by Kitty Neale
Robin was white-faced on Saturday morning, unable to believe his ears.
‘What do you mean, it’s over?’
‘I’m sorry,’ Julia said. ‘I’ve met someone else, and it made me realise that I…I don’t really love you.’
‘Julia, you can’t do this. We’ve made so many plans.’
‘I know, but surely it’s better to find out now?’
‘Don’t do this! We’re supposed to be leaving here after our final exams, getting married in South Africa.’
‘I don’t want to marry you now.’
‘Who is he? Do I know him?’
‘It…it’s Stuart.’
‘What?’ Robin exclaimed. Stuart was one of his flatmates, a so-called friend. ‘How long has this been going on?’
‘A…a few months.’
Robin’s jaws ground. In all that time he hadn’t spotted a thing. Stuart was good looking, often had girls in his room, and to think that one of them had been Julia made his stomach clench as though he’d been punched in the gut.
‘You’ve been sleeping with him?’
She nodded, whispering, ‘Yes.’
‘Huh, another one he’s added to his harem.’
‘It’s not like that. Stuart isn’t seeing anyone else now.’
‘I didn’t take you for a fool, Julia,’ Robin said, hoping to salvage something of his pride before he walked away. ‘You’re just one of a long list, but he’s welcome to you.’
‘You’re wrong, he loves me…’
‘Mug,’ Robin spat over his shoulder. He stormed away, heading back to his flat, but there was no sign of Stuart there. The bastard had left Julia to tell him and was obviously keeping out of his way. However, as Robin paced the room, it began to sink in that he was more upset by his so-called friend’s betrayal than the fact that Julia had broken up with him.
With the wind taken out of his sails, he sat down. He’d thought himself in love with Julia, was looking forward to going to live in South Africa, the job he’d been offered a brilliant one. Was that it? Had he been so blinded by ambition, by the life that was opening up to him, that he hadn’t noticed that he was more in love with the concept of the job than the girl?
In no mood now to have it out with Stuart, Robin began stuffing things into an overnight bag. He’d go home for the weekend, cool off, pick up the pieces and make new plans…Yes, but where was home now? In his mother’s rented flat or in what was, until it was sold, his father’s house?
Jenny too was making plans. She would be here for the weekend, but was unable to imagine staying on any longer after that, having to see Bridget doing what for a while had been a job she loved. It was time to move on.
‘Nuala, would you mind if I make a call to England? Jenny asked. ‘I’ll pay the charges.’
‘Bless you, of course I don’t mind.’
She went out to the small reception desk and rang the number, finding her father excited to hear from her.
‘Jenny, at last,’ he said. ‘Are you on your way home?’
‘No, Dad, I’m still in Limerick. It’s a huge city and I don’t think the home for fallen women is here. Was it somewhere on the outskirts?’
‘I…I think so,’ stammered Edward.
‘Then why on earth did you send me to the city?’
‘Jenny, it was a long time ago and I couldn’t remember exactly where it was.’
‘You must have some idea.’
‘I, er…I think it was close to a village, but can’t recall the name.’
‘Was it to the north of the city, the east, or what?’
‘I’m not sure, perhaps south.’
‘All right, I’ll head in that direction.’
‘Jenny, no, you’ve been away for a month now. It’s time you came home.’
‘Dad, I’m not coming back to Wimbledon.’
‘But you won’t have to, at least not for long. I’ve found a house in Essex.’
‘When are you moving there?’
‘I hope in a few weeks. Jenny, I’ve done this for you, darling, to give you a fresh start.’
Sudden tears flooded Jenny’s eyes. A part of her wanted to go home, to run to her father, to live in Essex, away from all the bad memories, but the other part was still desperate to find her mother’s grave. She fumbled for a piece of paper and picked up a pen.
‘All right, give me the address and I’ll come there, but first I have to lay flowers on my mother’s grave.’
‘What if you don’t find it?’
