standing in front of me.

  “Good for you. Excuse me,” I said as politely as I could. Well, I thought it was polite. I mean, I didn’t drop the f-bomb or anything, so that qualified as polite, right? I hurried past him and went to my table, totally thrown off by the weird man talking to me.

  As I came back, Jolene walked up to me. “So what do you think?” she asked as I started toward the walk-in.

  “Think of what?”

  “About Reece?”

  My head whipped up and my eyes locked on hers. Slowly, I said, “What, exactly, do you mean?” I was trying hard to keep the edge out of my voice.

  “He’s hot, right?” Jolene had a strange tone of glee in her voice.

  “I don’t know. I wasn’t paying attention.” I grabbed the tomatoes and walked out of the cooler. Jolene grasped my arm, stopping me before I could even make it two steps.

  “How could you not notice? He is like fuck-a-stranger hot. You can’t help but notice.”

  My eyes narrowed as I stared of my bestie. “Thirty minutes. I have been back to work for less than thirty minutes. Please. Please, tell me you aren’t trying to set me up with this guy.”

  Jolene bit the bottom of her lip and her eyes looked away from mine. She started to shake her head, but still wouldn’t meet my eyes. “Nope . . . Nope, not at all.” Shit.