A Perfect Mess

by Zoe Dawson

  “Just do me a favor, if I ever trot around Rodeo Drive carrying a little dog inside my handbag, please plan an intervention. The Princess will have gone off the end of the royal pier.”

  “Pact,” we said in unison and clasped our pinkies to seal the deal.

  “So, Aubree. You sleep with Booker yet?”

  I choked on my water and River Pearl gave me a shrewd little smile. “If you ask me, that’s the right damn thing to do. Yowza. Do those Outlaw boys get better looking every damn day?”

  Verity frowned, her eyes snapping. “Sleeping with a boy is a personal thing, River Pearl, and it’s not to be done lightly.”

  “I saw you looking at Boone. In his case, you can’t handle him. He’s much too reckless.”

  “River Pearl!” I said, “Don’t be rude to Verity.”

  “I’m not being rude. Sometimes, Verity, sex is just sex. You don’t have to be in love with someone to have sex. But your upbringing makes you think the way you do. You have a lot more pressure on you when it comes to sex.”

  “We have been apart for a year, River Pearl. How do you know what I’ve done—or haven’t done—in that time? I could handle Boone if I wanted, but you’re wrong. He’s the last person on this earth I’m interested in!” she snapped. “And anyway, are you all of a sudden speaking from experience?” she asked. I’ve never seen her stand up to River Pearl before, but there was a new maturity to her, as if she’d been through the fire and been tempered a bit. Up to now, River Pearl had pretty much been the leader of our little band.

  River Pearl saw it, too, but she looked delighted that Verity had challenged her. She’d always wanted Verity to become more assertive, which is why she’d said what she did.

  “I’ve been out in the world since I was six years old. I’m not bragging when I say that I’ve had plenty of offers from men. But I was lucky to not only be born with a tough, gentle, somewhat overbearing mother who watched out for me, even when my teenaged angst got the best of me, but I was also infused with the assertiveness to tell them to take a hike. Show business really isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, and modeling is tough work. Being a Perfect Princess is even tougher. I’m sorry, Verity. You’re right. I shouldn’t be such a bitch.”

  “You weren’t a bitch.”

  “Okay, you’re the new bitch on the block.”

  Verity laughed and they both looked expectantly at me. “I haven’t slept with him…yet.”

  River Pearl’s lush mouth flicked up in wry amusement. “What are you waiting for? You can only regret the things you didn’t do.”

  Not really in my case, but I couldn’t tell her that. “I’m waiting for him.”

  River Pearl’s eyes widened. “What? That is…wow...well, hush my mouth.”

  “River Pearl, speechless? I think I have to get a six-pack of Jax for Booker next time I see him,” Verity said smugly.

  I couldn’t believe it myself. All this time, I’d wanted him and never done anything about it. This was the first act of rebellion I’d ever allowed myself, except for the secret, and now he was the one who wasn’t sure. Maybe that wasn’t quite right. He was sure. He just didn’t want to hurt me. I had already figured that out for myself. Booker was elusive and wild like the bayou. No one could really tame him, and I didn’t want that. I figured he was going to break my heart, but I weighed that against the experience of getting to know him in every sense of the word. I knew he was noble. I had seen it with my own eyes.

  “What are you going to do?”

  “I’m going to wait for him to get comfortable with it. It’s a big step for him. Admiring someone from afar is different than reality. Maybe once he gets to know me, the novelty will wear off.”

  Verity sniffed and made a face of utter disbelief. “I doubt that! He’s had the hots for you since…as long as I can remember. If he doesn’t realize how wonderful you are as a person, then he simply doesn’t deserve you.”

  “Aww, thanks, Verity,” I said.

  “Is he a good kisser?” River Pearl asked.

  “Swoon-worthy. He does this thing with his mouth, this rubbing, brushing thing.”

  “That sounds hot,” River said.

  “It is, and I have a date with him tonight.”

  “I have no dates,” River said, glumly.

  “You just got into town yesterday, both of you.”