Jenny didn’t even want to think about that. ‘Dad, I’ve got to go, just give me the new address.’
Edward continued to argue, but when Jenny insisted that she’d have to hang up he finally gave in and she wrote the address down.
‘Thanks, and bye, Dad.’
‘Jenny—’
She replaced the receiver, ran up to her room, grabbed her map, and went back to the kitchen to spread it on the table. So many names…so many villages.
‘It makes me sad to see you looking at that thing,’ Nuala said as she walked in and flopped onto a chair. ‘It reminds me that you’ll be leaving us soon.’
‘Yes, on Monday.’
‘Jenny, ’tis a hard task you’ve set yourself.’
‘I know, but though my father couldn’t remember the exact place, at least I have a direction now.’
Nuala looked at the map, smiled and pointed. ‘Kilkee, I was born and married there. ’Tis a beautiful place, one to soothe your soul.’
‘Why did you leave?’
‘Finn came from here, and when his parents died we took over the place.’
‘You must miss it.’
‘I do, sorely, though I go back occasionally to see my family. As I said, ’tis beautiful, next to the sea with a wonderful sandy, horseshoe-shaped beach that stretches for about a mile. It’s a very popular place for holidays.’
Jenny frowned. It sounded similar to the place she’d seen in her dream, but then she shook off the thought. It was just a coincidence and she had to head south, not to the coast. She looked at the map again, decided on a route and then folded it, hoping that at last she’d find the place she was looking for. It would be awful saying goodbye to Nuala on Monday, the thought painful, but she had to leave…had to find her mother’s grave.
‘Robin, I wasn’t expecting you,’ Delia said in surprise, though she was happy to see her son.
‘Hello, Mummy.’
‘Come on in. You look half starved and I’ll get you something to eat,’ she said, regarding Robin worriedly.
‘Probably because of a diet that consists mainly of baked beans.’
‘What! Is that all you eat?’
‘Only kidding,’ Robin said as he flopped onto the sofa. ‘I manage on a bit more that that.’
‘I’m glad to hear it, but why didn’t you let me know you were coming?’
He shrugged. ‘Last-minute decision.’
Delia was pleased the meal she had just finished cooking would stretch to two and gave her son the lion’s share. By the time they had finished eating, however, she was looking at Robin, frowning.
‘What’s wrong, darling? You’re awfully quiet.’
‘It’s nothing; just that I’ve broken up with my girlfriend.’
‘You once mentioned a girl called Julia, is that the one?’
‘Yes, and she’s been the only one, until now. I was going to marry her.’
‘Marry her! And just when were you going to tell me?’
‘It was complicated.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘She’s South African and after my finals I was going to move there and work for her father.’
‘You were going to South Africa!’ Delia cried, astounded.
‘Yes, but you needn’t worry. As I said, we’ve broken up.’
‘I suppose I should say I’m sorry, but I…I can’t. After hearing that, I’m only relieved.’
‘It was a good job, one that would have taken me straight to
the top and you could have visited us–even stayed if you liked it.’
‘Yes, well, it seems it isn’t going to happen now,’ Delia said as she gathered up the plates.
‘How are you doing, Mummy? Have you spoken to Dad again?’
‘No, and I don’t intend to. Last time I rang him, I said I was sorry again, admitted I was wrong, but he doesn’t want me back, and that’s that. I’m going to move on now, start that business I mentioned ages ago.’
‘Do you need any help?’
‘Get your exams out of the way first, darling. You never know, you could end up working for me! I’m going to need a good accountant.’
Robin smiled at last. ‘Thanks, but even though the job in South Africa has fallen through, I have higher ambitions.’
‘I’m glad to hear it. Nevertheless, if I’m really successful, I might eventually need more than an accountant. I might want you as a partner.’
‘Now that sounds more promising.’
‘You needn’t look so amused. I just might surprise you.’
‘I hope you do; in fact I wish you every success.’
