by K. S. Adkins
The key was getting her to it. As much as I wanted to pick her up and walk her out, I had to give her time. From closing her eyes, to ringing her hands, to pacing, and now standing frozen, she was suffering. She inhales, she exhales. She stares ahead, unmoving, silently preparing. When she was ready she would force herself to walk out there. She would push her fears aside so she could take that first step.
A distraction.
That’s what she needed.
That was something I could do for her. Tonight I decided to try something different. Coming to stand in front of her, I tilt her chin, look into her perfectly painted eyes, and feel my heart skip a beat. A warrioress, that was my Pest.
“Hey,” I said softly. “You got someplace else to be?”
Fuck me, she gave me the smile. My girl was in there ready to come out.
Time for phase two.

I can do this.
I’ve done it a hundred times before.
It’s nineteen steps to my mark on the stage. My ear piece is secure, the orchestra is cued, and my makeup is tits. The fans are electric, eager, and waiting. I’ve practiced for this, dreamt of it, and it was happening. My freedom was just ahead of me. There for the taking.
Yet, I couldn’t move.
Fucking anxiety.
“Hey,” he said, tilting my chin. “You got someplace else to be?”
Finally, I could breathe, so I smiled, “No.”
“Making a run for it?”
I wanted to do this, so I repeated, “No.”
“Underwear up your ass?”
“I’m not wearing any,” I snorted at the thought.
“How do you feel right now?”
“Like saran-wrapped fat.”
“Not sure what that means,” he smiled.
“You’re a guy, you wouldn’t.”
“You look beautiful,” he said softly in my ear. “You’re ready, Pest.”
“I’m ready,” I repeated while wishing my feet would move.
“You need to move, now.”
“Totally trying, Chevy.”
“Don’t turn around,” he said, moving behind me. We were both in between the velvet curtains when I felt his warm lips on my cool neck. His hands came around my middle with his right cupping me and the left going for a tit.
“We haven’t played,” he said, nibbling my lobe. “I’m going to make you come now. And later after you tear the roof off this joint I’m going to tie you up, Pest. Then you’ll tie me up, how’s that sound?”
He was rubbing me over the leather, and if he expected an answer he wasn’t getting one. Quickly, he applies pressure to my lower back, pushes the backs of my knees in, bending me over. In heels, I was lined up nicely with his cock. Rubbing my cheeks and grinding behind me, he spanks my ass so hard had he not caught me I’d have hit the floor.
“The leather stays on, too,” he growled, spanking me again. Ready to mount him, he turned me, whispered, “I love you, Pest, but I gotta do it,” then scooped me up and carries me out to my mark on the stage.
With wide eyes I stare at him, shocked he’d do this. When the crowd when nuts and the lights found me, nature took over. But not before I looked at him and whispered, “thank you.”
Reaching for my violin Chevy handed me, I tilt my head, close my eyes, and played.
Because of him, I got on stage on the first try. Elated about that, I noticed the gut-wrenching fear was totally…absent.
Throughout the entire first set, I felt him close by and it comforted me. When I ran for my wardrobe change, he was there to catch me when I launched myself at him.
“I owe you,” I said breathlessly.
“For what? Wanting to fuck you later? Don’t have all night, Pest.” Smiling big, I rubbed noses with him when we get interrupted.
“Today, Tempest,” Claire yelled to me.
“Hey, Claire?” I called out while he rearranged my outfit.
“What?”
“Fuck off.”
“Excuse me?” she sputtered, actually looking hurt by it. Odd woman.
“You aren’t paid to have an opinion. You’re paid to do as you’re told. You’re paid to look out for my best interest and to keep your mouth shut. Since that didn’t happen, you’re fired.”
“You can’t—”
“Just did.”
“But—”
“You told the press I overdosed. You’re lucky I don’t kick your ass myself, and that’s before I sue you for slander and breach of contract.”
“Look,” she tried and then he was there backing me up. “I can explain this—”
“She said that shit?” he asked me. “You know this for sure?”
