Avery releases a small breath when the tour completes. “Thank you.” He nods to Garrett as he gathers a bagel from a bag on the counter.
It’s such a mundane moment, us sharing breakfast, that it feels surreal. I never expected to be doing this with anyone, much less three hot men. Where’s Kodi? There should be four. He floats in as if my thoughts conjure him. He sits at the table as if he were real, the bland monotone shades of his body sharply contrasting with the natural colors that decorate the room.
Avery and Garrett join us at the table, and my chest warms. This is what I wanted - a sense of home and belonging. It’s what I was longing for last night as I fell asleep. I send a silent thank you to the library as I absorb the moment. It might not always be like this, and I want to remember every second.
“Garrett was asking if the library is a she,” Bren says, resuming the conversation.
Kodi snorts. “Of course she is. Nurturing, accommodating. Come on. She has clothes and food for each of you, all of your favorites.” He nods toward the cereal box that Bren is pouring a second bowl from. “No male is that considerate.”
“I beg your pardon,” Avery interrupts formally, but he’s not really upset.
The ghost rolls his eyes, even though the vamp can’t see it. “Okay then. Not all men.” He ends the statement with a snort for added effect.
“Don’t you know the legend?” Bren asks in surprise, his eyes scanning each of us for the answer. When no one responds, he smiles gleefully. “This library was constructed from the bones of the first sphinx.”
I wince reflexively. “We’re sitting inside a skeleton?”
“It’s not that literal,” Bren tells me, managing to sound not a bit condescending at my naiveté. “The magic was absorbed from her body after she died, and a spell was created. It mingled with the original building to create this magical space. The structure was built from trees and stones that originated in the sacred isle of Avalon, where many supernaturals lived in secret. When the library wishes to move, she does so magically, transporting herself and everything inside the walls to a different location. She has a boundary that’s considered her territory; the Eastern library has one as well.”
“Is that one made from dragon bones?” I ask, truly curious. I’ve wanted to meet a book dragon since Kodi told me what Ansel said.
Bren grins. “Dragon scales.”
Of course. “When I die, do I become part of the library too?” The thought is comforting, much better than being buried in the cold ground or burnt to ashes.
“All faithful librarians become a part of her when they die,” Bren answers solemnly.
Hot tears prick my eyes. “My mother?” My voice cracks on the word. I don’t know whether or not she was ever a librarian.
“Your grandmother,” Gilly answers as she pops back in. I’m almost ready for her this time. I’m starting to recognize that moment right before the air shifts.
Garrett, however, grumbles and nearly chokes on his protein shake. “Y’all need to quit doing that. And you…” He shoots a look at Kodi. “Stay out of my room when I’m sleeping. I’ll have nightmares waking up to your pasty face over mine.” The troublemaker in question chuckles and I give him a reprimanding look that he ignores. Garrett isn’t done yet. “Turnabout is fair play, Ghost. Solid or not, I’ll find a way to return the favor.”
Kodi smiles broadly like he welcomes the challenge. Something passes between the men - a sense of camaraderie that makes my chest clench.
But they’ve also distracted me. I turn to look at Gilly, who is rummaging through the kitchen for something I can’t see. “My grandmother?” I prod her.
“Yes. Your grandmother was the last true Abram librarian. Your mother was hidden away when she was born because there were threats against her. The wrong people found out about her powers. I suppose that’s why you were hidden at first as well. Unfortunately, you were found.”
Yes, I was. I swallow the memories before they can overtake me. They’re closer this morning, bubbling just under the surface as if they know their time is almost due. “If it was my grandmother, shouldn’t she still be alive? Didn’t you say that librarians live longer than normal supernaturals?”
Gilly’s eyes meet mine, a touch of sadness lighting their abnormally dark depths. “Yes, she should still be alive. She was lured from the library and killed.”
I don’t know how to respond to that.
“So Zosia is safe as long as she stays in the library?” Avery asks. Determination underlays his tone.
