by Nola Marie
When I walk back into the shop, Dane is waiting for me as is my appointment. “You have guests back there,” he tells me with a concerned look.
I nod without asking who it is. I make my way to the back, my client following behind. I walk into the back room and feel all the blood rush from my face when I see Jax standing there with a guy that could be his twin, except that he is obviously older. His brother.
“I – Jax what are you doing here? Is Zoey with you?” I ask while inwardly wincing at the sharp pitch to my voice.
His eyes narrow as he walks to me. His brother doesn’t move which suits me fine because dude is intimidating as fuck. “You know she’s not. She hasn’t left that damn apartment in two weeks. The first damn night I get her out of that apartment something happens, and now we’re back at ground zero. No, worse, because she won’t even leave for therapy now.”
I flinch. After talking with Pete, I came to the conclusion that I needed to tell Zane what happen but having Jax verify what I already knew stings a little.
But I don’t really want to talk to Jax. Especially not with his brother in the room. I don’t know his brother. I just know the guy emits coldness. The room temperature feels ten degrees colder just with him standing there.
“You and I,” he gestures between us, “are going to talk.”
“I can’t right now, Jax.” I say without meeting his eyes as my guilt grows. This isn't a problem I'm used to having. I face things head on. But this situation is complicated. I see the right thing now, but at the time I risked upsetting one of two people. I chose to upset Zane over Zoey.
Was I self-sabotaging? “I have an appointment," I finish telling him.
“It can wait,” his brother says as he takes a seat on the leather sofa. He leans back with his hands behind his head, and I swear the temperature falls another ten degrees.
I haven’t felt intimidated by a man in years, but this man makes me feel like a child about to be scolded by their parent. Or like he's the executioner at my death sentence. His hazel eyes, that are so much like Jax's, feel like they could shoot ice bolts at me. He is an iceberg. I literally feel a chill cross my skin.
Jax walks across the room to sit in my chair. He stretches his long legs out in front him and props his arms behind his head. “I’ve got all day, Tori,” he tells me, but his tone is more of a threat than a statement.
He’s not leaving without answers. There’s determination etched in his face, but for the first time I see something else in his eyes. A darkness I didn't notice before. The same thing I see in his brother’s ice- cold eyes. Something that says he will do whatever it takes to protect Zoey.
I understand that need and determination more than he will ever realize. I feel the exact same way about Cara - and Dane.
Fuck what have I done? If the roles were reversed and Zane knew information like this about either of them but didn’t tell me I’m not sure I would ever forgive him. I close my eyes and press my hands against them.
“Do we have a problem here, Tori?” Dane asks as he walks into the room like a protective older brother.
Jax raises his eyebrow at me. Challenging. Daring.
I love my brother. He really is a fucking badass, but something tells me that the McCabe brothers are not the people I want him to fuck with. I have the strangest feeling, whoever they really are, they are the type of people who could destroy him in more ways than one.
I let out a very long sigh. “It’s fine. Can you handle Max for me?”
Jax asks me again what happened at the party. His brother stays sitting on the sofa, but it’s obvious he wants to know as well. He is glaring at me waiting for me to start talking.
“I can’t tell you, Jax,” I practically plead. “Zoey begged me not to.”
A torrid of emotions runs through me. Fear that I’ve made things so much worse. Guilt for keeping what I know to myself. Sadness at the pain that Zoey is going through. Jax too. Shit, everyone that cares for her is probably worried sick.
Jax rubs his hands down his face in an exasperated and frustrated move. He is struggling to keep it together. “Tori, what did she tell you? She won’t talk to me, Zane, or Rory. She’s not eating again. She’s having nightmares again. She is having panic attacks. Again. I can’t do anything about it if I don’t know what’s going on.”
A tear rolls down my cheek. I’ve gone through some rough shit in my life. My drug addicted mother abandoned me when I was seven. I never met my father. According to Dane, I didn’t miss much.
