by Mari Carr
Jake’s face lit up. “I’d love to stay.” He took her hand and they walked in the townhouse together. Tommy was staring at the TV, zombie-fashion, and Josie doubted he was seeing much. He was too tired from a full day in the sun and confused by his father’s drunken outburst.
“Hey, sweet pea.” Josie sank onto the couch next to him. He proved exactly how upset he was when he crawled onto her lap. He’d always used to love cuddles, but as he got older, she noticed he tried to shrug off her hugs goodbye at school, wanting to appear a big boy in front of his friends. “Well, that was certainly an exciting day.”
“Is Daddy okay?” The sadness in Tommy’s voice was almost Josie’s undoing.
“He’s fine, baby. It’s just going to take him some time to get used to the way things are now.”
“You mean with Jake?”
Josie nodded. “And without Janice. I think he’s sort of sad about everything right now.”
“I could make him a card. Maybe that would cheer him up.”
Josie kissed the top of her son’s head. “I think that’s a great idea. Tell you what. First thing tomorrow, you can draw something for him and I’ll drive you over there to deliver it. He’ll love it.”
“Okay.” Tommy sounded relieved now that they had a plan. Josie envied the ease with which problems could be solved in the six-year-old world. Make a card and everything was hunky-dory.
“But, for now, I think it’s time for bed. It’s been a very long day.”
Tommy got off her lap, not bothering to put up a fight or to beg to stay up later. He was well and truly pooped. “Can Jake read me a story tonight?”
“Yeah. He can. Go get in your pajamas, brush your teeth and yell down when you’re ready.”
Tommy climbed the stairs slowly, his usual bounce giving way to exhaustion.
Jake dropped down on the couch next to her. “You’re a good mom.”
“I’m a tired mom.”
Jake laughed. “That’s just the sun. Why don’t you take a shower while I read Tommy his story, then I’ll come tuck you in.”
“I think that might be the best offer I’ve ever gotten bedroom-wise.”
Jake covered his heart as if she’d slain him. “Damn. Here I am knocking myself out to fulfill all your wildest fantasies and all I had to do was tuck you in?”
Josie cupped Jake’s cheek, holding his face close to hers. “I honestly don’t know how I survived a day without you. I’m not sure I’ve ever said this, but thank you. For everything.”
Jake ran his hand through her hair. “You don’t really need me. You were doing fine on your own. Even so, I’m glad you scooted over and made some room for me in your life. I didn’t realize how boring my days were until you and Tommy came along. I feel like I should be thanking you.”
His words soothed the tiny worried part of her that feared he would decide she was too much hard work and leave. She wasn’t sure how long it would take for that anxiety to go away. Maybe never. She’d watched her mother struggle in relationships for years, always waiting for the other shoe to fall. Sometimes she wondered if her mother had driven her first two boyfriends away because she’d been unable to believe anyone would ever stick around forever.
Josie was determined to fight that demon, to beat it into submission. She didn’t want to lose Jake because she was too scared to take another chance with her heart. Somehow, she’d have to overcome this worry because he was too precious, too important to her.
Jake stood and pulled her up. They climbed the stairs together. Josie listened to Jake read Tommy a silly story about a Siamese cat who wanted to be a Chihuahua. Jake adopted different voices for all the characters and soon Tommy was squealing with laughter.
For the first time in a long time, Josie felt at home. At peace. Hopeful.
Chapter Eight
Josie’s Howl List—August
1. Sex with a stranger
2. Sex in public
3. Anal
4. Bondage
5. Spanking
6. Double Penetration
7. Sex on the beach
8. Role-play sex
Josie tossed the crust of her pizza onto a plate and wiped her mouth with a napkin. It was Saturday night and Tony had taken Tommy to a major league baseball game in a nearby city. They were staying away for the entire weekend. In addition to the game, they were going to a train museum, Chuck E. Cheese’s and spending two nights in a hotel with a pool. Tommy had packed his bag for the trip a week early and basically driven Josie crazy talking about it nonstop since Tony showed him the baseball tickets and told him the plan.
After his drunken outburst in July, Tony had walked the straight and narrow, picking Tommy up on time, treating her and Jake politely. Though there was still an underlying tension between the men, Josie had no doubt that with time, Jake would win Tony over just like he had her and Tommy. It was pretty much impossible to not like him.
They’d opted to hang out at Jake’s apartment this weekend, simply because his bed was bigger. Jake respected her desire that he not spend the night at her townhouse when Tommy was there. Unfortunately that request limited the times they were able to sleep together all night.
Most of the day she’d been fighting the desire to come clean with Jake. She’d promised him honesty, but there was one last thing she was holding back. One truth left to tell.
“Jake. I was sort of wondering. What are we?”
He put down the slice of pizza he was eating and gave her a puzzled look. “Human?”
She laughed. “No, you jackass. I mean us. You and me. We’ve been seeing each other since January and I was sort of wondering if…” She paused. “Let me start over. I want to tell you something, but it’s something I’ve never said first. So I’m sort of nervous.” God, she sounded like an idiot. For some reason, this speech had sounded a lot better in the car on the way over here.
