We got back to the apartment just before eight after a silent trip back from the beach. I could tell that Sav’s mind had been racing a marathon. She’d been biting her lip and her eyes had stayed focused on the city lights as they passed the car window. My hand rested on her thigh for the entirety of the trip, and I was happy when she laid her hand on top of mine. I just hoped it provided some comfort.
“Are you hungry?” I asked, releasing her hand and walking towards the kitchen.
A small smile lifted on her lips. “I could eat if you are cooking.”
“How does chicken and mushroom pasta sound?”
Smiling, she nodded, took a seat on one of the stools, and watched me closely. I pulled out the ingredients from the fridge and opened cupboards and drawers to find everything I needed. One thing I could do right in my life was cook. My mom raised me well.
My thoughts bounced back to the text I’d received from Chelsea. I knew I would tell Sav but tonight wasn’t the time.
“I miss them so much.”
I closed my eyes at the sound of her words and felt my head drop slightly. Her voice was distant. Switching off the stove, I placed the chicken back in the fridge and turned to face my crumbling Savannah. I rushed towards her as the first tear slid down her cheek. She was breaking and my heart ached for her. My arms surrounded her, pulling her towards the warmth of my body, hoping that it helped. I felt useless, like there was nothing I could do to take away her pain. Her cheek rested against my chest, and I could feel her tears seeping through my shirt. Her sobs grew stronger and my feelings of helplessness increased. Lifting my hands, I placed my palms flat on her cheeks and shifted her face to look at me.
“They would be so proud of you. You are everything a parent could want in a child. You are sweet, caring, beautiful, and confident, and you love with everything you are.”
“It still feels like yesterday. Everyone tells me it will get easier as time goes on, but it gets harder. Every time I achieve something in my life, it crushes me because they aren’t here to share it with me. I am so happy about our baby but I can’t help but feel sad because Jellybean will never know its grandparents.”
“Our baby will know everything about its grandparents. I want to know everything about your parents. I want their photos to be up in our house. I want them to be included in everything. Your parents will always be a massive part of our lives, Sav, and I don’t want you to ever feel like you can’t talk about them.”
She choked back a sob and look at me through tearful eyes. “Can I read you something?”
Without giving me a chance to fathom a response, Sav jumped off the stool she was sitting on, grabbed my hand, and pulled me towards the oversized off-white couch that took over the space in the living room of our room. Watching her closely, I couldn’t help but notice the wetness of her eyes and the beginnings of a tremble in her lips. She fumbled through her handbag and removed a folded piece of paper. I didn’t say a word. She walked towards me, head down, eyes avoiding me, and sat beside me on the couch. Her breathing was broken, her eyes still swollen by tears she had shed and the new tears begging for their escape.
“Every year I write my parents a letter. It’s my way of connecting with them in some silly way. I would like you to hear this one, as you are in it.”
I swallowed hard as realization of what she was saying hit. Sav was about to allow me to go into her inner most thoughts and see all of her hurt, all of her insecurities, and all of her loneliness.
I nodded, finding no words that could provide a suitable answer. Anything I said right now would fail in comparison to what Sav was about to say. Her face crumbled slightly before she regained her emotions. Crawling onto my lap, Sav was shaking like a leaf in a windstorm. My arms surrounded her, pulling her body close to mine. Our eyes found each other’s in a moment of clarity.
She cleared her throat before speaking.
Dear Mum and Dad,
Another year has passed without you. My life has taken on a whole new chapter and I am starting to feel like I could be happy. Mr Davenport has saved me from myself once again and I’m now living in Los Angeles. Can you believe that I left Sydney? Dad, I have found a beach that reminds me of when we spent our days swimming and building sand castles. It makes me feel like you are still with me, and it’s where I go when I need to be with you.
I miss you two so much.
So much has happened this year.
I have met someone who has completely changed my life. He is perfect for me. It’s as if you two sent him to me, and you know that I don’t believe in all that stuff. He came into my life when I needed him the most and he hasn’t left me yet. I am so scared that I am going to wake up one morning and he won’t be there. That everything about me will become too much for him. I don’t think I could handle losing him. I wish you could have met him. He has made me happier than anyone else before. His name is Tate. And the other night he told me that he wanted to marry me one day and I felt like my heart finally started beating again.
Not only have I met someone but your little girl is having a baby of her own. You are going to become grandparents. Mum and Dad, I am so happy. I was scared when I first found out. I am only 23 and now I am going to be responsible for someone’s life. It’s the most exciting yet scariest adventure I will ever take. I wish you were both here. Mum, I wish I could ring you up and ask you questions about all these changes my body is having. I am starting to get sick in the mornings and I just wish I had my mum to call. And Dad, I wish I could ring you up and organise our first trip to the beach with your grandchild. Tate has already nicknamed the baby Jellybean. I think it’s the cutest. He seems to be coming around to the idea of being a dad. I was so scared to begin with because I didn’t think he was into the idea of having a family with me. I know I can do this on my own because you both instilled stubbornness within me, but I need him. He is to me like what each of you were to each other. I never knew a love like this could exist. I wish you could have met him. I wish I could have brought him home. He makes me laugh, he makes me cry, he makes me feel loved, and he makes me feel amazing. Sometimes I feel it’s too good to be true.