“Four of the musicians heard the whole thing.”
“Then she deserves to have her ass kicked,” he growled.
“You know what?” I smiled. “You’re right.”
“Please, just listen,” she begged pitifully.
“Listen?” I laughed. “Why in the fuck would I listen to you? All you’ve done since Guy found you was backdoor me, flirt with Chevy, and run your fucking mouth. You made the mistake of confusing anxiety with stupidity. I’m thinking, in your case, it could be fatal.”
Lunging at her, I was just about to snatch her up when he lifts me off the ground. “After the show, Pest. You don’t want blood on your outfit.”
“Buzz kill,” I mumbled, hating that he was right.
“I’m calling Guy!” she cried out and rushing for the door.
“No need,” he said, entering with Arthur on heels. “Claire, a moment please.”
“You called him?” she accused with hurt etched all over her face.
“Yep,” I said nodding. The days of management running roughshod over me were done.
“Tempest,” Arthur said softly. “I don’t know what to say, but I will personally find you management that—”
“Chevy will handle me until the tour ends,” I winked at him. “I gotta hit the stage, Arthur, want to stay and watch?”
“Sweetheart,” he smiled. “Look up and to your left. I have ownership of all the boxes this evening.”
With that, Guy escorted a crying Claire out and Arthur excused himself.
“As your new management,” he said, righting my outfit. “I expect a bonus.”
“Because I’m a pain in the ass, right?”
“Because I want to be up in that ass. Tonight.” Biting my lip, he grabbed me and just stares. “You want that, Pest?”
“Yes.” I mean right now I did. Later though? I'd probably chicken out.
“Then get that ass back out there, now.”
I did.
I rocked it.
I even had a standing ovation.

As stated by Tempest, all requests for interviews after the show have been denied.
But when she exited the stage a young girl, probably fifteen at the most, saw Tempest and her face went beet red. Not only that, her mom was rubbing her arms trying to calm her down. Both of us stopped, but it was Tempest who took my hand and waved security over. Speaking quietly, she made it clear she wanted the girl and her mom brought backstage. I let them know she needed a few minutes to change before she saw anyone and I swear to God, I was worried the girl might pass out.
Understanding the situation, in under five minutes, Tempest came out dressed in jeans, makeup gone, waving us back. The girl was struggling to breathe and it was like watching Tempest at that age. It made my fucking chest hurt.
“Less intimidating without the get up, right?” she asked, turning slowly in a circle.
Nodding, the girl curls into her mom, who in return holds her tight. “What’s your favorite song?” Tempest asked.
“Crowbar,” her mom answered on her behalf.
“It’s a crowd pleaser,” she agreed smiling at me. “What’s your name?”
“T-T-Tiffany.”
Jesus, the poor kid not only struggled with anxiety, but she stuttered, too. Temp
est caught it and hid her strong reaction. But I knew my girl was aching on this kid’s behalf. How the fuck could you not?
“Are crowds a trigger for you?”
Nodding yes, she dropped her head in embarrassment.
“Do you know it can take me hours just to leave my RV? Without help, most times I can’t even walk out on stage alone. Sometimes I come close to passing out. Other times I actually have. My attacks started in high school and progressed with age. But you came here tonight, Tiffany,” she smiled. “That took guts.”
“Tiffany plays violin,” her mom praised.
“Chevy,” she said softly. “Grab two of mine, please.”
Making quick work of it, I grabbed two violins and two bows. Handing one to Pest, the other to Tiffany, I gently toke her mom’s elbow and motion for her to step back with me. She was hesitant to leave her kid, but when Tiffany started to relax, I felt her mom do the same.
For the next hour, I watched my girl play the violin with Tiffany. After offering a few tips and Tiffany making the adjustments, I sat back in awe. The two were literally in perfect synch, lost in their own world and never took their eyes off each other. It was like Tempest was playing to the mirror image of herself. Tiffany was that damn good.