Jake leaned back on the couch, resting his arm along the cushions. He was wearing his usual cocky grin. “What do you want to say?”
He wasn’t going to make this easy on her. “I wanted to tell you that—” she sucked in a deep breath, then dove in, “—I love you. I’m in love with you. Completely. Ridiculously.”
Jake didn’t move, but his smile definitely grew brighter. “I’d say you handled that nicely. Well said.”
She tried to punch him on the arm, but Jake dodged, grabbing her hand and using her momentum to pull her onto his lap.
She waited for him to respond, but the teasing bastard wasn’t finished playing with her yet. He remained annoyingly silent.
“Isn’t there anything you’d like to say to me?”
“Like what?”
She narrowed her eyes. “Think real hard.”
He chuckled. “I don’t know, Josie. I’m kind of on the spot here. I mean you said it really nice. I feel like there’s suddenly some pressure on me to perform.”
She started to stand, but Jake’s hold on her tightened.
“I’m kidding. Jesus, woman. I’m crazy in love with you. I love the way you are with Tommy—you are hands down the greatest mother ever. I love that little crinkle you get in your forehead when I annoy you.” He pressed his finger against the wrinkle. “I love your laugh and the way you snort sometimes when something’s really funny.”
“I don’t snort.”
He didn’t acknowledge her denial. “I love the way you make the same seven meals every week. The way your socks are separated by colors in your drawer and the way you appear to all the world like this respectable, responsible woman when really underneath you are one hardcore kinky bitch. I love the way you howl, Josie Jacobson. And I love you.”
Josie didn’t bother to stem the tears his beautiful words provoked. Jake reached up and wiped one away.
“That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me. Especially the hardcore kinky bitch part. I’ve always wanted to be that.”
He laughed. “You make me happy, Josie. I’ve been on my own for a while
now. It’s nice to have an extra toothbrush in the bathroom for your far-too-infrequent sleepovers. I like the way I can smell your perfume on my pillow for days after we’ve been together. So I guess to answer your first question, we’re a couple. If that’s okay with you.”
“That’s exactly what I want.”
“I’m actually glad you brought this up. I was thinking I might like to up the ante a little bit.”
She tilted her head. “What do you mean?”
“How would you feel about us moving in together eventually? Someday?”
She sucked in a deep breath, trying to wrap her head around the idea. Romantic Josie was all-in and ready to start packing. Responsible Josie was listing all the ways this could fail.
“Where would we live?”
“We’d stay at your place. It’s bigger. I only have one bedroom in this apartment. Plus you have a yard for Tommy to play in and I’d never try to drag you away from the wine girls.”
“What about your furniture?”
Jake toyed with her hair, patiently answering her questions. “I suppose we’d combine where we can, sell some, put some in storage if need be.”
“You’ve really given this some thought.”
He nodded. “I’m not going to lie about what I want. I don’t expect us to start loading up boxes tomorrow, but this is definitely where I see us heading.”
“I’d have to ask Tommy before we did anything.”
Jake took her hands in his, squeezing gently. She hadn’t realized she’d been wringing them. “I can see it’s too soon for you, Josie. The only reason I mentioned it is because I want you to start considering it. Seriously thinking about it. We can keep the status quo for now. I’m just telling you that somewhere down the line I want to take this to the next level.”
“I’m panicking, aren’t I?”
He chuckled. “Only completely.”
“God. Why? Why am I acting this way? I want what you’re asking for. It’s just…”
“You’ve been hurt, Josie. You and Tommy were both knocked down a couple pegs when Tony left. It’s going to take you some time to find your sea legs again. I’m not trying to put pressure on you or rush you. Let’s leave it alone for now. We’ll take baby steps.”
“Meaning?”
“We’ll talk to Tommy about the idea of me having some sleepovers.”
She grinned at Jake’s use of her son’s word.
“We’ll feel him out. If he’s okay with me staying over every now and again, I’ll start spending some nights there. We’ll ease into it, see if the three of us fit.”
She nodded. That sounded doable. “Okay. I like that idea.”
“We’re probably going to have to break the news to Tony too. We need to be sure he won’t make a stink about it.”
She recognized the wisdom in that, but it still annoyed her. “I don’t think he will. I mean he and Janice lived together and they weren’t married.”
“True. Would you feel better about us living together if we were married?”
Josie rose quickly, her heart racing. “I thought you said baby steps.”
Jake stood, raising his hands to calm her down. “It wasn’t a proposal, Josie, just a question. And believe me, you answered it. We’re dropping that subject. Okay?”
Josie rubbed her eyes and ran her hand through her hair. “I guess I’m more trigger-shy than I realized.”
Jake wrapped his arms around her waist. “We’ve got time. Plenty of it.”
She looked at his handsome face and realized she was the luckiest woman alive. “I love you so much.”
“Ditto. So why don’t we just enjoy that for tonight?”
“Sounds like a plan. You know.” Josie gave Jake a flirty grin. “It is a full moon tonight.”
“That’s right. It is. And I noticed your fantasy—though definitely provocative—was a bit light on details.”
“Yeah. I’m really going to have to refine my list-making skills next year. I left out far too many important details.”
