by Allison Lane
But the interlude had done nothing to set his fears to rest. Was Chloe using him, or did she truly love him?
* * * *
“Did you see that?” demanded Chloe, grabbing Diana’s arm.
“Control yourself,” ordered Diana. “You are in view of the world.
“What possessed him to make an assignation with Lady Sophia?” Tears trembled in her eyes, but she had resumed a casual demeanor – at least it would appear so from a distance.
“You don’t know that he did,” she declared stoutly. But Charles’s conduct did indeed look suspicious. He had been walking in an unfrequented part of the park and had not seemed surprised to find Lady Sophia waiting for him. She had never seen him walking anywhere in the past. He preferred to ride.
“He embraced her,” sobbed Chloe. “In front of the entire world. Has he been trifling with me? Mama warned me that he was a fearsome rake who would seduce and ruin anyone silly enough to smile at him. How could I have been stupid enough to fall in love with him?”
“Lower your voice.”
“Dear God! Papa claims he is a fortune hunter. What if this entire tale of the East India Company is false? He may be after my dowry. It is quite large.”
“For heaven’s sake, calm down. What is the matter with you?”
“I just realized that no one knows about his appointment except us. Maybe he’s lying. You must admit that it is odd for a gentleman to involve himself in trade.” Tears trembled in her eyes.
“Lord Woodvale knew of it the night before Charles told us.” Which itself was quite strange, she admitted. Why would Charles share his secret with Nicholas? He was trying to keep it quiet. His family would be furious when they learned the truth, and he was too busy with his own arrangements to deal with their recriminations. So why tell Nicholas? The men were not close. And why was Nicholas keeping it a secret?
“All right. Maybe I overreacted. But nothing explains arranging assignations with Lady Sophia. I thought he hated her. Did he decide to take her fortune after all? If he doesn’t wed me, I’ll be ruined – or stuck with George!”
“Enough!” Her sharp command pulled Chloe out of her renewed hysteria. “You are turning one incident into a Cheltenham tragedy. I cannot explain what either of them were doing here this morning, but nothing will convince me that he has been toying with your affections. And nothing will convince me that he has paid attention to Lady Sophia. You will reserve judgment until you learn the facts – and do not forget that Charles and Sophia have known each other most of their lives. Despite having no desire to marry, they are friends.”
“You are right, of course,” said Chloe, but her tone did not sound convinced.
“You are thinking of his reputation, I suppose.” Diana sighed. “I suspect your mother made him sound much worse than he actually was – and I do mean was. Suggesting that you elope is highly improper, of course, but I cannot blame him under the circumstances. He is more responsible than most of his peers, was no wilder than other cubs, and is too young to be considered a hardened rake. His antics were only the usual sowing of wild oats. Now he wants to settle down, and I am sure he will remain faithful to you in the future – unless you do something stupid.”
“What would you consider stupid? Taking a lover?”
“That would go far beyond stupid. I meant jumping to hysterical conclusions every time he speaks to another woman, then nagging him about your suspicions. If you do not trust him, sooner or later he will become so irritated that he will live up – or down – to your expectations.”
“Are you implying that I should ignore that scene?” She pointed to the empty path where Charles and Sophia had stood only moments before.
“For now. I suspect he will tell you about it without being asked, because I do not for a moment believe that he would be dallying with Sophia – and certainly not in view of the world. She is betrothed to Woodvale, don’t forget.”
“That didn’t stop him from pursuing me.” She giggled. “It does seem rather ridiculous, though. But I love him so much that I cannot bear the thought of losing him.”
“Will you see him today?”
“Tonight. We will both be at the Sanford Ball, but he has meetings all afternoon.”
“Good. In the meantime, don’t do anything silly. George will be talking to your parents and his over the next couple of days. If they question you, guard your tongue.”
* * * *
Charles was unusually quiet as he escorted Diana to the Sanford ball. Not until they finished the first set did he change, and then only to adopt a painful frown.
“Smile!” she hissed, following his eyes. Chloe and George had just arrived and were talking intently, having drawn far enough away from the Parkers not to be overheard.
“They look so intimate,” he choked.
“You two need to talk,” she decided abruptly. “Find an empty anteroom. We’ll join you shortly. And Charles?” She laid a hand on his arm, looking him directly in the eye. “Love cannot survive without trust.”
His brows rose, but he said nothing. Diana went to fetch Chloe, unaware that a scowling Nicholas had seen that intimate gesture and heard her final comment.
* * * *
“Something is wrong,” announced Diana the moment the anteroom door was shut. “Is eloping going to cost you your position?”
“I doubt it. My superiors seem impressed with my knowledge of China.”
“Anything new on gaining permission?” she asked Chloe.
“Nothing.” She sighed. “George spent the afternoon arguing with Father, but you were right. It did no good.”
“George did?”
Diana smiled at Charles’s incredulity and slipped away to look out the window. Let them work out whatever was bothering them on their own. It would be good practice for the years ahead when they would have only each other.