So that’s what’s happening in my life at the moment. I am trying desperately to believe I deserve this happiness but I just miss you two so much. I am taking care of Mr Davenport. I am making sure that he is eating and taking care of himself. All I need to do now is find him a good woman. We are taking care of each other so you don’t have to worry about that. He has been amazing with the news of my pregnancy.
So, Mum and Dad, another year has passed where you aren’t with me but please know that forever you will be in my heart and every day I think of you.
I will love and miss you forever.
Savannah.
The tightness in my chest made everything so real. Her sobs filled the air as she dropped the letter to the floor. This beautiful, incredible, amazing woman sitting on my lap had just told me all of her fears about us, and she had told me all of her love for me. I felt like I had been punched in the face and kicked in the guts.
Choking out words, I twisted her in my lap so she was facing me. “What can I do, Sav? Tell me what I can do.”
She looked up at me, and a look of contentment swept over her face. “You can let me make you a toasted vegemite and cheese sandwich like Dad would make me. You can take a bath with me, you can kiss me, and you can love me. That’s all I need.”
“I think I can do that. Let me run our bath while you make the sandwiches. I am a little scared though.” I laughed softly, and she rolled her eyes as she stood and pulled me up with her.
“You will be having vegemite toast every morning for breakfast from now on. Guaranteed.”
“Now, Sav, that’s taking things a little too far.” I stood in front of her as my eyes swept over her. We had a silent connection and she nodded. She
was showing me that she was okay.
“You just wait.” She kissed me lightly and moved towards the kitchen. “You’ll be begging me.”
“You don’t have to make me sandwiches to make me beg. I thought you knew me.” I winked at her and left her laughing as I walked towards the bathroom. I stopped by the door and turned to look at her. She stood by the counter, looking off in the distance, her mind a million miles away but still with a smile on her face.
That girl was truly something else.
But she was also the girl I was leaving tomorrow.
Reality was a bitch. A bitch that was making me leave the confines of Savannah. The text message with my flight details reminding me of my impending departure had woken me up from my sex-induced coma and crashed me back to reality with a hard thud.
This trip had been exactly what I’d needed. It cemented in me that I could do this. Savannah and I could do this. We were going to be parents, and for the first time since she’d told me, I wasn’t freaking out. I had moved on from the panic that took over me and the fear that I would be like my father. The dread of turning in to him escaped me the moment I’d decided I needed to face him. I needed answers. I needed to hear from him why he’d chosen to do this, why he had left Tanzi, Mom, and me. I needed to know so I would never do it to my kid, so I would never do it to Sav.
The thought of Jellybean, the thought that I was going to become a father, the thought that Sav and I were ready for the next step in our relationship excited me. I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face. I was, no lie, going to be the best dad in the world to my kid and the best partner to the most gorgeous and amazing girl I knew.
“What’s Chelsea’s surname?” Sav’s voice rang through the hotel room. I stilled at the sound of her name, the razor that I was holding freezing near my throat. My eyes glanced into the mirror and back into the room, where Sav was looking down at her phone while sitting cross-legged on the bed with just a sheet wrapped around her body.
“Why?”
“Just answer the question, Tate.” The sound of frustration in her voice was evident. I was testing her patience.
I sighed loudly and placed the razor on the bathroom sink. “Davison. Her last name is Davison.”
“Well why the fuck is she attempting to contact me?” Her words were strained and filled with insecurities.
“What are you talking about?” Hurrying out of the bathroom, I took a seat beside her and spun her around to face me. My eyes were met with Sav’s empty ones. Hesitation was looking back at me, but more heartbreakingly, lack of trust stared me in the face.
“This, Tate. I am talking about this.” She pushed her phone towards me and her face was thunder dark as anger soared through her body. I grabbed the phone and looked down at an open message from Mr. Davenport.
Mr. Davenport: Sav, someone by the name of Chelsea Davison keeps calling for you and demanding to know where you are staying in New York. Who the fuck is she and do I need to contact security?
I read the message over again, trying to let it sink in. Why would Chelsea be trying to contact Sav? I thought back to the messages that Chelsea had sent me, the ones that I had left unanswered. I still hadn’t told Sav that she had been trying to contact me. I tore my eyes from the screen to look at Savannah. The tears in her eyes were evident. The color had drained from her face and the look she was giving me was the same look from the night when Chelsea was at Red Velvet, the night I broke Savs heart because of my fucked up insecurities.
“Sav, I haven’t seen Chelsea since the other night.”
“Well why is she trying to get in contact with me?” Her voice sounded like a little girl’s, the confident, sassy Sav nowhere to be found. It crushed me.
“I don’t know.” I stood from the bed and ran my hands through my hair as my anger levels rose. “I have no idea what goes through her head. I don’t even know how she knows where you work, let alone how to contact you. It pisses me off.”
