by May Peterson
Hei seemed to need a moment to catch his breath. It was amazing how fucked he already looked. Skin damp and glowing, eyes fluttering, pupils massive. His hair was messy, and his thighs vibrated under my touch. “I want—” He paused to gulp. Aww. “You to fuck me. Hard. And come inside me. Please.”
That mowed down my thoughts, left me panting almost as hard as he was. Hearing it said out loud like that.
Then he added, “I brought supplies.” All right, then. I grinned and padded off to find his bag.
He didn’t seem to mind me looking through his things, but there wasn’t much to see. A few spools of cloth and string, interestingly, and some pouches that sloshed with liquid. And there—what looked like ceramic jars. I had expected petroleum jelly, but they appeared to hold some clear ointment. A vaguely mineral and exciting scent clouded it, the smell of friction and fucking.
Was the cloth to bind him? I should ask if he wanted that, though I had my own restraints. I certainly wouldn’t mind tying him up while I fucked his pretty little round ass, if he liked that. I discarded the bag and its contents, taking the ointment back to the bed with me. “You really came prepared.”
He squirmed at that as if embarrassed. Settling next to him with a chuckle, I dipped fingers into the ointment and quickly got to work applying it. Hei’s clenched hole was tight, hot, but it opened up easily around two moistened fingers. Hm. He seemed so tense, I had imagined it might take more to help him relax. But both fingers slid in, parting the sensitive band of flesh. His erratic breath rewarded me with quick stops and hitches, the sexual beat I was creating by exploring him.
“You’re so ready.” I licked his earlobe, and he provided a sweet little sob in response. I introduced a third finger, pressing on his quivering ring until it admitted me. He didn’t seem to be an anal virgin, then, which was good. He would know how it felt already, and there’d be less risk of it hurting him more than he wanted.
Several minutes passed of me playing around with his slick asshole, applying more ointment as I went. Soon, Hei began dissolving into whimpers, jerking at my probing fingers. Little wordless pleas to stop teasing him and get on with it. I could probably do this for hours, despite throbbing at the thought of going further.
“Up you go. On your knees.” I guided him into place with one arm, rubbing a calming hand over his hips and backside. Here we were—Hei poised on his knees, that firm ass gleaming and open, leaning on the arm wrapped around him. What a fucking devastating sight. He didn’t urge me to hurry, though he might be halfway to orgasm by now. Just breathed, eyes closed again, waiting.
I made quick work of my own trousers and underpants, joining him in his nakedness. I gathered him to my chest, my dick pressed bare to his cleft. It felt so much more sensitive without the barrier of fabric between it and him. I nipped his earlobe gently. “I want you to tell me the last time you came. Was it last night?”
He didn’t answer for a moment, as if shocked that I’d ask. “No. I-it was before I came to meet you. I didn’t want this to be over too soon.”
I chuckled into his hair. “Thoughtful boy. Well. We have all night. No need to hold back—I sure as hell wouldn’t kick you out.”
That seemed to relax him, curiously. Desperation thrummed in him, something more desperate than the story he’d told suggested. As if his entire being were resting on what would befall him here in Serenity. I had no compass for the directions his desperation would take him.
But I had a pretty good idea now about mine. At the moment, everything was narrowed down to getting my cock up his ass.
I knew just how I wanted to hold him. With one hand I kept massaging his ring, keeping my own swollen head pushed against it. I wanted him to feel it, know how hard I was. Other arm bent over his chest, I angled in and guided my weight so my tip would press into the hot flesh.
He took me in less easily than he had my fingers—and yet the penetration was almost instantaneous, like how I’d swallowed his cock. Hei’s pants escalated into keening, sharp and needy. Everything in me tuned toward those sounds, to the shifting borders between hunger and pain.
It was only my head and maybe a few centimeters more inside him, but his hole felt surrounding, impossibly hot and soft. Hei’s breaths shook with an attempt at control, his body leaning into my embrace. The hand between our legs now freed, I snaked it through his hair. I tilted his head so his cheek was flush against my mouth, his profile carved out of firelight and sensations.
