Dr. Finn remained silent, letting Tonya lead.
“He resents my sexuality and I resent his…resentment. We can’t live in the same house with all that between us. There would be an argument every time Haley stayed over. I don’t have the energy for that, and I don’t think he does either. In order for us to build anything remotely resembling a bridge between us, there needs to be some physical distance. I won’t stop living my life, and I won’t tolerate him belittling it.”
Dr. Finn smiled, but it was a small one.
“Is this for you, or is this about making Haley comfortable and less likely to walk away from the constant issues plaguing your family?”
Tonya knew that question was coming, and she didn’t hesitate to answer. “It’s for me, first. Secondly, it’s for me and Haley, together.”
Dr. Finn leaned back in her chair. Her smile widened.
Tonya returned it.
“How do you expect him to take it?”
“Not well. I suspect it will be one of our worse arguments to date.”
“You’re trying to prepare yourself. You can try, but I don’t think that’s possible. Despite the animosity between you, Tonya, you love your father; and because of that he’s able to hurt you in ways that have been and could continue to be devastating.”
Tonya sighed. “Yes, I know that.”
“Are you also aware that your ability to deal with that pain, process, and move on has improved?”
Tonya opened her mouth to speak.
Dr. Finn held up a hand, stopping her. “Are you really aware of how full your life has become?”
Tonya’s face flushed and she looked away. She wasn’t ashamed, just overwhelmed, so when she glanced back up, Tonya was smiling again. “Yes.”
“You’re happy.”
It wasn’t a question. In spite of her father and the situation with Haley, yes, she was.
“You are also a realist,” Dr. Finn reminded her.
That was true as well.
“You and your father may never be closer than arm’s length.”
She knew that. She did, but to hear it out loud from someone else’s lips was difficult. Tonya swallowed. “I know.”
“I know you’re tired of this fight, but somehow you find it in you to keep going. That’s something to be admired…to be proud of. You refuse to take the easy way out.”
“I can’t. Not anymore.”
Dr. Finn nodded. “Let’s look at where you were a little over two years ago and where you are now.”
“I was angry. I still am, but I’m not consumed by it.”
“Yes, and?”
“I pushed people away and had a fairly thick wall around myself.”
Dr. Finn pressed her pen against her lips and continued to wait.
“Everything hurt.”
“Does it still?”
“No.”
“Two years ago, if you’d met Haley—”
“I wasn’t ready for her then.” She wouldn’t have given Haley a second look.
“Are you now?”
Tonya explored her emotions. She didn’t have to go deep to be surrounded by warmth that turned scorching whenever Haley was near. Her heart thudded. Her breathing shallowed, but she was the strongest she’d ever been. It all filled her with a heaviness, but she was lighter than air. “Yes, I think…I know I am.”
“It is amazing that good and bad can coexist and occur simultaneously. You were nearly the victim of a violent crime, but look at everything that stemmed from it. All because you’re not only a survivor, you’re a fighter as well.”
Something welled up in Tonya’s chest and spread throughout her body. Her eyes burned and her breathing hitched. “Yes,” she whispered. “I am.”
* * *
Fresh from the shower, Haley downed her first beer in record time. She had no intention of finishing them all but wanted a nice buzz to take the edge off. She sat the remainder of the six-pack on the floor, reached for the remote, and put her legs up on the couch. Might as well try to laugh a little.
In the not-so-distant past, when she was in a shitty mood, Haley would have been out at some bar soaking up the attention. There was a time when that had made her feel on top of the world. That was before it started to get old. Funny thing was, Tonya hadn’t lost one bit of her shine. Truth of the matter was that she gleamed a little brighter every time Haley saw her.
She’d grown up a lot the past few months. Some of that was because of the job. Some of that was because of Tonya, and some of that was because of Tim. He’d taught her a hard lesson about trust, friendship, and loyalty. Not everybody saw it the same way that she did, and from now on, Haley knew to be wary.