“She’s supposed to be, but there’s a reason she still has guardians. We’re not certain if the changing environment will provide a way to alter the protective wards.”
“Speaking of…”
Avery, Garrett, and Bren take turns telling me about what they’d talked about yesterday. I listen with growing horror. Supes turning humans? Capturing other supernaturals? It’s worse than I thought.
“All the more reason for you to learn to shift,” Gilly says as the men draw the explanation to a close.
I swallow again, anxiety and fear stealing my words. The library, which includes us, is integral to preventing the eradication of humans. No pressure or anything.
Chapter Eighteen
Avery
For the first time in my life, I feel wanted. From the second I noticed Zosia Abram’s bright aura, I knew my life would change. I didn’t realize that in two short days, I’d have everything I’ve ever longed for. The simple way that Garrett showed me around the kitchen to the cozy arrangements at the dining table in our shared apartments makes me feel like I’m part of a family. I’ve been hated since my cursed birth; family is something I never thought to have.
The auras are calm as my new friends talk about the downfall of supernaturals and humans. I sense Zosia’s worry, but also her determination. I make a vow of my own. No matter what happens, we’ll keep her safe. From any threat. Wordlessly, we agree not to share our suspicions about her captivity. She will have to know at some point, but just the thought makes me rage with helpless anger. It’s helpless because it has no outlet. If I knew my enemy, they’d never breathe again.
I’m jolted from my thoughts by Gilly’s proclamation that our beautiful librarian needs to shift. Her worry increases. I long to hold and reassure her, but we’re not at that stage yet.
“Let me finish breakfast first, at least,” Zosia tells the little goblin. I hide a smile behind my hand. She may have been beaten down, but she’s made of fire and iron. Being broken apart merely reforged her into something stronger.
The ghost is restless. He only sits for a couple minutes at the table before he starts to hover again. His anxiety is so palpable that it far eclipses Zosia’s, and I wonder what stake he has in her shifting. He’s known her the longest; perhaps he’s fearful for her, but I theorize there’s more to it than that.
The presence of the new men disturbed me at first. Bren fits easily into our group, but Garrett didn’t feel like he matched. His status as a shifter makes me wary. Alphas are generally territorial, and they don’t share. Still, his mind must have agreed to the terms set forth by the contract, or he wouldn’t have been able to sign it. The gentleness he’d shown earlier as he guided me around the kitchen belied his nature, and I’m wondering if Bren’s existence has tempered him into something softer than he might have been without his brother.
“Avery?” My name on Zosia’s lips draws my immediate attention, interrupting my thoughts. “You seem deep in thought this morning.”
I flash a quick smile. “I’m just thinking of how much my life has changed in the last couple of days.”
“Yes, well, it was time,” Zosia says, her voice affronted. I love that she feels energized to speak on my behalf. Her fervent beliefs that no one should be indentured to anyone are more human than supernatural, but I find it endearing. She’s correct. It’s something no sentient being should endure.
“It was,” I agree.
There’s a moment
in which the energy shifts. The moments like these are often explained by small body movements or facial expressions - things I can’t see. I wait a moment, certain I’ll understand the situation soon. The ghost has already disappeared. Garrett and Bren follow him, the older one grunting about getting a tour of the library. Soon, it’s just Zosia and me.
Finished with my breakfast, I question whether she wants me here or not. This is when I curse my lack of sight. Most of the time, it doesn’t leave me at a disadvantage. It’s the most difficult in these small moments when I can’t read the social nuances.
“Can I speak with you a moment?” Zosia asks as I’m about to stand up, and my shoulders relax with relief.
“Of course.” I move to one of the chairs next to her. This close, I can smell the strawberry shampoo she uses in her hair. It mingles perfectly with her specific scent of shifter and books.
“I wanted to talk to you about yesterday,” she begins hesitantly after I’ve situated myself close enough that I can hear every rustle of her body when she shifts in her chair.
