by Sandra Owens
As she’d hoped, his gaze shifted to the laughing children. He watched them for a few seconds, and the ghost of a smile appeared on his face before he looked away. He didn’t seem to be trembling the way he had at seeing them earlier.
She wasn’t a doctor, but she thought he might be suffering from something similar to PTSD and should probably talk to a professional. She thought it would be good for him to try to acclimate to being around children again, and maybe she could help with that.
“Thank you,” he said, lifting beautiful blue eyes that were a little brighter to hers.
Not wanting to put too much emphasis on his reaction to the kids, before or now when he’d almost smiled, and in an attempt to lighten the mood, she tapped a finger on her lips. “You can show your appreciation by kissing me.”
His gaze fell to said lips. “Your brothers are probably going to shoot me right where I stand for this, but I don’t care.”
He lowered his face, and the moment their mouths touched, she vaguely wondered when her knees had turned to limp noodles. She moaned when his tongue skimmed over the seam of her lips. He answered with a groan that she felt in places no other man had touched.
“Get your mouth off my sister.”
They jerked apart, and she glared at her youngest brother. He winked, letting her know he was messing with them. Ignoring Alex, Rand turned his attention to the meat on the grill.
“Dude, you know what you’re doing? Have you ever even had a hot dog?” Alex said.
Rand tilted his head as he stared down at the hot dogs on the grill. “Once, when the chef was sick.” He smirked at Alex. “Mother boiled some.”
Her brother stared at him in horror. “She boiled them?” At Rand’s nod Alex put his hand on her arm, giving her a push. “Go visit the others. I have some serious grilling lessons to give this boy.”
She lifted her brows, silently asking Rand if he was going to be okay, getting a smile and a nod. Trusting that Alex would play nice, she joined her sisters-in-law. “Sorry I didn’t come say hi right away.” She settled in one of the lawn chairs.
Taylor glanced over at Rand. “You were where you needed to be. I was surprised to see him here. We’ve invited him over several times since he lost Zoe, but he always refused. It’s hard for him to be around children.”
“Understandable,” Lauren said, rubbing her belly as if soothing the baby nesting inside. “I don’t know if I could be if something happened to mine.”
Madison kissed the forehead of the baby sleeping on her shoulder. “It slayed me when my father was killed, but I think I’d lay down and die if something happened to Michael.”
“I think you’re good for him, Kinsey,” Taylor said, her gaze alighting on Rand. “That you were able to get him here speaks volumes.”
They watched as Nate ambled over to the grill. Kinsey rolled her eyes when he bumped his shoulder against Rand, sending Rand sideways. “They need to stop picking on him.”
Lauren grinned. “He can take it.” She turned curious eyes to Kinsey. “So, you and Rand, huh? How’d that happen?”
“I don’t know if there is a me and Rand, but I really like him. He seems to think that he’s not in a good enough place right now to have a relationship. That it wouldn’t be fair to me.” Nate strolled over, and she narrowed her eyes at him. “Big brother isn’t helping by going all macho and warning Rand away.”
The Gentry wives all laughed. “Insider info here,” Taylor said, still chuckling. “Your brothers are the equivalent of mama bears and tend to get overzealous in doing their job of safeguarding those under their protection. That now includes you.”
Nate nodded. “Damn straight.”
“I wasn’t finished, babe. What I was going to say before being interrupted, take their protection when it’s needed, but ignore them when they try to tell you what’s best for you.”
When Nate growled at that, Kinsey couldn’t help her laugh. “Good advice.”
“Now go away, husband. We’re having girl talk here.” Her gaze roamed appreciatively over Nate. “And you’re obviously not a girl.”
“Thank God,” he said with a dramatic shudder. “I was sent to tell you that the burgers are done.”
Taylor stood and put her hand on Lauren’s shoulder. “You go sit. Madison, put your son in his crib, then help Court round up the girls. Kinsey, go make sure Rand doesn’t sneak out on us. Nate, you can come help me with the potato salad and stuff.”
