by B. B. Hamel
And yet I wanted to stay here with a gangster. Gian seemed like he wanted me around, and he said he wanted to be in his child’s life, but I didn’t know if being here was the safest choice possible. I should’ve been thinking long-term, but every time I tried to imagine what my life would be like with the baby after he was born, I couldn’t see anything but a blank blurry face.
I was living for the moment. It was selfish, and I’d have to start planning—but for now, it felt too good to stop.
“Who were you talking to?”
I turned around. Gian stood framed in the doorway, shirtless and gorgeous, head tilted to the side and a little smile on his lips. I raised my phone up and shook it.
“My brother,” I said.
“How’d that go?”
“About what you’d think.” I drifted further into the back yard. It was a concrete slab with some patio furniture on the left, a little charcoal grill that looked unused, small flowerbeds that had gone to weed, and the tall, thin tree with its gray bark.
“You don’t have to listen to them anymore, you know,” he said, his voice still husky from sleep.
“You keep saying stuff like that.” I crossed my arms, suddenly chilly from the cool morning air. “But what do we do, long-term?”
“I’m not thinking that far in advance,” he admitted. “I’m trying to survive right now.”
“That’s the problem though,” I said, shaking my head. “I’m not either and I’m starting to worry.”
I looked back and he came toward me, moving slow. He was like a tiger, rippling with muscle and exuding powerful grace. I let him come, wanted him to come, and he stopped inches in front of me. His hands lingered on my hips and I felt so small compared to him, a tiny bug in his shadow, and I loved it.
“You’ve lived your whole life worrying about the future, haven’t you?” he whispered. “Always wondering if you’d be able to make your family proud. What if I told you that none of it matters? That you don’t need to be that way anymore?”
“I’d say you’re full of shit.” I tilted my chin up defiantly. “You say you want this baby, but do you really? Do you have any clue what it’ll be like?”
“Dirty diapers,” he said, smiling slightly. “Sleepless nights.”
“And someone there to watch him at all times,” I said.
His eyebrows went up. “Him?”
I waved that way. “I’m just using a pronoun. My point is, the baby’s going to change our lives, if you really want to be a part of this.”
He chewed on his lip for a moment but shook his head once. “I’m committed,” he said. “I want this baby. I want to be a better parent than I ever had.”
“It’s not going to be easy.”
He touched my cheek gently and I felt a slight shiver. “I didn’t think it would be,” he said.
I believed him and I didn’t believe him. I knew he wanted to do right, but there was no way he understood the full implications of bringing this baby into his life. I needed to get out of this selfish mindset and start trying to plan for what will happen in the future.
And yet when his hands moved up my body, I couldn’t stop him, and didn’t want to. He kissed my neck and pushed me back up against the trunk of the tree. I gasped softly and felt the rough bark through my thin tank top. A knot pressed against my spine. His hands moved up and pushed my top above my chest, his hands cupping my breasts as he kissed me faster.
“You can’t distract me with this,” I whispered through a soft moan. “Come on, Gian.”
“I’m not trying to distract you,” he said. “You look too good right now to keep my hands to myself. And I think you need to relax a little.”
I groaned as he released me with one hand and let it slip down between my legs. “Sex doesn’t solve anything.”
“Maybe not,” he said and bit my earlobe. “But you taste good and I’m hard. So I think I might as well enjoy you while I have you.”
His fingers felt like magic as they slid around my clit. I bit his shoulder and gasped, suddenly aware that we were outside, that there were neighbors in the houses all around, that any of them could look out their window and see Gian handling me, teasing me, making me feel good—
If this happened weeks ago, I would’ve stopped it. I would’ve pushed him away and slapped his face and marched back inside. The idea of giving away my modesty, of letting someone touch me and make me feel good in a semi-public space would’ve enraged me. And yet now, all it did was make me wild for him, like I was breaking all the rules.