  “I don’t want any dates,” Verity blurted. “My dad is still completely overprotective and pretty determined to marry me off to that Billy Joe. Any boy interested in me would have to go through a third-degree as dangerous as walking through the gates of Hell. Plus, I think my fate is set. I totally understand why Ethan left. My father couldn’t get his own preacher son, so the next best thing is his daughter as a preacher’s wife.”

  I touched Verity’s arm. “Don’t despair, Verity. You don’t know what will happen in the future. You can make your own fate.”

  She smiled at me in gratitude. “It’s tough,” I said. “When I was in high school, I was too busy working my butt off to date. College isn’t much better, but I’ve been to a few parties.”

  River Pearl sipped at her iced tea. “I have homework for the summer,” she said with a pout.

  “Homework? You taking a class?”

  “No, my dad wants me to write the speech to close out the Founder’s Day Festival.”

  The Founder’s Day Festival was to celebrate Colonel Beauregard Sutton, River Pearl’s famous and lauded relative from the War of Northern Aggression, as we Southerners preferred to call it. He’d founded the town and nurtured it. He was quite a hero here. It was almost laughable that his only black mark was his friendship from childhood with Duel Outlaw.

  “What are you going to write about?”

  “I don’t know. I was thinking I would do some digging and try to find out personal stuff about him. It might be really interesting. In fact, I was thinking about talking to Braxton Outlaw to see if I could get any background from the colonel and Duel’s childhood.”

  “You’re daddy’s going to have a conniption.”

  “He’s the one who’s given me this blasted assignment. I’d rather lounge around the country club pool and play tennis.”

  “You’ll do that anyway.”

  “True. I need to unwind before I have to go back to the crazy public life I have to lead.”

  “You have to lead? You don’t want to?” I asked.

  “I don’t know. I’ve never really been given the chance to decide what I want to do.”

  “Aww,” I said. “Poor little rich girl.”

  “Bitch,” she said with a smile. “You get to have a summer fling with Booker.”

  “You can live vicariously through me. But Braxton has a notorious reputation with the ladies. So be careful.”

  River Pearl’s shrewd smile spread across her face. “I can totally handle Mr. tall-dark-and-emotionally unavailable. I could wrap him around my little finger. Don’t you worry about that.”

  Once lunch was finished, they got back into River Pearl’s car and I followed them to Verity’s house. The church was located right at the outskirts of town on a beautiful piece of land. Verity and her family lived in a modest house not far from the church itself. When we pulled up, I saw an Outlaw, but I was sure it wasn’t Booker. He had a tablet in his hands and looked like he was sketching or making notes.

  It must be Boone.

  He waved to me as I passed and I heard him say, “Hello, Verity.”

  She looked at him with such anger, he stepped back, surprise and something that looked like guilt flashing in his eyes. She glared at him and marched into the house. River Pearl smiled at him probably to lessen some of the sting of Verity’s behavior and we followed her in.

  Okay, now I was certain that something must have happened between them, but I could have sworn Verity has never even spoken to him.

  There was a mouth-watering aroma coming from the kitchen. I identified it as some kind of cinnamon cake, maybe coffee cake.

 
Her mother came into the living room, her face wreathed in smiles. “Hello, girls. It’s so nice to see the three smartest girls in Suttontowne.”

  “Mama,” Verity said, rolling her eyes. “That was last year. Now we’re just three girls.”

  “Hey, speak for yourself,” River Pearl said. “So, Mrs. Fairchild. Would that be coffee cake you’re baking? Smells yummy!”

  Mrs. Fairchild laughed softly. “River Pearl, you were never a bashful one, but you are subtle. I’ll give you that.”

  River Pearl gave her that sweet, shrewd smile.

  “Aubree. How is your aunt’s condition? I got to the hospital yesterday, but haven’t yet had a chance to go out today.”

  “Oh, that’s so kind of you, Mrs. Fairchild. She’s doing pretty well considering. The doctor is optimistic.”

