Haley was young and butch, or whatever the correct term was these days. Tonya smiled at that. The way she carried herself, and the short hair, artfully styled into a spiky fauxhawk, were not the dead giveaways. It was the look of interest in her eyes later, at the station, that made it obvious. Tonya hoped Haley didn’t end up jaded, or ostracized by other officers because of her sexuality. Yes, it was 2012, and New Orleans had always been progressive. Until it wasn’t. Tonya sent a good vibe out into the universe. It was the most she could do. She closed her eyes and commanded her thoughts to settle as she rinsed the last of the soap from her body.
It was well after noon when Tonya made her way to the mental health wing and asked for a brief update from one of the psychiatric nurses. She threw herself into work: auditing charts and adjusting treatment plans to be discussed during the next team meeting. She didn’t have room to think on things she could do nothing about.
There was a knock at her office door. Tonya finished a notation and glanced up to see a somber-looking Stephanie peering at her through the glass pane. “Here we go,” she whispered to herself. This probably wasn’t going to end well. Tonya waved her in.
Stephanie took a few steps into the room. Her brown eyes were dark with concern, and her lips pursed. “I just wanted to lay eyes on you myself and make sure you were okay.”
Tonya met Stephanie’s gaze, surprised by her restraint after the outburst earlier in the week. “I’m okay.”
Stephanie nodded and stepped back, her desire to say more clear on her face. Her eyes clouded over with hurt. “You know you can tell…” She chuckled, but there was no humor in it. “Never mind. I’ll let you get back to it. See you during group.”
Tonya held Stephanie’s gaze. Her stomach constricted. Pain of any kind was something she never wanted to cause. Her respect and affection for Stephanie grew tenfold. “Steph?”
“Yeah?”
“Thank…you.” Her voice thickened at the end as she tried to put what she couldn’t say into the words.
Stephanie sucked in a breath. She smiled slightly and turned to go.
* * *
Dr. Finn opened her office door and hesitated when she saw Tonya, who was still in scrubs as opposed to her usual attire. She quirked a brow and waved Tonya inside. “Well, should I assume we have loads to discuss?”
Tonya took a seat on the plush couch and waited for Dr. Finn to take her place. Dr. Finn was a severe-looking, diminutive woman with dark skin and hawkish features set off by short, naturally styled hair that was peppered gray. She wasn’t the first psychotherapist Tonya had been to, but she’d facilitated the most progress. Best of all, when Tonya made a breakthrough, her smile was bright and astonishing. Sometimes it was all the praise Tonya needed.
Dr. Finn looked at her expectantly.
“I don’t even know where to start.”
Dr. Finn remained quiet. She tilted her head and studied Tonya, who reminded herself that this was a safe place, a place where she could unburden herself.
“Extra time tonight?” Tonya asked.
“If that’s what you need.”
“I think so, yes.”
Dr. Finn nodded.
“I’m a horrible friend, but I think I knew that already. People come and go. It’s the natural order of things. Unless I just never facilitated the relationship enough for them to stay.”
Dr. Finn looked thoughtful but said nothing.
“And I was almost carjacked this morning. I’m sure they were planning on assaulting me in some way.”
Dr. Finn leaned forward. “Where we start is up to you. Which one do you want to tackle first?”
“They’re both connected. I should’ve called my father and Stephanie after it happened, but I didn’t. I sent her a brief text and didn’t contact Daddy at all.” Tonya paused. “What those men tried to do—” She balled her hands into fists and took a deep breath, allowing the anger and other emotions through. “I haven’t felt that vulnerable since Mama died. I didn’t want to feel that, and I didn’t want to show Daddy or anyone that much of me.”
“Connect the dots to the bigger picture for me. I know you can, despite what you’ve probably told yourself.”
They stared at each other. Dr. Finn was right. She was always right.
“Mama was bipolar. The things she did, things she said, scared me, and they pretended that it wasn’t there. I became a part of that whole lie for a very long time, until I couldn’t anymore. When I figured out that I was a lesbian, he pretended I wasn’t there, or at least that part of me. I don’t want to go through that again, but hiding is ingrained in me. I know I’ve gotten better. I have more of a life now. A separate life, but it’s there.”