“She’s a bossy girl,” Nate said, shooting Kinsey a wink.
“I don’t think he minds at all,” Kinsey said, watching him sling an arm around his wife as they walked away.
Madison chuckled. “I don’t think there’s another woman in the world he’d let boss him around, but he loves for her to. She’s also the best thing that’s ever happened to him. Your brother never smiled before her.”
Every time she heard something like that about one of her brothers, she wanted to cry.
10
“You’re a cool dude, dude, and Nate likes you,” Alex said.
Rand wasn’t so sure. Nate used to like him, but put Kinsey in the mix and maybe not so much anymore. “I hear a but. And did you just say the word ‘dude’ twice in a row?”
Alex scrunched his eyebrows together. “Did I?” He shrugged. “Whatever. The but is, you hurt our sister and we’ll make your life miserable until the day you die.” Alex slapped him on the back. “Now that I got that brotherly shit out of the way, you should also know that I don’t think she could have picked a better man.”
“Thanks for that, but don’t go sending out wedding invitations, dude.”
“If you’re talking about my wedding, dudes, you better include me in the discussion.” Kinsey put her hand on his upper arm and smiled. “So when are we getting married?”
Ignoring Alex’s snicker, he said, “I was thinking next Saturday would be a good day, Sunshine.” Her smile turned brilliant, and he realized that was exactly what she’d brought into his sorry life. Sunshine. He’d lived in the dark for so long, had thought it would always be this way after losing Zoe, but here this woman was, showing him a way out. What could he offer her, though?
She tsked. “Oh no. A week isn’t nearly enough time to plan a wedding and honeymoon. Let’s just elope.”
“Even better. I’ve always wanted to be married in Vegas by an Elvis impersonator.”
“There will be no eloping, little sister.” Alex tapped a finger on her nose. “Your only problem’s going to be choosing which brother to walk you down the aisle. Since I’m your favorite, you should pick me.”
Rand smirked. “What makes you think you’re her favorite?”
“Duh, dude. I’m the prettiest brother, the most fun, and I can take either one of them down without trying.”
That was true. Alex had a black belt in Krav Maga. The only one of them equal to him in the art was Taylor. He glanced at Kinsey, who had the biggest grin on her face as she stared at Alex in total fascination.
He leaned over and whispered in her ear. “Alex can kill with nothing more than his pinkie. We’re definitely eloping.” They were joking around, but when she lifted those beautiful eyes that he kept getting lost in, he suddenly wished they weren’t. This thing he had for her was happening entirely too fast.
She exhaled as if her lungs could no longer hold air. Was she feeling it too?
“Get a room,” Alex muttered.
Rand tore his gaze away from Kinsey’s. Before her, if anyone had asked him to describe his ideal woman, it would have been along the lines of his ex-wife. Willowy, blonde, blue-eyed, reserved. Kinsey was none of those things, but he wanted her more than he’d ever wanted another woman.
She let out an adorable giggle-snort sound. “I’m beginning to understand what a pain in the butt brothers can be.”
“Hey,” Alex said. “I resemble that remark.”
“We’re getting hungry over here,” Court yelled as if cued to confirm Kinsey’s opinion on brothers.
<
br /> Alex picked up the platter of meat. “Let’s go feed the masses.”
As he turned to follow, Rand saw Nate’s girls sitting at a small table set up next to the bigger one, and he stilled. How had he forgotten about them? As if sensing his hesitation, Kinsey slipped her hand into his.
“You hear the one about the man who walked into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm? He said, ‘A beer, please, and one for the road.’ You can laugh now.” She looked up at him, vigorously blinking her eyes.
This woman. “Thank you,” he said, squeezing her hand. He followed her to the round patio table, pulled out a chair for her, and then sat next to her. Maybe it was time to learn to be around children again. It didn’t escape him that it was because of her—maybe for her—that he would even want to be figuratively opening the curtains and letting the light in.