  “Oh, that is such good news,” she said with kind eyes. I have always liked Verity’s mother.

  “Verity, come along and I’ll get you each a slice.”

  “Thank you, Mrs. Fairchild,” I said.

  “Man,” River Pearl whispered. “It’s like nothing’s changed. We’re at Verity’s house, eating her mom’s cooking, gossiping. Hiding things from our parents. It’s just like high school.”

  I didn’t feel the same, but this whole scenario was certainly familiar. I wondered how long it would take before it would be different when I visited Mrs. Fairchild. Or was that just normal, to feel like a kid in the presence of an adult? Right now I was straddling two worlds. My old life as a teenager and my new life as a college student. Trying to come to terms with some big problems, and overcoming a terrible secret that I would have to conceal for the rest of my life. The guilt ate at me as I stood there in Mrs. Fairchild’s house, so close to the church. I remembered that confession was good for the soul. But I was too afraid, still, and the secret weighed heavily on me.

  What if it was Daniel Langston sending me those texts? What if he’d guessed what had happened? Knew his brother had last been with me? I wouldn’t put it past Damien Langston to have gloated to his brother about what he planned to do. I should have been smarter that night. I’d made a horrible mistake, and I was still paying for it. Might have to pay for it for the rest of my life.

  “You okay?”

  Startled, I looked at River Pearl. “Yes. Why?”

  “I said your name twice and you didn’t answer. What are you thinking so hard about?”

  “Nothing,” I said.

  “Is it about Booker?”

  “Yes,” I tried to smile easily, but I had nineteen years of being uptight to overcome. “That’s it. I was thinking about dreamy Booker.”

  Verity came out of the kitchen with the cake and we went into her room.

  “Normally she doesn’t like me to eat in my bedroom, but she’s making a concession because I have friends over. Geez, she treats me like I’m still a little girl.” Verity heaved a huge sigh.

  “So what’s up with Boone, Verity? If looks could kill,” I asked.

  “Boone Outlaw is just like every other no-good boy. You can’t trust any of them.” Verity snapped and walked over to the window to stare out. “They just want to get into your pants.”

  River Pearl set down her fork. “Duh, that’s what boys always want. The Outlaw brothers aren’t any different from other boys in this town.”

  “Well, I can tell you from experience all three of them are very nice guys,” I said. “Booker is nothing like the rumors said he was. Nothing at all. Maybe someday everyone will realize that.”

  “That may be true of Booker. But I know differently about Boone—and no, River Pearl, I don’t have anything else to say about the matter.”

  “Was it something you witnessed first-hand?” I asked.

  “No. I heard it from a girlfriend who went to a party he attended. Let me tell you it wasn’t pretty. So I’m wary of him. That’s all.”

  “Why don’t we drop this and you can show us your sketches and the stuff you made?” I said to change a subject we weren’t likely to agree on. I didn’t know what was up with Verity, but I knew from experience that girl wouldn’t talk until she was ready.

  She turned from the window and a genuine smile lit up her face. “That sounds like a fine idea.”

  #

  Later on, as I was driving home, with one of Verity’s amazing peasant tops to wear for my date tonight lying on the front passenger seat of my car, I thought about how much all three of us had experienced this year. And it occurred to me that when we graduated we’d been all excited about the future, and about no parental control. In essence, freedom. I wondered. Did it get any easier, or was life more like a journey from one point of experience to the next, where learning and experiencing helped you make it to the next stage? I guess River Pearl knew more about being grown up from a younger age. She’d been thrust into the world of glamour a little over a decade ago.

  Before the incident on Wild Magnolia Road, I had been innocent—no, that wasn’t right. I had been ignorant of how life turns on a dime, how from one minute to the next everything suddenly wasn’t just about school, books, being the best, that sometimes it came down to building experiences, gaining life lessons.

  Is that what love was about? Would there ever be a time in my life when I could just embrace it? Simply understand that I didn’t have to be perfect to get love, to have it, for it to be real and not bitter and empty, about something besides duty or obligation.