She’d hoped that he’d been lying about Mr. Preston, but he hadn’t been. There was a record of an interview and even a transcript. Goddamn him. Haley wasn’t sure where she got the strength to deal with Tim. Being in the same space with him was exhausting. Looking at him and acknowledging his presence took up her reserves.
Tim talked to her like nothing had changed. He looked her straight in the eye and laughed and joked, despite her silence or the occasional grunt she gave in response. It was pathological. It had to be.
Her doorbell rang.
Knowing it was Tonya on the other side boosted her energy. She really needed to get her a key. A smile tugged at her lips. She pulled the door open. “Good, I’m starv—”
Her words left her.
It was Tim. He smiled and held up a six-pack of beer. “I paid the nurse to stay late. I don’t know why I didn’t think about that before. We coulda been doin’ this on Monday. We probably needed it.”
The heat of Haley’s anger burned her from the inside out. “Are you fuckin’ kiddin’ me?”
At least he didn’t try to barge in.
“I’m not interruptin’ anythin’, am I? Tonya’s not here, is she?”
“You have no right to even say her fuckin’ name. Get off my goddamn porch!” Haley’s voice was guttural, deep, and loud.
Tim flinched like he’d been slapped. She wanted to do a hell of a lot more.
“Rook—”
“My name is Haley. I need to make sure you understand somethin’ once and for all, Tim. There is no goin’ back. You’re a fuckin’ dumpster fire, and just because I have to be next to you doesn’t mean I wanna to smell the shit you’re spewin’. Get your head outta your pathetic ass. There’s nothin’ you can say or do. You got what you wanted. Leave me out of the rest of your delusional clusterfuck.”
By the time she was done talking, Tim was shaking and his face was red. He clenched his hands into fists.
Haley wanted him to swing. He was bigger, but she was fast. She’d try her best to beat the holy hell out of him.
Haley had hurt him, badly. She could see it in his eyes. They were glassy and dark with pain, as well as a lot of other emotions that Haley just didn’t have it in her to identify. He’d blown her off before when she told him she could never trust him again, but Tim got the message this time, loud and clear.
She expected him to explode, but he just stood there, looking down at his feet.
“I’m closin’ the door now.” All the fight Haley left her.
Tim bent slightly and set the beer on the porch.
“Don’t do this again.” Her tone was soft. It was hard not to feel sorry for him.
He turned and walked away.
* * *
Haley had lost her appetite. She barely finished one order of the calamari before pushing the rest of it away.
Tonya put the lid back on the container and stacked it with the rest of the food.
“I mean, I just couldn’t take it anymore. Has he lost his mind or what?”
“I don’t think so.” Tonya leaned back on the couch. She patted her lap and Haley went willingly, pillowing her head on Tonya’s thighs.
“It’s like some huge game of fake it till you make it.”
“That may be more accurate. He really wants to believe that y
ou’ll both recover from this. The things he’s done are so out of character, maybe this is his way of holding on to who he was instead of facing up to the person he’s become.” Tonya sifted her fingers through Haley’s hair, making her shiver.
“Yeah, maybe. He apologizes, but it doesn’t seem like he feels guilty at all.”
“About taking the money, no, but toward you possibly. It’s another way to explain his behavior tonight and the past few days.” Tonya looked down at Haley. Her expression was caring but worried. “Why haven’t you told Nate or Jen about this?”
“How do you know I didn’t?”
“Because you haven’t talked about it.”
“I will after my transfer.” Yeah, she had changed. She’d never kept anything from Nate and Jen.
Tonya sighed. “Haley.”
“I’m coverin’ up criminal activity, Tonya. The fewer people know, the better right now.”
“I know that, but you were backed into a corner,”
Tonya didn’t know the half of it. Goddammit she hated this.
“The more people you have in your corner—”
“Can we talk about somethin’ else? It can’t always be about me.”
