“Yeah?” Derek whispered in my ear as he massaged my shoulders.
“Mmmm hmmm… ohhhh…”
I was lying on my stomach in the middle of the bed, my head turned toward the window, the bright sunshine streaming in.
It was perfect.
The guy straddling my back didn’t hurt either.
I was completely naked but the bedsheets were pulled up to my lower back. Derek was naked behind me, his legs on each side of my hips as he dug his fingers into my upper back, relieving tension I didn’t even know was there. I groaned as his hands moved to my shoulders and then down my arms. He stretched out until his front was flush with my back. Derek’s hands covered the tops of mine, weaving our fingers together.
His hips shifted, his dick grinding against my ass. “And how does that feel?” he asked.
I attempted to shrug, feigning indifference. “Okay, I guess.”
Derek grunted, half-amused, half-affronted. His hands left mine, skating back up my arms and down my back until he was tugging the sheet off me. Then his strong arm banded around my waist, lifting my hips off the bed until I was on my knees.
I shuddered when I felt the head of his cock running through my folds. He lined us up and slowly pushed the tip in.
“Still okay?” he asked, a dark warning in his voice.
“Are you saying something?” I pretended to yawn. “I’m trying to sleep.”
“Hmm… you sleep with your ass in the air?” Derek slapped said ass and I involuntarily clenched in response. “And are your tits always this hard?” he asked as he pinched and pulled. Sliding his other hand between my legs, he groaned. “Fuck, you’re wet.” His fingers played with my clit. “Is that in your sleep too?”
“I… AHHH—”
I was cut off when Derek slid in the rest of the way until he was fully seated. My mouth dropped open and my eyes fluttered closed.
“Oh… fuck me,” I breathed out.
He chuckled darkly. “I thought you were sleeping.”
“Shut up,” I mumbled into the sheets. “Just move.”
Derek slowly pulled out before thrusting back in. My hands scrambled and I fisted the covers. “Faster, Derek.”
Grunting, he slammed inside, stealing my breath.
“Yesssss…” I moaned into the bed. He held my hips as he continued to fuck me like he promised last night. But with Derek it all felt the same. I felt his love, desire, devotion, and affection in every touch. Every thrust. Every caress.
His groans mixed with my whimpers as we climbed higher until eventually we fell off the edge together, shuddering and crying out.
I collapsed on my stomach, turning only my head Derek’s way. He was on his back, panting as he threw an arm across his forehead.
“You don’t look like a war zone yet,” I whispered.
He looked my way, smiling. “I guess that means we’re not done.”
His other hand reached across and gently ran down my spine with nothing but tenderness.
How did he manage to do that? Every time he looked at me, I felt it everywhere. Every emotion he felt for me was intense. Like he couldn’t feel anything for me in halves.
“What are you thinking?” he asked.
“That I love you,” I answered instantly. “That I can’t imagine my life without you.”
Derek’s eyes softened like that was the best thing I could have said.
“You know,” I continued as I tucked my arms underneath my head. “I took a gen ed course last semester about relationships. The professor said opposites don’t actually attract. It’s like a square peg and a round hole. And for the longest time I was worried that was us.”
He was quiet for a while, his eyes on the space between us. Finally he responded, “No. We’re like two pieces of a puzzle. We’re different but we fit perfectly together, and we don’t fit with anyone else.”
“Technically a single puzzle piece can fit with multiple pieces.”
Derek shook his head and laughed. “You’re a pain in the ass, you know that? I’m trying to be romantic and you’re ruining it.” Still smiling, complete adoration in his gaze, he grabbed my hand and brought it to his lips, where he kissed my palm. “Fine. Then I’m a weird-ass corner piece, and you’re a giant one-of-a-kind piece that fits around me.”
I scooted closer until I was plastered to his side, with my hand running through his hair. “Me too. You’re my one-of-a-kind piece.”
Smiling, I went on, “You’re unexpected, Derek. I never know what will happen. Where we’ll go or what you’ll say. No day is ever the same. You take me out of my comfort zone, you push me. But you’re always there for me to fall back on. You’re the storm and the calm after it, which is exactly what I need.”
His eyes grew wet and he palmed my hip. “When you sat down that day and put your hand on my knee, when you encouraged me to play again for the first time in years, I knew I was screwed. I’d suspected it beforehand because you were just about the most gorgeous girl I’d ever seen. But that day confirmed it. You came into my life, and playing was a little bit easier; breathing didn’t require work. And when you left… yeah, that sucked. But the way I felt when you came back sealed it for me. There’s no one else for me.”
I was grinning from ear to ear when my eyes fell to his chest. My fingers were ghosting over his skin until I flattened my palm over his tattoo. “You never told me what song this is from.”
“You never asked,” he said softly. His hand came to rest over mine. “It’s from ‘Drops of Jupiter.’”
“Huh.” My brows pulled down. “I never would have guessed that. What’s the verse?”
“She acts like summer and walks like rain.” Derek’s eyes were intent on mine.
“What made you choose it?” I asked, my voice slightly shaky.
“You.” He smiled. “About a month before you left for Dartmouth, you were over at our apartment and the song came on. Gabe and I were playing video games, and you were helping Alara cook dinner. She had her music on in the background.”
