Chapter 22
Lexie stood in the shower, the tears dripping down her face washing away with the water. She didn’t even know what was making her cry harder—the feeling that she’d betrayed Damien, or how unfair she’d been to Connor.
Now that the immediacy of the nightmare had passed, Lexie knew she’d said things to Connor she didn’t mean. She’d lashed out at him in guilt, and if she was honest, out of fear. Because being with Connor had stirred up far more emotions than she’d expected.
Waking up from that familiar dream and seeing him leaning over her, brows furrowed and concern filling his gorgeous eyes, her first thought had been to reach for him. She’d wanted to twine herself around him, to lose herself in him.
Connor, not Damien.
The realization had hit like a sledgehammer, and a split second later, the guilt broke over her like a wave and took her under.
It hurt to admit, even to herself, that last night had been the most passionate night of her life. She’d had an amazing marriage with Damien, a wonderful and fulfilling sex life. If he hadn’t died, she would have never looked at another man, never wanted anyone but him. But fate was cruel, and that life had been ripped away from her. Nothing she did would change that; no amount of guilt and pain would bring Damien back.
So why did it still feel like she’d betrayed him by being with another man? It was just one night. Just one night to feel that intense physical connection with someone again. To not feel so alone. It wasn’t something she should feel guilty about.
She needed to move forward, and Connor had helped her take the first step. She just hadn’t expected it to feel like more than that. But it had, and that was the problem.
Lexie had ended up using anger like a shield against the guilt and the hurt. Not that it had worked, because now the anger had faded, pain beat hard against her chest.
Lexie owed Connor an apology for what she’d said to him. As hard as it would be to see him again after the incredible things he’d done to her body, the things he’d made her feel, she needed to see him and clear the air between them. He’d been completely up-front about the extent of what could be between them, and she’d freely taken what he’d offered.
She needed to keep smiling through the pain, just as she’d been doing for so long now, and finish the job she’d agreed to do. Then she could walk away, head held high, and eventually find a man she could have a relationship with.
The pain kicked her in the stomach again, causing her to curl her arms around her middle. Another chance at love, a family, being able to explore everything the world had to offer with those she loved, that’s what she wanted. That wasn’t something Connor could, or would, want to be a part of, so better to cut off any burgeoning feelings now and do damage control so she could finish the tour with her pride intact.
Lexie’s tears finally stopped. She sighed and turned off the shower, stepping out and wrapping a towel around herself. It was only early morning, but she knew getting back to sleep was out of the question, so she decided to get dressed for the day. She’d have to suck it up and see Connor later this morning to apologize, but until then she might as well get some work done.
Setting up her laptop, she started editing.
* * *
Lexie knocked tentatively on Connor’s door, half hoping he wouldn’t be in. After a few seconds, during which her blood pressure skyrocketed, the door swung open. Connor stood before her, jeans on, bare-chested, his wet hair suggesting he’d recently got out of the shower. The sight of his smooth, tanned skin made Lexie’s mouth go dry and images of the night before flash before her eyes.
Surprise registered in his eyes when he saw her, but then his expression shuttered. He crossed his arms and leaned against the doorframe as he waited to hear what she had to say.
“Um, I just wanted to come and apologize for the way I reacted this morning.” Connor’s expression didn’t change, and Lexie felt her face heat as she continued. “It’s been a long time since I’ve had that dream, and I guess it shook me.”
His expression softened and she rushed on, desperate to get it over with. “But that’s no excuse for what I said to you. I want to make sure I haven’t ruined things between us. Because this job means a lot to me, and I don’t want what happened to affect our professional relationship. If you’re happy to, I’d like to just go back to how things were before.”
She was breathless by the time she finished, waiting with her heart pounding to see how he would react.
Connor’s eyebrows furled, and he lowered his eyes, hiding his expression from her. When he raised them back, his face was serious. “You haven’t ruined anything, Lexie. It’s hardly surprising you’d be upset after going through what you have. I’m sorry this is the way it ended up, but we already agreed it was only a one-time thing, so no harm done, right?” He quirked an eyebrow at her.
Lexie nodded, trying to keep her face neutral. Connor had just told her exactly what she wanted to hear—that there were no hard feelings and things could go back to the way they were. So why did his words still hurt? She should be happy. He’d broken her sexual drought in the most spectacular fashion, and that was all she needed from him. They both knew there was no future here. They were adults and could work through any awkwardness, do the job, and then go their separate ways.
She smiled tentatively. “Okay. That’s good, then. Um, I guess I’ll see you later.” She gave him a self-conscious half-wave, turned on her heel, and headed back toward her room.
“Lexie.” He stopped her after a few steps, and she turned back toward him, gray eyes meeting green. “I don’t regret it.” His low voice sent shivers down her spine.
She bit her lip, and his eyes dropped to her mouth for a second before meeting her gaze again. “Neither do I,” she whispered and then turned and walked back to her room.
Chapter 23
Lexie realized she’d been naïve to think things would go back to the way they had been after her night with Connor. Now when she looked at him, it was with a vivid new awareness.