“Yes, and are you satisfied with the life you’ve carved out for yourself?”
Tonya looked down at her hands. When had she started wringing them? “I thought I was.” Tonya shook her head and looked up at Dr. Finn once more. “I could’ve died. If it wasn’t for self-preservation and a police officer who just happened to be there—” Tonya flashed to Haley, remembering her courtesy and warmth. She stopped talking and tried to gather herself. “How do I know that what I’m feeling right now isn’t just a result of trauma? We both know it’s normal to overcompensate after things like this.”
“You didn’t answer the question.”
“No,” Tonya whispered. “No, I’m not.”
Dr. Finn smiled. “A catalyst is just a catalyst sometimes, Tonya, but we will see in time, just like after your mother’s death. I’m glad you weren’t hurt.” Her eyes were full of compassion. “Now let’s talk about coping skills that have helped in the past, because they may assist you if PTSD becomes an issue. And by the end of this session, I want us to derive or revisit at least one baby step you’re willing to take in order to move forward with yourself and subsequently your family and friends.”
Chapter 7
Haley’s cell phone rang just as she pulled into the restaurant parking lot. She smiled and fought off a yawn as she answered. “Hey, Mom.”
“Mornin’, sweetie. I just wanted to check in and see how you were doin’ with the new shift change and everythin’.”
Her mother was worried. Maybe she shouldn’t have told her about the shooting. Unfortunately, it was something they were both going to have to get used to, no matter how crappy or how dangerous. “I was gonna call you on Sunday,” she said softly.
“Yeah, I know, but I beat you to it. No biggie,” Cathy said flippantly.
“It’s goin’ as well as it can be. The overnights don’t bother me, and I’m fine. Psych cleared me. It’s just somethin’ I have to do after shootouts even if I wasn’t the one who fired. Okay?”
“Okay, just be as careful as you can.”
“I will, Mom.” Haley thought it was best to change the subject. “Guess what? I think me and Tang have come to an understandin’ of sorts.”
“Ugh, just the nickname alone sounds backwoods to me.”
Haley laughed. It wasn’t hard to visualize her mother making a disgusted face.
“Did you figure out what it stood for?” her mother asked.
“You don’t wanna know. Trust me. Can’t believe it took me a month to figure it out.”
“That bad?”
“Let’s just say it fits him well.”
“Well, my day will definitely go better without some weird visuals. You on your way home?”
“No, I stopped by Savoie. Jen and Nate are fixin’ me breakfast.”
“That’s sweet. Are they doin—” Her mother stopped talking abruptly, and she’d either turned away from the phone or put her hand over it. Her stepfather’s voice sounded in the background.
Cathy sighed. “I’m back. Sorry ’bout that.”
“It’s o—” Haley started to say.
“What? You can’t be that big of an ass, Jeb! Don’t you see I’m still on the phone?” Her mother didn’t bother to hide her side of the conversation this time.
“Well, who i
s it? Who’s callin’ ya this early?”
“I am a grown-ass woman, Jeb Taylor. I can talk to whoever I want. Besides, it’s just Haley.”
Right about now, her mother was probably all red-faced, indignant, and messing up her perfectly styled salt-and-pepper hair by pushing her hands through it.
“Did she find a church home yet?” Jeb asked.
He sounded closer.
“Have you ever seen her go to church, goddammit? You ask me about that at least once a month.”
Haley rolled her eyes. It was true.
“Watch yer language. I won’t have ya talkin’ about Him like that in my home. I thought we discussed this.”
“This is my house!” Her mother’s voice was starting to get all high-pitched and screechy.
“We’re married. There’s nothin’ ’round here that just belongs to ya, and I’ll ask ya about it twice a month until I get the answer I want.”
“That work for you yet?”
Jeb grumbled something Haley couldn’t hear. If this was Jerry Springer, the audience would be drooling.
“Mom.”
“Hey, sweetie. I didn’t forget about you,” her mother cooed.