Foster home after foster home because I was a – rambunctious child. I stayed in trouble at school. I had a hard time getting along with the other kids. Finally, one day, I just ran away. I managed to survive for two whole weeks on my own when Pete found me.
I still don’t know how he managed to become my foster dad, but it was the best thing that ever happened to me. He worked with the schools until they figured out that I was a lot smarter than my grades showed, but the work wasn’t challenging me. He put me into special programs to keep my mind engaged. By the time I graduated, I could’ve gone to my choice of colleges, but college wasn’t for me.
They also figured out that I had ADHD. Not only was my mind not being engaged enough, I had too much pent-up energy. That’s when he started taking me to his gym with him. He started training me in boxing and kick boxing. I not only loved it. I excelled in it. I thought for a while that’s what I wanted to do with my life, but I soon figured out the purity of it was lost once money became involved.
According to Zane, his and Zoey’s life growing up was pretty great compared to mine. Then everything that happened to her last year seemingly wiped every good thing out of their lives. Honestly, I’m not sure how I would handle it if the situation were reversed.
What she suffered isn’t fair or right. Especially not for someone like her. Despite all the walls she’s had around her since I met her, you can’t help but notice Zoey’s soul. It’s pure and good. You can see in her eyes how special she is, and my heart is aching knowing that I’m making things so much worse by keeping her secret.
A secret I can’t keep any longer. I just hope Jax and Zane will forgive me for keeping it and Zoey will forgive me for sharing it.
Zane
I keep trying to remind myself that I don’t know Tori well. I keep trying to put myself in her shoes. Torn between two people she wants to know better.
But no matter how hard I try I keep getting more and more pissed. She could have lied to me about her name. She could have lied to me about her life. Fuck, she could have lied to me about just about anything. I would have been fine. She could have kept her secrets until she was ready to share because we all have fucking secrets.
But lying to me about Zoey? No. Not lying. She never lied. She just didn’t tell me.
It was obvious she knew something. She barely responded to my texts. She didn’t answer my calls. She definitely evaded when I asked her point blank about the party.
We handled the issue. My sister doesn’t have to be scared anymore. But she is still traumatized. She is still changed. Jax says she still has nightmares nearly every night.
I’ve been reassured by her therapist that she is getting better. That the memory will always be there, but that she will get better. The goal isn’t to get the old Zoey back. According to the therapist, the old Zoey may never return. The goal now is to get a better Zoey back.
As I stand here in this chapel in Vegas with her and Jax, I can’t help but smile. They have been through pure hell, but they are so stupidly in love and happy. I want that for them. They deserve it, and I couldn’t be happier that they are together.
But seeing Tori is harder than I thought it would be.
She texted me after Jax went to see her, but not until after Jax told me everything. I haven’t intentionally ignored her, but every time I tried to respond, it was with so much anger and resentment that I just never sent them.
The most frustrating thing? I still can’t stop thin
king about her. I still want her. But how can I even attempt any sort of relationship with her when I can’t trust her. Or forgive her.
Zoey has tried to reason with Jax and me. Jax hasn’t forgiven her either, but he’s willing to try for Zoey. I want to, also. I’m trying so fucking hard, but looking at her right now, I can’t decide if I want to fuck her or strangle her.
Jax and Zoey say ‘I do’ and kiss. I hug my sister and my best friend, congratulating them while I do it. Then I make a beeline for the bar.
I need a damn drink and I need it now.
I ask for two shots of Three Wise Men Go Hunting and a Jack and Coke. I toss the shots back quickly then turn around to face the crowd.
I watch as Jax pulls Zoey onto the dance floor with him. I’m not sure what kind of magic he has worked on her, but considering she was barely speaking a few weeks ago, I’m not going to complain. Not one bit.
Rory and Bastian come to the bar where I’m standing both asking for Patrón. Never will understand those two and their obsession with tequila. To each their own, I guess. I just prefer my liquor darker.
We stand there in complete silence while watching Zoey and Jax look at each other like there is no one else in the universe but the two of them.