I paced, trying desperately to dissipate the anger swimming through every vein in my body. I had been with some crazy girls in the past, but Chelsea took the cake. What had meant to be a casual, no-strings-attached fuck buddy turned into a stalker who kept turning up when I least expected it, claiming that she was in the same city, let alone the same hotel, as me. Of course I’d get drunk and she’d take me back to her room. It had been a constant cycle and I couldn’t keep my dick in my pants. But I could now.
“Tate! Sit down.” Sav’s voice grasped me from my thoughts. I looked at her with wide eyes and found her tear-threatened eyes now full of concern. “Tate, please.”
I grabbed the hand that she was holding out to me and she pulled me to sit beside her on the bed before she crawled onto my lap. Her arms wrapped around my neck securing my body against hers.
“If you say it’s nothing then it’s nothing. I can’t help but feel threatened by her though. Seriously, my boyfriend’s fuck buddy was a lingerie model. That shit is hard to get your head around.”
I laughed.
I laughed until I had tears running down my cheeks, until my stomach was clenching, and until I could barely breathe. It probably wasn’t the best way to react to my girlfriend telling me about her insecurities but I couldn’t help it.
Savannah was not impressed. Her eyes narrowed and her mouth became taut.
“I’m sorry, but the fact that you are even comparing yourself to her is the funniest thing I’ve heard. Seriously, Sav, you crack me up.” I gasped, in a feeble attempt to get my breathing in check and my laughing under control.
She pouted. “This is not funny.”
“Sav, you are the universe compared to her. She is nothing like you. Please don’t even compare yourself to her. Do I need to take a photo of you in your cute little panties and bra to prove a point? I jerk off to the thought of you in lingerie. You don’t realize how sexy you are?”
“Even with my little belly?”
“That makes you even sexier.”
“How long have we got till you leave?” Her eyes flashed dark as she slowly released the sheet from around her body. My eyes trailed over her naked frame and I felt my body come alive. “I’ve got something that I want you to take to LA.”
“Really?”
“Mmm.”
She pressed her body firmly against mine. I swallowed hard as the green eyes that constantly undid me looked at me with lust. Her hands ran up my chest and my muscles constricted under her touch.
Her lips crushed onto mine with such force that my breath was stolen from my lungs. My arms snaked themselves around her waist, pulling her to me. I needed to remember this; I needed to memorize every stroke of her tongue, every beat of her heart against me and every little noise that came out of her. Her tongue swept over the length of my bottom lip, demanding entrance. I couldn’t ever refuse her. My lips parted with a sigh and her tongue swam in. There was softness about this kiss that I needed. I pressed into her with every movement of her tongue, my body aching for her like no one else. Her fingers ran up the back of my head, slicing through my hair and causing shivers to run down my spine. I was completely and utterly under her control.
“Sav, you need to stop, otherwise I am pushing you against that window and fucking you in full view of thousands of people.” I growled, pulling her bottom lip between my teeth.
Her face flushed and reluctantly released me from her grasp. “Just reminding you that this little guy is mine.” She tapped my highly reactive cock and smirked.
“Little?” I scoffed.
Winking, Sav pushed away from me and removed herself from my lap, standing in all her naked glory before me. “There’s my arrogant boyfriend.”
“You like torturing me don’t you? Cover yourself woman, I am seconds away from fucking you so hard you’ll be seeing stars. If I miss my plane and you can deal with
the wrath of Ali. I think she is a little stressed at running Red Velvet.” My eyes scanned the length of her body, every inch of her perfection. Seriously she was either going to fuck me to death or torment me to death. “Now your arrogant and highly turned on boyfriend is going to take a shower.”
Walking out of the bathroom, freshly showered and slightly less turned on I wrapped the towel tightly around my waist and went in search of my clothes. Fuck it I didn’t want to leave Savannah today. My thoughts ran rampant of ways I could stay in New York and still run Red Velvet in Los Angeles, I was the boss so I could do whatever the hell I wanted. With a smile plastered on my face I stepped into the living area and immediately I felt the air chill and stiffen around me. Something wasn’t right. My eyes darted furiously around every corner in anxiety to find Sav but I found the devil itself. Chelsea.
“What the fuck are you doing here?”
Chelsea and Blake stood towards the front door of the hotel room, Chelsea with a smirk the size of the Grand Canyon on her face and Blake with a look of uncomfortableness. The sense of unease that gripped my body was crippling. Firstly how did they get in here and secondly why were they here? Ripping my eyes away from them, I searched for Sav. This couldn’t be happening. My heart twisted and contorted in my chest at the look on her face when my eyes locked with hers.
She marched towards me with a face full of thunder, her eyes red and raw from crying. “When were you going to tell me?” She sobbed through gritted teeth.
“I don’t know what you are talking about.” I tried to grab her hands but she didn’t give me a chance. The sting of her palm slamming against my cheek roared through my body.
Breathless (The Breathe Series) Page 13