I wanted to talk about the future. I wanted to be that girl still. But as soon as his hands were on my body, cupping my breasts, finger rolling along my clit, I knew I couldn’t stop it. He turned me around, pressed me against the tree, the rough bark almost painful on my skin, and I felt him slide his cock deep between my legs. I gasped in pain and pleasure and he took me there, leaning over me, one hand in my hair while the other rubbed my clit as he fucked me.
“You want to worry,” he whispered, “but I’m not going to worry with you. So long as we’re together, I can’t be bothered about the future. You’ll have my baby and I’ll have you both.”
“It’s not that simple,” I said and gasped as he hit me in just the right spot. My back arched and my fingers dug into the bark of the tree as he kept going, grinding deeper and faster, my pussy slick with need for him, and pleasure burst in little glowing sparkles along my spine.
“It’s that simple for me,” he said. “This pussy, this delicious body, your little lips wrapped around my shaft, sucking my cock nice and greedy for me, that’s all I need. That’s all the future I need.”
“Oh, fuck,” I gasped, as he moved faster, pushing deeper, deeper, driving me wild as my back arched in ecstasy. I should’ve been quiet, I should’ve been modest, I should’ve done a thousand different things, but instead I moaned his name and came on his thick cock, I came hard and fast and wild right there in his back yard where any of the neighbors could’ve heard me, and I didn’t care, none of it mattered, the future was nothing and there was only him, Gian inside of me.
We’d take care of the baby somehow. I’d make sure of it. But god, in the meantime, I’d let myself feel good for once.
He growled his pleasure as I finished. I turned and dropped to my knees. If he wanted his cock in my mouth, I’d give that to him. I sucked my pussy from his shaft, licked him clean then took him between my lips. It was filthy, something I’d never done before, but he growled his pleasure as I went faster, faster, and he came deep onto my tongue.
When I finished, I licked him clean, and he pulled me to my feet. The rich aristocratic boys I grew up with would’ve been done with me then—but Gian kissed me, held me tight, and made me feel good.
“So much for the future,” I whispered.
He laughed softly. “Don’t worry,” he said. “I’ll take care of you, if that’s what you want.”
For some insane reason, I believed him.
16
Gian
My crew gathered at a strip club called Lucy’s Darlings deep in the heart of my territory. It was four in the afternoon and the club was closed until six, and the guys sat in the chairs, laughing with each other, drinking whiskey and gin and beer. Ash sat on the edge of the stage watching them, kicking her legs a little, her cheeks still flushed from the nice morning workout I gave her. I leaned next to her and put a hand on her knee.
“What do you think?” I asked her softly.
She shrugged a little. “Lots of guys,” she said.
“They’re a rough bunch,” I said, glancing out at where Tomaso and Stefano sat with Ricky and Aaron. “But they’re a good group.”
“Why’d you call them all here?” she asked, frowning slightly with worry.
“Let’s find out,” I said, winked a little, and turned to face the guys. “Listen up, assholes,” I shouted over the general murmur.
A few of the guys looked over. Stefano banged his beer bottle on his table. �
��Boss is talking, you ungrateful cock-sucking donkey fuckers,” he shouted. “So shut your syphilis-ridden herpes holes.” He nodded once silence descended and gestured toward me. “All you, boss.”
“Thank you, Stefano,” I said, “for that very eloquent introduction.” A few of the guys laughed as I paced across the room in front of them. I was keenly aware of Ash’s eyes following me. She didn’t realize it, but I rarely called the full crew together like this. We almost always had a bunch of different things going on throughout the day—deals, trades, fights, rackets, whatever. I could rarely afford to pull every single guy in for a meeting.
And yet this was important. I faced them again, drawing myself up to my full height.
“The reason for this meeting is simple,” I said, staring at them one at a time. “The Healy family tried to kill me the other day. They’re currently backed by some rich motherfucker, and that little shit has it out for me and Ash. I’ve tried to be patient with them, and tried to be rational about all this, but the time for being soft is over.” I stepped forward and tilted my chin up. “We’re going to war, boys. From here on out, the Healy family is fair game anywhere in the city.”