“We had a long talk last night and agreed that marriage would be a disaster. He will try to convince our parents to set aside the betrothal. So far he has spoken only to Father, but I suspect that his arguments will work no better than anyone else’s.”
Charles’s voice softened. “Is that why you were hugging him last night?”
She giggled. “I suppose that was rather indiscreet. I was so happy that he finally understood that I didn’t think.”
“Then it worked. I was afraid that I’d made things worse.” A long moment of silence must have included an unspoken question, for his next words were clearly an answer. “I spoke with him last night as Diana’s betrothed, trying to make him see you as you really are.”
“And succeeded. I’m sorry I thanked him so publicly.”
“I should not have jumped to conclusions.”
Diana glanced over her shoulder. Charles held Chloe in a loose embrace, but Chloe was holding back. “Appearances can often be deceiving – a valuable lesson for both of us, I suspect.”
“Meaning?” he asked.
“We saw you and Sophia in the park this morning,” admitted Chloe.
Charles burst out laughing.
Diana relaxed and returned her attention to the garden. Obviously the meeting was nothing to fret about.
“I’d been blue-deviled since spotting you with George,” he admitted so softly that Diana barely heard him. “I was trying to walk it off before my first appointment. Then Sophia streaked out of a side path. Her maid had fallen and needed help. I was the first person she ran into.”
“Literally.” But her voice was again light. “How is the maid?”
“Broken ankle.” Fabric rustled as he pulled Chloe closer. “I won’t misplace my trust again, love.”
“Me, either. Forgive me for doubting you.”
Diana closed her eyes and counted slowly to a hundred. Then she let out a long sigh.
“That’s enough,” she announced softly. “Too many people will see you tonight. If they can tell what you’ve been up to, we’re all in trouble.” By the time she turned around, Chloe was checking her hai
r in the mirror and Charles was smoothing his jacket.
Chloe returned to the ballroom first, for Lady Parker would be upset if she remained away much longer. Diana told Charles the ideas she and Chloe had come up with about luggage and other plans, then gave him a head start back. Even though they were nominally betrothed, she had to watch her reputation.
* * * *
Nicholas escaped the Sanford’s ballroom. Sophia had been furious when he not only refused to conform to her expectations, but demanded that she modify her own behavior. This was not a battle he would win easily, though she would eventually realize the futility of fighting him. They might never be happy together, but he would persevere until they reached a compromise that allowed a modicum of contentment.
After leaving her simmering in fury, he had meant to dance with Diana – until he had spotted that intimate exchange with Langley. It was not a memory he wanted to keep.
He couldn’t stay. Not at this ball. Not in town. He would go down to Meadowbrook until she left. Sophia needed time to think about the compromises he had just demanded.
Half an hour later, he finally emerged from the ballroom, having been waylaid several times along the way.
Only two people were visible in the hallway. Diana, who was exiting an anteroom, and a tulip of the ton, who couldn’t be more than two-and-twenty. Diana’s face blossomed with delight as she threw herself into the sprig’s arms.
“Jeremy! I had no idea you were in town.”
The sprig twirled her around.
Nicholas heard nothing more through the buzzing in his ears. Red haze blocked his eyes. Damnation! Was he to fall apart every time she paid attention to another man? That passionate greeting replayed in his mind – again and again. Was the sprig a lover? What then did she feel for Langley?
His head swirled. Fragments of voices faded in and out, but the only word he heard clearly was trust. Which he couldn’t. Not her, and especially not himself.
“Nicholas? Are you all right?”
His eyes cleared. She was alone in the hall – and was looking at him in great puzzlement.
“Who was he?” he demanded, raising shock in her eyes.
“Jeremy Reynolds, Harry’s grand-nephew and heir to the current earl – not that it’s any of your business.”
“Is that why Bounty hates you so much? I thought it was because you wound up with his inheritance.”
“What?” She saw the accusation in his eyes and drew herself up in icy disdain. “I don’t believe this. Of all the low-minded fools I’ve met, you take the cake. Jeremy is family – and the closest thing I have to a son.”
“Son?” he choked, already awash in embarrassment.
She nodded. “Harry paid for his schooling. Jeremy spent all his breaks with us so he could learn about his future inheritance – and to remove him from his father’s influence. Now, if you’ll excuse me…” She tried to push past him to reach the ballroom.
“Wait.” He held up one hand. “We need to talk, Diana.”
“Why?”
“To prevent idiotic scenes like this in the future.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “There is too much between us to pretend that we’re strangers, yet we still are in many ways. Questions keep buzzing through my head, but I don’t have any answers. I can’t stand it any more.”
“So it bothers you, too.”
He nodded. “This is hardly the place.” Voices proved his point as another new arrival started up the stairs.
“Very well.” Gesturing him to follow, she stepped back into the anteroom. “But we haven’t much time. Charles has the next set. It would be highly suspicious if I missed it.”
He closed the door behind them, then leaned wearily against it. Already he felt lower than a maggot after his unwarranted accusation. Trust. Somehow he must regain her trust. He couldn’t stand the thought that she would spend her years in China hating him.