During concerts when she was supposed to be photographing the crowds or the stage crew, she found it hard to drag her eyes away from him. When he sang, his voice sent goosebumps coursing over her skin.
Sometimes she imagined that he searched her out in the crowd, locking eyes with her, as he crooned seductive words into the microphone. His taut muscles, outlined by his tight t-shirts, caused flashbacks to the night they’d spent together. Images of his naked body moving over her sent full-body shivers through her, leaving her skin overly sensitive.
She didn’t know how to turn off what he’d awakened in her, and it was driving her crazy.
Three days after their night together, she was sitting at the tour bus dining table with Tex and Zac. They were scheduled to arrive in Boston in an hour or so, but there wasn’t a concert until the following day, so it was a rare night off for the band.
“So, do you guys have any grand plans for tonight?” Lexie smiled over the table at Tex and Zac.
Zac answered. “Yeah, Drew has a beach house in Cape Cod. We’re going to head out there for the night, have a BBQ, some beers. It’ll be great.”
“That sounds good. You all deserve a night to relax. I never realized going on tour was so full-on. I don’t know how you do it year after year.”
“It does get a bit much after a while. Unfortunately, it’s where the money is these days, so it’s in our contract with the label. We need to tour after any album we release.”
She shook her head. “I guess it’s lucky I’m not a rock star, then. It’s fun to do this as a one-off experience, but I couldn’t do it all the time.”
“Don’t you travel for your work?” Tex asked.
“I do, but most of the time it’s only short trips if I’m in the US. Maybe a month at a time if I’m going overseas. I love traveling and seeing new places and meeting people. But I love being at home too. I get to have the best of both worlds.”
Zac nodded and
said almost wistfully, “It sounds great.”
“Being up there onstage in front of thousands of people must be an incredible adrenaline rush though. I’m guessing it would be hard to give that up.”
Tex shrugged. “It will happen one day; we won’t be doing this forever. At some stage, we’ll all get sick of it. Or of each other.” He elbowed Zac in the ribs. Zac didn’t react, other than rubbing the spot where Tex had elbowed him.
“When we started out, this was the one thing we all wanted. It was all we talked about,” Zac said. “But we’ve been doing it a while. When you achieve all your dreams, you have to start looking around for new ones. Otherwise, you just stagnate. I’m still enjoying this now, but I’ve got some ideas of things I’d like to do in the future.”
Before Lexie could ask what ideas he had, the bus slowed and pulled up outside the hotel they were booked into for the next few nights. Noah came sauntering out from the bunk area, looking adorably sleepy. “Thank God we’re here. I can’t wait to head out to Drew’s and hit the beach.”
Connor followed Noah out, and Lexie’s pulse skyrocketed at the sight of him. He’d obviously just rolled out of his bunk and pulled on some jeans because he was shirtless, and his hair was mussed as if he’d just run his hands through it.
Lexie couldn’t have stopped her eyes tracing the smooth lines of his chest down to his six-pack, even if she’d wanted to. And for once, she didn’t. After their night together, her dreams had been filled with visions of him, naked and pressed up against her. She tried hard to suppress those memories when she was awake, to do exactly what they both wanted, which was to go back to the way things were before. But it was becoming increasingly difficult. Just this once, Lexie wanted to give in and indulge in those memories. She could feel her skin heating as she remembered his mouth on hers, his hands running over her skin, the feel of him inside her.
Dragging her eyes back up his torso, she saw he was watching her. His gaze was sharp, his eyes almost predatory as they locked with hers, and she realized that it must have been obvious from her erratic breathing and flushed skin what she’d been thinking about.
Embarrassed now, not wanting him to think she was just another one of the many women that couldn’t let go after a night with him, she turned away, a sudden ridiculous urge to cry rising in her.
She should never have given in to the temptation to sleep with him. It was too much. He was too much. She should have waited until her heart was fully healed and she met a sweet, gentle, reliable man to sleep with. Someone that she might have the possibility of a future with. She should have known that with her emotions all over the place, sleeping with someone like Connor and then having to see him every day afterward was the worst possible idea she could have had.
Lexie took a deep breath, trying to ease the tightness in her chest. The guys heading out for a night was exactly what she needed right now. She could stay in her hotel room and give herself a bit of space to try to sort out her thoughts. Because being around him constantly was becoming harder and harder.
She heard her name and realized Noah was talking to her. Jerking her head up, she tried to catch what he was saying. “If you didn’t bring a swimsuit, we can stop off at a shop on the way.”
Lexie shook her head frantically when it became clear he was suggesting she go with them to the beach. “Oh no, thank you, I thought I’d just stay here. You know, give you all a break from me and my camera always hanging around.”
A chorus of denials came from Noah, Zac, and Tex. But it was Connor who said, “You should come.”
Zac chimed in. “We enjoy having you around, Lexie. Besides, who’s Tex going to flex his muscles for if you’re not there.”
Tex cuffed the back of Zac’s head. “We all know it’ll be Noah doing the flexing. And he’ll definitely want you to take photos of him half-naked.”