Across from him, Alex wore a canvas carrier, holding Michael to his chest. He stuck a pacifier in his son’s mouth. Baby Michael looked at Rand, spit out the pacifier, and then gave Rand a big, toothless, drooling grin. Rand made a face at him, and the boy shrieked and kicked his little legs, making Rand smile. It hurt enough to have him putting his hand on his chest, over his heart, but he didn’t have the urge to get up and run away.
Progress. And it felt good. Damn good. He darted a glance at Kinsey to see a soft smile on her face as she watched him. He winked at her, letting her know he was okay. She put her hand on his leg and squeezed. His heart tripped over itself as they stared at each other.
Nate cleared his throat. “When you two are done making eyes at each other, let me know so we can eat.”
“We’re not—”
“Dude, you so are,” Alex said.
“Du,” Michael screamed, kicking his feet against Alex’s stomach.
“Dear God, not him, too,” Rand muttered.
Alex thought that was hilarious, which set off his son, the two of them—carbon copies of each other—laughing like demented hyenas. Their glee seemed contagious as the rest of the Gentrys joined in, including Kinsey. Well, except for Nate, who wore a scowl as he tried to stare Rand down. But Rand saw the amusement in his eyes, and it was then he knew. The Gentry brothers might razz him over Kinsey, doing their best to give him a hard time, but—although they probably wouldn’t say so—they approved. He qualified that. As long as he didn’t hurt her. Then all bets were off.
“I have something to say,” Kinsey said, drawing all eyes to her. “I can’t tell you how awesome it’s turning out to be to have brothers, to have a family. But—”
“I knew there was a but coming,” Nate muttered.
“Yes, there is. You three can’t just stomp your way into my life and start dictating what I can and can’t do.” She pointed her knife at Nate. “Especially you.”
“She’s got your number,” Taylor said, smirking at her husband.
Court chuckled. “You’re too smart for your own good, little sister.”
“Dude,” Alex said. “What do you expect? She’s got our genes. Of course she’s smart.”
She grinned at Alex. “Being a Gentry makes me smart?”
“Well, duh.”
“Oh, oh, oh,” Madison said, bouncing in her seat. “She’s the queen of diamonds.”
“I’m what?”
“When they were undercover at Aces and Eights, Alex was known as the jack of hearts, Court the king of clubs, and Nate the ace of spades,” Lauren explained. “They always thought the bar was the queen of diamonds. Little did they know they had a sister, but they do, so you’re the queen.”
“I can do queen,” Kinsey said, doing an impressive imitation of a queen wave, getting more laughter from her new family.
Rand watched the byplay between Kinsey and her brothers with amusement, immeasurably pleased that she’d found a family worthy of her, men who knew how to love and protect what was theirs. She was pretty independent and might not like the idea of being under their protection, but that was how men thought, political correctness be damned.
They needed to have a serious talk. He might be working toward being comfortable around children again, but nothing would change his mind about having another one. It was more than the fear of losing another child. If he did have one, he would be a nervous wreck, afraid to let his kid out of his sight. He’d want to keep his child away from other children and their contagious germs. He’d end up smothering the poor kid with his fears of all the things that could steal his child from him, like the fucking flu. One sneeze would have him speed-dialing an ambulance.
Before he worked himself into a knot of anxiety, he closed down his thoughts. Now wasn’t the time for them, but Kinsey needed to understand where he was coming from before anything more happened between them. So they would talk, and where they went from here would be her decision.
“No, Annie. Frogs don’t like hot dogs.”
“Froggie hungry, Rosie,” Annie said.
Rand glanced over to see the youngest of Nate and Taylor’s girls trying to feed a hot dog to her stuffed frog. Zoe had had a frog, and it was something she would have done. For a brief second, the pain of missing her was intense. Then a memory of her came, the time she put her frog in the toilet because it needed a bath, and he found himself smiling.
Rosie, Taylor’s foster mother and now the girls’ nanny, handed Annie a carrot to feed her frog. That seemed to satisfy Annie, and peace was restored. That he smiled now when thinking of his daughter seemed a miracle.