A hush fell over the room. Ash stared at me, a big frown on her lips.
Tomaso stood up. “Fuck, yeah,” he said, grinning. “So this means the hunt is on, right, boss?”
“That’s right,” I said. “Find the Healy soldiers and kill them. Anywhere, anytime. Don’t worry about blowback, I’ll handle all that shit. All I want from you boys is blood and more blood. I want so many dead Healys that the morgue overflows with their corpses. Do you understand me?”
“Fuck, yes, we do,” Tomaso said, grinning and raised his glass high. “To murdering some heinous Healy fucks.”
“Here, here,” Stefano said, and all the boys took up the cheer. I grinned at them and glanced over at Ash.
Her face was clouded with uncertainty.
I had a drink with the boys. There wasn’t much more to say, but they all understood the gravity of the situation.
All-out war was rare in the city. The mafia families knew it wasn’t good business to start murdering each other. If we brought attention to ourselves, then the heat would come down hard, and that would only fuck things worse. We had a good thing going and the money flowed like rainwater, but I couldn’t rest until I knew my crew was safe, and Ash wasn’t in danger anymore.
Which meant all-out war.
I pulled Ash aside after a while and took her outside. She leaned against the wall and crossed her arms, squinting against the late afternoon sun as it bore down above the buildings. Long shadows were cast across the sidewalk.
“What’s all this mean?” she asked. “We’re really going to start hunting down the Healy family?”
“That’s right,” I said.
“I thought trashing Stuart’s office was enough.” She sounded scared, and I couldn’t blame her. This was the real shit now.
“That was a warning to Stuart,” I said. “But the Healy family doesn’t respond to petty stunts like that. No, they’re going to need death. I told you there was a war coming, and this is it.”
She chewed her lip for a second. “I’m worried,” she said. “What if something happens to you?”
“I’ll make sure you’re taken care of,” I said. “The family looks after its own.”
“You could just lie to me and say you’ll be fine.” She tilted her head a little and tried to smile.
“I’m not going to lie to you,” I said and stood close to her. “The fact is, things are going to get worse before they get better. I need you to understand that before we move forward. I won’t make you stay if you don’t want to.”
She opened her mouth then shut it again and looked down at the sidewalk. Cracks spread out around her feet and she rubbed her toe against them. I wanted to reach out and brush her hair from her face but I held back, not sure if this was the moment for that.
“All this feels like a dream,” she said, whispering more to herself than to me. “You know what I mean? It feels like it’s not real, like it’s happening to someone else.”
“It’s real, princess,” I said, and tilted her chin up to look me in the eye. “I’m going to kill the Healy family, and I’m going to take care of you. All I need is for you to say you’re with me.”
She let out a breath. “I’m with you.”
“Good girl.” I kissed her gently on the lips. “Now, come on. We’ve got a job to do.”
“A job?” She sounded unsure as I ducked my head back into the bar and called for Tomaso. He bounded over, grinning huge.
“Did you tell her?” Tomaso asked.
“Not yet,” I said. “You go ahead.”
He grinned at Ash like a puppy with a new toy. “I know where those guys are,” he said.
“What guys?” Ash asked, looking at me, confusion etched in her eyes.
“The guys that tried to kill you two,” Tomaso said. “I know where they go. We’re gonna roll up on them right now.”
Ash’s mouth fell open. She blinked rapidly and I stared at her, my heart beating a steady rhythm. “You in or are you out?” I asked my little princess, my spoiled rotten beautiful girl. I wanted to drag her down this dark path and make her see what sort of man I really was, and if she could stand to look at me after I had blood on my hands then I knew she truly was the girl I wanted, the woman of my dreams, the rightful mother to my children.
“I’m in,” she said. “Shit, I guess I’m in.”
“Good,” Tomaso said, grinning huge. “Let’s go kill the fucks.”