I licked the spot under his ear. “Do you want...pain? It’s all right if you do. Just want to make sure I’m giving you what you want.”
He gulped again, the motion somehow palpable, like a wave through his body. “I enjoy it for the most part, but it’s not the main appeal for me.” He paused for a heartbeat. “But rough-housing is fine. You don’t have to go easy on me.”
Fuck. That just about made my eyes roll back in my head. In wordless assent, I tightened my grip in his hair and slid in.
It seemed to happen without my will, the full length of me breaching his wet ring. Hei surged forward, fell back against my hold, voice high and uncontrolled. I might have worried that I was pushing him too hard if he hadn’t made his wishes so clear. God, he was tight. It seemed impossible for anything to be so tight, warm, damp, surrounding. I was completely submerged in him, all my nerves screaming Hei. The aroma of his sweat, his hair. His passionate cries. The way he fit so perfectly in my arms, lean and tender and firm and strong. I kept going almost without thought. Pounding his soft insides, hitting the same fiercely hot planes over and over. It was mesmeric, consuming.
I loved this position so much. Hei had to tilt his weight onto his knees so he could ride my lap, and I took his hole from behind. A blur of needs, I felt my fingers touching his face. Finding his lips, penetrating them just as I had his ass. His sounds had become squeals, panted out in a furious rhythm with my thrusts. I probed his mouth, caught his tongue between my fingers and held it there. I honed in on how it squirmed, how sweet his heavy gasps were as I fucked his soft spot.
It was too much, not enough, not ever enough. My own inchoate, desperate sounds joined the chorus, my scents and his indistinguishable. My body seemed to have become a whirlwind, moving of its own power—abruptly I was pushing Hei down into the bed, covering him. I overlaid him, so many points touching that we may have been molten substances melting together. It gave me a better angle to thrust into him, with more speed and fervor. I tried to control my movements, tried not to bruise him, but we were too tangled up now for it to feel any different.
I fucked him like that, his lips and tongue wet on my fingers, breath suffusing my senses, for what felt like an endless stretch. Trying to find that spot, the balance between my edges and his, until I was ready to careen over the cliff. I forced myself to pause and extract myself, pull him messily around so that he was on his back. His eyes were glazed with sensation, panting as I rubbed our sweaty foreheads together.
I penetrated him again, and his sharp mewl arced through me. I licked his mouth, touching tongues, until he calmed back to whimpers. “Is this good? Can you come like this?” My own voice had fallen apart, hardly recognizable.
Hei nodded shakily.
“I want you to. Just like this. Don’t hold back. And I want to see your face when you do.”
His eyes widened slightly, but he nodded once more. Wrapping one hand around his cock, I fucked back into him.
I was so close myself that for a second, a strange thought took over my mind—surely this wouldn’t work. This had become too intense, the physics too strange and fevered. Surely we’d just unravel, detonate into pools of hunger as we came. Surely there’d be nothing left of us.
Then Hei’s eyes shot open, a bright, liquid emotion making them burn. His whimpers became yelps, a musical strain carrying him over the threshold. He tightened beyond belief, choking my cock, sucking me into him. The warmth became
unbearable. For a string of moments, that damp heat and his face were all that existed. The flaming blush on his cheeks that was still somehow delicate, in spite of it all. He looked so intolerably raw, unguarded. Maybe that was it. It wasn’t that there’d be nothing left of him, but of me, as I sank into him.
My orgasm practically threw me around the room, as powerful as it was. I closed my eyes, riding the crest of overwhelm. All I could do was shudder, gasp, and come myself empty.
I slipped out of Hei slowly, trying to reorient myself to my body. He yipped briefly as we separated, my weight sliding next to him. We were a pile of arms and wings and damp hair, his frame still warm on my chest.
When I opened my eyes, he was looking at my face. Exhausted, gleaming with sweat. A track of tears was running down his cheek.
That frightened me. Not just that I may have been too rough after all, but all the other things it could mean. Silently, I caressed his face, wiping the tears away.