Lexie interrupted the banter. “I should really do some editing work tonight, so it’s probably better if I stay—”
“I want you there.” Connor’s voice was firm. Not giving her a chance to respond, he finished, “I want there to be photos of us outside of all the tour craziness. Doing things normal people do.”
Lexie opened her mouth for one more protest, but the hard gaze he leveled at her reminded her that he was technically her employer even if it was the label that had signed the contract. She closed her mouth and gave him a small nod.
Just what she needed, she thought miserably. Forced to spend time with the sexiest man she’d ever met as he cavorted around at the beach half-naked and wet. She already had enough fuel for her fantasies to last for a lifetime, she didn’t need any more.
For the first time, she wondered if what had meant to be one night of passion had ruined her for other men. She felt the prickle of tears again and blinked rapidly to keep them at bay. She tried to picture Damien’s face, but the memory was hard to hold. It kept slipping away—warm chocolate eyes replaced by vivid green. Guilt surged up in her again. What had she done?
Chapter 24
Connor was driving one of the cars to Drew’s house. He enjoyed driving, particularly when he was heading out of the city and toward the beach. Unbidden, his eyes glanced up at the rearview mirror to find Lexie in the back seat, her face turned to gaze out of the window.
He frowned at her pensive expression. She hadn’t wanted to come with them, and the right thing to do would have been to let her have some space. But he’d been a bastard and basically commanded her to be there with them. He didn’t really care if there were photos from this getaway in the book or not, but it had been the only excuse he could think of at the time. He just liked being around her, even if the enjoyment he’d found in her presence before they’d slept together had been replaced by the constant pull of desire.
Dragging his eyes away from her pretty profile, he looked back at the road. The last thing they needed was to get in an accident because he couldn’t focus.
Tex was lounging in the passenger seat next to him, a cap pulled down low on his forehead. Tex had offered for Lexie to sit in the front, but she’d declined, saying he needed more legroom than she did since he was so much taller. Connor hadn’t pushed the issue. He’d told her she had to come with them, he didn’t want to be a complete asshole and tell her where to sit as well.
He took one hand off the wheel and scrubbed it over his face. He didn’t know how he would get through the rest of the tour with this constant desire thrumming through him. She was always on his mind: when he was onstage, when he was supposed to be writing songs, when he was lying in bed at night unable to get to sleep. That would be all right if he were on his own and could relieve the tension, but when they were on the bus, packed in like sardines, it became a little awkward. Suffice to say, the shower was becoming his favorite place to be these days.
He tried to push thoughts of her out of his mind because he was looking forward to the afternoon and night ahead of them; he desperately needed a break from the tour.
His uncertainty about his future kept dragging him down. No matter how you looked at it, he had a responsibility to his friends to keep seeing this through. None of them had ever given any sign they were ready to try something different. And leaving when the band had reached this level of success seemed like a real dick move. And even if they were all ready to move on, he didn’t have a clear idea about what he wanted to do.
Music was still the most important thing in the world to him. It had been the one thing that had made him feel closer to the memory of his mother, and the one thing that had eased the hurt of his father pushing him away. Even now, whenever he was upset, picking up his guitar and playing could soothe him like nothing else.
The reasons he had wanted to be in a band since he was a teenager were still real to him. Being surrounded by music, his friends, the adoration of fans, had been all he ever wanted; the thought of it had always been like a balm for his soul. That it felt like it wasn’t enough for him anymore was difficult for him to handle.
Frustrated, he flicked his eyes back up to the rearview mirror, hoping a glimpse of Lexie’s profile would jolt him out of his unproductive train of thought. Instead, his gaze met hers; the silver of her eyes turning dark and stormy with some unknown emotion before she quickly looked away.
He gave a tiny shake of his head as he returned his attention to the road stretching out in front of him. She’s a widow, he told himself, and she has definitely not moved on from the memory of her husband yet. Even if she had, he wasn’t willing or able to take the man’s place.
A few miles later, he turned left down the road leading to Drew’s beach house. As they crested a rise, the ocean appeared, spread out before them like a blue blanket sparkling in the sun. Tex let out a whoop at the sight, and when Connor glanced in the rearview mirror, he saw Lexie’s face break into a broad smile, gray eyes glowing, and something shifted almost painfully in his chest.
He pulled in to park next to the car Drew, Noah, and Zac had driven down in, opened the car door, and got out, Tex and Lexie following suit. One deep breath of the salty air and he felt lighter, like the sound of the surf and the fresh air had lifted a weight from him.
Stretching his arms over his head, he turned toward Lexie. Unsurprisingly, she had her camera out and was snapping photos of the beautiful view in front of them, which meant he got a few seconds to watch her without her knowing.
The sea breeze fluttered her dark hair out behind her and molded her dress to her body, outlining her breasts and the slight curve of her stomach. It also caused the short skirt to kick up, revealing almost the full length of her slender, toned legs. He let out a quiet groan at the memory of those same legs wrapped around him, closing his eyes against the sight, hoping to calm his arousal before anyone noticed.
Fractured Hearts: A Fractured Rock Star Romance Page 14