“Today wasn’t so bad, was it?”
Rand turned his head toward Kinsey. They were back at her apartment, sitting on her back patio. “It was good. Really good.” He had a few hours before he needed to head to the bar for the night, and he’d asked for a little time to talk.
“I’m glad you stayed, but I wouldn’t have thought any less of you if you hadn’t.”
“The truth, I wouldn’t have if you hadn’t been with me.” He reached over and took her hand in his. “We do need to talk, though.”
“Okay, I’m listening.”
“I like you, Kinsey. A lot. There’s something between us, and I think you feel it, too.” She nodded. “But I need you to know that I’ll never have another child.”
“Because?”
She wasn’t going to make this easy. He let go of her hand and stood. The tinkling noise of her fountain was a soothing sound, and he stared at it, trying to collect his thoughts. Did she come out here often to read a book, or maybe to just sit and think? There were so many things he wanted to know about her, but wasn’t he being selfish to want to see her when, in the end, there was nothing he could promise her?
“I don’t want to hurt you, Sunshine.” He went back to his patio chair, pulled it around to face her, sat, and put his elbows on his knees. “I want to spend time with you, but usually when a man and woman start seeing each other, both understand that it could possibly lead to something. Love. Marriage. Children.”
“Ah, so you really were only kidding about eloping. Bummer.” She smiled, and her eyes softened. “Seriously, though, there’s no way to know if after a week or a month or whatever, this chemistry is between us will fade and we go our separate ways, or if one or both of us will fall in love. If love comes into the equation, it sounds like one of us is going to get hurt. Probably me.”
“Probably.” Although he had a feeling this woman had the power to hurt him, and funny enough, he would be willing to risk it if she was agreeable to never having children. But he could never ask that of her.
“I’ve always wanted children someday, and I don’t think I could give that dream up. I also don’t want to give you up, Rand. So what do we do?”
Kinsey had only known this man what? About two weeks? She hadn’t stopped to closely examine her feelings for him, but she had a sneaking suspicion that she was already falling for him. She got where he was coming from. If she’d experienced the kind of loss he had, she would likely be saying the same thing. As much as she wanted to keep seeing him, wouldn’t it be wiser to
end it now before she made the jump from falling for him to being in love with him? Or would she be willing to give up having children for this man?
She didn’t have an answer.
“Maybe you should take some time to think,” he said.
“That’s a good idea.” She wanted to cry at the sadness in his eyes. He’d had more pain in his life than anyone should have, and she wanted to crawl into his lap and soothe his hurts. She wanted to heal him. But she couldn’t.
He smiled his sad smile as he stood. “I’m sorry, Kinsey.”
“You have no reason to be.” She held out her hand, letting him pull her up. She lifted onto her toes and placed a soft kiss on his lips. “I firmly believe those we’ve loved and lost are looking down on us. You said you’ve just recently been able to smile when thinking of Zoe. I think that makes her happy and that each time you do smile over a memory of her, she smiles, too.”
“Jesus, Kinsey,” he whispered. “There’s nothing more perfect you could have said just now. Thank you.” He slid the back of his hand down her cheek. “You have my number. Call me when you make a decision.”
“I will. Take care, Rand.” After he was gone and she’d locked up behind him, she returned to the patio to think. She’d never seen a possibility of a future with Rick. All he’d been was someone to go out with, to have fun with. Rand was a different animal altogether. She could see herself falling in love with him, and that would only mean heartache because she didn’t think she could give up having children. The tears came then, and with them came a sense that she’d lost something precious.
11
Friday came, the night of the Friends of the Library Ball. Rand thought it was a little strange that he’d rather be at Aces & Eights, considering he wasn’t at all comfortable at the bar. He escorted Deidre Cummings into the Fontainebleau’s grand ballroom, wishing he’d refused to be her escort when his father had asked. Even more, he wished it was Kinsey at his side.