But Hei was smiling. That same open, sunny expression that he’d first shown me.
“That was perfect.” He sounded like he was confessing something that took a weight from his chest. He snuggled closer, head resting on my shoulder.
I held him, smoothing down his hair, stroking his back. It was dangerous to think anything about this was perfect. Simply being near him was complicated in ways that scared me. I was falling, hard, in a way I could feel but not stop. And the more I learned about the city I lived in, the more I questioned whether it was safe to become attached to anyone who dwelled within its walls. But for this instant, it seemed impossible to argue with him. This was perfect.
* * *
We didn’t have all night after all. Hei drifted to sleep in my arms, and I had no heart to wake him. The stone around his neck hummed with warmth between us, occasionally brushing my skin. He trusted me enough to let his guard down this much, after knowing me for two and a half days. Whatever blessing he had, it had to be real in some way. And he believed in it enough to make a difference.
I felt like I’d given something up to Hei, a piece of me that couldn’t be replaced. It wasn’t gone—just tied now with him. Maybe I was coming to trust him too.
He woke after a few hours of peaceful dozing. The smile that lit his features was a blessing in itself. I had no memory of someone waking up to me like that.
I offered him water to wash himself, which he accepted. I joined him, the night having left us easy with each other. Hei seemed in no hurry to cover himself again, even after he had rinsed off. He sat on the bed and watched me.
After a while, he rose, picking up his clothes. “I should go for now, I think.”
My eyes pricked. “You don’t have to. You’re welcome to stay here.”
His downward facing smile now was shy, as if we hadn’t just fucked each other’s brains out. “I’d like to. But I have some errands, and they’ll be easier to do at night.” He bit his lower lip in that way of his. “Can we meet again? Same time, same place?”
I agreed without thought, then ferried him to the ground. This feeling still scared me. The strange devotion it implied to this young man I barely knew. But I had finally made a choice, picked a direction in the mist of my life. It felt good to simply keep moving in it.
He’d made a valid point. The remainder of the night beckoned—I had my own errand. It swung through my mind like a chain. This was something I couldn’t avoid. I’d defied Kadzuhikhan, and he was not a forgiving adversary. Even if he were, Umber would hear of the way I’d stood up for Hei.
I had to find out exactly how wide the line I’d drawn went. And make sure it didn’t end up blurred in the sand.
Kadzuhikhan wasn’t hard to find. He hadn’t come to me, to explain or fight or apologize. But the devious look he’d given me fluttered around my head like a hallucination, promising menace.
He stood on the top of a perch often used by Umber. The wide roof made for a fantastic view of the night-streets, in all their gem-studded splendor. Its slopes shaded the chamber beneath it, surrounded with open windows and miniature spires that gave the structure a chapel-like air. Kadzuhikhan could access the roof as easily as any bird-soul, and he stood with feline grace, away from me, as I descended.
He pivoted with a knowing grin, as if he’d been waiting for me. “Well, well. Lover boy has decided to show his wingspan in my presence. Must have been a good night last night.”
Bile rose in my throat at the memory of him pinning Hei to the wall, the anger and fear on Hei’s face. “Not that you had any part in that.”
His chuckle was earthy, casual. He strode toward me, tail twitching. “Are we remembering the same night? I did you a fucking favor with that kid. I will say, you actually had me there for a minute. But it was smart. Little fuck’s going to be eating out of your hand. His big bad protector.”
I’d entertained doubts about what I’d seen. Maybe Kadzuhikhan wasn’t as bad as it’d appeared. Maybe he didn’t normally act that way. But his words all but sung with the truth. He saw this entire incident as a matter of conquest. I drew three breaths. “So I wasn’t overreacting. You were going to chew him up and swallow him if I hadn’t stepped in.”
Kadzuhikhan’s left brow shot up, resulting in an exaggeratedly puzzled expression. “How much fucking blood did you drink? Yes, I was going to ‘swallow’ him—his come, that is, after showing him exactly why he actually wanted to take me up on my offer. I wasn’t going to hurt the stupid kid. Do you think we don’t want these hungry mortal pieces of ass coming back?”