“That’s okay. Sometimes it’s good to be vague. Allows more wiggle room for creativity.”
Josie gave him a suspicious grin. “Why do I get the feeling you’ve already decided what parts we’re going to play tonight?”
Jake tried to appear innocent, but he failed miserably. “Come on.”
He led her to his bedroom and Josie gasped when they entered the room. It was lit with dozens of candles and his bedspread was covered with red rose petals.
She laughed when she spotted the wine chiller on the nightstand. Instead of a bottle of champagne, there was a bottle of Jim Beam sitting in ice. She turned when she heard the crack of a can popping open. Jake poured two glasses of bourbon and Diet Coke, then handed her one.
“I remembered that you said champagne gave you headaches.”
“It does. This is perfect. But I’m confused. What roles are we playing tonight?”
“Tonight we’re Jake and Josie, the couple. We’re not strangers or bartenders or mothers or two lost lonely souls trying to find their way in a fucked-up world. We’re just us.”
She smiled through tears. “The perfect roles.”
They clinked glasses and shared a drink. Jake led her to the bed as they slowly undressed each other. Suddenly time didn’t seem like the enemy. It was their friend. And they had plenty of it.
Once they were naked, Jake pulled back the sheets. Josie lay down, lifting her arms. Jake joined her, lying on top of her.
She felt his strength as she ran her hands over his arms, her fingers tracing the tattoos on his skin. She felt his love as he kissed her lips, her cheeks, her closed eyelids. She felt his need, when his cock sought entrance to her body.
She opened her legs, welcoming his slow, easy glide inside. When he was seated to the hilt, he paused and waited until her gaze met his.
“I love you, Josie.”
She lifted her head to kiss him, never breaking the connection of their eyes. “I love you too.”
Jake thrust inside her, his pace gentle at first, then growing harder, rougher. His passion took over, washing over her like a waterfall, encapsulating her, rocking her to her core.
They came together, finding their perfect harmony at last.
Jake wrapped her in his arms as they lay side by side, sleep coming to claim them fast. Josie’s eyes were just about to drift closed, when something bright and beautiful outside captured her attention. She raised her hand, pointing to the window.
“Full moon.”
She could hear the smile in Jake’s sleepy voice when he kissed her forehead. “Best night of the month.”
She laughed softly, then they both fell asleep.
Epilogue
Jake’s Howl List—New Year’s Eve
1. Make love to Josie until she agrees to marry me.
“I’m having the best New Year’s ever,” Josie said, taking the last sip of her drink and leaning over the bar at Blue Moon. The place was packed. Rob had reunited with his band, Express Train, for a special show. Given the popularity of the band, Josie thought it was safe to say every person over the age of twenty-one in town had squeezed into the club. “Should you be worried about the fire code?”
Jake laughed, mixing her another drink. “Sam’s manning the door and keeping a head count. So far, so good.”
Josie was feeling the effects of the alcohol. She wasn’t drunk, but she was definitely knocking on tipsy’s door. She was warm, relaxed, happy. “Rob’s song to Zoey was so beautiful. Can you believe he proposed?”
“Yeah, that was great. Although I think he sort of stole some of my thunder.”
Josie frowned. “What do you mean?”
Jake motioned to the other bartender that he was taking a break. She watched him make his way around the counter to her.
“Here.” Jake handed her the piece of paper.
“What is it?”
“My Howl List for this year.”
Josie grinned as she unfolded the single
sheet. Then she frowned. “This is your list? There’s only one thing on it.”
Jake shrugged. “I figure it might take me a few months to make it happen.”
Josie read his fantasy. She crinkled her nose. “Marriage?”
He laughed. “Told you. I know you’re happy with the status quo, our occasional sleepovers and such, but I don’t think it’s a good thing for Tommy.”
She narrowed her eyes. “Are you really going to go there? Use my son against me?”
He took her hand. “Is it working?”
“Yeah. Dammit. He’s crazy about you. Asks all the time why you don’t just move in with us.”
“The feeling’s mutual. I love that kid. Josie, I’m tired of stealing a night here and there, living for Thursdays and every other Saturday. I want us all to live together, to become a family. I want to be a father—to Tommy and to—” He paused. Josie’s breath caught when he finally continued, “And to whoever else might come along.”
A baby? He wanted to have a baby? With her? Memories of the night Tommy was born assailed her. It had been the best night of her life. Josie closed her eyes as she remembered the doctor placing Tommy in her arms. His face was scrunched up, bright red, and he looked as tired as she felt. She’d kissed the top of his head, telling him how long she’d been waiting for him and how much she loved him. Tommy hadn’t cried at all. Instead his eyes met hers and held, the two of them locked in a bond nothing would ever break. She longed to share that with another child. Josie imagined a little girl with Jake’s blue eyes and brown hair.
Jake had unlocked a dream she hadn’t dared to let herself dream until this moment.
“I’d like that. More than I can say.”
Jake’s eyes shone with hope. “You would?”
“Oh my God, yeah.”
He smiled, then picked her up, spinning her around and kissing her. “I love you, Josie.”
She returned his kiss with one of her own. “I love you too.”