“Mind if I sing?” she asked.
Tiffany said, “Yes, please,” with no stutter.
“Do you know the words to Crowbar?”
And when she nods, Tempest started the pace and Tiffany joined in on the second bar. Tiffany, as it turns out, had an amazing voice. Strong, sure, and on key. The two of them did together what Tempest calls purging.
For her, purging her system was necessary, and when she did it her battles were nowhere in sight. Clearly, it was the same for Tiffany.
Jesus Christ, all this time I thought it was just Pest. I didn’t know—and the fact that I didn’t know wasn’t settling with me. I fucking should have known. I should have been a help not a hindrance. I should have fucking had my girl’s back and eased her.
“She’s never done this in front of anyone,” her mom whispered, wiping her eyes. “When we saw Tempest talk about her anxiety, it gave her hope. Tonight was her first concert.”
“Tiffany struggle a lot?” I asked after clearing my clogged throat.
“All the time,” she said, closing her eyes. “School is so hard for her. I don’t know how Tempest managed it.”
I did, she had me and Guy. There was nothing we wouldn’t do for her or her for us. “Don’t baby her,” I advised. “You have to let her work it out on her own sometimes. But with talent, you keep her focused on that, she’ll be alright.”
Just then the two wailed out the last verse and lower their instruments. Handing hers back over, Tempest said, “No, it’s yours.”
“But—”
“You and I are going to practice,” she announced. “Do you have a cell phone?”
“Yeah,” she said, digging in her jeans. “Here.”
With quick fingers Tempest typed and handed it back. “You call me tomorrow,” she said softly. “If mom approves, I’d like you to finish the tour with me.”
“Shut up!” she wheezed, nearly falling over.
“Tiffany!”
“I mean, okay, Tempest.”
Laughing, Tempest stood, approaching her mom. “Thank you,” she whispered. “For being patient with your daughter, for bringing her here tonight.”
“I—” she stumbled. “I—”
“Growing up I had him,” she winked at me. “He’s my anchor, without him, I’m sunk.”
“Mom’s mine,” Tiffany said proudly.
“Tomorrow then,” she said, giving them both a hug with tears in her eyes.
I didn’t think it was possible to love her any more than I already did until… I did.

Chevy was acting… weird.
Looking at me like he’s never seen me before. He was more patient and if possible, more attentive. Like I said, weird. Then Guy showed up acting… weirder. He was uncharacteristically grouchy and wanted to be anywhere but right where he was.
When I asked about Claire, I was promptly and abruptly shut down. I wanted to push but something told me not to. Stowing the weirdness away, I decided to let them sort out their issues without my interference.
I just finished up with rehearsal and Tiffany left. We had an absolute blast, and she blended in perfectly. I told her she was my musical soul child. Another thing about Tiffany? She had the most beautiful smile I had ever seen. I was feeling light, refreshed, and hungry.
I offered to treat my boys to lunch, but Guy informed me he had news. Pretty sure whatever it was would ruin my appetite and that bummed me out.
“Another threat came in last night after your show,” he said while grinding his jaw. The man was seriously moody tonight, and I was considering telling him he needed to get laid. “We need tighter security. I hired the bouncers from Lush until the tour ends. It’s done, so don’t bother arguing.”
At this, Chevy exploded.
“Explain threat,” I ordered, ignoring Chevy’s outburst.
“Whoever this is, is obsessed, Tempest. The cops can’t help, and the two of us aren’t enough. These men are ex-military and some other shit they won’t talk about. The fact is, they’re the best. They know the scene, how to best protect you inside their walls. We’ve discussed your protection at length, and I trust their judgement. These men have one job. You. You’ll need to ditch the teenager, it’s not safe for her.”
“I’m not breaking Tiffany’s heart!”
“But you’d risk her being hurt?” he countered.
“If these guys are so goddamn good then she shouldn’t get hurt.”
“Tiffany gets her own protection,” Chevy announced and Guy and I agreed. Look at us compromising!