Backwoods? Tim and Jeb were neck and neck. The whole thing was somewhere between hilarious and pathetic. This was marriage? It was a question she had been asking herself for years.
“I know you didn’t.” Haley pushed the phone closer to her ear. “I don’t like him, for you.” It wasn’t the first time she’d said so, but one day she hoped her mom would actually listen.
“I know you don’t, but you haven’t liked anyone since Ted. Trust me, Jeb can be sweet when he’s not mouthin’ off.”
That was always her mom’s answer. She should have learned by now not to say anything. Ted. She did miss that man. They were still in contact from time to time, but not consistently. She also visited her biological father’s grave and left flowers when she was in town, but that was it for contact with her mom’s exes.
Haley heard Jeb mumble something. Then there was the sound of a wet kiss and her mother’s laughter.
She rolled her eyes. “I’ll talk to you next week, Mom.”
“Okay. I love you, and I’m proud of you. Send Jen and Nate my love.”
Haley smiled. She would never get tired of hearing that. “Okay, I will. Love you too.”
* * *
Savoie was packed, which wasn’t unusual since they’d moved to North Carrollton, smack dab in the middle of Mid-City. The rent was higher since the business was on a major thoroughfare, but the money Nate and Jen were making made up for it. Haley scanned the restaurant and found Jen waving her over to a table in the back. The place was loud and the smells were enough to make her mouth water.
Haley pulled out a chair on the other side of the bistro-style table, ruffling the checkered tablecloth. “Hey, where’s Nate?”
“In the office on the phone. What? I’m not good enough for you?”
Haley smirked. “Hell no. He was mine first. Don’t forget that.”
“That sounds so wrong comin’ from you.” Jen chuckled. Her green eyes were bright as she smiled.
“I know, right?”
“Give me just a sec. I’m makin’ changes to the menu.”
“You’re addin’ stuff?”
“No. Tinkerin’ with a couple prices to balance things out,” Jen answered.
“Mmm, okay. My mom sends her love, by the way.”
“She’s sweet. How’s Jethro?”
Haley laughed. “That’s such a genius nickname, and it fits him perfectly. Every time I talk to her or see them, he says somethin’ stupid.”
“So you keep tellin’ me.”
“Well, you don’t come up with zingers that much, so I gotta make sure I praise you when you do.” Haley reached across the table, snatched up Jen’s glass of water, and took a long sip.
Jen glanced up. Her eyes narrowed. “You might not want to do that. I just gave Nate a blowjob,” she deadpanned.
Haley choked and water dribbled down the front of her Vader for President T-shirt. She coughed a couple times to get rid of the burn in her nose and throat, glaring at Jen the whole time. She pushed the glass back across the table.
Jen’s smile was wide. “I don’t hear any praise.”
“You suc—” Haley snapped her mouth shut.
Jen threw her head back and laughed.
Haley had walked right into that.
Someone nudged her shoulder.
“Oh shit. What did I miss?” Nate asked as he sat down.
Haley pointed at Jen. “She’s a disgustin’ woman.”
Nate grinned. “I know.”
Haley pushed him, hard. He wasn’t a big guy, but he was solid.
“Ow! I’m givin’ you free food.”
“Yeah, yeah, that’s still no excuse for her puttin’ those type of images in my head.”
“God, I’m scared to ask,” Nate said. His eyes widened as he glanced from Haley to his wife and back again. His expression made him look more boyish than usual. Although his eyes were brown, he and Haley had the same mop of dark hair, full lips, and high cheekbones. People often thought they were related. They might as well be.
“You should be. Let’s just never speak of it again.” Haley gave a mock shiver.
“So dramatic.” Jen chuckled.
“Can I get food now? I’m starvin’.”
“Aww, Tang wearin’ you out chasin the poon?” Nate asked.
“Cue dramatic sigh, right here.” Jen propped her elbows on the table and waited.
Haley pointed an accusing finger at them. “I hate you both. Just put me in a food coma so I can go home.”
Nate smiled, showing her a lot of teeth. “You want the omelet or the banana nut pancakes?”