  Is what I was experiencing with Booker real? Or were we acting out a fantasy he’s had of me since I was in the fourth grade? And, somehow, what happened on Wild Magnolia Road hadn’t changed his view of me, even after what we had done together. Did the secret we shared regarding Damien Langston draw us closer, did that mutual experience bind us, and had I simply been too critical of myself to understand that it didn’t matter to him?

  But I wondered and worried a little about how he would react to the bleacher incident. Would it be a game-changer for him? I felt like I’d never really known him until that day. He could have judged me, but he never did. He stood beside me, even when I wasn’t aware he was there. What did he see in me that was so special? Certainly not anything I could see in myself.

  I was nothing but a big mess of flaws. Too critical, too righteous, too uptight, too afraid, too defensive. I could go on and on. All that was certain was that I would be returning to school in the fall. I didn’t know what would happen with him, and for once in my life, I wasn’t going to stress about it. I just knew that I wanted him. Is that what growing up was about? Making a decision, then accepting and coping with the consequences?

  Did he really want to know the real me? Or did he already?

  Chapter Eight

  Booker

  Before I’d kissed Aubree I had much more focusing power. But now I just sat at the computer and remembered how she’d felt beneath my mouth and my hands. How fucked was I? Who was I kidding? I’d already been fucked, long before I’d dared to touch her.

  So, I had admired Aubree from afar, kicking the ass of anyone who even thought about her wrong, glad when she’d never dated, glad that she wasn’t at the prom with some guy who would have his hands all over her, glad she didn’t seem to have someone special at Tulane to call. It was selfish, but, hell, I was a stupid young male, and I accepted that it went with the territory.

  I should have left her alone. She’d been so hostile to me when she’d first come back home. Hell, until that night, we had barely spoken a word to each other. But then something had happened while we were having breakfast in the diner, or afterward, had changed her mind.

  She was coming over here tonight, and I still couldn’t decide what to do. I wanted her with everything inside me, but she’d already left me once. How much worse would it be if I got closer to her, so close there wasn’t even enough room for air?

  I don’t know if I could handle getting in deep with her physically. She was stuck in my head now. What would happen when she gave me what I had been craving since I understood
what sex was about? Okay, so if this was just sex, maybe it wouldn’t be a problem. But with Aubree it wouldn’t be “just sex.”

  I could hear my brothers now, giving me a hard time. Telling me I should hit it and hit it hard, get her out of my system so that I could move on. But I’d held her that night on Wild Magnolia Road while she cried and trembled. I’d felt her fear, her panic. I had seen her gratitude. There was no getting her out of my system, at least not in that way. Now I’d told her the piano story. That was surprising. No one outside my immediate family knew that story.

  I felt like I was sinking deeper…and I didn’t give a fuck.

  I heard the door open and then steps down the hall. Boone stuck his head into my office, looking sweaty and…pissed.

  “Beer?”

  “Duh, fridge.”

  “No, that was an invitation to you, bro.”

  He left and I pushed back my chair. I wasn’t getting shit done anyway. I followed him down the hall, with just my shorts on and my feet bare. The air conditioning was blasting, but I was still hot.

  His back was to me, and I could see it in the line of his body. Something was wrong. A lot of people in high school labeled him as reckless, but being one-third of a threesome meant you were tuned in to your brothers. Sometimes too tuned in. It was like that eerie twin thing times three.

  He pulled out a Jax and threw the bottle across the room. I caught it, popped the top and drank.

  “Didn’t you have a job today?”

  Boone took a long drink and pressed his butt against the counter. “Finished it.”

  “That was fast.”

  “Preliminary sketches and list-making. Doesn’t take that much time. I’ll fool around with the design on the computer tonight.”

  I nodded and took another drink. It was always a good idea to just let Boone get stuff out. I sat down on the couch and turned on the TV. Soccer.

  “Did you ever do something really fucking stupid and you can’t remember what you did? Well you kinda remember, and it was amazing, but stupid?”