“This isn’t anything I don’t already know, so what aren’t you saying?”
“I’m worried the scene at Lush will be too much for you.” Guy admitted looking away.
“Try that again,” I warned him.
“It’s too small with too many opportunities for error. People can get at you there. There’s no orchestra pit or safe zone. It’s literally you and the crowd. I’m worried you’ll panic at the very least. If you shut down or black out during a crisis we’re fucked. You’re fucked.”
“You are unreal,” I whispered through the hurt.
“I already talked to the owner Max,” he continued. “He’s on board allowing his men to protect you, however, I told him it’s tentative. Since the show is for charity, I promised him you’d still donate if we decide to cancel.”
“Cancel?”
“As in, I think we should.”
“Get out,” Chevy said, pointing at the door.
“Why?” he countered confused. “A few days ago, you agreed with me.”
“You…agreed?”
“That was before,” he said low.
“Before what?”
“I’m not doing a three-way fight right now,” Guy announced rolling his eyes.
“Me either,” I shouted at the ceiling. “Because you’re both getting the fuck out of my sight.” When neither budged, I lost it. “Now!”
Guy threw his hands up and left. Chevy, did not.
“You used to back me up,” I told him sadly. “I have always, no matter the circumstances, had yours. Now you go behind mine and talk to him about what’s best for me? You don’t think I can handle it then? Fucking say something!”
“Settle down,” he tried. “You’re getting anxious.”
“I’m getting pissed! You two may have gotten me here, but I kept us here. Me, with all my fucking issues. I always concede when you two ask it of me, but not this time! You lied to me. Played me. You are always fucking up, and I’m always forgiving you. And what do I get? What am I getting here, Chevy, tell me!”
“Obviously, you aren’t getting anything, Tempest,” he said dryly.
“Don’t you dare try and turn this around on me.” I ad
vanced on him. “You knew all along, yet you were all for Tiffany, for me taking back some control, and you just planned to steal it from me? You’ve stolen enough from me!”
“Tell me how you really feel,” he said, rolling his eyes. Fucking rolled his goddamn eyes!
“Fuck you, Chevy. When this is over and you bolt, I won’t cry for you. Better yet, take your fucking money now and move on. Considering the accountant said you piss cash away like a drunk in a liquor store, you should be happy with a lump sum!”
When he laughed, I snapped. Laughing at me was way worse than actually arguing with me. At least with arguments I knew what to expect. Chevy laughing at me sent me right over the edge. Reaching for the object closest to me, I grasped it and swung it at him. When it connected with his shoulder, it exploded in shards all over the room. Instantly it hit me what I’d done, and I did panic. For real this time.
“Oh God,” I cried out and started picking up the pieces. “What did I do? What did I do?”
I smashed the one material thing I loved the most against the one man I loved the most. Holding the pieces in my hands, I actually hated myself. Crying out loud. When he sits on the floor next to me I waited for him to let me have it, but he didn’t.
“I’ll get you another one,” he said, taking what’s left from my hands. At this, I ran into the bedroom and slammed the door.
And when I wouldn’t come out, he came in.
“I’ll always regret leaving you, Tempest. I regret taking your suffering lightly. Thinking that if you were just a little stronger, or if I was harder on you, I could fix it. I used to get pissed off. I used to feel like you did it on purpose. I used to feel smothered. Then I left and wasn’t gone an hour and wanted to come back.
“I regret not holding your hand when you lost our baby. I regret the nights you cried. It kills me that I didn’t pay attention to what you needed. I loved that you needed me, Pest, still do. Guy feels the same. But you do need us like we need you, we’re a team.
“Yeah, I told him Lush wasn’t a good idea. Until I saw you address the media on your own, twice. Until I watched you handle Claire and saw you with Tiffany. Then I changed my mind, but didn’t get a chance to talk to him about it. I’m a fuck up. I’m trying not to be, but like you said, what do you get out of it? Nothing good, Pest, just me. Nothing good.”