“We’ve been snapping at each other since that first soiree. I’m not enjoying it.”
She sighed. “Nor I. Debate stimulates, but the barbs are pointless – and painful.”
“I do it from guilt – that was no ploy, Diana; guilt has ripped me apart for ten years. I suspect you do it from pain.” He paused until she nodded. “I know I hurt you. You refused my apology last time. And you were right. Everything I said and did that day by the stream was deliberate. And unforgivable.”
“Why?” Diana stared at the man she loved and would always love. Tears stung her eyes, but she fought them down. She could not reveal how badly he could still hurt her – was hurting her. How could he believe that she could have an affair with a boy? Of course, Nicholas had been the same age when they had first met…
“I was young – barely down from Oxford. Remember?”
She nodded. Oh, yes, she remembered. He had been so full of life, so cocky that summer. They had taken daring chances. If her father had not been distracted by his illness, it would not have worked. But they had never been caught.
“You thought you could do anything,” she said softly.
“So I did. I had my life completely planned. I would take London by storm, use gaming to support myself, enjoy the carefree life for a few years, then lay siege to an heiress. It was a good plan, even the gaming part. But I hadn’t counted on you.”
She watched a flash of pain twist his face. He paced for a while, then stopped at the window, pulling aside the draperies so he could stare into the garden.
“You dazzled me, Diana, from the moment I saw you. You were peeking out of the forest – so like your namesake with your sun-streaked hair and green eyes. God, those eyes. They have always reminded me of an enchanted glade. I fell in love with you without even knowing your name.”
She snorted, prompting him to turn his head and look at her.
“I don’t expect you to believe it. I refused to believe it myself. Lust, I insisted. Pure lust. Once I had assuaged it, life would continue as planned. So I laid siege to you. But the more I learned of you, the harder it was to dismiss my feelings as lust. I quit trying to seduce you the moment I learned who you were. But I could not stay away. It wasn’t until that day by the river that I understood what I was doing to you.”
The day she had admitted she loved him. Diana hid her clenched fists in her skirts. What was the point of dragging this up again? Hadn’t she suffered enough?
“The first words that sprang to my lips were I love you, too. But I bit them back.” His voice broke. “I couldn’t admit it, yet couldn’t deny it. So I panicked. All my plans were crumbling; fear weighed me down. I was penniless, Diana. Absolutely penniless. I had accepted Gerald’s invitation for the summer because it was the only alternative to home. My worldly goods when I arrived in Warwickshire consisted of ten shillings, a first edition of Othello, and a horse. I knew that if I set foot in my father’s house, I would never leave again. I would have been trapped there for the rest of my life. That was all I had to offer you. Your lack of dowry didn’t help any. Do you remember that I hesitated before I answered you?”
She nodded.
“In that instant, I convinced myself that I did not love you, but even then I let panic control my tongue. I chose words that would sting, words that would hurt, words that would guarantee that you never again thought of me with kindness, let alone love. I clung to my plans and threw away the best thing I ever had. I have carried that guilt every hour since.”
“I think you need to forgive yourself, Nicholas,” she said softly, coming close enough to lay a hand on his arm. “I have long since done so.”
“How could you?”
She smiled. “You can thank Harry for that. I told him everything before I accepted him.” She met his eyes. “Everything. He pointed out much of what you just said. You would have grown to hate me for trapping you in a life you never wanted. Whatever your feelings, the situation was impossible. So you lashed out when I pressed the issue. If I had been older or wiser, we would not have parted in anger, for I would have known th
at you were not for me.”
“I can hear him saying that.”
She raised her brows.
“Bounty was nearly a father to me. One of his estates adjoined ours.”
“Sherlock,” she said in sudden understanding.
“Right. He found me hiding in the woods when I was eight. I had escaped after an argument with my father. He helped me cool my temper, then began challenging my mind. I saw him frequently after that. He offered me sanity, stability, and excitement. But it was years before I could best him in debate.”
“What did he give you?”
“That first edition.”
“I thought that was an odd possession for a penniless scamp.”
“What did he give you?”
“Romeo and Juliet.”
He shook his head. “Damn, but I miss him.”
“So do I. But if you knew him that well, then you will know that he was rarely wrong. Thus the way we parted is not entirely your fault.”
“I cannot accept that. I was too young to handle what I was feeling, but I refuse to start a new argument,” he added, cutting off any response. “You are far more generous than I deserve. And perhaps we can someday meet as friends. We will have time to get used to the idea. I understand Langley expects to spend a dozen years in China before returning.”
“Yes, but I will not be with him.” The words were out without thought, but she knew now that she could trust him. Her instincts had not lied all those years ago. He had loved her.
“You decided to stay behind?” He sounded shocked.
“I doubt his wife would appreciate a chaperon.”
“But—”
“I told you once before that I had no intention of remarrying, and I meant it. Charles and I were talking in the folly when the Parkers appeared. Rather than allow them to spread scandal, he claimed we were betrothed. But he knew before he opened his mouth that I would never wed him.”
“Then who is he marrying?” he demanded. He had paled alarmingly.