I frowned. “I don’t remember.”
“It was a normal day. Just like any other. Then that song came on and you started singing. You didn’t even realize you were doing it. And I can’t explain it but you looked so… peaceful. You were beautiful.”
He cleared his throat and added, “The artist wrote the song for his mother who died of cancer.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“I figured, but it was like you knew. There were songs that came before and songs that came after, and yet you never sang along to any of them. Just ‘Drops of Jupiter.’”
I shook my head. “I wish I could remember.”
“Whenever I heard that song, I thought of you,” he continued, appearing lost in his memories. “Then one day I heard those lyrics.” Derek tapped his finger on the back of my hand, still on his chest. “They were you. This strong, happy woman who was so good at hiding her pain.” His eyes drilled into mine.
“I don’t understand… you got this while I was at Dartmouth, right?”
He nodded.
“But… how’d you know I’d come back?”
“I didn’t. But you changed me. I may have reverted after you left, but I’d like to think I would’ve eventually evolved into the better man you were making me.”
“Derek…” I murmured, my eyes filling with tears. “I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t need to say anything.”
I laughed through my fallen tears. “You got something permanently inked on your skin for me. I should be… I don’t know, giving you a blowjob at least.”
Derek chuckled and lightly pinched my side. “Sam.” He shook his head. “Don’t you get it? All I need is you. All I’ll ever need is you.”
Today was exhausting.
After Derek kept his word, completely wearing me out this morning, we decided to visit his mom in the hospital. I laughed when I entered and saw all the flowers. Mark certainly knew what he was doin
g. We didn’t stay long because his mom was still tired, but I got to hold Derek’s baby sister—named Jessica after Mark’s sister who’d passed away when they were children—so I considered it a successful trip.
We had lunch afterward, and we caught each other up on our lives for the last two months. I told him how well Essie was recovering at home with her moms and how things with my dad were still rocky. Sometimes it felt like it was one step forward and two steps back, but he was trying and that was all I could ask of him. Derek explained how helpful his sister was when he was struggling, how much she stepped up to be there for him. It broke my heart when he went on and told me Gabe was still giving him the cold shoulder.
Unfortunately I got a call from Kath as we were leaving. Someone had called out sick, and she needed someone to come in. I was already tired at that point, but there was no way I was saying no. Not when Kath had done so much for me. So Derek dropped me off and told me to call him when I was off. He had the day off since he worked a double yesterday.
Now Derek and I were lounging on the couch, my head resting in his lap as he ran his fingers through my hair. It felt wonderful, and my eyes fluttered shut as sleep began to pull me under.
Minutes later, I twitched when his phone vibrated on the couch next to him. Derek moved quickly and answered, speaking softly. “Hello?”
There was a pause before I heard my brother’s voice. “Hi.”
“I can’t talk right now,” Derek said, somehow even quieter than before. My eyes were closed so he probably thought I was asleep, but at the sound of Gabe on the other end I knew I needed to listen.
“Seriously?” He laughed, incredulous and confused. “You’ve been trying to get me to talk to you for weeks.”
“She’s asleep,” Derek responded simply.
My brother was quiet for a long time. “You’re really in love with her, aren’t you?”
“Yeah, Gabe.” I slowly opened my eyes and found him staring down at me. He smiled and grabbed one of my hands, gently interlacing our fingers. “I really love her.”
“Let me talk to him.” Derek hesitated for only a few seconds before handing the phone to me. I sat up and kissed him on the cheek. “I’ll be right back.”
He still looked reluctant, but he nodded and turned back to the TV. I walked down the hall, Rory hot on my heels, and into my room.
“Gabe?”
“Sam?”
“Yeah.”
My brother cleared his throat. “I didn’t realize you were there.”
“Didn’t Alara tell you I stayed here last night?”
“Of course, but she said something about you missing your bed. I didn’t think…”
Despite where the conversation was headed, I smiled. Boys were so obtuse sometimes. Or maybe they simply heard what they wanted to. Like Derek did last night. My arm hadn’t been so sore that I couldn’t shampoo my hair. But at the rate we’d been going, and given how awkward we were being, we wouldn’t have gotten back together until we were senior citizens.
“You know this killed him,” I said, getting right to the point. “You know he would never want me hurt.”
I imagined my brother closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose as he exhaled roughly. “I do. But all I kept seeing was you in that hospital bed, and it gutted me. If you didn’t know him, you would have been safe. Nothing—”
“Hey,” I snapped. I gentled my voice before continuing, “Don’t. There’s no point in going there. That day you introduced us, if you had told me then that this would happen, that I’d end up in the hospital… if I knew everything, I still would have chosen Derek. I’ll always choose him, Gabe. Because I love him.” I paused as tears welled. “I love him so much.”
“And you can… forgive him? Just like that?” he asked, not angry, more curious.
“Yeah. He quit fighting. He’s signed up for classes at the college because he wants to chase his dream. He can’t do anything about his past and what kind of world would it be if we judged everyone by the worst mistake they’ve ever made?”
“I left you,” he said quietly.
“What?”