“Many things happened yesterday,” I tease, and I’m sure she blushes. A woman once told me of that phenomenon, and it’s one I wish I could see. I wonder what color her cheeks take when she’s embarrassed. Color is the only visual I understand, and I’m lucky to have the skill.
“Yes, you’re quite right about that,” she responds with a little laugh. There’s a second in which I imagine she’s steeling her courage. “But specifically, your feeding. I didn’t realize the contract trapped you here, making it unable for you to leave.”
I stretch my hand across the table and leave my palm up, hoping she’ll take the hint. She does, and my body sighs in contentment when her small, soft hand fits into mine. My thumb traces a trail over the pulse in her wrist. I’m not hungry at the moment, but her blood still calls to me. It has since the moment I met her.
“I don’t feel trapped,” I tell her with the utmost sincerity. “I knew exactly what I was signing when I put my name in the book. I don’t need to feed as often as created vampires because I can eat real food as well.” It all tastes like sawdust to me, but I don’t tell her that. She doesn’t need to know that the only flavor I recognize is blood. After listening to some humans, I liken the taste to something addictive like chocolate or sugar.
She sighs heavily, and the smells of coffee and sugary cereal mingle with the scent of her body. Humans are sometimes irritated by those little odors, but every sensation she offers is like turning a page in the book that is her. All of it brings her closer to me.
“I don’t understand why,” she says in a small voice.
My hand tightens around hers, memorizing the shape of her slim fingers and the width of her wrist. “You have freed me. I’ve been unwanted my entire life, since the moment I was born.” I allow the suffering I’ve endured to bleed into my tone. I wouldn’t reveal this vulnerability to just anyone, but she deserves all of me. “Not only was I not supposed to be born, but the woman who bore me died in childbirth, as does anyone who manages to carry a vampire child to term. Born vampires can be useful and powerful if reared in the right way. Thankfully, my lack of sight made me unsuitable for such training. Unfortunately, it also forced me into a life of isolation and loneliness.”
Her energy emits compassion and sympathy, and I place my other hand over hers, clasping her warmth between mine. “I don’t say these things to garner your pity, Zosia. I want you to know exactly how you’ve saved me. I was given very little attention and affection as a child. Thankfully, an old woman in the kitchens of the manor where I served took me under her care. Without her, I would have never known love or compassion. I would have grown into a hardened shell, as most children do when they've never been shown the beautiful side of interaction between people. After a time, I grew to accept what I am and the limitations it imposed. It’s the only way I’ve survived this long. I have taken comfort from others, I won’t deny that. But from the moment I met you, I knew I would belong only to you.”
“Don’t say that.” The grimace on her face is apparent in her tone. “I don’t want you as a possession, Avery. I want you as a companion and a partner.”
I smile, hoping she can sense the sincerity in my voice. “And I will be both of those to you, Zosia. But my heart is my own, and I can choose who to give it to. You have mine already. I realize we just met, but the moment you told me you wanted me, flaws and all, I knew there would be no one else.”
The silence stretches between us. She never found the acceptance I did. She doesn’t believe in who she is, with or without her perceived limitations. But it’s not something that can never be obtained. Her role here, along with her guardians, will help her find it and keep it. I squeeze her hand gently. “I know this is strange for you, but we’ll go slowly until you understand that you deserve everything which is freely given.”
She huffs out a breath. “I want you to use me,” she says quickly. “For your needs...For blood...Ah, shit, why is this so hard?”
I raise her hand to my mouth. She tenses briefly as if she thinks I’m going to rip into her skin immediately. It’s not fear I sense with my predatory senses, and I ignore the rush of blood her anticipation sends to my nether regions. Practicing restraint, I brush my lips against her knuckles and lower her hand back to the table.
“When you’re ready,” I say simply. The thought of feeding from her sends me into a haze of lust and hunger that I have to push aside. Just knowing she was watching Bren and I yesterday had nearly killed me, but it also settled my resolve. With Bren willing, I don’t need to go elsewhere. It will allow her all the time she needs to adjust.