West Philly was a sprawling section of city on the far side of the Schuylkill River. The Healys had control of most of it, from the south edge to the north, and out into the suburbs, though their influence stopped at the Main Line.
I parked outside of a small strip of stores with apartments up above them. Tomaso leaned forward from the back seat and pointed at a place with a big blue door and glass windows. “That’s it,” he said. “West Fish.”
“West Fish?” Ash asked, making a face.
“I guess it’s a seafood place,” I said. “A fish market or whatever.” I looked back at Tomaso. “You’re sure about this?”
“Positive,” he said. “I’ve been asking around all over the fucking place after it happened and I’m sure it’s these guys.”
I reached across Ash and opened the glove box. Inside were two guns, both loaded. I handed one back to Tomaso and tucked the other into my waistband.
“All right,” I said. “Here’s the plan. We go in there, I kill the fucks, and then we get out of here as fast as we can. Understood?”
“That’s not really a good plan,” Ash said, mouth hanging open. “It’s the middle of the day and you plan on murdering two guys.”
“It’s surprisingly easy,” Tomaso said. “Most people don’t pay attention to shit, and once the shooting starts, all the chaos means nobody will notice us leave. I’ve done it before, right in broad fucking daylight.”
“You’re insane,” Ash said, shaking her head.
“Then stay here,” I said. “But we’re going.” I nodded back at Tomaso. “You good?”
“Real good, boss.” He grinned and bounced in his seat. “Let’s get in there.”
I put a hand on Ash’s leg. “You don’t have to come. Stay here and keep the truck running.”
I pushed open the door and stepped out. There weren’t many people around—a young couple sat on a bench to my left, and a homeless guy lounged on cardboard at the end of the block, but otherwise it was quiet.
Tomaso came after me, and Ash kicked open her door and sprinted after him. I felt a surge of pride as we hustled across the street and toward the door of West Fish.
This was a bad idea. Ash was totally right about that. We were deep in Healy territory and had absolutely no plan at all.
But those motherfuckers hit me on my own turf, and it was time to hit back. Tomaso was a little crazy and way too eager to
get his hands dirty, but when it came to killing, the guy was completely dependable. If he said he was sure these guys were responsible, then I trusted him.
I glanced back at them, my hand on the door to West Fish. “Follow my lead,” I said, and went inside.
It stank like seafood. The fishy smell was strong, like brine-drenched old seaweed. Large tanks of swimming creatures covered the left and the right, a few chairs were lined up along the front wall, and a big counter cut the shop in half. Behind it, several guys worked wearing hairnets and aprons. They were young, in their twenties, and I didn’t recognize any of them.
But Tomaso grabbed my arm and his eyes were bright as he nodded toward them.
I took the gun from my waistband. They hadn’t looked over yet. One was busy wrapping up an order, one was staring at his phone, and the other had a mop out and was cleaning some mess.
I shot the closest tank on my left. Water streamed out and drenched our feet. Tomaso laughed and pulled his piece, shooting the tank on the right side. Fish and lobster splashed on the blue tile floor, flopping around as they gasped for air.
The guys behind the counter reacted, but too slow. I stepped forward, aimed at the guy wrapping the order, and put one round through his head. Brain and blood splattered the floor behind him as he dropped. The guy with the mop let out a truncated shout, but Tomaso dropped him with two rounds to his chest.
The last guy dropped his phone and threw his hands up. His eyes were wide and he was trembling with fear. Two corpses lay bleeding around him, and his fish stock writhed on the floor. I walked forward and kept my gun trained on him.
“Do you know who I am?” I asked.
He nodded once. “Gian. Oh, fuck, please, please don’t kill me, please.”
“You came for me,” I said. “And you almost hurt my girl.”
“Please,” the guy whispered.
I smiled. “Sorry.” And shot him in the face. He dropped, blood splattering all over.
Tomaso leaned over the counter with an excited whoop and put more rounds in their bodies. He jumped over, kicked the phone guy’s body out of the way, and broke into the register. He shoved the cash into his pockets.