Tonya’s gaze softened, and Haley just wanted to crawl inside. It was ridiculous the way even a small thing like that affected her. Haley reached up and trailed her fingertips from Tonya’s cheek to her chin. “How was your day?”
She leaned into the touch. “Difficult at times, but nothing I couldn’t handle.”
“That’s not what I asked.” Haley stared.
Tonya smiled slightly. “There was a little bit of everything: sexism, classism, and racism. I got through to at least a couple of them. The racist man surprised me the most. The fact that he accepted help made dealing with him easier, but I’d rather you ask me about therapy. I can talk freely about that.”
It was good that sometimes Tonya had to speak in generalities. It kept Haley from wanting to punch her patients in the face, but just barely. “Ugh, are you—”
“I’m okay. I’d tell you if I wasn’t.”
Haley held her gaze to make sure. “Okay, therapy?”
“It went well.” Tonya’s smile widened. “Especially when I talked about you. I think things are winding down on that front. No matter what happens when I talk to my father, I’m ready to deal with it.”
Good news. Haley needed to hear some on a day like this. “You’re so strong.”
“So are you.”
“No.” Haley shook her head.
“Yes, you are. Look at what you do for a living. Look at what you’re going through.”
Haley tried to swallow down the huge lump in her throat. It didn’t move. “Compared to—”
“It’s not about that. There’s no contest. You have to be strong to be who you are: open, caring, honest, and loyal. You’re fierce. I want to make sure you know that. It’s part of what drew me to you.” Tonya’s gaze was bright, serious, and completely beautiful.
With the information she was holding on to, it was hard for Haley not to look away, but she kept her focus where it needed to be, on Tonya.
Tonya’s expression changed. Her smile was slow and wide. Haley couldn’t help but be captured by it. She reared upward. She wanted to taste it, touch it. She brushed her lips against Tonya’s. Haley needed to savor the goodness. She needed it to fill her so that nothing else could fit.
Breathing raggedly, Tonya pulled back. She was still smiling. “The tight T-shirts helped too.”
Haley sucked in a surprised breath, blinked, and laughed.
Chapter 28
Haley wiped the condensation off the bathroom mirror. Her reflection looked distorted, fuzzy. That depiction was true all the way around. She didn’t feel like herself. Well, when she was near Tonya, she was normal. Guilt wasn’t sitting like lead in her stomach, and she had conviction that what she’d done had been right, had been necessary. Tonya was happy, and no one had the right to ruin that.
Not even her.
In time, Haley was sure that all this other shit would go away because she deserved to be happy too. Each moment Haley spent with Tonya, she felt deeply. She did her best to hang on to that natural high. Tonya had spent last night wrapped around her like she was protecting Haley from something. Maybe she was.
Haley peered at herself for a few more seconds. She was more in focus this time. She reached for her toothbrush and opened the medicine cabinet to get the toothpaste, moving like she had all the time in the world. She kind of did. Tonya had already left, and she was damn tempted to call in sick or dead.
She had no idea how she was going to face Tim today. She’d torn him to shreds. She wanted to believe it was only fair after everything he’d done, but the more she thought about the look on his face, the more awful she felt.
Before leaving the bathroom, she glanced at herself one final time.
A couple hours later, Haley looked out the passenger-side window as the local scenery whizzed by her. Tim had yet to say a word. The only sounds in the car were the crackle of the radio and the hum of the air conditioning and engine.
Haley couldn’t even look at him. She was scared that the part of herself that was angry as fuck would claw his face off.
“Eight twenty-two, we have a 15 in progress at 2600 Holygrove Street. Neighbors allegedly caught him in a 62R, no weapons involved.”
Haley whipped her head around. It wasn’t every day that house owners caught their own burglar; it took balls on both ends. She watched as Tim answered the call.
“ETA ten minutes.”
“Copy that, eight twenty-two.”