‘Thank you, darling,’ Delia said, kissing her son on the top of his head, though still shocked that Robin had been planning on going to South Africa. She felt full of relief that he wasn’t now, and that he’d chosen to stay with her rather than his father this weekend.
Edward might have Jennifer–his adopted daughter, as she now accepted the girl was–but Delia still had her son. She knew that she could have lost Robin when she’d told him the truth, but he’d understood, had stood beside her, and for that Delia counted her blessings. Her marriage was over and she had to think about her future now. As long as it included Robin, that was all that mattered to her.
Chapter Fifty-One
Edward was in the new house, waiting in despair for Jenny. Where on earth was she? He’d expected her to turn up ages ago, but instead it was now the middle of May and there was no sign of her. Her search would have proved fruitless and surely there was nothing to keep her in Ireland now. Had she somehow lost his new address, was that it?
He glanced at the clock. Robin should be here soon and it had been a long time since he’d seen his son as well. He knew the boy was annoyed that he’d refused to take Delia back, and that it was a long drive to Essex from Birmingham, but with a week off from university, he’d at last persuaded his son to make the journey.
‘Hello, son,’ he said, when at last Robin arrived. ‘You made it then.’
‘I was a bit worried about the car. I thought at one time she was going to give up on me.’
‘Car! It’s more like a pram, but you’re the one who wanted it.’
‘It’s a Citroën 2CV, not a pram, and she’s usually as good as gold.’
‘Until now.’
‘She still got me here,’ Robin said as he looked around the living room. ‘This isn’t bad.’
‘I like it, but sit down and I expect you could do with a drink. Beer?
‘Yes, great.’
Edward poured the drinks, then asked, ‘Have you by any chance heard from Jenny?’
‘No, not a word, haven’t you?’
He shook his head. ‘Not since the last time I spoke to her.’
‘Has she got your new telephone number?’
‘No, but I was expecting her back by now, or failing that she could have dropped me a line. I’m beginning to think she may have lost the address.’
‘Could be, but if she wants to find it, I’d have thought she’d ring me. Dad, you don’t think she’s somehow found out, do you?’
‘No, it’s impossible.’
‘I hope you’re right, but Mummy said something about new laws coming into force next year.’
Edward sat down opposite his son. ‘It still wouldn’t do Jenny any good. For her sake, and you know why, I had the forethought to make sure she doesn’t know her mother’s real name.’
Robin looked shocked. ‘I’m not sure, Dad; the more I think about it, the more I feel Jenny has a right to know.’
‘No, son, she’s been through enough. Jenny needs to get on with her life now, to make a fresh start and we should help her. If we don’t she could spend years on a search that could lead anywhere, and when it ends in failure it could destroy her. It’s better this way, you must see that.’
Robin thought about it for a while, but then to Edward’s relief he nodded. ‘Yes, I suppose you’re right. As I once said, what she doesn’t know can’t hurt her.’
‘That’s right,’ Edward said, hoping that soon there’d be a knock on the door, and he’d find his daughter on his doorstep. Then, at last, he could relax.
Jenny was feeling despondent. She had searched place after place, winding across the south on tiny roads as she went from village to village, her search ever widening. She was so tired of travelling, of sleeping in different beds, some comfortable, some not, and was nearly ready to give up. She was lonely too, meeting people just briefly before moving on, tired of hellos and goodbyes.
She lay in bed that night after another fruitless journey, in yet another stopover, miles from Limerick, and surely too distant from the city to be the right place. If only her father had given her at least a village name–without one her search was proving impossible. She thought about his new house in Essex. He must have moved in by now, and was probably upset that he hadn’t heard from her. Maybe it was time to drop him a line, tell him she was coming back. She’d try one last place, one a woman had told her about that day, a convent that took in lost souls. It sounded unlikely, but Jenny felt she had to give it a try. She closed her eyes, fighting despair. She felt like that–a lost soul–but at last she slept.