Then my eyes move to Tori and Maddox as they walk into the bar.
Fuck why does she have to look like that. She not bohemian chic or pinup sexy. She is just – fuck she’s hot. The short dress is almost strange with a strip of silver glitter on top and bottom and a wide strip of black leather in the middle paired with sky-high heeled boots. Her pale hair looks almost silver against the dress as it waves down her back. As usual, she’s wearing little makeup, but damn she doesn’t need a bit of it.
Masters wraps his arm around her waist to whisper something in her ear. I have the urge to rip that damn arm off and beat him with it. A low growl slips from my throat causing Rory and Bastian to turn to stare at me.
They follow where my eyes go. Bastian lets out a low chuckle.
“You gonna go talk to her?” Rory asks me. His body language and face don’t give away much, but I know that arrogant SOB. He is dying on the inside with laughter.
“No,” I answer without further explanation as I toss back my drink. I get the bartender’s attention to ask for another drink and another shot.
“Who is she?” Bastian asks curiously.
“A friend of Zoey’s.”
“A friend of Zoey’s?” Rory remarks with a smirk. “Aren’t you the one fucking her?”
“Nope.”
“Zane Valen found someone he can’t charm?” Bastian ask mockingly.
I toss back the shot and start on my drink. I’m starting to feel the effects of the alcohol, but it’s not having the effect I want. Instead of feeling numb to whatever the fuck this attraction is, my jealously that Maddox is over there with her intensifies. “Oh, I already charmed her," I say arrogantly. "Just didn’t fuck her. Not going to.”
“She wasn’t trying to hurt Zoey,” Rory says. “Or you.”
I turn to him with a scoff. “If she hadn’t told you guys what happened, Zoey would be -.”
“Exactly where she is now, Zee,” Rory says causing me to gape. When the fuck did Rory McCabe become rational? It's like he's been abducted or something. “We would have figured it out. Jax already figured it. He just needed verification.”
“So? If she’d told us when it happened, then -.”
“Rory and I would have been working to get you and Jax out of jail. We can cover up murder, but not when there’s over a hundred witnesses,” Bastian remarks tipping his drink back.
Bastian too! It's like the fucking Twilight Zone.
Of all the goddamn time for these two to be logical, why does it have to be now? I look over to her again. She is laughing with Zoey and Maddox, turning up her own drink. Jax and Maddox are getting along great. (The fucking traitor.) Zoey leans in and gives Maddox a hug. I watch the guy as he tries desperately to not look pained. To hide his broken heart because whatever has happened, he absolutely cares for Zoey. It takes a really big person to be able to watch the girl you’ve loved for so long love somebody else. But it’s an altogether different thing of itself to watch her marry the person you know she should be with.
I also see that Tori notices as well. When Zoey and Jax walk away, she takes his hand and leads him elsewhere.
My jaw tenses as he wraps an arm around her, placing a cheek to her head. They head for the bar to get more drinks looking very comfortable and cozy with each other.
They’re just friends. They are just friends.
I repeat it to myself over and over like a mantra. Even if I have no reason whatsoever to care. I can’t want her, but not go to her. She’s been calling for a couple of weeks now, and I haven’t answered the phone or responded to a single text.
I watch as they laugh. They throw back a few shots and then go to the dance floor.
“Why don’t you just pull your fucking head out of your ass like you’re always telling us to do,” Rory quips as he finishes off his drink.
“It’s not the same as it was with you and Layla and you know it,” I remind him.
“No, but doesn’t mean you’re not wrong,” he tells me as he walks toward Jax and Zoey.
I turn to watch as Maddox and Tori dance with each other. He grips her hips and dips his mouth low to her ear, making her giggle.
Bastian slaps me on the back with a laugh. “You’re fucked, man.”
I jerk my head toward him. What the hell is he talking about? I ask him as much, but he doesn’t say anything as he walks toward the exit, probably in search of something a little more his speed. A little less tame - vanilla.