They got there in eight, thanks to Tim’s driving. He never seemed to care about the potholes. Maybe he thought the faster he drove, the less likely he was to hit them. That was bullshit. Haley was the first one out of the car. She waited for Tim at the bottom of the steps. Haley was pissed at him, but she wasn’t stupid. This was a crime scene. Anything could happen.
She knocked on the door.
“Yeah, who dat?”
“Police. You called about a break-in.”
“I got his ass. Hold on.” The man’s voice was muffled behind the door.
Haley heard the lock click. She stepped to the right, away from the door. Tim was on the left.
The front door opened. A man stepped out. He was short, stout, and looked mightily disgruntled. “Go on. He in there. He a little bloody, but he gone live. Taped his ass to a chair.”
“Hey! Somebody help!” Someone inside the house screamed.
Well, this was interesting. Everything in her wanted to glance at Tim—he’d see the humor in the moment—but her gaze remained on the victim. “Are you hurt, sir?”
“Naw, I’m gone have me a cigarette out here while y’all do y’alls thing.”
Haley nodded. She stepped in first, keeping her hand on her weapon just in case. The living room was clear.
“Heyyyy!”
The perp was still screaming. Haley followed the noise. She could hear and feel Tim behind her. When she got to the kitchen, she stopped and stared. It was a pathetic sight. A young man who looked like he hadn’t seen the inside of a shower in a while stared back. He had a knot on the side of his head, and his nose was bleeding pretty badly. He looked emaciated, and his eyes were wild. Haley was sure it had nothing to do with his present situation. More than likely, he was a drug addict searching for something to sell or trade for a fix.
The man wiggled and kicked. “Help me out. Just help me out.”
Grey electrical tape was wrapped around his shoulders, securing him to the dining room chair. Haley didn’t say anything to him. She walked around the chair. “He’s gonna have to be cut out of this.”
They were the first words she’d said to Tim all day.
He looked at her. His gaze was just as wild as the perp’s, and then it went blank. Tim nodded. Haley refused to be affected.
Tim reached into his pocket and pulled out a pocket knife. He handed it t
o Haley. She took it without looking at him. “Okay, sir. I’m gonna need you to stay still. This should only take a minute.”
“Help me, please.”
Haley flipped the knife open and started at the top. Before she knew what was happening, the guy was rearing back in the chair. Completely caught by surprise when it smashed into her, Haley went tumbling toward the stove behind her. The edge of it dug into her as she fell. Haley grunted in pain. Somehow, she ended up on all fours.
The guy in the chair was laughing hysterically. Asshole. She was trying to help him…to jail, but help him regardless.
Haley pushed up from the floor. She got a bird’s eye-view of Tim’s uniform pants as she stumbled once more. The pain in her back brought momentary tears to her eyes. When she glanced up again, Tim’s hand was in her face.
His gaze was filled with concern.
She looked away from his face and stared at the hand he was offering. Haley was tempted to take it, but she didn’t want him to see it as some tiny window to wiggle his ass back into her good graces. That just wasn’t possible. Haley ignored him as she got to her feet.
Tim tried to help anyway. She arched away from him and glared.
Tim glared right back. A few seconds later, he turned to glare at the perp instead.
He was still in the chair, chuckling.
* * *
They stopped for lunch. Tim didn’t ask her what she wanted. He pulled into the Wendy’s parking lot on South Carrollton and got out. The Wendy’s was right next door to a Popeyes and a Rally’s, so she at least had a choice, but Haley wasn’t feeling fast food. Hell, she wasn’t hungry at all. Her back still hurt a little, but it was nothing she couldn’t handle. There was going to be a bruise. It would heal. Haley eased the seat back and pulled out her phone. There were two new texts from Tonya as of twenty minutes ago. Haley smiled.
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Haley rolled her eyes and went to the next message. This was going to be bad. She could feel it.
Only one but the bulb has to really *want* to change.
She groaned, then chuckled, but it was cute that Tonya continued to try to distract her. It meant a lot.
U kno any cop jokes?
Between the Lines Page 35