The dream came, the same beautiful vision, and Jenny awoke very early on Thursday morning with it still in her mind. Why? Why did that place haunt her dreams? She flung back the blankets and went to have a wash before she got dressed, packed her overnight bag and headed downstairs. She’d have breakfast, pay yet another bill, and then head for the convent.
‘It’s been lovely to meet you,’ the owner said. ‘Have a good journey.’
‘Thank you,’ Jenny replied, but found that she had to gulp back her emotions. The woman reminded her of Nuala and she was tempted to return to Limerick, to stay with them for a few days before going back to England. No, she had to try this one last place and, waving goodbye, she left to get into her car.
It was two hours later and yet again Jenny was disappointed, her journey a wasted one. She headed for the nearest village, feeling disheartened as she found somewhere to have a drink. It was a lovely day, the sky blue, sun shining, and the countryside beautiful; yet it failed to cheer her.
‘Are you here on holiday?’ the woman behind the counter asked as she served her.
‘Yes, touring,’ Jenny replied, in no mood to give the real explanation. She’d seen it so many times, the look of disapproval on some faces when she asked about a home for fallen women, though there were others who had tried to be helpful.
‘You’re on the border of County Limerick. Are you going on to Cork?’
‘No, I don’t think so.’
‘You should. It’s popular with tourists, and close by is Blarney where you can kiss the famous stone.’
‘I’ll think about it,’ Jenny replied as she took her cup and went to sit down. This wasn’t a holiday, but the woman’s words triggered thoughts of Nuala. The place she’d been born in sounded perfect for a holiday, somewhere to soothe your soul she’d said and, unhappiness swamping her, Jenny felt she needed somewhere like that.
It was time to give up–she just couldn’t go on, couldn’t face this aimless search any longer. For a moment Jenny was temped to go to Kilkee, yet it wasn’t a place that could soothe her soul, it was a person. And that person was Nuala.
Her mind made up, Jenny went to find a telephone. Before going back to England on Monday, she’d double back and stay with Nuala and Finn for a few days.
Soon, feeling a little better now t
hat the decision had been made, Jenny was on her way to Limerick.
Back in Limerick, it was very late, and Nuala was yawning, but she was determined to stay up. Jenny had rung to say she was coming here for a few days and she was looking forward to seeing her.
‘Go to bed, Finn,’ she said, seeing that her husband was yawning too.
‘I’ll stay up a while longer.’
‘I hope this means that Jenny found her mother’s grave.’
‘Didn’t she say?’
‘No, just that she was coming back here.’
‘You didn’t tell her you’re going to be away?’
‘I thought it could wait. Are you sure you can manage?’
‘Nuala, how many times are you going to ask me that? Kaitlin is going to leave Aiden with Donal’s mother, then there’s Bridget, and her cousin has offered to help out too. I’ll be fine.’
‘I just need to see for myself that my dada’s all right,’ Nuala said. Then hearing a knock on the door, she hurried to answer it.
‘Hello, I’m here, but I’m sorry it’s so late.’
‘Jenny, come on in, your room’s ready.’
As Jenny picked up her cases and stepped into the light, Nuala saw that she looked exhausted with dark shadows beneath her eyes. ‘You look awful.’
‘I’m all right, just a bit tired. It was a long way and I still don’t like driving in the dark.’
‘You should have stopped somewhere for the night.’
‘I just wanted to get here, to see you and Finn again.’
‘And it’s pleased we are to see you,’ Nuala said, giving the girl a hug, ‘but for now I think a hot drink and then bed for all of us.’
‘It’s funny, but it feels like I’ve come home.’
‘Hello, Jenny,’ Finn said. ‘I’ll take your cases up to your room.’
‘And I’ll make you a drink,’ Nuala said.
‘Don’t do that. I’ve kept you up long enough.’
‘It won’t take a few minutes, though I expect Finn will be off to bed.’