“Aren’t you Zane Valen?” I hear a soft voice ask from behind me.
I turn around to see a smoking hot redhead standing there wearing next to nothing. I flash her a half-smile – a smirk. I take in her green eyes that are practically luminous against her skin. “Yeah, that’s me, Darlin’,” I tell her as I finish off another drink.
She bites her lip like she’s trying to be coy, but this girl doesn’t have a bashful bone in her body. She’s looking to get laid by the hotshot football player. I’m just about to send her on her way as gently as possible when I notice Tori watching from the bar as she gets another drink herself.
I’m well on my way to being more than a little drunk. She’s over there grinding on Maddox who is so far past drunk he’s making me look sober. I’m not sure when he started drinking again. He was sober for years. I hope he’s not getting into the harder stuff again. But it’s not really my business, so I decide to give Tori a show of my own as I lead the girl to the dance floor. I make a show, gripping her hard, and let her glide her body all over mine.
After a few songs, Tori says something to Maddox to which he nods. She begins walking toward the elevator, and I continue to dance with the redhead.
After a she’s out of sight, I politely excuse myself and head back to the bar for more of something to kill a few more brain cells. Jax rolls up beside me leaving Zoey to dance with Maddox.
“Still not drunk enough to talk to her huh?” he asks with a smirk.
“Not trying to talk to her. Trying to forget her,” I snap. “Why are you letting that happen?” I gesture toward Zoey and Maddox. “You know how he feels about her.”
He gives a dark chuckle. “Maddox knows I would kill him if he ever tried anything. Besides, he shoves the shit down because he wants her happy. Can’t fault him for that. If I thought he was who she wanted and could make her happy, I’d do the same thing.”
“I want to call bullshit, but you almost did that, didn’t you?”
“Twice like a fucking moron. Maddox may love her, but he knows she loves me. And he knows we were meant to be together. Always has known it. It’s why he never tried to move in on her.”
“You two have some kind of fucking heart to heart?” I snap sarcastically as the liquor starts to make me crotchety.
“And you should either talk to her or get the fuck over her. Better yet just get over it. I don’t agree with what Tori did, but I understand it. She thought she was choosing to let Zoey trust her. To give Zoey one more person she knew she could count on.”
“So, I’m just supposed to let it fucking go? She might have been trying to keep Zoey’s trust, but she threw mine out the window.”
“Zee, do you hear yourself right now? Since when do you feel sorry for yourself? And since when do you get pissed when someone chooses Zoey over you?”
“Since it was her, Jay,” I bellow a little too loudly.
“You really do like her, don’t you?” he says smugly.
“I did. As in past tense.”
“Don’t be stupid, Zane. Don’t throw away something that could be good because you’re feeling pissy.”
“Why is he being stupid?” I hear my sister ask.
“That’s a very good question,” Jax repeats giving me a questioning yet scolding look.
“Fuck,” I say gripping the back of my neck as I realize he’s right. Just like Rory and Bastian were right. “I got to go somewhere.”
Jax nods in agreement and approval while Zoey just looks confused. I kiss her on the cheek and stumble my way to the elevators as I fight against the alcohol running through my veins.
I stand there feeling like the world is swimming as the elevator makes its ascent up. I lean back against the glass and close my eyes.
I haven’t been this tied up over a woman in years. Actually, that's not true. The truth is I have never been this tied up over a woman. I've never been this obsessed. I've never been this torn up. I don't know what it is about this woman, but she has me wrapped in knots without even trying.
Jax is right. I am acting like a little bitch about this because I like Tori. I like her a lot - more than a lot, and I wanted to see where this mutual attraction we have for one another goes.
What she did really wasn’t even that bad. I’ve kept secrets for Jax and vice versa. Is this really any different than him not telling Zoey something about me?
I know why it upset me initially. I am fiercely protective of my sister. Especially since she came home. I felt like things wouldn’t have gotten so out of control if Tori had just told us what she knew.