In a perfect world, Haley would have said both. “Omelet.”
Jen signaled one of the waitstaff, who was beside them in an instant.
“More andouille than crawfish.”
Jen held up a finger, signaling the waitress to hold on.
“Extra cheese.” Haley paused. “Oh and can I get some jalapeño on it, along with extra home fries?”
Jen and Nate stared. The waitress shook her head.
“What?” Haley asked. The waitress scribbled, then turned and walked away.
“I need a side of gravy too!” Haley called after her.
* * *
Haley leaned back in the chair and groaned.
“You still make me sick. After all this time, I still don’t understand how you’re able to eat so much and look like that.” Jen’s gaze was accusing but playful, one blond brow perfectly arched.
“Clean livin’ and dragon’s blood.” Haley patted her abs.
Nate snorted. “You can bench one-hundred and fifty pounds.”
Haley rolled her eyes. “So?”
“My weak ass can barely do one-twenty.”
“Sounds like a personal problem to me.”
Jen smiled at her husband. “It’s okay, baby. You’re strong in other areas.”
Haley threw her napkin on the table. “Okay, ew. Don’t even go there with me right now.” She waved her hand in their direction. “Too soon.” Still, she smiled as she watched Nate look at his wife all starry-eyed. “Since I’m not goin’ to see you guys much with my schedule, I guess we have to do this more often. At least until I go back to days.”
“It hasn’t been that long. You miss us already?” Jen asked.
Haley didn’t hesitate. “Yeah, I do. It’s weird, you know? I have lesbian ‘party friends.’” She made finger quotes. “But that’s all they’re good for, goin’ out. Otherwise, I’d be knee-deep in drama.” Haley took a breath. “I was shot at, and I’m fine. I really am. You guys know that.” Momentarily sidetracked, her thoughts snapped to Tonya, and she wondered briefly how she was doing. “I’d tell you if I wasn’t, but I don’t know if I would be if I didn’t have y’all to fall back on. I mean, Mom’s just a phone call and a drive away, but i
t’s not the same.”
Nate eased his arm over Haley’s shoulders and pulled her closer. She squeezed his hand in acknowledgment. “Y’all always give it to me straight. Just don’t stop that. I probably need it nowadays more than ever.”
Jen leaned forward. Her eyes were alight with affection. “Count on it.” She smiled slowly. “It’s inevitable, like taxes and Mardi Gras. We’ll be here to kick you in the ass.”
Haley smiled back and started laughing.
* * *
Tonya regulated her breathing as she increased the setting on the elliptical. She glanced at the large series of flat-screen TVs on the wall but didn’t give much attention to them. It was Saturday morning. Just like she did every weekend, Tonya extended her workout by fifteen minutes, though today she had more of a need to clear her head.
It had been a very long week, and Tonya was grateful that it was over. So far, there had been no nightmares, but she was easily startled. When her father had come up behind her in the kitchen, she’d very nearly jumped to the ceiling. He hadn’t touched her. He hardly ever did anyway. But his presence was enough. He’d looked at her strangely after that. Then there was Stephanie. Tonya had cancelled their Friday night plans because she was tired. A few hours of sleep in a forty-eight-hour period wasn’t good for a person in her position. Stephanie had said she understood, but Tonya could hear the disappointment in her voice. She would make it up to her.
She still hadn’t told anyone about the other morning, though she had every intention of at least informing Stephanie. Her family, not so much.
Tonya refocused on the TVs, and what she saw stopped her cold. It was strange seeing herself on television. The video was grainy, but she was still identifiable. The faces of her attackers weren’t visible from that angle. There was closed captioning at the bottom of the screen.
“Instead of succumbing, this woman turned the tables on the perpetrators, and it was beautiful to watch.”
The anchor replayed the segment and informed the viewing public that the video was available on their website. Tonya decided she hated those homespun morning shows and their human-interest pieces. Good Morning New Orleans, indeed. Didn’t they need her permission to splash her face on television like that? Couldn’t she do something? Tonya took a breath and decided that route would probably just bring more attention. She definitely didn’t want that.
Between the Lines Page 5