Coming back? Holy shit. The detachment from reality was surreal. Had he always thought this way? I stepped closer, my gorge rising. “I don’t suppose the words ‘no’ and ‘I said stop’ penetrated your skull at any point? Does that mean anything to you?”
His head shook vigorously, laughing with disbelief, as if he had to absorb a shock. “Ari. Did your memories get sapped, what, yesterday? Fresh stock needing to be persuaded is normal. They thank you for it later, and I will not listen to you pretend that you don’t know that. Fuck. Are you trying to convince me that you just don’t recall all the doe-eyed young men you’ve rolled in the hay with?” His tail swaying, he began to circle me slowly. The gleam of moonlight at his side caught my eye—he had Lightray with him. Damn. Maybe hadn’t considered this carefully enough.
His words burned like silver. I did recall. Men as young as Hei, some fresh and wild, eager for sensation, some desperate with lack of self. What had driven me almost to numbness was not merely their need, their lust, their innocence and yearning, but the endless flow of them. New hearts, new bright eyes, flushed into Serenity with every moon. New blood-givers, more people for Kadzuhikhan to take advantage of with the promise of safe work. I’d joined with them because I was empty too. I was looking for warmth too. But I had never seen it the way he did. I had believed in Kadzuhikhan’s message at the time that this was all consensual, that we were all simply having a good time. A message he was mocking now, as if all those nights of him holding and reassuring me had been part of a bizarre game. As if I’d been intended to see it for the deception it was. Maybe to him, it hadn’t been conscious deception. Maybe he and Umber both simply didn’t know how to view other peoples’ wills as mattering. We were all mountains they couldn’t see.
It was staggering to consider how easy my amnesia made me to manipulate. That insight was cold consolation.
“No. I remember. But no more.”
Kadzuhikhan wasn’t reaching for his sword, but his nails had sharpened into claws. He frowned. “What exactly do you think you’re saying?”
I had no chance to answer. A clawing sound tore the air from behind me, as if something were scaling the tower. I flinched away, caught the shape of black talons heaving over the side of the rooftop. The angle of the lights shadowed the mass, making it appear as if an avatar of the shadows was rising up from the stone. In moments, it congealed into a
winged form perched on the edge.
And from within it, scathing carbuncle eyes glared forth. They slew my breath in my chest.
Umber’s voice, deep and cool, emerged from his silhouette. “If you were holding this conversation with the hope that it would be private, I’m afraid I’ll have to disillusion you.” Even to my eyes, his face was unclear—but the intimation of a grin colored his voice.
Kadzuhikhan, at the corner of my eye, bowed fractionally. “Nothing to keep private. Ari shat all his brains out, apparently, and is spewing nonsense in my face. I’m about to bat him around the ear.”
Tension flooded me, and I adjusted to keep Kadzuhikhan in my sight. I could escape him through flight, if needed. I hadn’t considered that he might hunt me if this came to blows. That he could be my enemy, truly, still felt alien in my mind—even after all I had seen. But one way or the other, I couldn’t take him in a direct match while he was armed.
Certainly not if Umber decided to lend a hand to my subdual.
“You will do no such thing.” Umber’s words rode on a hiss, but the tone of amusement had not left them. He stepped carefully into the moonlight. His pale, gaunt features held an ambiguous mix of delight and disdain. An expression I’d seen too many times to count. And that red gaze was fixed on me. “Let’s hear more of Ari’s nonsense, then.”
Fear was climbing through me, scattering the order of my thoughts. I was too used to thinking of these people as my family, even as it became clear they were a cruel family. But as I stood down Kadzuhikhan’s fury and Umber’s morbid intention, all my new determination felt empty.
But I couldn’t give it up. I clenched my jaw. “I’m not working for you anymore.”
Kadzuhikhan said nothing. If this surprised Umber, or displeased him, he gave no visible sign. Instead, he tilted his head, one finger at his chin as if thinking. “Mmm. Then my hope that last night meant you’d relocated your spirit was in vain. Ah, well. It’s a pity, indeed.”