“But if you’re hungry…” she stammers again.
“I don’t need to feed often,” I reassure her. “Once a week is enough to sustain me if I’m eating normal food. Please, Zosia, there is so much that you have to worry about and focus on right now. It will come in its own time.” I pause. “I do have one request.”
Her hand stills in mine. She already trusts me whether she realizes it or not, but she’s still unsure of herself. She doesn’t know whether she can provide me with what I want and need. In time, she’ll grow to understand that her presence is really all I require.
“What?”
“I’d like to touch you, specifically your face. It helps me picture you in my mind.”
“Of course.” Her words are breathy as she shifts in her chair, turning toward me and bumping her knee against mine. The beat of her heart increases, and her scent shifts. It becomes tinged with an expectation that nearly crumbles my resolve to move slowly. She lifts my hand to her face, and I lean closer as I map the contours of her forehead and cheeks, tracing the sweep of her lashes and the line of her jaw. Being born blind, I don’t have much reference for how to picture people, but I’ve traced enough faces that I can imagine them. Her nose is slim and perfect, her lashes are long and thick, her lips delightfully plump. I can’t wait to taste them. Her breath catches as I trace the curve of her mouth, and my body immediately responds.
“You’re beautiful,” I whisper as my hand trails down the sweep of her neck and encounters the thick rope of hair. Golden brown, Kodi said, just like the color of her aura. I’m certain it shines in the light as vividly as her energy. Her unwillingness to believe my compliments is evident, but I place a finger on her lips before she can contradict me. “To me, you are beautiful. You shine with an inner light that is gorgeous no matter the contours of your face.”
Her pulse speeds up again. I lean forward, using my fingertips to lead me to her lips. When she sighs against the gentle brush of my mouth, my entire body comes alive with arousal and fierce protectiveness. She clings tighter to my hand when I pull away, but I don’t let her draw me back to her.
“If I start kissing you now, I won’t be able to stop,” I whisper, my face still so close to hers that I can feel her breaths waft across my skin. She nods, her hair brushing against my arm, and my fingers tighten just a little on her chi
n. It hurts to let her go. My body instantly misses her smooth skin and warmth as I finally release her.
“You will tell me, won’t you?” she asks, a catch in her breath that does nothing for the tightness in my jeans or the resolve to not kiss her senseless. “If you need me?”
“I shall always need you, Zosia,” I murmur. “But yes, I shall also tell you when I’m hungry again.”
“Good,” she whispers with a flutter in her aura that indicates a nod.
I rise with as much decency as I can, considering the effect she has on my anatomy, and follow the others to the main library. She needs a moment, and I will give her that. When I emerge into the main library, the others are waiting. I sense their curiosity, but any man will realize I didn’t take her to bed and I’m not flushed from feeding, so I let them draw their own conclusions. Just because we share her does not mean we need to share every moment. I decide it’s for the best, especially when the shifter’s jealousy tinges the air. He will need some time to come to terms with our arrangement, but it’s not only up to him. I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to hold out.
Once I need to feed again, it won’t be so easy to let her go.
Chapter Nineteen
Zosia
My body throbs with need and a strange craving I’ve never felt in reaction to any male before yesterday. I shift on my seat, glad that I’m alone because I’d be mortified for anyone to see me like this. The effect that Avery has on me should be illegal. All the men have the same effect on me, actually, but Avery is the latest example. His simple touch, his whispered words, and his chaste kiss simply left me begging for more. It’s almost too much to bear.
Behind my desire sits a strange sense of rightness that wars with the idea that these men are practically bound to me. Needing a minute to compose myself, I sit back in the chair and close my eyes. The library and its goblin guardians expect me to shift. A couple of the men I just met are relying on me for all their needs: blood, companionship, sex? I’m sure it qualifies as a need. I’m not sure I want the responsibility. I’ve always been content reading books; I don’t have to be the heroine.
Broken Destiny Page 16