“After Mom died, I left you alone. Bailed completely.”
“Gabe—”
“So I get it,” he kept talking like I hadn’t said anything. “I wouldn’t want that to be the defining moment of our relationship. I wouldn’t want that to be the indicator of how much you mean to me, how much I love you.”
“Exactly,” I said softly as I fell back on the bed. I was so relieved he was starting to understand.
“Can I come over?”
I looked at the clock on my nightstand. “It’s almost eleven o’clock.”
“I know,” he said quietly, almost shyly.
“Okay. Sure. See you soon.” We hung up and I stared at the phone for a few seconds, processing.
Derek appeared in the doorway, concern tightening his brow. “Is everything okay?”
“I think so.” I walked over and handed him his phone. “He’s coming over.”
“Tonight?” He was just as shocked as I’d been.
“Yeah. But I think he’s coming to apologize. He sounded… ashamed.”
“He doesn’t need to be.” When I frowned, he explained, “It sucked, don’t get me wrong. But you’re his baby sister. I get it.”
I sighed and wrapped my arms around his waist. “I’m ready to put this behind us.”
“Me too.”
Gabe and I were playing video games and drinking beers like nothing had changed. Well, one thing had. Other than the noise from the TV, we were completely silent, which wasn’t like us at all.
My eyes kept moving to the hallway where Sam had disappeared with Rory into her bedroom thirty minutes ago.
All of a sudden, Gabe put the remote on the table. “I’m supposed to protect her. That’s my job.”
“Gabe—”
“I know it’s irrational. You don’t have to tell me that.”
“Damien said that guilt does strange things to people. That if we love a person, we feel guilty no matter what.”
He nodded, eyes on the ground. “Yeah, I know. When my mom died I felt guilty too.” Shaking his head, he slumped back against the couch. “Like there was something I could do about her cancer.”
“You don’t have to do this, you know. This big explanation. I get it, I really do, Gabe. I hated myself too.”
His eyes were red with unshed tears. “I didn’t hate you. I was just scared and feeling irrationally guilty.” Gabe paused and looked toward the hall. “My mom made me promise to look after her.”
“And you have, Gabe. She’s an incredible woman. That doesn’t just happen. A girl loses her mother at sixteen and has a father who is more indifferent than not… how do you think she survived?” He glanced back at me. “You were there for her when no one else was. You brought her into this new circle of friends you’d made without a second thought.”
I grabbed my beer and took a long sip. My eyes stayed on the bottle, watching my fingers pick away at the label. “Tommy and his thugs are the shady fucks who went after Sam. They made that choice. They are responsible.” I turned to him. “I can’t say I fully believe that yet. Some days it’s harder than others. But I think we need to try, and I think, if you want, we could help each other.”
“Even though I’ve been a complete asshole?”
I smiled and slapped him on the back. “Like I said, I get it.”
“To be fair, he’s always been a bit of an asshole,” Sam added cheerfully as she stepped back into the room.
“Were you spying on us?” her brother asked.
She shrugged and unabashedly said, “Yes.” I laughed and watched her walk over and drop onto the couch between us. I wrapped an arm around her.
“We’re all good?” Gabe asked, smiling at us.
“More than good,” she answered.
We all looked down as Rory barked, protesting at being left out. Sam leaned over and scooped her up, holding
her like a baby as she rubbed her belly.
It was a sight I could get used to, and hopefully one day it would be our baby in her arms.
“Do you want to play a real game now?” Gabe asked. I nodded and we all relaxed.
He didn’t stay longer than a game or two because he’d told Alara he wouldn’t be long. Sam and I turned in right after he left. I could tell she was dead on her feet.
Once the door was locked, I picked her up. Her laugh echoed in the apartment. “Whose room?”
“Yours,” she said easily. “I’ve missed the way it smells. It’s strange, all the little things a person can miss.”
“Yeah, it is.” I carried her into my room and stopped at the foot of my bed, lowering her. My hands left her body and I cupped her cheeks. “But the missing part is over now, Sam.”
Her smile widened and she stood on her tiptoes for a kiss, one I eagerly gave her. She pulled back. “I love you, Derek. I—”
I cut her off, sweeping my lips over hers, wanting to taste those words. The words I’d missed so desperately over the last two months, the words I wasn’t sure I’d ever hear her say again, the words I’d never take for granted.
Sam dragged me onto the bed and started undressing me. “Wait, wait. You’re exhausted, babe.”
“I’m never too tired for this,” she said, dipping her head and kissing my abs. I threaded my fingers through her hair and groaned.
Minutes later we were both naked and she was on her back. I grabbed both her hands, lacing our fingers together and holding them above her head. I made love to her slowly, cherishing everything she had to offer. We rose and fell together, our hands clutching the entire time.
When it was over, I stayed on top of her and we continued to kiss like we had all the time in the world. She broke away and rested her forehead against mine, her chest heaving as she struggled to regain her breath. I closed my eyes and focused on the sound I heard underneath our heavy breathing and the music Sam had put on.
It was the beats of our hearts, creating a perfect duet… a song I wanted to listen to for the rest of my life.
March 7, 2021
Mom,
Unveiling Hope Page 25